Chapter 38
Olivia’s ears were ringing through the valley of the shadow of death. The only things she could see were the petals of the flowers on Marco’s casket trembling in the rain. Hard to believe he was in there, that the spirit had left his body, just like that.
Just like Ellie and Frank before him.
She suspected Marco had them killed, though she would never know for sure now. The Office of Homeland Security had filled her in on some of Marco’s illegal activities. Combined with what she already knew, it was no longer a stretch to imagine he was capable of the things he was accused of.
Guilt had been her constant companion these last three days, even though it made no sense. It just was, and it likely always would be.
Would you feel so guilty if you hadn’t been sleeping with the man who killed him?
As if reading her mind, Bella took her hand and whispered in her ear. “It wasn’t your fault.”
Olivia dropped her eyes to her sister’s shoes, a pair of heels too sexy for anyone’s funeral.
Typical.
Since reuniting with her sister, Olivia had regained her memories of Bella, and most of her life, for that matter. It seemed she had nothing else to hide from herself now that Marco was gone.
She let her sister’s hand go and gazed beyond their little shelter to the cemetery beyond. A movement in the distance caught her eye. A lone mourner too athletically built to be a civilian, and a rush of sexual awareness zapped through her, quickly changing to anger. What was he doing here?
A flash of light far off to her left snagged her ire, and her head spun to see it.
The paparazzi was out in full force, though the cemetery had cordoned them off in a small section about two hundred feet away.
Now that her memory was back, she was Brooke Barrons once again, with all that entailed.
And the only thing more exciting than her announcement of who her fiancé had been was the news that he was no longer alive.
Bella gently turned her, and Olivia realized the service was over. People were mouthing condolences Olivia didn’t hear as she felt Trevor’s presence burning a hole in the back of her head.
She needn’t have worried. He didn’t approach her until the last of the mourners and photographers were gone. She was upset, the days between Marco’s murder and now doing nothing to ease her pain.
He wore a dark suit and tie, and he walked through the rain like he wasn’t even getting wet. His eyes, when she could see them, were sobering and still. “I came to pay my respects,” he said.
Bella looked from one to the other. “I’ll wait for you in the car.” She walked away.
Olivia glared at Trevor. “Do you think that’s funny?”
“No. This can’t be easy for you.”
The sincerity in his eyes was her undoing. Tears came for the first time since Marco died.
Why now? Why in front of this man, the one who was responsible for Marco’s death and her own transgressions? All of the true mourners had left her unaffected, but the one man who was glad Marco was gone had managed to touch her heart.
He opened his arms slightly. “Come here.”
She shook her head, the tears coming harder because she wanted to go to him more than anything.
“I’m sorry, Olivia.”
She wiped tears from her cheeks. “For what?”
“For having to kill him when you asked me not to. For hurting you. For caring about you and making love to you. I was selfish.” He rattled the coins in his pocket.
“I wanted you, I hated him, and everything else be damned. Hell, if it weren’t for me, you might have gotten to Steele’s house that day after all, and things would have turned out very differently. ”
“I wasn’t going to Marco’s.”
“No?”
She shook her head. “I was going to the cabin.” She exhaled hard and rubbed her temples. “I needed to get my memories before I left him for good, to remember who I was when I stood on my own two feet. Ironic, isn’t it? That I went there searching for my past, and I arrived there without one?”
He smiled a sardonic grin. “What kind of memories?”
“Photographs of my family and Ellie and Frank that were up in the attic. And I needed to face that house. I hadn’t been able to bring myself there since they died.”
The sky became lighter, and Olivia realized the rain had stopped. She stared at the heavy clouds, haunted by the questions she would never get answered definitively.
“Do you think Marco killed Ellie and Frank?” she asked.
“Yes.”
She nodded and bit her lip. “I think so, too. I didn’t need him enough when they were alive.” She could see it clearly now, how Marco had used her dependence on others to mold himself into the perfect man for her.
If only she’d been stronger. Able to stand on her own two feet.
“What made you decide to end your engagement?” asked Trevor.
“I overheard Gallant talking to Johnson about the shipment they just got in.” She looked at Trevor, then dropped her eyes.
“They said some disgusting things. Things about the girls and what they would do to them. It didn’t make sense, so I asked Marco about it and he flipped out, grabbing me by the arm hard enough to leave bruises and saying it was none of my business. ”
“I remember seeing the bruises on your arm after the accident.”
She bent down and retrieved her purse. “I should get going.”
“Olivia, I want to see you again.”
She stood and shook her head. “No. That’s not a good idea.”
“I think it is.” He took a step toward her, closing the distance between them.
“Hear me out. I’ve been obsessed. For the last two years, I spent every free moment thinking about avenging Ralph’s death.
I was so focused on what had been done to him, what had been done to me, that I stopped caring about anyone or anything else.
“Then I ran into your car, and everything changed. My weapons were gone. Satellite pictures and maps. And there you were, helpless.
“Don’t you see?” he asked. “Caring for you forced me to loosen my grip on my plans for Steele. I couldn’t do both. I hated it, at first. I resented you. And then I started to like it. I started to like you, even more than I hated him.”
He took her hand in his. “You saved me, and I fell for you. I fell for you hard.”
Olivia’s eyes were wary. “But you still wanted revenge, and you made sure you got it.”
“But it was no longer the only thing I wanted in my life. And when you begged me not to kill Steele, I heard you. I wasn’t going to do it until he pulled his gun on Jax.” He turned toward her. “Give me another chance, Livy. Give us another chance.”
She shook her head. “I can’t do that.”
“Because you don’t want to, or because you feel guilty?”
“Because I am guilty.” She squeezed her eyes shut, then quickly opened them. “And while you may like me depending on you, I think it’s high time I learn to take care of myself. If I’d done that years ago, I never would have ended up with Marco in the first place.”