Chapter 42
Tshabina
Tsabinu, Zioh, Zeraiah, and I spent our holidays in London. My favourite day so far was yesterday, when we went to Hyde Park Winter Wonderland. However, my wish list was still long, and I wanted to do so much more.
But… today, I was trapped.
Zioh wouldn’t let me go out; worse still, Tsabinu sided with him. Ultimately, Mama Nadine confirmed their decision: it would be better to stay and do our homework.
Homework…
On Christmas and New Year’s holiday.
In London.
So cruel!
If Zeraiah had seen us, he’d have called us nerds in a heartbeat. Lucky for him, he was holed up in his room and playing PlayStation. He had more freedom here. Back in Jakarta, he rarely got to do what he loved, and Mama Nadine seemed more lenient here, letting him do as he pleased.
I’d lost count of how many times I sighed, my face propped up by my palm as I stared, eyes half shut, at this pile of boring papers.
“If you just stare at it, it’s never going to get done.” Zioh’s voice at my side made me sulk all the harder. “I explained it earlier. Try it first.” He glanced at me, his tone gentle yet firm as he tapped the sheet before me. “If you don’t get it, I’ll explain again.”
Another sigh escaped me.
Slumping my shoulders, I glanced at the pile of worksheets and flipped through them without much interest. Shooting Zioh a glare, I muttered, “Yeah… the problem is,” my breath came out in a huff. “I still don’t get it.”
My grades were terrible in math, physics, chemistry—anything with calculations—and only barely acceptable in biology and history.
Unlike Zioh and Tsabinu, who always got the best grades in every subject.
And as for Zeraiah, dozens of trophies lined his bedroom—he always won national and international language competitions.
Annoyed, I kept flipping pages until Zioh sighed beside me.
We sat downstairs in the grand living room, next to the lavish Christmas tree.
Earlier, I’d tried to escape by saying I wanted to decorate it, even convincing the staff to move the table and chairs.
But Zioh had seen through my lousy excuse and caught me.
“It’s not that you don’t understand,” he murmured, “you’re not motivated to learn it.”
I shot him a pout. Zioh rarely chided me, never snapped at me, or scolded me. Even when I argued with Zeraiah in the car, he never minded.
He could forgive my other mistakes and always stood up for me, but when it came to studying, he was unyielding, like Tsabinu.
Zioh and Tsabinu had been disciplined since childhood and driven by clear goals. Their dreams had rubbed off on Zeraiah as well. The three of them had set their sights on Oxbridge: Zioh aimed for Cambridge, Zeraiah for Oxford, and Tsabinu, determined to gain admission to one or the other.
And me?
I didn’t know.
My grades weren’t like theirs. My aim was just to get into a state university back home.
Zioh sighed again, though his voice softened.
“Don’t slack off. You’re in your second year now, uni’s just around the corner.
” His hand brushed my cheek, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear as he coaxed me.
“Didn’t you say you’re aiming for SN just so you don’t have to deal with SBM, right?
” His voice lowered. “If you pass, I promise, once you’ve got a free holiday, I’ll bring you back here, and we’ll go see my campus, yeah? ”
Those words made my eyes sting. The feeling slid down my chest, forcing it to cave inward. This topic had cracked something inside me for years. He would be leaving soon—Zioh, then Zeraiah, maybe even Tsabinu.
They’d leave me behind.
Even when he tried to soothe me with promises, reminding me that his grandpa owned a private jet, so going back and forth between England and Indonesia would be easy for him, or something like he could bring me here again, it didn’t matter.
It wouldn’t be the same. They would all go.
We’d grown up together, but soon we’d live separate lives.
That fact cut me deep, and it was something that could never be healed.
I couldn’t live without Zioh.
My lip trembled. “Don’t talk about uni.” A small sob slipped out. “It makes me sad. You’ll be so far away.”
Zioh gave a warm smile and wiped my eyes with his thumb. “I’m sorry.” He cradled my face, his eyes locked on mine. “Then don’t be sad, hm?” His hand guided me back to the desk, nudging the worksheets closer.
“Better we focus on studying; there are still loads to finish.”
I groaned, feeling even worse. “This just makes it sadder! It’s hard…” My eyes pleaded with him. “I don’t get it, Zi…”
He blew out a soft breath, his lips curving as he pulled the papers back in front of me. “Then I’ll explain again, until you do.”
I huffed, resting my chin on the desk as he explained the equations again, his pen moving neatly across the page. I tried to focus, my fingers tapping against the table.
“I like it when you teach me,” I murmured. “Your writing’s neat, you’re patient, gentle—”
“And free. Anytime, anywhere.” He glanced at me with a faint smile. “That’s why you should be a good student with me.”
I pouted. “I am good.”
“Yes, good.” His voice was light, teasing, as his pen scratched on. “But very dramatic.”
“Tsk,” I scoffed. “Zeraiah’s way more dramatic than me.”
“My student is only you.”
I raised my brow. “Zeraiah doesn’t study with you?”
“Star boy?” He raised a brow. “No chance. He’d never let me teach him.”
Shifting to face him, I frowned. “So you only teach me?”
He met my eyes. “Only you.” He tucked my hair behind my ear. “I’m doing this only for you.”
Only for me.
My heart raced, and a sudden burn stung my cheeks. I cleared my throat. “But doesn’t Mas Bibu always study with you?”
“Golden usually just borrows notes. I explain a bit, and he studies on his own.” A small smirk tugged his lips. “Unlike you, you take hours.” He leaned in, his face inches from mine, and whispered. “And a lot of coaxing.”
I scowled.
He tapped my forehead with his pencil. “Eyes on the paper, please,” he reminded me.
“I liked it better when my eyes were on you.”
Zioh went still. The pencil on my forehead stilled. He blinked a few times before stiffly returning to the paper in front of him, the tips of his ears flushing crimson.
Was there something wrong with what I said?
He continued to guide me through math, physics, and chemistry. His explanations were slow, careful, and steady.
“Focus, Sophie,” he said again, noticing my fingers drumming on the table.
“I am focused.”
He gave me a sidelong look. “No wonder the tutors keep quitting; you’re a nightmare student.” He poked my cheek. “Annoying like this.” His tone was cheeky, but still soft.
I lifted my shoulders. “But you keep doing it anyway.”
“Because I love y—” he fell silent, and I looked at him.
He swallowed. “It.” He looked at me with wide, tender eyes. “Because I love it.”
“That’s why it’s free, anywhere, anytime, and only for me?”
“Sophie—”
His words broke off.
We snapped our heads forward together as the loud stomp of footsteps flooded the room. Mama Nadine appeared. Her face streaked with tears as she hurried past, her sobs loud and ragged.
She looked as though she’d just fled a room, her entire body taut. Her laboured breathing filled the room, thundering like a drum and thickening the air. Her complexion was pale, her eyes wide, and her lips trembling.
I stilled, stunned. The pencil slipped from my hand as I rose fast, my pulse pounding in my ears. Turning to Zioh, his face drained of colour.
His breathing grew shallow, his eyes fixed on his mother. “Mum…?” Zioh shivered, calling out with his shaky voice, sweat gathering at his temple.
I couldn’t look away from his tight expression. His hands clenched, trembling. His lips quivered as if holding back something.
Mama Nadine’s eyes turned toward us.
No—toward me.
Her gaze…
I retreated, shrinking beneath her stare.
Her stare… a look of shock, grief, confusion—then sharpness. Her reddened, tearful eyes locked onto me with something dark, something that made me want to hide.
I swallowed and glanced back at Zioh as his voice greeted me again.
His body trembled, and his jaw clenched. “Mum…?” Zioh’s voice cracked. He shook his head, like refusing something he couldn’t say, but Mama Nadine didn’t answer.
She turned, half-running away, her sobs rising louder, raw and piercing.
Moments later, Tsabinu came rushing from the same direction, panic etched across his face. He sprinted past us without a glance, calling desperately after Mama Nadine.
What—
What was happening?
I instinctively moved to follow, but Zioh’s voice stopped me. The firmness in his tone froze my steps. “Stay here.”
I could only watch as he turned and went after them, following Tsabinu and his mother.
“Mama Nadine…”