Chapter 16 Alar
ALAR
I've decided to start a journal, prompted to do so after learning about the journals kept for fallen riders in the archives.
If something happens to me, perhaps these words will help someone understand what preceded my demise. More importantly, if I cannot return to Eluria, if I commit to a lifetime in the Dragon Force, this record will tell my family what I faced alongside Kailin and the rest of our quintet.
—From the journal of Alar Tekum
1st entry
Istopped writing and contemplated tearing out the page.
The journal should start with Codric and I discovering our Elucian heritage, making it to Elucia, and everything that had happened since.
The problem was that I couldn't commit to paper who I really was and what I hoped to achieve by infiltrating the Dragon Force.
Perhaps I could leave empty space after each entry to add things later, after my identity became common knowledge.
I had no doubt that Saphir would eventually reveal who I was, and if he didn't, my father would do something to expose me.
He wouldn't allow me to stay here.
The thought sent a chill down my spine. What would happen to my relationship with Kailin? She was a strategic asset to Elucia and wouldn't be allowed to leave, and even if she were, my father would not welcome her in Eluria.
But that was a worry for another day.
Right now, I was worried about Kailin and why she hadn't returned yet from her flight instruction with Commander Ravel.
I put the journal in my pocket and glanced at the door for what felt like the hundredth time.
The mess hall was humming with its usual dinner-hour energy, but our group sat like an island of tension in a sea of carefully averted gazes. Ever since Kailin's dream rescue, we were being treated like celebrities, and not in a good way.
I was reminded of the court I had been so glad to leave behind. The stares I was getting here made me just as uncomfortable as the ones I had gotten there. Only now I was a celebrity by association, and Kailin was the reluctant star.
The logical explanation for her delay was that Ravel was dragging out the flight lesson, but I couldn't help thinking about the attempt that had been made on her life and that there would be more.
"Why is he keeping her so late?" I said, unable to contain my frustration. "She can't afford to lose dinner."
"Who said he is the one keeping her?" Shovia asked. "Knowing Kailin, she's the one keeping him, drilling him with questions about those dragons."
"I hope you are right." I forced myself to take a bite of bread.
The door opened, and my whole body tensed, but it was just a group of cadets, and Kailin wasn't among them.
They were talking loudly about tomorrow's tactical exam, but then they glanced our way, and their conversation faltered for a moment before they hurried to a table on the far side of the hall.
"What's wrong with them?" I muttered. "They are practically shunning us."
Shovia shook her head. "We might as well have plague signs hanging around our necks."
Despite the warm welcome Kailin had received when she'd returned from the visit home, the other cadets had been giving our entire group a wide berth. In the corridors, conversations stopped when we passed, and the tables nearest to ours were conspicuously empty.
"They are scared of her," Morek said.
"I don't think that's the reason." I put the half-eaten piece of bread on my plate. "They feel inferior. Up until a week ago, she was just like them, and now she is someone special. The Hero of Elucia."
"The saver of cities," Codric said with false cheer. "Dreamer of prophecies, maker of everyone else feeling inadequate."
I let out a breath. "She didn't ask for any of this. She hates it."
"We should do something about it." Shovia's expression was thoughtful. "Or we can just embrace it and act like the queen and kings of this drakking place."
"I can do that." Codric wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "I know how to act royal."
I was busy glaring at him when the door opened again, and this time it was Kailin.
Relief flooded through me so intensely that I was tempted to jump up and run to her, but that would embarrass her, and she was already having a hard time with how the other cadets were treating her.
She smiled and waved while taking a tray and starting to load it.
I shifted over slightly, ensuring she saw the space I'd saved beside me.
When she was done collecting her meal, she made her way over, her tray laden with what looked like double portions of everything.
"The session ran long," she said, sliding onto the bench beside me. Her thigh pressed against mine, warm and reassuring.
"Did he teach you evasive maneuvers?" Shovia asked.
"Mostly." Kailin attacked her food with a single-minded focus, and I wondered whether she was that hungry or just trying to regain lost energy. "I guess you got the same training?"
Shovia nodded. "They want to make sure that we can dodge anything the Shedun might throw at us. After the assassination attempt, they are stepping up the training."
"Speaking of training," Codric said, lowering his voice and leaning forward. "Did you ask Commander Ravel about you-know-who?"
She nodded.
"And?" he prompted.
"He says that the-you-know-who were not at fault. Each rider is responsible for checking the equipment before mounting, so if a saddle was not secured properly, it was the rider's fault."
"Yeah," Shovia said. "My instructor said the same thing."
Kailin's fork paused halfway to her mouth. "You asked her about them? Are you crazy? What if she or her dragon is complicit? We don't know who to trust!"
"I was subtle about it." Shovia looked a little sheepish. "I told my instructor that I'd heard rumors about certain dragons being bad luck, and I wanted to know which ones to avoid during the Day of Volition."
"I used a similar line," Morek said. "Everyone is nervous before meeting the unbonded dragons. The decision of who to bond with is more important than marriage. You can end a marriage, but you cannot break the bond with your dragon unless one of you dies."
Shaking her head, Kailin turned to Codric. "What about you? Did you ask your instructor as well?"
My cousin had the grace to look even more sheepish than Shovia. "I might have been a bit more direct. I asked Lieutenant Harrin straight out if it was true that Syltharion had lost four riders to accidents."
Kailin put her fork down with deliberate care. "Are you all insane? You've just exposed yourselves as being suspicious of something that you were not supposed to know about."
"We had to know." I put my hand on her thigh, trying to defuse her anger. "And they all said the same thing anyway. Rider error. Every death was thoroughly investigated and determined to be the rider's fault."
"Of course, they said that." Kailin's voice was low but intense. "What else would they say? 'Oh yes, cadet, we suspect the dragons are murdering their riders, but there is nothing we can do to stop it'?"
"There was one piece of useful information," Shovia interjected. "Of the four, only one is currently unbonded. Morgateth. We need to warn people away from him."
Kailin lifted her fork and speared a piece of potato.
"We have five weeks, but what are we going to say?
" She lowered her head and whispered. "We can't tell them that we suspect a dragon of being a serial killer based on pattern recognition and conspiracy theories.
They'd think we were mad. Or worse, they'd report us for spreading seditious rumors. "
"There has to be something we can do," I said. "We can say that we've heard he's wild, dangerous, and unpredictable. That should be enough to discourage people from even approaching him."
"Is that how it works?" Codric asked. "Do they have name tags and we inspect them like livestock? Or do they inspect us?"
The three Elucians shrugged almost simultaneously.
"No one knows," Morek said. "That's one more secret riders are not allowed to talk about."
"Figures," Codric murmured. "Everything is a secret in Elucia. What are they afraid of?"
"Everything." Shovia snorted. "We are a tiny nation with powerful, deranged enemies who want to sacrifice us and our dragon allies to their god of death so nothing and no one stands in their way of global domination."
"Maybe the dragons are using mind control," Codric suggested. "Influencing their riders to make fatal mistakes."
"Dragons can't do that," Kailin said. "They can communicate telepathically with their bonded riders, but they can't control them."
"Maybe it's Sitorian black magic," Shovia said with a nervous laugh. "Dark sorcery that is corrupting our noble dragons."
I snorted. "If the Sitorians had that kind of power, they would have used it to destroy all of Elucia and its dragons by now."
"They almost did," Kailin reminded me quietly. "Twice."
The words hung in the air between us, a sobering reminder of how close Elucia had come to annihilation. Without Saphir's hidden eggs and Eluria harboring the surviving Elucians, the Sitorians would have succeeded.
"I'm still trying to figure out what makes Captain Odinah different. We need to find out who the other two are bonded with. Maybe that will give us a clue." Morek looked at Kailin. "Can you ask Ravel?"
She shook her head. "He was very reluctant to answer my questions on the subject."
"Maybe he's complicit?" Codric suggested.
The blood froze in my veins, but then I shook the suggestion off. "He can't be. He saved Kailin from the assassin."
"Could have been misdirection," Codric insisted. "What better way to prove himself innocent than to save the Hero of Elucia?"
Kailin glared at him. "Are you insane? He didn't even know that the three of you were snooping around in the archive and coming up with conspiracy theories."
Codric folded his arms over his chest. "Maybe he did. Maybe Captain Odinah told him."
"How?" Kailin asked. "You were snooping in the library while Ravel was in Skywatcher's Point."
"There are phones in the Pilgrim's Lodge," Codric said. "And the captain has access to phones in the Citadel. It's only the cadets who are isolated. The rest of the occupants have convenient access to the outside world."
"He's not complicit." Kailin seethed. "He told us his own suspicions on the issue."
Codric smirked. "It could have been just another smokescreen."
I couldn't believe we were talking about all this in the open. It was true that the other cadets were keeping their distance and busy talking among themselves, but still. This was too sensitive an issue to discuss in the open.
"Someone sabotaged the pilgrimage," Shovia said. "Someone leaked your location to the assassin. There's at least one traitor in the Citadel. We can't dismiss anyone."
I noticed movement in my peripheral vision and saw that several cadets at a nearby table were trying very hard to look like they weren't listening to our conversation.
I cursed under my breath. Despite lowering our voices, we might have said too much.
"We should continue this elsewhere," I murmured.
Kailin followed my gaze and nodded. "You are right." She hunched her shoulders. "Before, I could blend in, be part of the group. Now, I'm different. They smile at me but avoid my eyes and walk away quickly."
"Welcome to my world," I muttered before I could stop myself.
Everyone turned to look at me, and I realized what I'd said. The words had slipped out, a fragment of my real life bleeding through the careful facade I'd constructed.
"What do you mean?" Shovia asked, her eyes sharp with curiosity.
I scrambled for an explanation that wasn't a lie.
"Codric and I are the only Elurians here.
We've gotten used to a lot of nasty looks since we've gotten to Elucia.
We are under constant scrutiny, and people are making assumptions about us based on things that they think they know about Elurians. It's not a pleasant feeling."
It was true, as far as it went. What I didn't say was that I'd been living with it far longer, that being watched and judged was the price of being born royal. That every word, every gesture, every choice had been scrutinized since I was old enough to understand my position in society.
Codric nodded. "During the first few days, people either avoided us entirely or watched us like we might steal the silver."
"There is no silver in the mess hall," Morek said, either completely missing the point or trying to make a joke.
Codric ignored his comment. "The point is that being singled out is not easy, but you learn to live with it."
"Or you find people who see past it," I said, looking at each of my friends in turn. "People who see you for who you are, not what you represent."
"That's beautiful," Shovia said with exaggerated sentiment. "Should we all hold hands and sing now?"
"Only if you go first," Kailin teased.
The tension eased marginally, but I could still feel the eyes watching me from the other tables. This was like my life at court all over again, with every move watched, every word potentially reported back to someone.
At least in Vedona, I'd known who was watching and why. I understood the game, the players, and the stakes. Here, I had a much harder time discerning friend from foe.
"If you are all done eating, let's get out of here," Morek said. "All this attention is making my skin crawl."