Chapter 12
twelve
RYLEE
“Ah!” Mrs. Walker shouted, pressing her hands to her chest. “Look how big you two have gotten.”
Rylee snickered as she ushered Nova and LJ through the Walkers’s front door and right into the arms of their grandmother, Ivy Walker.
“Hi, Grandma,” Nova and LJ greeted in unison, rushing up to her.
“Oh!” Mrs. Walker laughed as both children wrapped their arms tightly around her. “I can barely breathe, but who cares about breathing, right?”
Rylee snickered.
They’d just arrived at the Walkers’ residence for an impromptu visit. Not unusual. Rylee often stopped by with the kids so they could spend time with their grandparents, and the Walkers were always okay with it.
“Rylee, my baby.” Mrs. Walker extended her arms wide.
Rylee walked right into Mrs. Walkers’s embrace, closing her eyes in their hug.
“You always make it seem like you haven’t seen us in years, when we were just here last week.”
Mrs. Walker chuckled, playfully slapping Rylee on the back before stepping out of their hug.
“I knew I heard my favorite little voices down here.”
Rylee’s eyes landed on Mr. Walker—who she and everyone else called Cy. His locs, now more silver than black, swayed behind him as he made his way toward her and the kids.
“I wasn’t expecting y’all,” he said to Rylee, wrapping his arms around her first before crouching his tall frame down to hug the children.
“Yeah,” Rylee replied, her voice breaking a little. “I needed to come and talk to you guys and figured you’d want to see your favorite people too.”
The Walkers exchanged a glance before looking back at her.
Rylee bit inside her cheek and looked away.
She’d just come from her first prenatal appointment a few hours ago. She was lucky enough to be seen, and luckier that her doctor had a slot open.
That’s when she learned the baby was still in its earliest weeks.
She’d even heard the baby’s heartbeat.
But the night before that, she sat in the middle of her bed with Lennox’s photo in front of her, eyes fixed on the glass—on his eyes—talking to him.
“I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, and going will make all of this real,” Rylee whispered to the photo in front of her. “What would you say to me right now?”
She swore she felt Lennox’s steady, comforting presence lingering in the air the way it did on the good days—warm, quiet, and familiar.
“I’m not prepared for any of this… at all, Lenny.”
The kids were asleep in their rooms, the brownstone quiet.
Rylee’s bed was still made, and she was showing no signs of pushing back the covers to drift off to sleep.
She wasn’t tired. If anything, she was too awake for this late hour.
But her mind was inundated with questions, all centered on the baby growing inside of her.
“And through it all, I can’t help wondering what you would tell me,” she admitted, lifting the photo now and brushing her finger down his face. “Because I think I know what I want, but then I don’t know if you’d want me to want that. I don’t feel I know how to honor you and still move forward.”
She placed the photo back on the bed and tossed herself onto her pillow, eyes fixed on the ceiling now.
And maybe that was what scared her most…
Wanting this baby.
And wanting Xander there with her right now, too.
“Well,” Mr. Walker began, focusing on the children. “Who wants to paint downstairs in the studio so Mommy can have that talk with Grandma?” He looked to his wife, then Rylee, and winked. “…and Grandma can tell me all about it after?”
Rylee giggled.
“Me! Me!” both Nova and LJ shouted, jumping up with their hands raised.
“Perfect,” Mr. Walker replied, nodding toward the basement where he kept his art studio. “I’ve got everything set up already. Let’s go.”
As they cleared out, Mrs. Walker nodded toward the kitchen and led the way, Rylee following close behind.
The Walkers’ brownstone was her second home. It was a place she’d spent a lot of her life, from the time she learned to walk to that moment there, with the children whose father was a man she’d been friends with since birth.
The residence breathed artistry. Mrs. Walker’s elegance danced through the décor, with soft linens and textured upholstery, while Mr. Walker’s wild color splashes—in both paint and spirit—nailed their personalities to the walls. Literally.
They were artists... Mrs. Walker, a retired ballerina turned studio owner, and Mr. Walker, an acclaimed portrait and landscape artist whose work was displayed across New York City.
For a brownstone, it was surprisingly airy. With an open floor plan, velvet furniture, and larger-than-life windows.
Rylee loved it here. Loved it even more because she got to see pieces of Lennox everywhere… because everywhere in this home held memories of her and Lennox’s time spent here, from childhood right up until his death.
“Coffee?” Mrs. Walker asked as Rylee settled into a seat at the kitchen table.
Rylee smiled. “I’ll take some tea. Anything you got should be fine.”
“Tea?” Mrs. Walker folded her long arms and leaned her lower back against the counter opposite the table. “Now I’m worried.”
Rylee scoffed a laugh.
“My biggest coffee drinker in the family is asking for tea.” Mrs. Walker winked as she rounded the island, heading for the stove. “Luckily for us, I just made some tea shortly before you got here, so the water’s still hot in the kettle.”
“Perfect timing,” Rylee said softly, running her hand along the surface of the table.
She traced a small stain on the wood, her mind drifting.
She remembered exactly how it got there…
from the science project she and Lennox did back in middle school.
His mother had told them to work in the living room, but of course they didn’t listen.
The vinegar and baking soda from their volcano had eaten into the table.
The Walkers were able to salvage most of the surface, but that one spot remained. Stubborn… just like them.
“So,” Mrs. Walker said, placing the tea in front of Rylee. “What’s going on, baby girl?”
Rylee tucked her lips into her mouth and rubbed them together.
“You call me on a Tuesday and tell me you need to talk.” Mrs. Walker reached across the table, taking Rylee’s hand. “I’m silently panicking.”
Rylee closed her hand over Mrs. Walker’s, holding it tightly. Her eyes filled with tears she had to sniff back.
Mrs. Walker tightened her hold too and pushed her chair in closer.
“Rylee, baby, what’s up? Talk to me.”
Rylee exhaled, lips trembling slightly. “I’m pregnant.”
Mrs. Walker gasped, her jaw dropping, the corners of her mouth curling into a stunned smile.
“Oh my God!” Mrs. Walker gripped Rylee’s other hand, squeezing both tight. “You’re gonna be a mama again?!”
Rylee’s head tilted to one side. Her brows furrowed. She blinked.
“You’re not upset?” she asked, eyes darting across Mrs. Walker’s.
Mrs. Walker blinked hard and pressed her hand to her chest with a sharp inhale.
“Upset? Why on earth would I be upset, Rylee?! This is amazing.”
And just like that, the waterworks started up again.
Rylee didn’t know what was making her cry more—the fact that she was pregnant when she hadn’t planned to be…
the fact that Mrs. Walker was genuinely happy for her…
or the fact that, in every sense of the word, this pregnancy was forcing her to move on from Lennox.
And she wasn’t sure she was ready to.
Her doctor had confirmed the time window of conception. Since she and Xander used condoms most of the time—but didn’t on the day he showed up to comfort her on the anniversary of Lennox’s death—she knew that had to be when it happened.
And that made her cry even harder.
“Oh, Rylee.” Mrs. Walker twisted in her seat to reach for the tissue dispenser on the island behind her. “If you don’t stop all this crying, girl!”
Rylee laughed, taking the tissue from Mrs. Walker’s hand to dab at her eyes.
“Why are you so upset?” Mrs. Walker asked, still holding tight to her hand. “Why would you think I’d be upset?”
“Because I’m pregnant and it’s not…”
Rylee let the words trail off as she dropped her chin to her chest.
“And it’s not Lennox’s?” Mrs. Walker finished for her.
Rylee swallowed hard and nodded.
“Oh, Rylee,” Mrs. Walker whispered, lifting her hand and kissing it twice. “Baby, you’ve already given me two beautiful grandchildren. And now you’re giving me another one I can’t wait to love just as much and as hard as these two.”
Rylee lifted her eyes to Mrs. Walker and saw her smiling.
She could always see Lennox in Mrs. Walker’s eyes, just like she saw Lennox in LJ. It was one of the many reasons she always came to this house. To see Lennox’s parents… and to see Lennox in them. He resembled them both.
“Lennox would’ve been thrilled,” Mrs. Walker said with a nod. “Even more than me.”
Rylee sniffed. “I don’t know. I want to believe that, but… I just don’t know.”
Mrs. Walker gently ran her thumb along the back of Rylee’s hand.
“Rylee, Lennox was your friend before anything else. That never changes. And any friend worth their name wants to see the people they love happy, not sad. That’s true in life and in death.”
Rylee kept her gaze locked on Mrs. Walker’s. She wanted to believe her. She knew what Mrs. Walker was saying was right, but… her heart just couldn’t catch up to that truth.
“I’m struggling,” Rylee whispered. “I’m struggling to accept everything. Things just… they seem to just be happening, you know?”
Mrs. Walker nodded but said nothing. Just listened.
“Lennox’s death. LJ’s birth. Meeting Xander…” Rylee smiled softly through her tears. “Now this. Pregnant. Again?! Like what the hell?”
She kissed her teeth and shook her head. “I’m struggling because as much as I try to hang on to what used to be, life just keeps pushing me forward.”
“Because you’re living, Rylee. And that’s a fantastic thing.” Mrs. Walker squeezed her hand. “It’s a necessary thing.”