Chapter 21
Wes
My epic fuck up runs in my mind for the next few days. Rory is texting us again, apologizing for what she calls a “bad brain day”, but she hasn’t mentioned me basically running out on her. She would be well within her rights to chew me out, but she hasn’t. I hope that’s not a bad thing. I’ve planned out a date for the two of us to make time to apologize to her. I want to sit down with her in a calm setting and explain to her what was going on in my head, then ask her to tell me about the depression.
I hope that she’ll open up to me, but I wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t. My goal is just to show her I’m sorry and I will try to do better. I will do better; it’s not really an option to fail her. It’s been quick, but I can feel the three of us really starting to bond and I believe this will work if we all get out of our own ways. My bags are about packed and I check them over to make sure I have all the necessary supplies. Everything looks good, so I load it into the back of my truck and head out to Rory’s. She offered to meet there, but I wanted to drive her and she agreed to it.
After parking at her complex, I take a moment to breathe. She deserves the best and I know I can give it to her. I just need to shut up and listen. Confidence boosted, I hop down from my truck and practically run up the stairs. I knock on her door, getting my breathing under control, and when she opens it, the sight of her makes my heartbeat increase.
She’s so goddamn beautiful.
Her hair is a little different than typical. Normally she sports a single braid down her back, but today it looks like she made two smaller braids on top of her head before turning into a ponytail somehow. Women and their hair magic will never cease to amaze me. It’s gotta be something in their DNA that makes them naturally good at it.
“Hey,” I manage to say once I realize we’ve been staring in silence.
“Hey there.”
“You ready to go, or do you need another minute? I don’t want to rush you.”
She checks her pockets and her purse before looking back at me with a smile. “I’m ready when you are.”
I step aside so she can lock her apartment door and we get settled in the truck. It’s not a fancy vehicle by any means, but I do what I can to keep it clean and it functions just fine. The truck is probably close to twenty years old, but it’s comfortable and familiar. When I glance over, Rory is looking around at the interior of the cab with a smile still on her face.
“It’s not very fancy, but it gets me where I need to go.”
“It’s perfect, actually.”
“How do you figure that?”
She takes a breath and looks over at me, even though my eyes have to stay on the road. “It’s got character. That’s way more important than a sterile new car. I can tell you’ve had this truck for a while and you care for it. You keep it as nice as you can.”
I can feel a blush spreading to my cheeks, proud that she likes my truck and a little embarrassed at being seen so easily. I’m not used to someone seeing through me like she always does.
“Thanks.”
We chat about stupid shit as I drive to one of the nicer parks in town. There are a couple close to her apartment, but those are usually more for walking a specific trail or hiking, or biking and stuff. So, I picked one about fifteen minutes away and it gives us a chance to talk about things that don’t matter in the long run. Who really is the Sexiest Man Alive? Why does everyone say that “the last cast” of SNL is funniest?
Once we arrive, I lead us into the grassy area where people sit or throw balls for their dogs, and there’s a perfect spot near a tree we can settle into. We can be partly in the sun while still being shaded so my ginger skin is happy. When the blanket is spread and I’ve presented the food with the most flourish I can muster, we sit and eat. I’m feeling a little antsy. I want to address the other day with her, but I don’t want to ruin the moment or the food.
“What’s going on?” she asks, munching on a pretzel.
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve been on edge since you came to pick me up. Something’s on your mind.”
“How in the world do you see me so clearly?” I ask, dumbfounded. It’s obviously not what I originally wanted to talk about, but it just popped out. She reads me like we’ve known each other for years, not weeks.
She shrugs. “I dunno. I guess some people have that connection. Clearly, we have it if I’m accurately reading you so well. Plus, you keep tapping your fingers against your legs.”
“Well, part of me wants to tell you to stop, but the bigger part of me is grateful for it. It’s nice to be seen. My fingers are also extremely talented.” I chuckle.
She giggles and leans over, her head tilted toward me, and I take the hint. My lips meet hers in a soft, brief kiss, but I make sure to kiss her like I mean it, even if it is short. Her eyes stay on me as she grabs another pretzel, and I’m struck again by how beautiful she is.
I clear my throat. “Well, I wanted to make a point to apologize to you.”
“What for?” She’s obviously surprised at what I’ve said and looks confused.
“I left your apartment when you needed me. I’m sorry I did that. I should have stayed and tried to fix things or make it better. If I’m being honest, I completely panicked and just assumed you wanted me out.”
Rory sits up all the way and turns her body to face me, sitting with her legs crossed. Her face is set into a serious expression and I’m a little worried that she’s going to tell me we’re done.
“I’m going to tell you something real important, so you better listen good, Whes.”
My lips pull into a smile when she says my name like that, and I turn to face her the same way she’s facing me. Can’t be that bad if she’s saying my name that way.
“You can’t fix that. There’s nothing to fix, and there’s nothing you can do to make it go away. It’s part of me, part of who I am, and you cannot blame yourself for my bad days. I don’t blame you for panicking or acting how you did. We’ve never had that situation before. I didn’t have a chance to talk it through with you.”
I grab her hands. “I know I can’t fix everything. Well, I mean, I guess I know now . I get it. I just didn’t fully realize what was happening, nor did I understand what you needed. I don’t want you to think that I’m going to bail when things get hard, because that’s not how I am normally. I’m really sorry.”
“I can tell that your apology matters to you, so I accept it and I do forgive you. I also want you to believe that I never blamed you, not even for a minute. While I wish you had stayed, there wasn’t anything you could have done to prevent it or stop it. I also wasn’t in a place where I could communicate that, so how could you have known?”
“Okay.” I pause, my thumbs rubbing circles on her hands before I continue. “Will you tell me about it? I want to understand.”
She sits up straight and pulls her hands away. I’m worried I’ve upset her, but she reaches for her bottle of lemonade and takes a sip, fiddling with the bottle after she does. I wait patiently and she takes a large breath before exhaling.
“I don’t know that anyone has ever really asked me about it before. My parents know it happens, but my dad has never cared to try to help and my mom tells me to just stop being sad. Not terribly helpful. I’ve always struggled with being a little more ‘down’ than most people I know. There’s always this weight on me. Most days it’s bearable, but I can usually tell when it’s going to be bad.
“The day you were over, it felt like it was going to be a bad day, but when I saw you, I thought maybe it wouldn’t hit. You make me happy, so I figured between you being there and us having so much fun, it wouldn’t hit me as hard.”
She gives me a rueful smile. “Apparently, I was wrong. It hit out of nowhere while we were snuggling, and I just couldn’t hold myself up anymore. I didn’t want to trap you with my head on your lap, so I went the other way.”
My eyes feel like they’re stinging during her entire explanation, but when she says she didn’t want to trap me, a few tears escape. Maybe it’s not very manly to cry, but I never claimed to be macho about that kind of thing. This woman who has captured my heart, hurts almost daily, and all she deserves is the best life has to offer. On top of it, she put me first in a situation where she shouldn’t have to. My heart cracks just thinking about it.
She looks up at me when I’m silent, and her eyes widen in surprise when she sees my tears. Her hand reaches up and gently wipes my cheeks clean, my eyes completely stuck on her face. My hand grabs hers before she can fully pull back.
“Next time, please trap me. Keep me close until you don’t need me anymore.”
Her eyes fill with tears at that and start to fall. She huffs a small laugh. “Some date this is. We’re both crying.”
I chuckle and wipe the tears from her cheeks now. “At least we’re doing it together.”
She grins at me, and I pull her close to place my lips on hers. I try to convey all the feelings I have for her in the kiss, holding her head where I want it and massaging her lips with mine. Our tongues tangle, and I make sure to keep control of the kiss, but still keep it gentle. I want her to know that I’ll always be here for her, and I’ll be as soft as I need to be for her.
We break apart, and she smiles at me. “Thank you.”
“For what?” I ask.
“For asking about it. Being here with me. For seeing me. For being you. All of it.”
I give her one last kiss, then we finish eating before we pack up the picnic supplies. Once they’re safely in the cab of the truck, I grab her hand and we go for a walk, enjoying the sunshine and people watching. A sense of peace falls over me as we go, and I savor every moment together. Our conversation is easy and even when we fall silent, it’s never uncomfortable. She feels like home and I’m going to do everything in my power to keep her.