Chapter 9
Nine
Liam
I haven’t even been able to process the shit he dropped on me after that party because he’s missing. No one has heard from him since that night. It’s been three days.
For three days he hasn’t replied to texts, answered calls, or been active on any social media.
He won’t even answer Ben, that’s how I know something’s seriously wrong.
And after the way he left that night, trying so hard to hold himself together when he was clearly falling apart, I’m worried he might’ve done something more stupid than usual.
I’m such a heartless asshole. Why did I have to act like that?
It was just my gut reaction; I couldn’t help it.
After all these years— after we’ve slept together, even got dressed together.
And the whole time he’s been thinking about me like that.
We fucking went to church together with my mom.
We’re practically brothers. What a fucking mess.
I call Ben, like I’ve done every day, to see if he’s heard from him. He picks up on the first ring.
“Any updates?” I ask.
“No… But, uh. Did you hear the about the shooting at Mad’s house? It happened the same night…”
I haven’t told Ben what happened exactly, but I said we had a serious fight.
“Yeah, why does that matter? Teddy wouldn’t go to Mad’s house. He doesn’t even know him like that.”
“Um, yeah, he does, Liam. They’re pretty good friends. So, there’s a slight chance he might’ve been there that night.”
I scoff. I’ve never felt more unsure about the relationship Teddy and I have. Of course he’s become besties with the biggest drug dealer in the fucking city.
“Why didn’t you tell me this shit sooner?” I say through clenched teeth, trying incredibly hard to use restraint.
“I didn’t know until today. I didn’t even make the connection.”
I know where Mad lives, but I’m not exactly interested in showing up uninvited to that lunatic’s house. “Do you have Mad’s number?”
“Fuck no. Why would I?” I roll my eyes and take deep breaths. One. Two. Three. Okay, crisis averted. It’s alright.
“I’ll figure it out,” I seethe and hang up.
I grab my gun from the nightstand and light a cigarette. I don’t really know what I’m about to walk into, but hopefully, Mad can give me some good fucking news.
By the time I get to Mad’s house, it’s already getting dark out. There’s three men sitting on the porch playing dominoes, and they seem to be in a pretty good mood until I walk up.
“I need to speak with Mad,” I tell them, keeping it simple and straight forward.
“What for?” the biggest one says before slamming a domino down on the table.
“I’m looking for someone—little, blond, white boy. Think he might’ve been here Thursday night.”
That finally gets his attention. His eyes snap up to mine, and he must see the seriousness in my face because he calls out to Mad.
The screen door slams open a moment later and out walks Mad.
Dressed in a white wife beater, gray sweats, and jail slides on his feet.
His hair is done in skinny braids and his face is covered in tattoos.
I’ve only ever seen this guy at the occasional party.
I really can’t begin to understand what Teddy and him have in common.
I tip my head up at him. “Was Teddy here the other night?”
“Who are you?” he asks, looking at me curiously.
I shake my head. None of his friends ever know who I am and it’s really starting to get fucking annoying.
“We’re like family. We grew up together. Best friends.”
“If y’all are so close, then how come you don’t know where he is? He left here all in one piece that night.”
My nostrils flare. Who does this guy think he fucking is?
“We got into a fight before he came here, and no one’s heard from him since then. So any information you have would be pretty fucking helpful at this point,” I say, ditching the nice-guy act.
He cocks his head to the side as the men who were previously minding their business look up at me in unison. Mad takes a few steps closer to me and I stand my ground. He looks down his nose at me even though we’re the same height.
“What did you do to him? He was a fucking mess when he got here, and I ain’t never seen that kid with nothing but a fucking smile on his face.” It stings. I feel my gut recoil at his words because I know how true they are. He assesses me closely, his eyes ticking across my face.
“Oh.” He drags the word out. “I know who you are. Yeah. Love is a fucked-up thing, aint it?”
“What are you trying to say?”
His face is grim. “He told me everything, a long time ago. And I bet he told you, too. That’s how he ended up here that night. I’m right, aren’t I?”
My jaw ticks as I try to keep my mouth shut. He sees right through it.
“You need to make shit right with that fucking boy—is what I’m saying,” he declares, voice low. And it somehow sounds like a threat. He takes a few steps back, never breaking eye contact.
“I don’t know where he is, but I’m gonna give him a call. I know the cops didn’t pick him up that night; I can tell you that much.”
I nod, my face set in stone. There’s nothing more I can do at this point. I turn around and grab my board. The whole way home, Mad’s words ring through my head. Love is a fucked-up thing, ain’t it?
I can’t imagine a world without Teddy in it. He’s been my closest and only friend for as long as I can remember, and before that, there was no one. And yeah, we’ve made other friends over the years, but it’s still been just us. A friendship and bond that no one could break.
Sometimes, I think it’s too much. Not normal. I’ve always envisioned him and I growing up and moving in together, living out our lives with each other. A woman has never even entered that picture in my head. I don’t think that’s normal for friends. Even best friends.
The way I see it, no woman—shit, no person —could fill Teddy’s shoes.
I’ve never even cared much about investing time and emotion into the women I’ve hooked up with, and I think it’s because I just don’t care to.
Teddy has always been my rock. My shoulder to lean on, and the person I go to for everything.
I even go to him for physical affection.
I’ve never cuddled with anyone other than him, and I’m not entirely sure most dudes cuddle with their friends.
Despite knowing that, I still thought it was okay to show that kind of affection to him because it felt right.
So why should I waste energy trying to form a connection with anyone else?
Now that I know he has feelings for me, and that he has for much longer than I like to think about—it makes sense.
I can look back and see it all, how he began to change.
It’s blindingly obvious. It only serves to make me feel worse for not realizing any sooner.
I can’t even begin to imagine the kind of pain he went through.
I can’t let go of the image of his agonized face when he finally came clean to me about it all.
He was sure that confession would spell the end for us, and he’d felt that way for so long that nothing could convince him otherwise.
I can’t fucking stand to see him that upset over anything, especially me.
If he’s upset because of me, then he can’t come to me to make himself feel better.
And would you look at that—another fucking wedge to drive us apart.
The thing is, after he exploded and unleashed years of pent of anguish, I wanted to pull him into my arms and tell him it’d all be okay.
I wanted to smooth his hair and inhale his calming scent.
But I knew that wasn’t enough to fix it this time, and when he turned around and skated off, I felt my heart leave with him.
I pull out my phone and call Ben. He went through something similar, right? He could help me. Fuck. I hate talking to people about personal shit.
“Yo, did you find him?” he asks.
“No, but Mad’s going to call him. Hopefully he’s just ignoring us. But, uh, look. I need to ask you something,” I say tentatively.
“Um, okay. Shoot.”
I grab my skateboard up and enter my cramped hotel room. After a few deep breaths, I respond, “Am I in love with Teddy?”
He coughs obnoxiously into the phone, and I can already feel the urge to say fuck it and hang up.
“How am I supposed to answer a question like that, Liam? Do you want to kiss him and love him and spend the rest of your life with only him?” he says, sounding confused as ever.
I steel myself and try to speak honestly.
“I refuse to not have him in my life forever, and of course I love him. I love him more than anyone or anything else on this fucked-up planet.” Do I want to kiss him?
The thought echoes in my head, and surprisingly I don’t feel repulsed by it.
I can clearly imagine pressing my lips to his full ones and owning his mouth. Wait, what?
“Liam… I feel like you maybe know the answer to this question—I don’t know what insight I can possibly give you.
With Damon, I always had a fixation . Yeah, I guess that’s what I’d call it.
It wasn’t until he noticed me and acted on it that I gave in and just followed my heart.
Well, my dick. But, uh, you know. Maybe just try it out? Like kiss him or something.”
My fingers dig into my temples. “Ben, what the fuck.”
“Look, you’re the one who asked me for help.
Me, of all people. Here’s my opinion. I think you do have feelings for Teddy.
You guys have always been like two puppy dogs chasing each other around.
And you look at him like no one else exists.
Hell, you act like no one else exists. Just give it a try.
This is just as awkward for me as it is for you, so I’m gonna let you go now.
” The words tumble out in a rush before he hangs up.
I think there’s a lot of truth to his rambling nonsense. What would it hurt to try? The way my blood rushed to my cock when I imagined kissing him a few minutes ago makes me want to give it a try right now.