Chapter 36 Villain #2
His smile was so disturbing, like he was talking about his dog.
“My family was part of the second generation of serum users. It was tested during the interim between the First and Second World War on a variety of captured criminals, some of whom escaped, so you have their descendants running around as well as those who were in that second batch. It’s a mess.
” That last was added as an aside. Not a big deal, this mess that sounded absolutely devastating.
I needed to focus. My cousin had this super serum stuff in his DNA. He was the enemy I needed to take down. I wasn’t going to worry about the whole world. “What super abilities does my cousin have?”
He shrugged. “Increased mental acuity, speed, strength, and perfect recall, like you, but he seems to have suffered from more negative side-effects than you, perhaps because both of his parents were mutated by the serum while your father was only a genius musician.”
I nodded, but my heart was pounding faster and faster. “And Jezebel? She’s also from these families of the second generation?”
He pursed his lips. “I don’t know. I would guess that she’s a descendant from one of the criminals that the serum was tested on between the first and second main batches. I find that terrifying, but she seems to control her natural sadistic streak better than most.”
I ran a hand through my hair. “Why are you telling me this?”
He leaned forward and lost some of his gloss of faux cheer. “It’s Dirk. He’s a descendant from the second generation, but has recently been exposed to another enhancer, and I’m not sure if the effects will produce a healthy member of society or leave him more twisted and broken than your cousin.”
I yanked the throw over me and pulled up my knees, wrapping it around myself. “Recently exposed to another enhancer? Why?”
He raised a brow. “Why? Probably because he realized he needed to level up when faced with your cousin. The first time they fought wasn’t pretty. If your Dirk didn’t have some of the serum, he’d already be dead.”
I swallowed hard. What did Dirk do to himself? The tech genius billionaire had unimaginable resources at his disposal. “What can I do?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Then why tell me?” I stood up and started to pace, glancing at the cello sitting gleaming in the center that I couldn’t play until my arm healed.
“You’re saying that Dirk will start with destroying my cousin and then keep going, growing in power and insanity until he’s just another evil monster?
” I whirled around to face him. “What business is it of yours? Do you take it upon yourself to put down anyone who gets out of control from the serum? Why didn’t you stop my cousin before now?
If you ever think of hurting Dirk, even for a moment, whatever kind of monster he becomes, I will end you! ”
He grinned at me and flopped down on the chaise.
“Solidarity? I suppose it’s just fine if you’re evil monsters together.
Sit down, Daniela. I’m not interested in ending Dirk.
I just thought that you should know the demons your husband faces, and your own origin story.
So, are you really here for therapy, or did you just want to know what I knew about the serum? ”
I took a shaky breath and sat back down. “You really are a therapist? What part of the super serum makes you do that?”
“It’s my method of increasing my humanity instead of listening to the whispers of vice and madness. Giving others therapy is my therapy.”
I shot him a suspicious look, but he’d told me more than I would have ever expected him to. “All right. What do I do now? I’ve been letting myself do what I want.”
“You originally needed to do what you wanted so that you could be able to control yourself, to pull the trigger, as you said, to be capable of doing things you didn’t want to do. What are your thoughts on that?”
“Need vs. want? I don’t know. I can always hire someone to pull the trigger for me. I can just put my wants into the plan in the first place.”
“Hm. And that’s such a novel thing for you. How’s Trix doing?” He didn’t sit up or look at me, but there was more focus than usual in the words.
“She has stitches, but she seemed not to be suffering any permanent damage. I don’t know, but I do know that it can’t happen again. No one can hurt her again.”
He sat up and turned to me, as if I’d spoken the code words that pierced deep into his psyche.
Ah, she was his base, his morality, because he had none of his own.
How bizarre. If only Philippe had someone like that, someone who he could key into so that he wasn’t what he was, but Horse wanted to be human, and Philippe didn’t. Who was my conscience? Toni, probably.
“No, they can’t,” he said in the softest voice imaginable, but I got goosebumps and my instincts screamed at me to fight or run.
“Are you working with Dirk to take down my cousin? Are you helping him to get his revenge?”
He smiled blandly. “I’m not going to war openly against anyone. War means casualties, and the families are inextricably tangled, so pulling out the roots of one means the disruption of another. I’m a gardener, clipping branches here and there, keeping the battle in the realm of business.”
I frowned at him. “You’re just going to let someone shoot a rocket at Trixie without any repercussions?”
The muscles in his jaw twitched. “As I said, I’m not going to war openly against anyone.” Yet. The word was more than implied.
Also, the war would be closed, but there would be war. Oh yes, Horse would round up his chariots and attack in the dark, so no one knew it was him. That was okay then.
I stood up and put on my shoes.
“Are you leaving?”
“I’m not going to struggle against my body anymore, so there’s no reason for therapy.” Now that I’d found out as much as Horse was willing to tell me about the serum.
He stood and cocked his head at me. “You’re joking. No, you aren’t. It’s going to take a lot of time, a lot of wading through uncomfortable feelings for you to be healthy mentally and emotionally.”
I laughed short and hard. “I’d need dozens of lives to have enough time for that. I’m permanently scarred, mentally and emotionally. That’s not going to change just because I spend some time listening to you.”
“Intimacy. Love. Self-respect. Healthy boundaries. Self-care. Positive relationships. Trust in yourself and others. Sure, you’ve got a lot to work on, but it’s not impossible, not when you’ve kept your feelings alive with your connection to music.
Music is a powerful thing. You know how to use it to channel the feelings that you didn’t know what to do with.
You can continue doing that once your arm heals, but until then, it’s okay to reach out.
It’s okay to ask for help, and to give it in return. ”
Something about those words hit me hard. It’s almost like he cared about my mental health, about me, for no reason that I could think of.
I swallowed hard and sat back down. “There’s one thing. I have an ex-fiancé who I need to talk to, but every time I think about it, I want to throw up, or I do throw up. I should just avoid him because that’s what my body wants, right?”
He frowned at me. “Tell me the story about him.”
I licked my lips, biting down at the end while my whole body tensed up like I was getting ready for someone to break my fingers.
The right hand, because my grandfather hadn’t ever allowed my left fingers to be broken.
Although it still made holding a bow painful, it wasn’t impossible.
“We were together for two years.” My stomach churned, and I grew lightheaded. I couldn’t say anything else.
“That’s all?” He raised a dark brow. “Were you happy for those two years? Sad? Indifferent? What are your feelings about it?”
“I started to trust him, and then he betrayed me,” I spat, glaring at him, daring him to force me to say more.
He nodded slowly. “So now you know better than to trust anyone else again.”
“I trust Toni. I trust her with my life.”
“I have a new assignment for you. The next time you see Clint, you ask him to forgive you.”
I stared at him, so completely confused, I didn’t have words for a long moment. “What?”
He pointed at me. “Forgiveness is the most powerful tool imaginable. When we’re hurt by someone, our feelings keep us locked in that conflict, in that pain, and whether the person is sad or happy about our pain, we keep it unless we can release, forgive, and move on.
You’re locked into this pain, this betrayal, this hurt, and until you can forgive him, it will keep growing and festering until you become that pain. ”
I stared at him while I trembled. “I don’t understand.”
“It doesn’t hurt him to have you hate him; it just hurts you.”
“Until I get vengeance.”
“Even then, you’ll feel rotten, and the more effort you put into making him miserable, the more miserable you’ll be. It’s not an efficient use of emotional energy.”
I stood up, hands clenched in rage. “Forgive Clint? He betrayed me after I started to trust him!”
He stood up, but still seemed relaxed. “But he took you away from your grandfather’s house.
He gave you what you said you wanted for two years.
He let you keep the autonomy you said you wanted, never got any of the intimacy he craved, and only betrayed you because he wanted to break your ties with your family once and for all.
” His smile was hard. “I ran into him in Pestilence, the most depressing bar in my hotel. He waxed eloquent. That means he talked for a long time, all about you, the first woman he loved who disappeared without a word the second he had an independent thought. He’s not a diamond by any means, but he’s practically a saint compared to your cousin.
He’s also one of Pandora’s children, so your grandfather matched you to him intentionally. ”