Chapter 10
Ten
Teddy
Sitting on the edge of the cliff, legs dangling below me, I watch the sun grace the horizon. I bring the cheap bottle of vodka to my lips. It’s been a peaceful time—these past few days. Just me, liquor, and my favorite palm tree.
I didn’t have anywhere else to go… I didn’t want to tell anyone about it. Not even Ben. It’s just too humiliating, and even if I wanted to, I can’t relive that night. I’ve managed to stay drunk enough to block it out.
I run my hand through my sandy hair. I probably look homeless by now. That’s right, I am technically homeless. I lean back all the way to the ground and close my eyes.
I’m drifting in a half-asleep state when my phone starts ringing. Every time someone’s called or texted me, I make sure to check who it is. This time, Mad’s name flashes on the screen. I bolt upright, swiping to answer so quickly I almost drop the damn thing.
“You’re okay?” I ask. “Thank God.”
He laughs on the other end. “I should be saying the same thing to you, man. Apparently, you’ve been missing?” he questions, sounding amused.
“What? How did you know?”
“A big dude with dreads waltzed up to my place asking for you. It was Liam, wasn’t it?”
I swallow roughly. “Mhm. Yeah, that’s him.”
“He’s pretty torn up. He even tried to square up on me for a second there. You might want to at least let him know you’re alive.”
I laugh. Liam’s a crazy motherfucker for trying to fight Mad.
“Don’t worry, I didn’t touch him,” he assures me, jokingly. “Where’ve you been, anyways?”
“At the beach,” I muse and take another swig of vodka.
“This whole time?” he asks surprisedly.
“Yup. Didn’t have anywhere else to go.”
“Come over here and get a shower and shit. I’ll be expecting you soon, Teddy.” He hangs up the phone quickly, leaving no room for argument.
I groan and slip my phone back into my pocket. Why can’t I lay here in my sorrow and avoid my problems a little longer?
I’m sweaty and caked in sand, though. A shower would be nice and maybe a blunt too. Yeah, that’s good.
Clean, high, and only mildly drunk, I come to a stop across the street from Liam’s hotel room. The idea of hitting Ben’s house instead is weighing heavily on my mind. I heave a sigh and power across the street, dodging passing cars. This doesn’t have to take long; I’ll just get my things and go.
I knock on the door tentatively and hear him shuffling toward it.
Each step he takes toward me ramps my heartbeat up higher and higher.
The door swings open with a rush of frigid air.
My breath falters as Liam yanks me by my arm, crushing me to his chest. His fingers tangle in my hair to the point of pain.
He’s touching me. The thought ricochets in my chest like a dull ache. I try to extract myself from his arms, but he doubles down, squeezing tighter.
“Stop it, Teddy,” he demands. “Just stay still.”
The seconds tick by agonizingly. “Just stop, okay? I’m fine, everything’s fine.” I push out of his arms, and he lets me this time. His forehead creases in concern.
“It’s not fucking fine; what were you thinking?” he bellows. “You have no reason to be at a fucking trap house!”
Shaking my head, I drag in a tired breath. “Mad is a good friend of mine; he cares about me, and when I told him I wasn’t okay, he made sure I was. End of story.”
I navigate around his big form obstructing the doorway and head toward the wardrobe.
“What are you doing?” he asks erratically.
“Packing my stuff,” I mutter.
He storms across the room and slams the wardrobe shut. “We need to at least talk about this—you’re not going anywhere,” he fumes.
I whip around. “What’s there to talk about?” I shout. “I’m in love with my straight best friend, seems pretty cut and dry to me!” My hand trembles as I reach to open the door again. What more does he want from me?
Liam’s hand slices through the air, wrapping around my throat in a bruising grip.
He shoves me against the wardrobe and in the blink of an eye, his mouth crushes mine.
My brain short circuits for a split second, then he moves, slanting his lips over mine gently. When he breaks away, I exhale shakily.
“I had to see,” he breathes, eyes glazed over.
My brows draw up in confusion. Heart thumping against his hand on my throat, I ask, “W-what?”
He seals his lips to mine again, and I relax this time, allowing him to work his tongue into my mouth.
His lips are softer than I ever expected, but still firm in a way that I associate with him as a whole.
His tongue explores my mouth, gliding against mine slowly.
It’s all-encompassing fire. How does it feel this way? This passionate?
He groans, and my mind catches up to my body. I pull away reflexively. “Stop. You need to stop. Don’t do this to me,” I croak.
His hand falls to his side and he takes a step away from me. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
I scoff. “Well, you saw how it went the other night. That’s why.”
He shakes his head and reaches for the bottle of whiskey on the table, my gaze fixated on the long column of his throat as he upends it.
He’s a wreck, and it hits me just how worried and upset he’s probably been.
Takeout boxes litter the table and his clothes are strewn across the room.
His work boots aren’t even by the door like they always are.
I let my gaze drift to the bathroom door behind him. My eyes lose focus making my vision blur as I stare at nothing, cycling through all the different ways to say what I need to.
“Do you remember when we first met, and I followed you around like a lost puppy dog? You were my first real friend. The first person to give me a chance—the weird, girly, poor kid. And then you came along, already the coolest guy at the age of twelve, and I couldn’t believe it.
How lucky I was. I still don’t understand it. ” I sigh.
“All those times when kids would bully me, or my mom’s boyfriend’s hurt me.
You were always there to defend me. I brought an endless stream of bullshit into your life, but you took it in stride.
Just like with everything else you deal with.
Nothing phases you.” My eyes sting, and I can’t remember the last time I blinked.
I hear the whiskey sloshing around in the bottle as he tips it back again.
“It didn’t even phase you when I came out as gay. It was business as usual for you. But I think this will phase you. I think this is going to ruin it all, a-and I’m s-scared.”
“There’s nothing to be scared of,” he interrupts. His deep voice sends a shiver through me.
I shake my head and drag my hands over my face.
“I’ve always loved you, but somewhere along the way that harmless feeling turned into something else entirely, and I don’t know how to make it stop.
I swear if I did, I would end it. I feel like the most worthless person on the planet.
” My voice breaks and a sob rips from my throat.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I should have told you. ”
The words won’t stop. I can feel myself drowning in them—the lies and empty apologies, because I don’t regret it. I don’t regret every moment I managed to squeeze out of our friendship before the inevitable end.
The flick of a lighter interrupts my whirling thoughts, and I cut my eyes to Liam as he takes a long drag from a cigarette.
He never smokes them inside; he absolutely loathes when people do that, and I feel even more sick that I keep ruining him.
The column of his throat is on full display as he tips his head up to the ceiling.
His eyes aren’t closed though, they’re wide open.
And his chest expands and contracts evenly.
Even though everything is crumbling around me, I still notice the way his abs lead into the tight elastic of his boxers, and how a few ropes of his hair fall over his pronounced collarbones. No matter what he’s doing, I’m always enraptured by him.
“It won’t just go away. Even now…” I mumble, voice trailing off.
He assesses me with dark eyes, brows furrowed. “Even now, what?” he asks.
I sigh. “Even now, during the worst moment of my life, I’m still attracted to you. It’s sick. You didn’t ask for this.” I shake my head, knowing I’ll never forgive myself.
He stalks toward the bed. Sitting on the edge, he clasps his hands together. “Who else knows?”
“Other than Mad, only Ben. I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore, I needed help.”
“And what did he say?”
I chuckle even though it’s not funny. “He pretty much told me I need to start hooking up with guys so I would stop obsessing over you.”
His face turns harsh. “And how did that work out for you?”
“I mean, it helps—sexually but not mentally.”
He scoffs. “Seems like shitty advice to me.”
I rear back. “Um. No, it wasn’t. What else was he supposed to say?”
“You should’ve told me. He should’ve told you to be honest with me. But I don’t see why you wouldn’t have been in the first place. What are you so afraid of?”
“How could I not be afraid? Everything’s going to change now.”
“Nothing’s changing,” he says with an air of finality that shuts me up.
“Liam. Don’t you understand that I can’t just sit around and watch you be with
other people? I can barely refrain from touching you. It’s agonizing and it’s sick.”
“So, touch me then.”
Heat rushes through my body from the tips of my ears down. “W-what? N-no.”
“Come. Touch. Me,” he demands, his voice a low rumble.
God. I want to. I want to, so much so that I’m stuck to my spot, eyes wide and mouth agape.
Frozen. I never thought this would happen.
There are so many things wrong with this whole situation, but my cock doesn’t care in the slightest. It’s practically strangled by my tight jeans, aching to get out.
I sneak a glance at his face and regret it immediately. His eyes are darker than I’ve ever seen them, and his jaw is set so harshly I wonder how his teeth can handle the pressure.