Chapter 12 #2
“I know,” Rylee whispered. “I just… I want to make sure I’m doing everything right. I want to make sure the children remember Lennox. I want to make sure I remember Lennox.”
They sat in silence for a moment before Rylee added, “I want this baby. My first reaction when I found out I was pregnant was no… but an hour after realizing it was real, that it happened, I wanted the baby. And I’m struggling because I already love it.
I love the baby’s father… but I’m scared that me loving all these things that aren’t Lennox is me getting closer and closer to forgetting him—”
“That will never happen, Rylee,” Mrs. Walker interjected, shaking her head. “If that’s what you’re worried about, let me tell you… it will never happen. You will always have Lennox in your heart.”
“But I feel like I’m betraying him.”
“Rylee, my son would have been beside himself excited for you. You have to know that. And if he were here, he’d tell you himself.”
Rylee squeezed her eyes closed, a single tear slipping down her cheek.
“Lennox isn’t gone from your heart just because someone else is in it too.”
Rylee lifted her eyes to Mrs. Walker.
“This baby is not a betrayal, Rylee.” Mrs. Walker’s smile gradually grew. “It’s a continuation. And I am so very grateful I’m here for this leg of your journey, baby. Thrilled.”
Mrs. Walker stood from her seat and rounded the kitchen table. Rylee stood too, wrapping her arms around her and hugging her tight. Mrs. Walker left a kiss on Rylee’s head, and in that moment… that very simple moment, along with Mrs. Walker’s simple words…
Something shifted for Rylee.
For the better.
Rylee giggled to herself as she watched Nova dance to a classic R&B track from the '80s.
Now at her parents’ house—just a day after visiting the Walkers—Rylee found herself smiling as Nova danced in her grandparents’ living room.
Rylee had called her mother the moment she returned home, asking if it would be fine to stop by the house Rylee had called home from birth to eighteen.
It was also the house where her water broke with Nova, when Rylee stayed with her parents after a fight with Lennox made her leave the brownstone he’d bought for them to live in together. The same brownstone she lived in now.
So much had changed since that night Rylee ran into her parents’ room to tell them her water had broken.
So much life had been lived… lost… and now, new life was forming inside her.
She pressed her hand to her belly, sitting up in her seat and clearing her throat.
Déjà vu.
Rylee remembered the same throat-clearing she’d done to get her parents and Lennox’s parents’ attention at Lennox’s condo in the city on his birthday. Where she’d told them she was pregnant. That they were pregnant.
And tonight, she would be doing it all again… alone.
“So,” Rylee voiced from the seat on her parents’ couch, “I have news.”
She gained her parents’ attention as Nova and LJ remained caught up in their own world, dancing to the track and laughing hysterically in their kid-like distraction.
“I’m pregnant.”
Revealing it this time came easier. Everything had felt easier after speaking with Lennox’s mother.
Her parents’ faces lit up. Rylee’s father, Gannon, pointed at her mother, Claudia, and they both hollered, “I knew it!”
Rylee’s brows wrinkled as she laughed. “Excuse me?”
“Chile,” her mother drawled with her Southern accent, “soon as you scrunched up your nose at the smell of my cornbread, I knew somethin’ was cookin’, and not just in our oven.”
“Mmm-hmm,” Gannon added, standing from his seat on the floor. “That and her eating all the food she did manage to eat then asking—”
“Did I just eat all of this?” Claudia finished, tossing her head back in a laugh. “Aw, baby, congratulations!”
Her parents sat on either side of her, pulling her into a big hug and holding her tight.
Nova and LJ, still dancing moments earlier, stopped to see what was going on with the adults.
“Another blessing,” Gannon acknowledged, pulling his daughter close to press a kiss to Rylee’s forehead.
“And another little heartbeat,” Claudia added, resting her head on Rylee’s shoulder. “Shoot, I wish Xander was here for me to give him a hug too.”
Rylee sighed.
“I haven’t been really good to Xander. Especially after getting the news.”
Claudia sat up to look at her daughter.
“I panicked when I found out,” Rylee admitted, watching as her children busied themselves with the toys their grandparents had brought out as soon as they arrived. “Thought about not having it—”
“Rylee,” Gannon exhaled.
“I know,” Rylee whispered. “I know, Dad. It’s just… I never planned for this. I thought Nova and LJ were it for me. Then, I was in my feelings, wondering how Lennox would feel about it—”
“Lennox would want this for you.” Gannon nodded, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. “That’s how he would feel about it.”
Claudia nodded.
“Ivy said the same thing.”
“Ivy!” Claudia shouted. “What you mean Ivy said the same thing? I know you are not telling me you done told my best friend before me!”
Rylee tucked her lips into her mouth as Gannon chuckled under his breath.
“You know what, whatever.” Claudia giggled. “Not as big of a deal as I’d really like to make it.”
Rylee snickered.
“I’m way too happy about this news.” Claudia pressed a hand to Rylee’s belly. “My baby is having another baby. We’re gonna have to have Xander over so we can really celebrate.”
That thought stayed with Rylee all the way home.
She was pregnant.
Rylee knew that before tonight… and last night… but these were the first nights she didn’t feel terrible about it.
As soon as she and the children walked through the door, Nova raced up the stairs—headed to her room, Rylee assumed—with LJ close behind.
Rylee’s brows wrinkled as she laughed to herself.
“Where are they going?”
On the car ride home, Rylee had shared the news directly with the children. Although they were present when she told her parents she was pregnant, Rylee wanted to tell them herself.
“Did you two hear what I told Grandma Claudia and Grandpa Gannon tonight?”
Rylee peeked into the rearview mirror, meeting the eyes of her children in the backseat.
“About the baby?” Nova asked in her little voice.
Rylee smiled to herself as her eyes scanned the road in front of them. Nova was always so sharp. Nothing ever got past her, so although she’d shown no indication she was listening at the Daniels’, she was definitely tuned in.
“Yes.” Rylee nodded. “Mommy is gonna have a baby with Uncle Xander.”
The words felt so weighted on her tongue. So unreal, too. But it was happening. And she was excited about it… finally not feeling guilty for being excited.
“Cool,” Nova said, a smile playing on her lips.
“Yeah,” LJ echoed, looking to his sister and then to Rylee. “Cool.”
Rylee figured that was it and knew it would be the first of many conversations. And she was ready… and nervous too.
Nova was too young to understand when Rylee was pregnant with her baby brother. With this new baby, Rylee knew there would be talks to have. Probably even questions the children would ask the more she started to show.
Rylee pressed her hand to her belly and smiled.
She paused near the entryway, taking a moment to let it all settle in.
She was going to have another baby. And for the first time since the test… it felt good.
She had so many questions. So many curiosities. The one she couldn’t wait to answer was… how would a new baby fit into the lives she’d already created for her two children?
“I hope you two washed your little hands,” Rylee called as she started ascending the stairs, en route to Nova’s room where she figured they’d be.
“Because germs just love waiting for the right time to escape into tiny little bodies of children who didn’t wash their hands after coming in from outside. ”
As soon as Rylee reached the top stairs, she heard Nova speaking. Instead of walking naturally, she tiptoed to the room, pressing her back to the wall that separated Nova’s room from LJ’s.
“I’m gonna give the baby my dolls,” Nova revealed, placing a few of her dolls onto her bed. “Then I’m gonna make room on my bed so the baby can sleep with me.”
“I want the baby to sleep with me, though,” LJ pouted.
Rylee snickered to herself. In that moment, she didn’t interrupt. She just listened to her babies discuss the baby who wasn’t even here yet. Already accepting the idea of a new sibling.
“I have to show you how to hold the baby before the baby comes.” Nova scooped up one of her dolls and motioned at LJ to move closer to her. “Sit like this.”
Nova held her arms in a cradle, encouraging LJ to do the same.
All Rylee did was smile as she peeked inside, watching them.
Nova placed the doll in LJ’s arms, adjusting the position of his little hands.
It wasn’t the right way to hold a baby, at all, but Rylee knew they had time to practice. Plus, she was too busy enjoying watching her children be so open to the idea of a new baby entering their lives.
“Good,” Nova approved with a nod.
Rylee had to cover her mouth to keep from laughing too loud. Nova was already a big sister, but clearly working on being the ultimate big sister in training.
In the next breath, Rylee’s eyes welled up. She instinctively pressed her hand to her stomach, knowing that her decision was now grounded in love and reassurance.
The baby was already so loved.
She stepped forward and into the room, going straight for LJ. She lifted him up and sat him on her lap while reaching for Nova.
Rylee pressed a big kiss to Nova’s cheek and then to LJ’s, hugging them tight to her.
“You’re gonna be a great big sister. You know that, right?”
“Yup!” Nova said. “I know.”
Rylee giggled.
“How about me, Mommy?” LJ quizzed. “Will I be a good big brother?”
“Yup.” Rylee nodded. “The best big brother that ever was, baby.”
Now that everyone had been told—and everyone was excited—Rylee knew it was time to talk to Xander.
Time to let him in.
And time to celebrate… as a family.
Finally.