12 Switch
Geri and I haven’t spoken in nearly two weeks. At first, I myself wanted space after the blowout. But then, it almost became awkward to start talking again. Robyn’s been ignoring us both. Even choosing to sit next to Helen in tutor. Geri and I have at least shared acknowledging nods, but neither of us has had as much from Robyn.
The bell rings.
‘Cameron, can I see you for a sec?’ Mr Walsh asks.
‘Ooo…’ some of the lads joke like I’m in trouble.
‘Oi, shut it you three,’ Mr Walsh jests. ‘Don’t worry. You’re not in trouble.’
Standing to one side to let the rest of the business studies class file out, I relax my shoulder and drop my backpack down on the table. As the last student passes through the door, Mr Walsh gestures for me to approach his desk. I rest my bum on the table near his.
‘I won’t keep you. I just wanted to check in and see how things are going?’ he asks.
‘Yeah, fine thanks,’ I lie.
‘Okay. The reason I ask is your results from last week’s mock exam didn’t go as I’d expected.’
‘Oh?’
‘Oh, indeed.’ He opens his top drawer and removes my exam paper. ‘Sixty-four per cent. And the thing is, I know you know all of this. What’s going on?’
‘Sorry, sir. I’m just…finding it hard to focus.’
‘Clearly.’ He pushes his chair back to stand and slides himself onto the table beside mine. ‘Is it something at home? Maybe something in school I can help with?’
‘No, no. It’s fine. I’ll, uh…I’ll do better in the next one. Promise.’ I take my backpack strap in hand and tip myself off the table.
‘Alright. But if you need to talk, my door’s always open.’
I fake a convincing smile and nod. Walking out of the classroom, I turn right to head to the canteen, but there’s no point in trying to go there. I pivot to the left and towards the double doors out to the playing field. I fall into the ‘push’ sign and swing myself through the doors. Some Year 7s run past me, nearly knocking me into the wall. Normally, I’d say something. Today, I just close my eyes and take a breath. The smell of freshly cut grass is a welcome friend as I lurch up the bank that overlooks the field and school. It’s a beautiful day, and I’m not the only one who’s taken the opportunity to sit outside.
I find a spot that’s hidden from the footpath at the bottom of the hill. However, not so far over that I become a target for stray footballs being kicked around on the other side of the bank. I drop my backpack and turn it into a pillow. Lying on the warm grass looking at the blue sky, I ponder what Mr Walsh said. I could have told him everything. I could have vented, asked for advice, anything. But I don’t want help right now. I want quiet. And this, right now, is as quiet as I can get it. I consider swallowing my pride and running back into his classroom to say everything out loud, but my feet are heavy, and my back is glued to the grass.
A ‘hey’ interrupts my quiet.
I tilt my head back and cup my hand over my eyes to shield them from the sun. Rays poke through Geri’s ginger curls, and the realisation it’s her causes me to sit up and check I’m not misreading the silhouette.
‘Hey,’ I reply.
‘Can I sit here?’ she asks, pointing with a few fingers at the space next to me.
‘Sure.’
I wrap my hands around my bent knees and prop myself up.
‘How’s things?’ she asks.
‘Been better… You?’
‘Same here. I take it you haven’t heard from Robyn either?’
‘No, not yet.’ I pause. ‘I sent her an essay a couple days ago trying to explain everything. She’s read it, but hasn’t replied.’
‘I did the same,’ Geri says. ‘And Finn? I haven’t seen him a lot recently.’
‘He’s good. We’re good.’
‘That’s good.’
We both nod and smile at one another. She stretches her arms out to invite me into a hug and I willingly lean into her, squeezing her waist.
‘I’m sorry,’ I whisper into her hair.
‘No, I’m sorry. I should have just told her, then none of this would have happened.’
‘You were trying to protect her feelings,’ I say, leaning back out of the hug.
She shrugs to the universe.
‘So, things with Finn are good, then?’ she asks. ‘I saw him in the corridor the other day. He seemed a bit distracted.’
‘That’s likely because of Noel and West.’ I roll my eyes.
‘Why?’
‘Nothing. At least, we think nothing. On the coach back from the trip, Finn and I held hands and stuff—’
‘You did?’
‘Yeah, but that’s not the thing…We didn’t realise until we got back to school that Noel and West were sat right behind us the whole time.’
‘Shit.’ She widens her eyes.
‘Yeah. However, neither of them has said anything, and knowing West, I’m pretty sure he would have by now. So hopefully, our worrying is for nothing.’
Without warning, my head is engulfed in her arms and shoved into her bosom.
‘I am so sorry! You need me for things like this. You need me to tell you how ridiculous you’re being.’
‘I really do,’ I mumble through squeezed cheeks. I tap her elbow to kindly ask her to release me. ‘Can we not do the whole silent treatment thing again? I hated it.’
She nods. ‘Never again.’
***
As I reach up to ring the doorbell, the present slips from the crook of my elbow. My knee jerks up quickly to catch it, while I continue to reach for the button. Before I have a chance to push it, the front door opens.
‘You must be Cameron!’ Finn’s mum excitedly says.
A short and petite woman, she’s wearing knitted slippers that go up to her shins despite the fact it’s twenty-something degrees today. Her long blonde hair is trying, but failing, to hide her natural brown colour that lurks underneath.
‘Hiya,’ I say with a wobble.
‘Oh, bless you!’ she says, noticing my difficulty balancing. She reaches out and takes the present from under my arm.
‘Come in, come in. Finn’s just outside with Sammy. Have you met the dog yet?’
‘I have yes, he’s adorable.’
‘Isn’t he just!’ Finn’s mum says as she closes the door behind me and hands me back the present. ‘I’m Ruth, if Finn hasn’t told you already. Would you like a drink?’ Her words come quickly and her personality is infectious right off the bat.
‘Yes please.’ I slide off my shoes and tuck them under the radiator in the narrow hallway.
‘Tea? Coffee? Coke? Something stronger perhaps?’
‘A tea would be great actually.’
‘Coming up!’ she shouts, pointing her finger into the air.
I follow her into a small kitchen with barely enough space to fit two people. I place the present down on the countertop when the back door opens.
‘Oh, hey!’ Finn walks in and looks down at Sammy, whose eyes barely peer over the doorstep. ‘Through,’ Finn says, allowing Sammy to bounce into the house and run up to my feet. His ears flop with each patter along the black-and-white chequered laminate flooring.
‘How’s the cutest thing in the whole entire world?’ I say in my happiest doggo voice.
‘Um, what about me?’ Finn says, closing the back door and sliding off a pair of flip-flops.
‘Oh, you’re number three.’
‘Three?!’ Finn exclaims.
While filling the kettle, Ruth cackles like a hyena at our exchange.
I place my hand flat in the air and ready to lower it with each name. ‘It goes Sammy, Harry Styles, then you.’
‘To be fair, Harry Styles is a dish,’ Ruth says, joining in.
‘Mum!’ Finn exclaims. ‘You’re old enough to be his mother!’
‘So what?! I could be a cougar,’ she says, scrunching her face.
Finn blushes and I throw my head back in a laugh.
‘And we’re leaving!’ Finn says.
Finn scoops my back and spins me around. I swipe the present with one arm off the counter and wave back to Ruth as I’m slid across the kitchen floor.
‘Lovely to meet you Ruth!’ I say.
‘Lovely to meet you too Cameron! I’ll bring your tea up when it’s ready.’
‘Thank you!’ I shout back.
Finn pats each cheek of my bum to instruct me upstairs. Reaching the landing, he passes in front and leads me through one of three doors. His room is perfectly square with green walls. A tan braided rug haphazardly rests against a wooden double bed that’s pressed into one corner. His wardrobe looms over me. At the end of the bed, some box shelves hold books, vinyl records, board games and sentimental trinkets. The one that sticks out immediately is a small brown teddy bear with a glass eye that’s barely clinging on by a thread. He’s worn and seemingly gone unwashed for many years. I walk up to the shelves and point to the bear, placing the present down on the floor.
‘Who’s this then?’
‘That’s JonJon.’
‘JonJon? You might end up being the fourth cutest thing in the world now,’ I jest.
‘Stop,’ he moans.
I turn into him, take his biceps in my hands and creep onto my tip-toes so our lips almost touch.
‘For the record…’ I whisper. ‘You will always be the cutest, sexiest, nicest and loveliest thing in the world.’ I lift myself higher and kiss him gently.
This kiss feels safe. In his home, with his mum, who knows he’s gay and that I’m his ‘thingy.’ It’s comfortable kissing here. I lower my feet and smile as I back out of his hold.
‘Oh, hello,’ I say, noticing Sammy sat in the doorway with his head tilted to one side. ‘I hope you didn’t hear what I said about Finn being the cutest thing in the world. It was all a lie. I just said that so I’d get some action,’ I say to him like he can understand every word.
‘Uh! Rude!’ Finn shouts.
He throws his arm into my stomach, his other under my legs and hoists me into the air. I yelp as I fly through his room and land on his striped bedding. Bouncing onto the mattress, he grabs my wrists and pushes them back into the bed. Pinning me in place, he straddles my hips.
‘Take it back,’ he says, gazing into me intently.
‘Never!’ I shout back.
‘Take. It. Back,’he says sternly, getting closer to my face with each word, but somehow keeping a cheeky smile on his expression.
‘Sammy, help me!’ I shout.
‘Sammy can’t help you now.’ He deepens his voice so it’s almost all bass. The sound reverberates in my eardrum and sends a shiver down my body.
I try to lift up my wrists, but only get as far as a centimetre off the duvet before he quickly repositions his grip and throws them back into a restrained position.
‘So you don’t want your birthday present then?’ I say.
He drops his evil-like smile and raises his eyebrows.
‘Okay. I will free you under one condition and one condition only.’
I quickly struggle to try and free myself again, without any luck.
‘Name it,’ I concede.
‘You play Catan with me and Mum.’
‘Urgh! Fine!’
He plants a kiss on my neck and sets me free. He pats the covers next to him, inviting Sammy to jump up onto the bed. I step off the bed and collect the present from the floor. In sitting back down, I drop the present in his lap. Before he considers opening it, he quickly throws his shoulder into me and crows his neck to peck me on the lips.
‘What is it?’ He shakes it near his ear.
‘Open it and you’ll find out.’
He glares playfully before starting to peel back the paper. Sammy pokes his head around Finn to watch him.
‘Cluedo!’ he shouts, reading the box.
‘I thought you might like it.’
‘I love it!’ He dimples his cheeks, relaxes the box into one hand, passes his free arm around me and pulls me into a kiss. ‘And I love you too. Thank you, mister.’
‘You’re welcome. I love you too…too.’
He returns his arm to hold the box in front of him just as his mum walks through the door. She balances two cups of tea, a small plate of biscuits and a birthday card pinned under the plate with her fingers.
‘Look!’ He spins the box around to show her.
‘Cluedo? I love it! I haven’t played that in years!’
It’s taken me until now to notice how thick her South London accent is. Something about ‘I love it’ just sounded so funny to me.
‘Well, the question is, are we going to play Catan or Cluedo?’ I ask.
They spin their heads in unison.
‘Uh, both,’ they say.
I laugh and they quickly join me. Ruth slides the tea and biscuits onto the small white desk.
‘Thanks Mum,’ Finn says.
‘Thanks so much,’ I add.
She smiles and is left holding the red envelope. She runs her fingers around it, her smile appearing more fake than before.
‘What’s up?’ Finn asks.
‘Here.’ She hands him the card.
He takes the card that’s been sent in the post, with his name and address hand-written under a stamp. His face instantly sinks. He looks up to Ruth for confirmation.
‘Dad?’
She nods. Seeing this and the tension that’s instantly fallen over the room, I run my hand up his lower back and rub a circle into his t-shirt to comfort him.
‘I wasn’t sure whether to give it to you or not.’
‘No. It’s fine.’
He stares at the envelope and thumbs the corners. He shakes his head and tosses it on top of the boxed shelving.
‘I’ll deal with that later. For now, it’s game time!’ He excitedly stands and Sammy leaps off the bed to follow him.
I willingly match his energy. Heading downstairs and into the living room, the house opens up more with the sunlight from the conservatory. Ruth quickly clears various red-stamped notices, bills and forms off the table, allowing ample space for us to set up the board.
As the night draws on, the light in the conservatory turns blue. The rich colours on the Catan board seem to fade into black and white, with only a small lighting fixture where the living room meets the conservatory to light our play.
‘Right!’ Ruth announces to create a break in the game. ‘I’ve got Hawaiian, Texas BBQ, or Margherita pizzas. Which one would you boys like?’
I wait a second to see if Finn responds. He doesn’t.
‘I’m happy with anything,’ I reply.
‘Shall we just share all three, then?’ Ruth asks.
‘Sounds good,’ Finn says.
I nod and smile.
‘I’ll go pop them in the oven. Would you like a refill Cam?’
‘Sure, thanks.’
‘I’m just gonna go to the loo,’ Finn says, pushing himself up from the table.
As Finn heads upstairs, I make my way into the kitchen to keep Ruth company.
‘Is there anything I can do to help?’ I ask, announcing my presence.
‘All under control, Camerooney.’
‘You sure?’ I insist.
She slides the last pizza into the oven with her fingertips and closes the door behind them.
‘Well, actually, if you can distract Finn for a few minutes, I was going to put some birthday candles in the garlic bread.’
‘The garlic bread?’
‘Yeah. He’s not a big one for cake, so I thought this would be funny.’
‘I love it!’ I dramatically whisper. ‘Okay, leave it to me.’
I turn to head out of the kitchen.
‘Oh, Cameron,’ she gently says to stop me.
I turn back and smile.
‘I’m really pleased Finn has found someone as lovely as you,’ she says, pulling me into a tight hug.
Although she looks petite, she’s got one hell of a grip. I start to well up at the emotion of her embrace. It’s like she’s purposely squeezing the tears right out of me. We lean out of our hug and we’ve both got watery eyes.
‘Now go on. I promise to stop being an over-emotional mother,’ she says, waving me off and grabbing a tea towel to pat her eyes.
‘Finn’s lucky to have a mum as loving as you Ruth,’ I say, quietly hoping it solidifies my good favour with her.
She pops out her bottom lip and wells up even more. I go back in and give her a hug of my own. It feels like she needed that second hug more than the first. She pats my shoulder and I release her.
‘Okay, give me five minutes,’ she says, wiping a tear from her cheek and directing me to the stairs.
I smile and head upstairs.
The bathroom door is ajar.
‘Finn?’ I say, pushing the door open slightly.
No reply and no Finn inside. I lean my head back and step towards his bedroom door. I push it open and Sammy’s asleep at the end of the bed. Finn’s sat on the floor with the red envelope next to him and a plain birthday card in his hands. His face is pale, he’s still and his jaw seems strained on either side. Around his feet are a couple of other birthday cards resting in the creases of the rug.
‘You okay?’ I timidly ask, careful to only take one step into the room.
He looks up, but his mouth doesn’t crease, nor do his dimples appear.
‘Yeah,’ he says with a dry throat, looking back into the card.
I take a couple more steps into the room and lower myself to the floor next to him. He slowly drops his head to my shoulder to rest on me. I wrap my arm around him.
‘Do you want to talk about it?’ I ask gently.
He hesitates, then silently passes the card into my hand.
To Finn,
Have a good one.
From Dad.
From Dad. That’s brutal.
‘Oh,’ I say.
‘My thoughts exactly,’ Finn cracks.
I pull him into me and squeeze his shoulder a little tighter.
‘You know what?’ he starts.
‘What?’
‘Screw him.’
He sits up from my shoulder and snatches the card back. He stands and paces.
‘Screw! Him!’ He points to the card.
I’ve never seen Finn angry before and I’d be quite happy to never see it again. His eyes are wild, his eyebrows sunken, his jaw tensed and his nostrils wide. If you met this guy in an alley, you’d be frightened.
‘I’m having a perfectly great birthday, and this knob has the audacity to send a card that says “from Dad.”’ He rolls his eyes and shakes his head. ‘Tosser.’
I opt for silence and just let him roll through whatever this is. He continues pacing, making the odd grunt or huff, before he folds at his knees and plonks down on the bed. The upper half of his body goes limp and his head drops into his chest. His hands cradle the card between his knees. He sits there silently for what feels like an eternity. A tear falls and quickly disperses in a quiet tap on the card.
Springing off the floor and sitting next to him on the bed, I might as well be a ghost. He keeps his head down and hides his silent weeping. I share the silence and rock him into my side with one arm. He rests his head on the ball of my shoulder, still cradling the card and only occasionally raising a hand to wipe the end of his nose.
‘Dinner’s ready,’ Ruth happily sings, walking into the room.
She presents a baguette of garlic bread on a plate with a series of candles alight in it.
Her face drops at seeing Finn’s body language. I grit my teeth, push my chin into my neck and shake my head, signalling for her to abort the mission. Thankfully, Finn doesn’t look up as she passes the plate back through the doorway and puffs her cheeks to quickly blow out the candles. She squats down and pushes the plate along the landing carpet so it’s out of sight, then wafts the smoke as she slowly pads her knitted slippers over the carpet. She pushes Sammy slightly to move him over and sits down next to Finn.
She joins in the silence and reaches over to take the card from Finn’s hands. His fingers flop at the card no longer supporting them. Ruth glances at the card, closes her eyes and curses her lips in quiet frustration.
‘Baby?’ she says, craning her head sideways to try and see his face.
I can’t tell if he glances her way or not, but he sits up, sniffs and smudges both hands over his cheeks. He looks over to me.
‘Sorry,’ he cracks.
‘You have nothing to be sorry about,’ I say.
He turns to Ruth and she tilts her head to meet his line of sight. She scrunches her mouth to one side sympathetically, trying to stop herself from crying too. Finn reaches down to the floor and picks up the other cards. He opens them, one by one.
‘Love from Mum and Dad. Love from Mum and Dad. From Dad.’ He exhales.
‘I know,’ Ruth says, nodding.
Ruth takes the cards from him and places them on top of the shelving. She twists behind herself and brings Sammy onto her lap.
Finn smiles at him and pats the top of his head, just as a tear trickles down his cheek.
‘He does love you Finney.’
‘Does he?’ he says without blinking.
‘As misguided as he is, as moronic as he can be, he loves you more than you know. You didn’t choose to be gay. And he can’t choose not to love his son. He was there for every birthday, every Christmas, teaching you to ride a bike, teaching you to drive, the holidays in Cornwall, everything. Through all of it, he’s loved you. And as much as he might try to ignore the word from a card, and despite everything he said to you before we left, he chose to send a card. You and I both know that’s impressive in itself.’
They both chuckle. Finn wipes his nose with his index finger. In wanting to feel helpful, I scan the desk and find a box of tissues. I pull a couple out and place them in his hand. He smiles through his teary laugh.
‘Thank you.’
The fire alarm on the landing blares, startling all three of us.
‘Ahh!’ Ruth screams.
We all laugh.
‘Are the pizzas burning?’ Finn asks.
‘Oh, don’t worry about that.’ Ruth dismisses the sound with a flick of her wrist. After a few seconds, the alarm follows its dismissal and silences itself.
We all take a deep breath and let the air resettle in the room.
‘Your dad loves you Finn,’ she says, placing her hand on his head and stroking his hair. ‘For him, it’ll likely take time. But I suspect he’s missing you like crazy today.’
‘Yeah, maybe,’ Finn sniffs.
‘Oh, I hate to see you like this.’ She slides her hand down to his shoulder and I pass him into his mother’s arms. She smiles at me over his shoulder and then closes her eyes to gently rock him from side to side.
‘Shall we have some pizza?’ Ruth says encouragingly.
‘Yeah.’ Finn smiles.
He takes a long breath and sighs, placing his hands on his knees and lightly bouncing himself off the bed. Ruth looks at me as I smile, watching his mood change.
‘Why is there garlic bread with half-melted candles out here?’ Finn asks, leaning back into the room from the hall with a raised eyebrow and pointing to the floor.
‘Oh shit.’ Ruth says, relaxing her shoulders.
***
Across the lunch table, I do my best to subtly catch Geri’s attention. Robyn’s walking down the sixth-form corridor towards the canteen, and whilst she still hasn’t spoken to either of us, I hope every day that she finds a way to at least sit with us. This time, she catches Geri’s smile and hovers on it for a moment. She then quickly looks away and across the canteen to catch someone else’s eye.
‘Hey!’ she says excitedly, waving at them.
She cuts the connection with us and strides over to the other side of the canteen.
I turn to follow her path and notice Helen Miller inviting her over. They greet each other with a surprisingly friendly hug before Robyn sits down with Helen’s gaggle of gal pals.
‘I thought Robyn hated Helen?’ Becky says to Geri and I.
‘So did we,’ I say, still captivated by the oddness of their blossoming friendship.
‘You three still not made up, then?’ Jack asks.
Becky kicks him under the table.
‘Ow! What?!’ he yelps.
‘Just leave it,’ she snaps.
He willingly complies and rubs his shin under the table.
‘Where’s Finn?’ Geri asks.
‘Not sure,’ I say, looking down to my phone.
Tue, May 14 - 13:12 PM
Me: You joining for lunch Mister? X
I check my phone a couple of times, but I don’t get a reply. Only after I’ve made up a story in my head that he’s working on his final project for tech do I get a tap on my shoulder from one of the lower years. A short girl from Year 8 with short brown curly hair and a round face holds out a folded piece of paper.
‘I was told to give this to you,’ she says.
‘Oh, thanks,’ I say, taking the paper from her pinched fingers.
‘No problem,’ she quickly replies before taking off.
‘That was weird,’ Geri says.
‘Right?’
I unfold the paper in my lap to buy myself a moment to consider whether it’s something I’m willing to share with the group.
Phone died. Meet me in the darkroom.
- Finn xxx
I’m slightly taken aback by his handwriting. I can’t recall the last time I saw him write something down, but I’m pretty sure I would’ve noticed this. If anything, I judge myself for loving a man with this penmanship.
‘I’ve gotta go see Mr Walsh about something,’ I lie to excuse myself.
‘Is it about the exam?’ Jack asks.
‘Um… yes.’
‘Can I come? I’m bricking it.’
‘Oh, it’s about my mock exam, so it’s probably best I go by myself.’
‘Alright, fair enough,’ he accepts, relaxing back into his chair.
I pick my backpack off the floor and sling one strap over my shoulder. As I do, I spot Geri’s raised eyebrow and crossed arms undressing my lies. I mouth a silent ‘shh’ whilst I slyly drop the note into her lap.
‘See you later guys.’
Geri has just enough time to open the note and read it before I step away from the table. She purses her lips and smiles.
‘Enjoy your meeting,’ Geri says sarcastically.
I serpentine through the lower years playing silly buggers in the corridors. The corridor quietens as I approach the art department. I turn down the hallway that leads to the photography classroom and pause in the doorway to check the coast is clear. Turning my head, I spot the red light outside the darkroom is off, signalling that the red light isn’t active inside. However, for good measure, I knock on the door just as Finn taught me. I wouldn’t ever want to be the reason someone’s work got ruined.
I knock loudly to signal my entering the light lock. I shuffle myself inside, close the outer door behind me and notice no light shining through the gaps under the inner door. I allow my eyes to adjust briefly before entering the dark room.
It’s pitch black.
‘Finn?’ I ask into the room, slowly shutting the door behind me.
I wait for an answer, but only hear the interval dripping of water from the sink’s tap. I wait for a moment for some sort of surprise, but then assume he must not be here yet. I search for the glow-in-the-dark sticker that says ‘red light’ above the switch. I patter my hand over the extruding electronics, rest my thumb on the switch and click it.
With that click, my heart drops to my feet.
‘Hello Cameron,’ West says.
West is resting against one of the workbenches with his arms crossed, with Noel standing not too far away from him. It’s hard to make out all of them in the dim red light, but it’s enough to see West’s accusatory expression and Noel’s finger and thumb vibrating on his lip nervously.
‘What are you doing in here?’ I ask them flatly.
‘We could ask you the same thing,’ West says.
He stands and takes a few steps towards me. In my finding the light switch, I’ve accidentally left enough space for West to step between me and the door. He blocks my way out and I back away to the sink. It’s only when my lower back taps against the wet rim of the sink that I stop.
‘What are you on about?’
‘Looking for Finn?’
‘What?’
My stomach tightens. I look over to Noel for any sort of response, but he avoids eye contact.
‘We know about you two,’ West affirms.
Game over.
‘Whatever you think you know, you’re wrong,’ I try.
‘Oh, really?’ He takes a step closer to Noel. ‘Pass it here,’ West instructs.
Noel walks over to a bag on the floor, unzips it and takes out a large piece of card with dark, colourful graphics all over it. I can’t make out what it says. West opens it up and takes out a piece of paper. By its density, I quickly realise it’s on photographic paper.
‘So, this isn’t you?’ He hands me the photograph.
It’s Finn and me on the log flume. I glance out the side of my eye at the cardholder for confirmation. I now realise the theme park branding is all over it.
‘What are you on about?’
‘Here.’ West snatches the photo from me to point to Finn’s hands wrapped around my waist.
‘So what?’
‘For fuck’s sake Cam! We saw you! On the coach, you two holding hands, whispering to each other…sneaking in here every other lunch time. We know.’
The reality hits me like a truck. I place my hand behind my back to steady myself. My breathing deepens as I check to see if there’s a way past West. There isn’t.
‘What do you want?’
‘You have a choice to make. Either you break this thing off with Finn or Noel and I will make sure everyone knows what you two really are. A couple of gaylords, butt fucking in the darkroom,’ he says in his darkest West voice.
‘West?’ Noel quietly tries.
West holds his finger up to Noel. My jaw begins to shake and twitch from side to side. My grip on the sink tightens, and I have to lean back over it and turn my head to one side as West leans himself into my face.
‘And Cameron…’ He waits a couple of seconds to see if I respond as he moves in further.
I turn my head further away from him.
‘Whatever you think might have happened over Easter, I can assure you—didn’t,’ he whispers deeply.
He looks me up and down as I try my hardest not to give him the satisfaction of crying as a result of his intimidation. It’s getting harder to do though, as more and more golf balls appear in my throat, making it increasingly harder to swallow. He backs off and signals to Noel to leave with him. A tear escapes my eye as I build a sliver of confidence to try to fight back in any way I can.
‘Why are you doing this?’ I crackle.
West opens the door back into the light lock and signals for Noel to go through. Air gets trapped in my throat at the realisation of being left in a room alone with West. Noel glances over to me, not knowing if he should speak. He looks at West, enters the light lock and West closes the door behind him. West turns on his heels and walks back towards me. He steps up to my feet and I try my best to call his bluff and not lean back this time. However, my tears betray me and bring him some sort of sick satisfaction as he watches one roll down my cheek.
‘Why am I doing this?’ He tilts his head to whisper mere centimetres from the end of my nose.
He pauses and pricks his ears to check Noel leaves through the outer door. At the sound of the door closing, West’s posture gains new confidence at having me alone. He moves his face in closer to mine, and I flash back to him trying to kiss me in Center Parcs. It’s then, I succumb to his bluff. I dip my head to one side to avoid his approaching intrusion. His hand takes the crook of my arm and tightly squeezes my cartilage. He pulls my arm to bring my ear closer to his lips.
‘Because I can,’ he whispers.
He throws my arm out of his grasp and my hand hits the sink. I grit my teeth to stop myself from reacting to the pain. He steps away to the door and lowers his arm below the light switch. He then flicks his forearm, causing his knuckles to slap the light off. He opens the door quickly, allowing it to slam against the wall and reverberate in response. West leaves the inner door open as he steps through the light lock, opening the outer door and letting the classroom’s light stream over the centre workbench.
My jaw falls open and my knees give way; the gravity of his shakedown overcomes my very being. Tears stream uncontrollably and I have to place my hand in my mouth to stop myself from wailing. I lower myself to the floor and let my back rest against a plastic drum. I try to get a hold of my breathing. I gasp for air between my teeth before I remember what West said again. The floor might as well fall from underneath me.