20 – Have An Orgasmic Day
Casey
Early morning sun wakes me, which is unusual for me because I’m usually up before the birds. Usually have a coffee, meditate, and do my morning yoga, maybe even some light cardio, all before the sun and Addison are awake.
But nothing is usual about this morning.
I’m deliciously relaxed, and I feel myself wake slowly, unsure where this lightness comes from, and then I start to actually wake up and remember yesterday.
Jessie kissing me.
Grace losing the baby.
Grace losing her temper at me.
Jessie staying over.
Jessie making me co—
“Oh my god!” I squeak and sit up so fast my head spins. I search my room, which is empty, placing my hand on the side of the bed that Jessie had been lying on. It’s cold. He must have left a while ago. For some reason, my stomach sinks at the thought, but noise in the kitchen pulls me from my thoughts, and I peel myself from bed in a daze.
I open my bedroom door and zombie walk to the kitchen where I see Rosie trying, and somehow failing, at making her cereal.
She glances in my direction and says a half-hearted good morning before her gaze snatches back to me and she tilts her head, assessing.
“Hey, you okay, Casey?” I nod because I can’t form words.
“You slept in. Big night?” she asks again as she pulls the carton of milk from the fridge.
“Mmhmm,” I say again, nodding, my gaze still frozen on Rosie. My mind racing, unsure what the heck is happening right now, or what happened last night. What do I do with today? What day even is it?
Jessie…
“Jessie finger fucked me into oblivion on that counter at 2am this morning.”
I thought I said that in my head, but the splatter of a milk carton on the floor, followed by a loud crash, and someone choking behind me makes me think that I perhaps said that out loud.
“What the fuck!?” Oh, no. That was Addison.
I turn around and see Noah standing by the window near the living room holding a takeaway coffee cup and hitting his chest like he just inhaled and choked on the contents. Addison now kneels on the floor, trying to pick up the remnants of a broken dish as she stares at me, white as a ghost and disgust written all over her face.
“Morning,” I whisper to them before I look back at Rosie, who has the biggest smile on her face, eyes bright with delight as she drops a bundle of paper towels to the floor. I assume to mop up the spilled milk.
Rosie doesn’t drop her gaze, which remains locked with mine, and she approaches me like I’m a scared animal, her arms raised, her smile humongous.
“Um… what ?!” she squeaks.
“Mhmm. Yep. Wasn’t even a dream,” I say, still trying to wrap my head around it.
Jessie did that. My best friend’s older brother, whom I’ve crushed on since I was sixteen, made me come harder than my boyfriend of four years ever did. What. The. Heck.
Addison strolls into my line of sight, her mouth open in pure shock, and her eyebrows are pulled tight, like she isn’t sure if she feels shock, disgust, or anger.
“Umm… I’m just going to… I’ll wait in Addison’s room.” Noah continues to cough through his sentence as he bails straight to Addison’s room and closes the door. Rosie and Addison both look at me with opposite reactions.
“Oh my god, I want so many details. I want every single bit of information. Details. All of them. Oh, God, I need it. Casey! Speak!” Rosie is practically bouncing on her feet, and Addison looks between me and Rosie, still confused how to feel.
“For my friend, I would also, normally, want details. But I really also want to throw up because it’s my brother. Can I have highlights, like the G-rated version, and then you can give Rosie all the disgusting details when I leave the country after being scarred for life from this information?” Addison turns and heads for the couch, understanding that we are very much going to need to sit for this conversation. Rosie turns to the fridge and then meets us on the couch, shoving a takeaway iced-latte cup into my hands. I see JJ’s logo on the front and look up, confused.
“Jessie dropped us all coffees this morning. Said this was yours and not to wake you.” She winks, and I look at the coffee.
“What…?” The question dies on my tongue as I read Jessie’s handwriting on the side of the cup, record-breaking Turkish delight latte (with a twist).
Not being able to help myself, I immediately take a sip and the flavors ignite on my tongue. Jessie took my original Turkish Delight order and mixed in the banana from the last time I was there, instead of the chocolate. It sounds positively disgusting. But it’s like an orgasm in my mouth.
“Yum,” I murmur, staring at Jessie’s cursive handwriting, pretending like I can’t feel the stare of Rosie and Addy burning through me.
“You need to start from the beginning,” Rosie demands, the excitement evident in her expression.
“And please, for my sake, spare the gory details.” Addison grimaces.
“Save them for me later. I want to know everything,” Rosie confirms.
I start at the night market, giving them, as requested, step-by-step details of the night. From the binding supplies to the crepes. Rosie nods along and is practically bouncing with energy, while Addison looks like she knows what details are coming and wishes she didn’t ask about it.
“And then… he… Jessie kissed me.” The last part is a whisper, and I briefly bring my fingers to my lips, like I can still feel the dominance of his touch on me.
“Rosie, it was like that thing you described, I think my soul left my body. It was the best damned kiss I ever had. He kissed the ever-loving shit out of me.” My gaze is stuck somewhere vacant, staring, unable to focus as my mind goes back to that park bench. The fairy lights of the night market, the bustling of the city dropping away as Jessie’s blue-green eyes sparkled with emotions I couldn’t figure out. The tension pulled so tight I could barely catch my breath, and then he was just kissing me and, damn. I wanted to kiss him all night long. But—
“Then Evan called me from Grace’s phone.” I look up at the girls then and I think they can sense something in my voice because the excitement is gone. I tell them. Everything.
Rosie’s excitement drops and both she and Addison scoot closer to me on the couch. Rosie throws her arms around me in a hug, and I tilt my eyes to the ceiling, forcing myself not to cry. Addy rests a hand on my thigh, her expression firm but gentle. Her way of supporting without pity. That girl hates pity.
“Evan called me because Grace had been a mess, and he didn’t know what to do. She had lost the baby a week before. She didn’t call me or tell me. Had been calling in sick, and I just never knew what was going on.” I shove away the pain. That she never wanted to tell me. That she didn’t want me there, remembering the hateful words she threw at me.
“I left Jessie, or he came with me then left. I don’t really know. I went to Grace’s. I just needed to be there. I needed to make sure she was okay; my heart was breaking for her.” I feel a tear slip down my face, and I quickly swipe it away. “She wasn’t that happy I was there. I made mom’s casserole, and we ate and everything was fine. I don’t know what I said or what I did. She just lost it. I think it was just the hormones. I’m sure everything is fine, but… anyway, I left.”
I swipe at my eyes a few more times, and the girls stay plastered to my side, not offering any words, and I’ve never appreciated them more.
“I was exhausted, so ready for bed, and I came home, and Jessie was at the door.”
“He had messaged me last night, asking to unlock the door so he could drop off some things?” Addison questions.
“Well, he had my stuff, because I’m an idiot and I completely forgot about the binding things I purchased. I lost my head. I couldn’t think straight.”
“But then he stayed?” Rosie asks and her smile grows again. I nod.
“He stayed. I asked him to stay.” I look at Addison, nervous about her reaction. Wondering how she feels about me and her brother. Whether maybe I shouldn’t say too much.
“Umm… I asked him to stay. In my bed.” I bite on my lower lip, and she forces a smile that is part disgust, but she pats my knee and nods to continue while Rosie bounces in excitement next to me.
“And he did. But he just wanted to… cuddle?” I’m also still confused about that. Addison starts laughing, her head thrown back, and Rosie looks at me incredulously.
“Cuddle?” she deadpans. “That burly lumberjack wanted to just… cuddle?” Rosie’s tone matches my confusion. I shrug and nod, and Addison laughs harder.
“Oh, my brother. He is so dumb sometimes.”
“He said that I needed rest and to just sleep. I guess I eventually did, and then I woke, and it was still dark out, but the bed was empty. I walked out and found him on the balcony. He looked so…”
“Broody?” Addison asks while rolling her eyes, and it makes me giggle.
“Yeah, like he was contemplating life’s biggest mysteries.”
“He does that. Hasn’t changed in the thirty-three years of his life. He always looks like he has some big mystery to solve.” Addy shakes her head but looks at me to continue.
“Well, he said some things to me. I followed him back into the kitchen, and he said more things—”
“What things!?” Rosie pleads.
“Is this the part where I leave?” Addison squeezes her eyes closed and I laugh again.
“Highlight reel: he said swoony things that made my heart skip. Then he lifted me onto the counter, kissed the shit out of me again, and… well… his barista hands know what they are doing.” I sigh and fall back to the couch. Remembering the way those big rough hands just dominated my whole body.
“Ew! Okay, yuck. Done. I’m done with that part. Please move on.” Addison covers her face with her hands and Rosie just laughs and jumps up.
“Yes! But also… ew, on the kitchen counter?” She points and looks at the kitchen with a curled lip.
Sighing, I nod. “Yeah. On the kitchen counter.”
“Then what?” Rosie sits back down, bringing her knees to her chest, and beams at me. Like a kid ready for the rest of the story.
“Well, he carried me back to the bed. Said even more things, and then held me, and then I fell asleep. Then I woke up, and he was gone.” I try to hide the way my heart sinks.
“You didn’t—”
“Do not answer that question!” Addison chastises Rosie and squeezes her eyes shut, and I laugh.
“I didn’t. But he also wouldn’t let me. Said he wanted to take care of me. ” Rosie’s jaw hits the ground, and Addison’s face changes to a confused mix of what I can only describe as, ‘ awh’, and, ‘ yuck’.
“So, you didn’t even find out if he is…”
Rosie holds her hands up in measurement and drills her eyes into mine with meaning.
I laugh, hard this time, shaking my head. “I didn’t.”
“Stop! I don’t want to know or hear anything about that.” Addison covers her face again.
“Addy, does this bother you?” I question, slightly scared about the answer.
“Hearing about my brother’s dick? Yes. It bothers me a lot!” she exclaims.
“No, I mean… me and Jessie?” I bite my bottom lip, not sure about how that sounds.
“Is there a ‘ you and Jessie’ ?” she asks, and the sympathy in her face makes my heart sink. I guess I don’t even know the answer to that question. He said no expectations, but nothing we said meant this was anything, right? He probably was overcome with lust, but that doesn’t mean he has feelings for me. Caring about someone isn’t the same as having feelings for someone. Only the other week he was hung-up on his ex.
I look between Rosie and Addison and see the matching looks on their faces. Sympathy and pity, like I’m the last one to work out that I’m in love with someone completely unavailable. Well, I’m not in love. I’m just infatuated. I just need to meet someone else. Or I need him to meet someone else, so he becomes off limits. I throw my hands to my face and groan, and the girls fall to either side of me on the couch, sharing the same exasperation.
“I have no idea. I don’t even think I have the energy to contemplate it.” Addison pats me on the leg.
“I love my brother. But he hasn’t quite mastered the ability to be vulnerable. The stupid bitch Jenny ruined him, and I worry for you, Case.” Dropping my hands, I turn to look at her.
“Even if he had some feelings for you, I don’t know that he would let himself have them. He doesn’t believe he is deserving, and I don’t want you to get hurt. He is my brother. He was my best friend before you two. I just don’t want to lose you if you can’t be around him.” That realization hits me like a ton of bricks. I’d like to think I could be mature and not have this effect on my long-standing friendship with Addison, but the truth is, being around Jessie is hard enough as it is. If he made me fall and then didn’t fall right back? God, that would be hard.
I nod and Rosie grunts.
“I lost Addy to love, and now I’m going to lose you, too?” She sounds exasperated.
“Relax, we had a moment. I don’t think this means much. Like Addy said, he isn’t emotionally available. Also, I have way too much going on right now, and I don’t want to come between you two,” I direct at Addison. “I’ll go see him today. Clear the air. Set boundaries, you know?”
“That doesn’t mean you guys can’t… you know… help each other out.” Rosie emphasizes her point with the wiggle of her eyebrows, and Addy grimaces while I giggle.
“I don’t think I could do that with JJ without getting my heart involved.”
“Wow. His fingers must be good,” Rose retorts wistfully.
“Ew! Rosie, God. Details! I don’t want them!” Addison gets up and heads for her room before she turns and pins me with a gentle smile.
“I’m happy if you’re happy, Case. Just… be careful. With your heart, and his.” She nods and then pins Rosie with a glare before she leaves. Rosie laughs from next to me.
“Okay, now that she is gone, I want every detail. I want words, sounds, descriptions. Everything!”
“Gross, Rosie,” I say, while laughing.
“Think of it as research. I am an editor with a love for smut. I need to know real-life experiences so I can make my author’s work pop.” She emphasizes her point with a little pop of her lips.
“Don’t you have enough real-life experiences for the both of us?” I ask, turning to look at her. She scoffs and scoots down the couch.
“Not lately,” she mumbles.
“Oh, what’s that now? Rosie in a dry spell?”
“It is not a dry spell! It’s just… I’m having a stretch of dull dick.” That makes me lose my shit, and I tumble forward laughing and slap a hand to her knee as she grunts.
“Shut up. Look, in my defense, work has been super busy, and I’ve been super tired and haven’t been bothered to chase much. I’m just in a rut. I’ll get back on it, don’t worry,” she instructs, like it is very serious, and I shake my head at her.
“Well, I need to get ready. I have both mine and Grace’s classes for the next however long, and I need to fix the rosters.” Rosie nods.
“Fine, details later. With wine. Have an orgasmic day, Ace. ” Rosie winks before she giggles and struts with emphasis back to her room. I roll my eyes and head for mine.
My heart jumping and my stomach taking flight with a flurry of butterflies.
Is there a me and Jessie?
No. There can’t be. I know that. I hate it, but I know that. He is broken over Jenny. I have a lot going on with family. Honestly? I don’t think I could go there with him. Not now. Especially not when he isn’t willing to give himself completely. There is too much he is holding on to, too much of himself that he guards. He has every right to guard his heart, but I already spent four years of my life with someone who didn’t give me their all, and I won’t do it again.
I nod at myself, finding my reflection in the mirror of my bathroom, and a spark of pride and confidence grows deep within my chest. He isn’t ready.
And that is okay.
Jessie is important to me. A friend, and I care for him.
I’ll wait. But I won’t risk my heart. If he wants this–wants me–he is going to have to come right out and say it.