19 – Stop Pretending That We’re Just Friends
Jessie
A soft moan is what pulls me from sleep. I take quick stock of my surroundings, my eyes snapping open when I start to feel the dizzying sensation of all the blood in my body flowing south. It’s still dark out, my hands touch, or rather grip, smooth delicate skin, and I realize my hands have made their way under Casey’s nightshirt of their own accord. A perky breast and taut nipple held in my hand, as my other hand is splayed out against her flat stomach, pulling her into my lap. My lap which is currently sporting a boner so fucking hard I’m surprised Casey hasn’t woken up.
What the fuck am I doing?
We kissed, but then Grace lost the baby and Casey went into protector mode. Cuddling is one thing. Being there for her while she cried and allowing her to rest is what a friend would do. But I can’t be doing this. This is bordering on taking advantage, and I’ll be damned if I ruin the best thing in my life right now because I couldn’t get a hold of myself. I’m better than this.
She deserves better than this. Than me.
Maybe climbing into her bed and holding her was a bad idea. She asked me to stay, and after I listened to her cry in the shower, or heave out her heart more like, I couldn’t bear to leave. It took everything in me to not storm into that bathroom and hold her. Protect her, or at least try to take away her pain. Listening to the gut-wrenching sobs felt like a stab in the chest. So when she looked at me with those sad and hopeful doe eyes, I caved immediately. Didn’t even bother pretending like I was going to leave.
That same moan happens again, and Casey rears her ass further into my lap and my grip on her tightens as a growl works its way up my throat. I need out of this situation right fucking now. Reluctantly pulling my hands from her incredible body, I extricate myself from the bed, my dick yelling at me to stay, which has now pitched a tent in protest.
As I flip the covers to leave the bed, I get a fantastic flash of Casey, her smooth creamy skin, those sorry excuse for panties as her shirt lays bunched near her tits.
Perfection.
I drag a hand down my face and shake off the thoughts, forcing myself to enter her bathroom. Ordering my mind and my dick to get a fucking grip. How did I get us into this situation? Openly groping her in her sleep and doing fuck all about stopping it from happening. I splash my face with cold water. It’s still the middle of the night, but I need to snap out of this. I stare at myself in the mirror. “You’re a grown fucking man. Pull it the fuck together.”
Stepping out of the bathroom, I sneak into the kitchen for a glass of water and some fresh air on their balcony.
Staring out at the city, the scent of the air is fresh, the frost kisses my skin, cooling the heat that radiates off me in waves. The early hour scent washes over me, the one where you know daylight is coming in another couple of hours, but enough people are still sleeping that there is a lull of peace. I close my eyes and let the breeze softly wash over me. Leaning my elbows on the railing I try to talk myself out of making a huge mistake. Casey is possibly one of the greatest people I know. She literally skipped back into my life, and she has just turned me completely on my head. She is all I think about, all I dream about. When I’m alone, I want to be near her, and when we’re together, I could listen to her laugh or watch her reading for hours. Literally hours. When I’m with her, I’m an addict. I can’t get enough.
I’m in way too fucking deep. But I’ve already learned my lesson, and I can’t let myself do this again. Can’t put myself back into a place where I lose my mind and shut myself off from everyone who loves me. Addison, the way she looked at me all those months ago, like she didn’t know me. The way pain spread across her face when we would speak. All because I had my heart broken.
I won’t do it again.
I can’t.
“ Jay .” Casey’s voice pulls me from my depressing spiral of thoughts, but when I turn to see her stepping out onto the balcony, she steals those thoughts, along with my breath.
Her auburn hair is sleep-messed and pouring over her shoulders as her sleepshirt falls to only the top of her thighs, leaving her perfectly long and soft legs completely on display.
“What are you doing out here?” she asks softly, her lips forming a delicate smile, and fuck, I want to kiss her again.
“I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t mean to wake you.” I try to give her a soft smile back, but my chest just aches. I’m telling myself to keep my distance, but it’s hard to hide the very prominent thoughts and feelings that flood me the moment she is in the same room as me.
I want her. I want her so badly. In every way.
I clear my throat and shrug as I push past her to enter the apartment and refill my glass of water. The soft padding of her bare feet against the oak flooring tells me she has followed behind me, and I have to stop myself from openly grunting.
“Is everything okay?” she asks gently.
I squeeze my eyes shut and round the counter, fixing my facial features before turning to face her. She stands on the opposite side, the kitchen counter the only thing between us, and words evade me. Something like a groan climbs its way up my throat, and I pull my gaze from hers as I fill up my glass.
“Jessie, what’s wrong?” This time she comes to stand next to me and places her hand on my arm, the heat singeing me, and I shrug her off.
“I can’t do this anymore, Ace,” I say under my breath. I feel her tense beside me, and she steals her hand from my arm like I burned her.
She has no idea that it is her that burns. Melting everything inside me.
“Do what?” Her tone is laced with concern, and when I finally lock eyes with her, the look on her face is a punch to the gut. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her.
“I can’t keep acting like I’m not losing control every time I’m around you,” I respond. Placing the glass in the sink and turning to her. Our bodies almost flush, she steels her spine and stands her ground. I watch as her face hardens. Whoever said Casey Baker was delicate doesn’t know the first thing about her.
“I can’t keep sitting on the couch pretending to read with you.” I take a step closer, and she turns her back to the counter. I brace my hands on either side of her, giving them something to do so I don’t act out the very indecent thoughts that tiny bed shirt gives me. “I can’t stand in this kitchen and bake with you, pretending to hear what you’re saying because really I’m trying to stop imagining you on this fucking counter, covered in the batter of whatever delicious masterpiece you are making while I eat it clean off your skin.” Her eyes bulge and her lips part on a sigh. The fact she feels the same desire and electricity between us makes the hold on my control that much harder. I watch her neck as she tries to swallow and the way her breath increases.
“I was doing just fine controlling the way you make me want to turn into a feral animal. But then I kissed you. I tasted you. And you kissed me back. Now I can’t stop wanting more.”
“Oh,” she breathes.
“You spend so much of your time taking care of everyone else. Thinking and anticipating everyone else’s needs and, fuck, Ace. I really want to take care of you. I want to stop pretending that we’re just friends. I want to anticipate your needs.” I search her face for a reaction. Search for something that tells me to take a step back. I’m coming on too fucking hot, just like I told myself I wouldn’t.
Her breathing hasn’t slowed, and instead of listening to reason, I reach a hand to tuck her hair behind her ear, using my thumb to trail her pretty bottom lip and watch as the blush hits her cheeks. To hell with caution, I don’t have the strength to fight it anymore. If that makes me weak, then so be it.
“Please, let me look after you. Let me give you what you need. What I need,” I whisper to her, our lips now only a breath away.
She nods frantically, and it’s all the permission I need as I close the final gap between us and slam my lips to hers. She moans at the touch and a growl of pleasure works its way up my throat as I feel her melt against me. Her petite and lithe body docile in my arms, and I grip the back of her thighs, lifting and placing her on the counter. She opens her thighs for me to step between. With one hand, I grip the back of her head, pulling lightly on the strands of soft strawberry hair that tangles between my fingers, using my free hand to grip her waist, pulling her closer to me.
Our kiss is hard and desperate, like a race against the clock, or perhaps trying to soak up as much of each other before common sense catches up with us. I swipe my tongue with hers as I desperately try to taste every inch of her. Memorize the way her mouth moves with mine, her lips soft and plump. Her hands are around my neck, nails digging into my scalp as she moans and that little leash I had on my control in this moment is out the fucking window. I untangle a hand from her hair and push it under her shirt, bunching it and trailing her perfectly soft skin until her breast is cupped in my hand. She gasps, but I kiss her deeper, drawing her closer, and gently pulling her already puckered nipple between my fingers.
“ Jess,” she moans, and fuck if hearing her say my name like that doesn’t make me even harder. I lean my forehead against hers, my hands trailing every expanse of skin they can find, trying to catch my breath. Trying to stop this from going too far. Her eyes are wide and searching mine as she pants against my mouth.
I bend and slowly kiss up the line of her delicate neck, lightly dragging my teeth across her ear. Pulling on that same nipple again, and I see her eyelashes flutter.
“What… what are you doing?” she asks between breaths.
“Trying to hold onto some self-control. Because I want you, Ace. So fucking bad.” I punctuate my statement by gripping her hips and pulling her against me, pressing into her as I lightly bite her neck. I hear her breath catch as her head falls back, giving me more room to caress and feel her heart rate skyrocket.
“Tell me to stop, Casey,” I beg, she has one last chance to not cross this line. To give us time to work this out before it becomes something we can’t stop, that I can’t take back. That she’ll regret.
“Don’t you dare stop,” she demands. The hand massaging her tit reluctantly lets go as I reach up and grip the front of her neck, bringing her full attention back to me, allowing me to drown in her blue eyes. She doesn’t move, but something changes in them, and it is the permission I need. My hand tightens on her skin and I pull her face to mine, so I can grab those perfect fucking lips between my own. My other hand dances around the edge of her panties. I stall, not yet going to where I desperately want to be. Waiting, seeking one silent and final reprieve. For her to have the chance to change her mind.
She moves a hand between us, searching for access to my briefs, and I grab her wrist and pin it to her back.
Fuck .
She has no idea how beautiful she is. This sight before me. My hand grips her neck, as I pin her arms behind her back, and she pants, barely able to catch her breath. Something primal rumbles in my chest and my lips tip at the corners.
“Not tonight, Ace. Tonight is all you,” I whisper and return to trailing kisses across the smooth skin of her neck, collarbone, and shoulder, trying to compensate for the very caveman-like way I hold her. Wanting to be rough, but tender all at once.
My hands release her and reach the hem of her shirt, quickly pulling it over her head, and I groan. These fucking tits.
“But I want to—”
“No.”
She lifts her gaze to make eye contact with me. Easing the look of confusion, I cup her cheek, swiping her skin with my thumb, my other hand teasing the inside of her thighs, her abdomen, and finding the start of her panties. The tiny bit of cotton stops me from getting to where I’d rather be.
“Let me take care of you, Case. You’re not great at being selfish or looking out for yourself, and that’s okay. But you sure as fuck are going to let me do it.” I steal a soft kiss of those pretty lips, lingering on the softness, on the way she sighs the moment we touch. I pull back and watch her, my gaze searching over every detail of her face as I trail my fingers up the inside of her thigh and dip them into her panties, tracing a soft finger lightly through her seam and— fuck me. The softness of her delicate skin, how wet she is already. She is making me go insane. I pay special attention to those delectable lips and the way her mouth opens into a small O.
“ Oh, God.” She moans as I gather and spread her wetness.
“All this mess just for me, Ace?” She bites her lip, and the uncertainty in her eyes has my chest tightening with anticipation. I can’t wait to watch her come undone and to be the one to put her together again.
“I’m going to take care of you, Casey. I’m going to make a fucking mess of this pretty pussy, and I want you to be a good girl and let me.” The words are emphasized by the mess I spread across her. She bites her lips to hold in her moans, and I focus on the little bundle of nerves that has her opening wider for me.
“What’d’you say, Ace? You going to make a mess on my fingers and let me clean you up?”
She moans softly, incoherent almost, but nods quickly as I slide two fingers into her tight wet center, feeling her clench down on me and grip me. “Fuck, you feel perfect.” I groan as I trail my teeth back up her neck.
“Oh, God,” Casey moans again, reaching a hand to thread through my hair and pulling, she uses the other to grip my forearm, holding me in place, nails digging in, making me near feral. If I wasn’t set on taking this slow and getting on the same page with her, adamant to make this real and not fuck it up, I swear I’d rip apart every layer separating us and fuck her so hard she’d need to replace this counter.
“Jessie, I want you.” Breathless and writhing as I slowly fuck her with my fingers, I pick up the pace, using my palm to tease her clit, feeling her clench around me.
“I can’t wait to have you spread out below me,” I growl, taking a bite of her neck and licking away the sting before repeating it on her shoulder, while I continue to work her with my fingers. “This pussy, dripping and open, just for me.” Bite, lick. “The sounds you’d make, your fingers in my hair.” I curl my fingers, and the sound she makes is almost animal. Exactly how she makes me feel. Biting and licking this perfect fucking skin. “I can’t wait to make a fucking meal out of you.” I wrap my free hand around her waist and pull her to the edge of the counter. My grip on her is strong, and she opens wider, giving me room to put in a third finger, the expanse of my palm cupping her, as she sits impaled on my fingers. The pace increasing as I lose any sense of control, curling my fingers, grabbing that special spot as I feel her orgasm grow closer, the walls of her clenching around me, the sounds of only her wetness and moans filling the room.
“Oh, fuck! Jessie, I’m—”
“Yes, Case. Make a mess on me. Come .” The demand is a snarl, the rumble in my chest fighting against my self-control as I fuck her perfectly tight pussy with my fingers.
“Ohhh, GOD. Jessie! ” I bite on her shoulder to smother the roar I feel as she shatters around me. I keep the pace intense until I feel her clench and come down from her high, riding out her orgasm and trying to will away my own. The sounds of her, the feel of her, everything about her is sending me insane.
“Good girl,” I whisper, peppering her with soft kisses across her skin as she catches her breath. Withdrawing my fingers, I drag them down her thigh so she can see the evidence of her need. What a pretty mess she is, just for me.
I place a hand on each of her thighs and lean in to kiss her soft lips, which are still parted as she tries to catch her breath. Her gaze dances around me, refusing to look at me.
“Don’t hide from me now, Ace.” I give her a gentle smile, trying to will away the very painful boner straining against my briefs.
“That was…” she breathes, finally letting me see her eyes.
“Fucking incredible,” I whisper back to her.
“But… what about you?” She tilts her head, locking her legs behind my back, holding me perfectly in place between her knees. She reaches up and loops her arms around my neck as she starts to come back to earth. With her tits pressed up against my chest, any effort I made in taming my dick dies a painful death.
“Are you kidding me, Casey? That was the hottest thing we’ve done in this kitchen.” I lean my forehead against hers and run a warm hand up her back as I try to picture anything other than the view I just had of her. Trying to soften my dick so I can get a little more sleep with this beauty in my arms. Before the sun rises and life goes back to normal.
“But—”
“No more buts.” I emphasize with a slap to her perky ass as she gasps and giggles. The sound brings a sudden lightness to my chest, and I find myself smiling. Her expression changes to what I can only label as shock.
“What?”
She brings a finger up and traces my lips. “Your smile. I haven’t seen that one before.”
I’m speechless as I look into her eyes.
“You’re stunning,” she whispers as she continues to trace my lips, and something in my chest clenches. Embarrassment or apprehension, something heats my skin, and I look away. Gripping her hips, I lift her from the counter. With her still wrapped around me, I walk us back to the bedroom and kick the door closed behind us.
“I know you have a lot going on right now. I have no expectations, Casey. But I do expect you to let me take care of you. If you’re going to be busy with other people’s needs, I’m going to busy myself with yours. Not because you’re a burden. Not because you need it. Because I fucking want to.”
“Oh.” Her voice is delicate, and when I place her down on the bed, throwing the covers over and pulling her to my chest, I look down at her. The look I find makes my heartbeat faster and my lungs struggle with air.
Hope.
This perfect ray of sunshine, with eyes as deep and as full as the ocean, is looking up at me with so much hope I feel like I’ve been dropped out of a plane. Falling to a death I can’t stop from chasing because that look grips me and makes me want to fulfill every single one of her dreams. I want to watch every one of her wishes come true, and I so desperately want to be the one to give that to her. Despite the way she looks at me, I know I’m not in her future. But if this little pocket of happiness is all that I get, I’m going to soak up as much as I can for as long as I can. Until she finds her forever. Until that hope fizzles and she moves onto the next big thing, I’ll take whatever she’ll give me.
I place a chaste kiss to her forehead, and I feel her sink deeper into me and let sleep pull us both under, as I hold in my arms the one woman that, if I had any hope at all, could have been my future.