Chapter 18
Kyle
The last few weeks with Rory and Wes have been almost too good. I don’t always trust a good thing. I do trust Wes, and I’m starting to trust Rory. She’s definitely hiding some stuff. I know it’s still early enough that we are all hiding some parts of ourselves, but it feels a bit deeper with her. Especially regarding Baldie.
Thoughts plague me for the next few days, and I feel like I need to talk to someone about it, but who? I know Wes is always there, but he and Rory seem to have their groove figured out. I don’t want to cause doubts for him, I just want to feel secure in my role in the relationship. I want to feel okay about how things have been going without the doubt creeping in.
I’m wrapped up in these thoughts, trying to figure out what to do, when I hear the knock on my office door. A glance at my clock tells me that today should be done, so I don’t feel too bad about being caught deep in thought. Looking up, I see it’s Graham.
“Hey Graham, how can I help you?”
“Hey, I was passing by on my way out and you looked deep in thought. Hate to break you out of it, but I, uh, wondered if you need to talk?”
“Oh, uh, thanks…”
We sit there in semi-awkward silence. Generally, dudes don’t get touchy-feely with each other unless they know each other well, and I’m not sure how serious he is. He offered before, but I never took him up on it. Does he want to hear me bitch about my new relationship? He laughs a little and I can tell he knows that I’m unsure about this and explains further.
“I know, it sounds kind of ridiculous, but when my sister had some issues a while back, I started working on communication shit.” He sounds a little tortured by this fact.
I can feel my face smiling even though I’m trying to keep it straight. “Sounds like you really enjoy it.”
He laughs a little. “Yeah, not my favorite, but you know, self-growth and all that. Anyway, if you need to talk, I’m around.”
Something tells me he’s someone I can trust. He’ll listen without judgment and even if he doesn’t have advice, it will be nice to voice my insecurities to someone neutral. Maybe he’ll tell me to shut the fuck up and get over myself. Graham nods once and turns to leave when I stop him.
“Graham!” He turns, an eyebrow raised. “Why are you offering to talk to me about personal shit?” I can’t help but ask.
Graham sighs as he thinks. “It’s been a long time since I tried to reach out and be friends with someone. It’s a little selfish, but I generally like you, so I figured it would be worth at least offering to get to know you and be there for you.”
“You tryin’ to use me to get a promotion?”
“No, honestly, I’m not. I know why you think that; I know the rumors that I’m a suck up. Admittedly, I’m ambitious, and yes, I could learn a lot from you, but this is me honestly just trying to be friendly,” he says with a shrug.
We’re silent for a few beats before I ask, “Wanna grab a drink?”
He smiles a little. “Sure.”
We end up at a bar closer to the office than Jerry’s. As much as I want to suggest Jerry’s, I know that seeing Rory will probably just confuse me more, not to mention distract me, so I steer us away from that when Graham asks. It’s nice, this place, nothing fancy, but it’s clean and the staff seems good. Our drinks get delivered to our table and Graham levels me with a look, taking a sip of his own drink.
“What’s going on?” he asks.
“Straight to the point, huh?”
“You don’t seem like someone who’s into bullshit small talk, but we can start with the weather if you’d like.”
“No, you’re right,” I tell him with a rueful smile. Taking a deep breath, I look up at the ceiling to contemplate where to begin. “You said your sister is seeing a couple of guys, right?”
He looks confused, and I can’t blame him. We came here to talk about me and I’m bringing her up.
“Yeah, why?”
“I’ll explain, but do you know much about their relationship?”
“Well, admittedly I don’t pry too much into it. I don’t need details about my baby sister’s personal life. I do know they did a lot of navigating how to make it work with two guys and one girl, and they’ve had one big blowout, but since then they’ve really worked on communication and all that. Sounds like communication is really their foundation.”
“Is that why you started to work on yours?” I ask him.
“A little, yeah. I messed up a bit when I first met her guys and Charli asked me to work on my communication once everything settled. I know I come off as the stern older brother to her, but she means the world to me.”
I smile a bit. “I bet. What makes her think you’re the stern older brother?”
“There may have been a reference or two indicating I have a stick up my ass. She thinks I haven’t heard her and my brother joke about it, but I have.”
“You? A stick up your ass? I would have never imagined that.”
Graham laughs at the joke, and I feel at ease knowing he can joke about himself. We pause, comfortably taking some drinks as I think about how to approach this. Graham doesn’t push me, which I’m thankful for, and I finally think I know what I want to say.
“So, I know that you’re not the office gossip, but I just wanted to make sure this stays with us.”
Graham snorts a laugh and nods his head. “My stick up the ass reputation holds at work. I don’t have a whole lot of work gossip that flows to me and I avoid it anyway. Besides, I mentioned earlier I don’t really have friends, and I meant it. You’re good with me.”
“My partner, Wes, and I have always wanted a woman in our relationship. Like, when we were dating, it came up on the second date or something. It’s always appealed to us even though we wanted each other too. We’ve been together a few years, but now that we think we’ve found one, I’m full of doubt.”
Graham signals the waiter for another round, and I give him a look since both our drinks are still fairly full.
“Self-doubt in a relationship setting? We’re gonna need it,” he quips.
I smile and take another drink before continuing, “Wes is so confident in himself and I love that. He knows who he is, he’s funny, he has a huge heart, and he’s always welcoming of people. I like people, sure, but I’m not as open as he is. It takes me a little more time to open up and trust.”
Pausing, I look up at him so he understands the additional message. I’m taking a huge leap of faith here, and his solemn face tells me he’s aware of this and taking it seriously.
“We haven’t been seeing her long, just a few weeks. I guess I’m worried I won’t find my place in the new relationship dynamics.”
“Hm, sounds like any relationship, to be honest,” Graham says.
“What? We’re essentially creating a three-person relationship. How is that like any other?”
“New relationships of any kind need time to navigate, right? You find out more of who you are when you spend time with people, and who you aren’t, too. Take this conversation, for example. It would have been more comfortable and easier for me to just pass by your office. It would have been easier and probably more comfortable for you to ignore me and not open up. Here we are, though, both taking risk and finding out more about ourselves. Add in the factor of a new romantic relationship and it changes the game to be more serious.”
I nod, thinking about his words. I hadn’t expected him to be so insightful, if I’m honest. Part of me assumed it would be me talking with Graham just adding in a few words of affirmation or doubt. Sounds like I asked the right guy to talk to. He’s right, though, it’s only been a few weeks. I need to give it more time before assuming everything will just magically fall into place.
“When did you get so wise about this shit?” I ask him, genuinely curious.
“What makes you think I haven’t always been?”
I just raise an eyebrow at him, causing him to laugh and shake his head.
“Fair. I’m not normally the guy with great advice. I tend to follow and learn instead of showing someone how.” He takes a drink and scratches a little at his goatee, thinking a moment. “Watching Charli and her guys though? It’s made me go out of my comfort zone. Been doing a lot of thinking and there’s someone I think I want to be better for. She’s got someone, so it’s probably not gonna happen.”
“Don’t want to share?” I ask. “You don’t have to answer, just curious.”
“It’s good. You’re sharing, so the least I can do is reciprocate. I don’t know if either of them would. I hadn’t thought about it until seeing Charli go through it. She seems so happy, so who am I to say a relationship has to be just one person?”
I nod my head. “I can see that logic.”
“I’ve definitely been a bit of an ass overall, especially to her. So, it won’t be an easy thing to approach her with if I ever do.”
“You won’t know until you try.”
“Fair point,” Graham says, holding his drink up.
I smile as we clink our glasses together, appreciating the raw conversation. Maybe I should spend time with him a bit more. He seems like he’s a good friend even if he says he’s out of practice. We sit in comfortable silence for a few more minutes, watching the crowd and drinking down our second round more slowly than the first.
“Does this mean we’re friends now?”
Graham laughs. “You tell me, boss man.”
“Not your boss.”
“Technicalities.”
“You’re exhausting.”
“Yeah, we’re friends,” he relents with a grin.
“That means this round is on you.”
“Wait, what?”
“It’s the new friend rule. Whoever admits to friendship first pays for drinks.”
“That’s not a thing!” he protests.
“I’m sure it is, just go with it,” I tell him before holding up my glass for a second cheers just to see what he’ll do.
“You know, there are rules to a cheers, and while this counts, it’s a shitty cheers,” he says with a smile, clinking his glass against mine.
“We already did a cheers. And wait, you have rules for a cheers?”
“You don’t?”
“Alright, explain this to me. I need to avoid making a faux pas in the future,” I say, chuckling a little.
Turns out there’s more to cheers than I initially thought. Graham and his siblings have a list of rules that he outlines for me while I laugh along. The story of how they determined the rules of cheers is just as amusing as the rules themselves. I’ll have to bring this information back to Wes and Rory; they’ll enjoy it.
I pause at that thought, realizing how easily Rory has slipped into the small list of ‘people I want to share things with’. Even though I’m still not quite sure how we’ll all fit, it’s confirmation for me that we’ll figure it out. I’m invested in this, and I plan to see it through.