Chapter 17 #2
Should he look at Noah, all glowing and happy with his arm around Eli’s shoulder, not realizing Spencer was betraying bro code after bro code?
Or at Chase, who kept shooting Spencer these concerned glances from where he was sprawled on a lounger with Killian, like he knew Spencer was only two steps away from falling off the deep end?
Or at Ryder and Ash, who Spencer had thought would bail today, but who were definitely here, all shirtless and beautiful, testing all of Spencer’s anti-ogling resolve?
All his choices were terrible. So Spencer was horribly weird and awkward and kept fetching people food and drinks so he didn’t have to settle down in any one direction.
It was on his third trip to the kitchen to “top off the guac” that they cornered him.
Ash barreled in first, the towel around his waist doing nothing to stop him from dripping on Eli’s kitchen floor. Not that Eli would mind—he was chill that way. Ryder was right behind, his big arms crossed over his chest like he was daring Spencer not to look at his biceps.
“Hey, what’s your deal?” Ash asked without preamble. “You’ve been avoiding us.”
Spencer kept his focus on the guacamole he was scooping. It seemed safer than either of the other options in front of him. “Not avoiding. I’ve been working a lot.”
Ash’s scowl burned against the back of Spencer’s neck. “Bullshit.”
And then, because karma was apparently on Spencer’s ass today, Noah walked in. And because he was Noah, he clocked the weird vibes immediately. He stopped in his tracks, his head swiveling between the three of them. “What’s going on?”
“None of your fucking business,” Ash snapped.
Spencer hissed in a breath. That had been a little spicy coming out of nowhere, even for Ash.
Noah blanched. “Jesus, Ash. What’s your problem?”
Ash ran a hand through his hair, his scowl softening. “Sorry. Not feeling too hot today.”
“Well, don’t take it out on Spence,” Noah said lightly as he headed over to the fridge and grabbed two water bottles. “He’s more sensitive than he looks.”
Ash immediately lost any appearance of contrition, bristling like a prickly-ass hedgehog. “You don’t have to tell me how Spencer is.”
Noah stared at him, water bottles in hand.
Well, fuck. Now Spencer was basically a filthy home-wrecker, ruining the relationship between two loving brothers with his secrets. He needed to say something, right? Fix this somehow?
But Ryder stepped forward before Spencer could open his mouth. “Ash had coffee this morning,” he said calmly. “Two cups before I caught him.”
Noah’s eyes widened in understanding. He let out a short laugh. “Oh shit. I get it.” He reached out a hand and ruffled Ash’s curls, blatantly ignoring his little brother’s offended scowl. “Maybe take another dip in the pool. Cool off. If you get snippy with Eli, you’re out.”
And then Noah turned away, mouthing “sorry” to Spencer as he left the kitchen.
Guilt twisted hotly in Spencer’s belly. As if Noah had anything to be sorry for. Spencer was the one messing everything up, causing tension where there shouldn’t be any.
When they heard the back door open and close, Ryder cleared his throat. “Maybe this conversation should wait for some privacy.”
Ash got in Spencer’s space before Spencer could agree. He poked a finger into Spencer’s chest. “Are you out?”
“What?” Spencer asked.
“Of the deal. Is that what this is? You want out but don’t have the balls to tell us up front?”
Spencer should say yes, of course. That he was out, or that he was in too deep, or whichever of those was the right answer for his state of mind.
But he was already shaking his head, panicked at the thought of Ash and Ryder leaving the pool party and never calling him again.
“No, of course not. I’m not out. I’m just getting … confused.”
Ash cocked his head. “Confused?”
“Yeah, ’cause like”—Spencer shrugged—“I wanna help and I—I wanna hang, but there’s being nice and there’s being too nice, you know. You can’t …” He cleared his throat. “You can’t be too nice to me. It’s not good. For me. You know?”
Ash looked somewhere halfway between blankly confused and hostile, but Ryder had a look of dawning comprehension on his face.
“Ah.”
Ash turned to him. “Ah?”
“Yeah. Ah.” Ryder came up next to Ash, right in Spencer’s face, and rubbed a palm over Spencer’s neck, casually scent marking him. He met Spencer’s eyes squarely. “We’ll have this conversation later,” he said, all calm and cool. “When we have privacy. But no confusion necessary. Everything’s good.”
“It is?”
Spencer didn’t know why some part of him sagged in relief. It wasn’t like anything had really changed. But Ryder sounded so confident. So sure. Like maybe he knew how Spencer was feeling. Like maybe he knew just the right way to let Spencer down gently without tearing his heart out of his chest.
“Yeah.” Ryder pressed his thumb to Spencer’s cheek. “All good, pretty baby. Just enjoy the party. We’ll talk later. Tonight.”
Ash looked like he was ready to argue, but Ryder set a hand on his lower back, steering him toward the door. Ash dodged his hold only long enough to tug a lock of Spencer’s hair just this side of too hard, promising, “Tonight,” before they were gone.
Spencer stared after them, slightly reassured but more confused than ever, wishing he could have had their hands on him just a minute longer.