Chapter 19
Rory
When I get out of bed, I can tell the day is going to be a little difficult, but I’m optimistic. I don’t really have any plans, so while I’m feeling somewhat energized, I get my apartment clean. Thankfully, it doesn’t take much. Even with scrubbing the bathroom, the place is presentable in about an hour. I’m sweaty and gross by the end, and I should take a shower, but I just cleaned the damn shower and now I don’t want to get it dirty. My motivation is quickly flagging as well.
My phone chimes with texts, and I check our group chat. Kyle, Wes, and I have been texting mostly non-stop since we started seeing each other. Some days are slower if they’re working or if I’m having a rough evening, but I don’t think there’s been a day where we don’t talk. It’s making me feel giddy and hopeful, despite the text messages from Nathan that don’t seem to stop. It’s been a few days since he sent that first one, and he sends at least one daily. While I’d like to think it’s not wearing at me, I know it is. After a quick message with them to say good morning, I decide my energy levels are going to precarious today, so I run through the shower, even though I just cleaned it.
When I pick up my phone after dressing again, I see that Wes and Kyle replied. Sounds like Kyle is wrapped up in some home improvement shit, but Wes is borderline begging for my time. How can I refuse that sweet ginger?
Me: Whes! Did you want to hang out?
Whes!: Am I that obvious?
Pool God: Yes
Me: Well you did ask 7 times in a row while I was in the shower.
Pool God: Shit, I missed naked time
Whes!: Please say I can come see you so I can try to catch your naked body.
Me: LOL well you are welcome to come over and I promise you guys will both get to see it again soon.
Whes!: Yes!
Pool God: Better send pictures since I’m stuck here waiting for the plumber to come figure out why this fucking sink keeps dripping.
Me: Oh no! You guys have a leak?
Pool God: Yeah, the bathroom sink is dripping from the pipes and starting to leak into the basement.
Me: Fuck, that sucks
Pool God: Yeah, we’ll get it fixed though, no worry.
Me: Whes is suspiciously quiet… did he leave already?
Pool God: You bet he did, I’m sure he’ll be there soon. Enjoy your time together, sweetheart.
Me: *heart emoji*
I put my phone down with a smile and put on some lounge clothes. Wes might be fast, but he’s not fast enough to catch me changing, unfortunately for him. I smile at the thought of what his antics will be when he figures out he missed “naked time”. Not a few minutes later, I hear a knock at the door. Through the peephole, I can see Wes standing there, his arms braced on the door frame and a wicked grin lighting his mouth.
“Who is it?” I ask through the door, grinning.
“It’s your favorite ginger,” he says back.
“Sorry, I don’t know any gingers,” I tell him, trying not to laugh.
“You wound me! How about this? It’s the man whose favorite activity is to give you orgasms,” he says loudly.
Shit, I don’t want my neighbors to hear that! I quickly unlock the door and yank it open. Despite my horrified face, he’s still grinning like the cat who caught the canary.
“You play dirty,” I accuse him.
“You have no idea.”
Wes proceeds to push me back gently, close the door, and slam his mouth into mine, grabbing my hips and pulling me close. His kisses are one of my favorite things. He’s a fascinating mix of dominating and lenient. He lets me play but once in a while affirms he could take over if he wants.
Our lips massage and tease each other, tongues wrestle, and I feel his hands squeeze my hips and his hardening erection pressing against me. I roll my hips gently against him and he groans, grabbing one of my legs to hook around his hips. His hardness hits directly on my core and the feeling of him even through our clothing has my body on fire. Our kisses continue and we grind on each other for another moment before breaking the kiss. I can feel how drenched my panties are now.
“You start that and it’s all we’ll be doing,” he says, voice heavy with desire.
“Maybe I want that.”
He tips his head back and takes a deep breath. “I do too, precious, but I was hoping to just spend time with you first.”
“Okay,” I tell him with a smile. “Orgasms later, then.”
“You bet your sweet ass,” he quips before giving me one more searing kiss.
He lets my leg down, and we disentangle. I walk over to the couch, taking a moment to display my pseudo-nest of pillows and blankets. Wes whistles appreciatively.
“Kyle would approve of this setup.”
“I like cozy things.”
Wes grins mischievously. “I do too, and you’re the coziest thing I see here.”
He grabs me and I laugh as he pulls us into the pile I have strewn about the couch. An idea strikes me, and I hope he’s on board.
“I know this is bold for the start of a relationship… but do you play Mario Kart?” I ask.
His eyes light up with excitement and he rubs his hands together. “Fuck yeah I do, let’s go!”
Laughing, we get out the switch and select our options before taking our characters to the racecourse. Our picks are vastly different, but honestly, most of it does come down to skill. We go a few rounds and while we try to keep our banter light, the first time a blue shell comes out, so does the smack talk.
“GODDAMMIT!” I yell as a green shell bouncing chaotically takes me out.
“Gotta be aware of your surroundings,” Wes chides.
“I’ll show you surroundings,” I mutter and get back into the race.
He laughs. “What does that even mean?”
“It means, suck it loser!” I yell as I receive a star and zoom past him and another CPU on the last leg of the race.
I end up winning the four courses we chose and Wes flops back against the couch. I do the same and grin over at him.
“Well, we survived Mario Kart,” I tell him.
He smiles back. “That we did! I let you win, though.”
Laughing, I lean against him. “Whatever you need to tell yourself.”
We flip to the TV and veg out for a few minutes before I feel the heaviness slowly set in. I had hoped that maybe it would stay away, especially with the make-out session and Mario Kat fun, but my gut feeling is coming to fruition. Wes doesn’t seem to notice the shift in my mood, and honestly, it may be more subtle than it feels. I decide that snuggles might help, so I burrow in closer to him. He absently gives me a kiss on top of my head, pulling me close with his arm, and leans his cheek against the top of my head.
Slowly the heaviness sets in further, and the thoughts start up. Sometimes they’re pretty rough, but they usually start out with milder topics. I’m not good enough . Why is Wes spending time with me? I should have said something different when I was at their house the other week. Wes is going to leave the minute he figures out how defective I am, and he’ll convince Kyle to run too. Even if they don’t, when they find out about Nathan, they’ll probably cut and run. I get it . I’m not really good enough, so it makes sense. Nathan made that clear and I should remember it.
“Rory?” Wes sounds concerned and I realize I zoned out there.
“Hm?”
“You okay?”
“Why?”
“Been calling your name for a minute now. You’re really out of it.”
“Oh, sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize, but if you need me to go, you can tell me.”
“Oh, okay.” I’ve been relegated to minimal words it seems. I must have delved into bad brain space further than I thought.
“Are you sure you’re okay? I’m a little worried.”
“Yeah. Just, um, bad brain day.”
“Oh, I don’t really know what that means,” Wes confesses, and I hear both of our phones chime with messages.
“‘S’okay.”
I move my body off him and lay myself down on the couch, my feet in his lap and a blanket pulled over me. My pillows are already surrounding us, so pulling the blanket was easy. Now I can just be while he messages Kyle back with whatever he needs. I can’t reach for my phone.
“Should I go?” He sounds a little annoyed.
“Dunno,” I tell him, unable to make any decisions at the moment.
“Um, okay then.” He gets up to leave.
I honestly don’t want him to go. I don’t like being alone when this happens, but I almost always am alone. It’s nothing unusual, so I don’t move or say anything as I feel that weight sitting on me. I’ll just keep dealing with this on my own like I deserve. My phone keeps chiming and I sigh, knowing I should have handled that differently. I should have just sucked it up and talked to him. I shouldn’t let this heaviness get to me like it does. I just can’t get myself to care enough to do anything. Why am I like this?
Tears start to slip out of my eyes, and I realize that was probably the end of this thing. He’s not going to want to see me again. I just abandoned him mentally. May as well be a lump on a log. Memories of words echo in my head, reminding me I’m worthless. I was lucky to have Nathan. Nobody else would deal with this problem. My mom reminding me that men want girls who smile, not cry, so I’m going to be alone if I don’t fix this.
There’s no sense of time as the thoughts assault me. A slow, but steady stream of tears leaks from my eyes as I lay there, the TV playing but nothing permeating to my brain. The door to my apartment opens, and I realize with a delayed concern that Wes never locked it. Kyle steps through the door, looking concerned and disheveled. He locks eyes with me and immediately removes his shoes, closing the door behind him. His long legs get him to the couch in about four steps and he slips himself under my head, so I’m lying on his thigh. His hand starts combing through my hair, gently, and no words are exchanged.
At the third pass of his hand, I break a little. “It hurts. I’m tired and it hurts.”
“I know, sweetheart,” he says, and continues running his fingers through my hair, not demanding anything, not asking questions, just existing with me.
A feeling of safety encompasses me and I let myself lose it. I stop trying to hold it together and let the tears come and start sobbing. Gently, he lifts me as much as he can and maneuvers me fully into his lap, directing me to put my head on his shoulder. When I figure out what he’s trying to do, I assist him as best as I can, which admittedly isn’t a ton. I get myself seated on his lap while he pulls my head toward his shoulder. My head tucks perfectly into that little hollow between his clavicle and shoulder and I continue to cry as one hand continues raking through my hair, the other holding me close.
“I’m here, I got you.”