Curry-induced honesty #3
“And I’m sure that worked for many years, didn’t it?
” He grinned wryly. “I know what that’s like.
I’m not the youngest of my siblings, but the only boy.
My role was always to do the things my three sisters didn’t feel like doing.
To the point where I felt I had to specialise in large livestock, just to have that base covered.
I was so resentful for years because my sisters do all the ‘cool’ stuff.
Davina is a veterinary cardiologist, Finola one of the best animal ophthalmologists in the world and my twin sister Kyleen trained in oncology.
You’d think I would have said something eventually, but I didn’t.
I just carried all the resentment around with me.
And do you know the irony in all that? I love my work!
I don’t want to do anything else. I enjoy the variety; I like driving around and visiting my farmers.
I love bringing young animals into the world and caring for the sick ones.
Even helping them go peacefully when their time comes.
As much as it breaks my heart every single time, I wouldn’t want to miss these moments either.
And I can’t wait to open my pet practice next year so people can bring their dogs and cats and whatnot in.
I mean, it’s my life, my decision. Nobody made me take this path, even though at times, it did feel like family pressure or coincidence or even fate.
I truly believe that even the roles we may have been assigned have something to do with who we are, and we can interpret them however we want.
My role was long that of the hapless brother who dances to the tune of his sisters and does whatever they don’t want to do. ”
“Huh.” She looked at him in surprise and felt her head spinning. He had just given her a lot to think about – and apparently, he wasn’t finished quite yet.
“That sounds pathetic, doesn’t it? Did I tell you that I only got into Highland dancing because my sisters did it and it was easier for my ma to drive us all to the same training?
I might have preferred to play football, but I didn’t even get a say in the matter.
Then again, I am now a far better dancer than my siblings.
I turned something that could have been a detriment into an opportunity.
Same with my job: to be honest, I wouldn’t want to spend my entire day staring into some animal’s eyes.
My job has much more variety, that’s another advantage.
And the best thing is that while they are stuck in the animal hospital, I can work wherever and however I want.
If I reframe it like this, I’m no longer the loser brother of my dominant sisters, but someone who lives life on his own terms. With my work, I have fully embraced this.
It’s hard to implement on a personal and emotional level.
But as I believe that you can’t really separate one from the other, I’m sure I’ll get better at it soon. ”
Shona could not put into words what had happened during these past few minutes, but when she looked at Kendrick she saw him very differently than she had before, even though he was still on his knees in front of her, holding her by the shoulders and talking in an insistent tone.
Before, she would have described him as a self-righteous, stubborn stickler for rules on the one hand, a super-hot dancer on the other.
He certainly was both these things, but there was a lot more to him than that.
He was way more complex than she had given him credit.
Granted, that was probably true of most people if you took the trouble to get to know them better.
But she usually didn’t – because then she would have to admit to herself that she wasn’t nearly as complex. Or was she?
“Am I more too?”
“More than what?” he asked gently. Given that she hadn’t shared her train of thought, he couldn’t know what she was talking about.
“Well, to quote Kristy, more than ‘the biggest spoilt brat’ who needs ‘to grow up’.”
“You’re a whole lot more than that! Why don’t you tell me what happened earlier?” He pulled himself up from his undoubtedly uncomfortable position and took a seat in the armchair again. Shona immediately missed him being so close.
She was still hesitant to talk about the events at the cottage, but after a few awkward moments the whole story came tumbling out: from the moment she arrived with the dogs and the surprising pushback from Kristy to the rice disaster and pie theft, Higgins’s puking and finally her eviction.
“And you took your cousins’ complaints so to heart that you didn’t want to stay with your father or siblings either,” Kendrick surmised and managed manfully to suppress a smile. He gave Higgins a stern look as the dog lifted his muzzle to the bowl of leftover curry.
“Exactly! When Kristy and Hailey left, I cleaned up the mess in the kitchen and packed my things, and you know the rest of the story.” Now that she had told him everything, Shona felt incredibly relieved.
“I thought about moving into one of Alex’s cottages, of course.
I’m sure he would have let me have one. My old room at the main house would be another option, but I really don’t want to stress out Colleen.
She’s already dealing with my da, Alex and Aidan; she really doesn’t need me and two huge dogs on top of that.
Besides, they are planning to turn my old room into the nursery.
No, this is the best solution. I can stay here for now and take my time looking for a new place.
I’ll talk to Collum in the next few days.
Maybe there’s a cottage for rent that we can all move into.
” She stroked both her dogs’ shaggy heads.
Orla and Higgins had settled down again and were flanking her on either side.
“If it’s too hard to find anything, you can always ...” Kendrick began, but Shona silenced him with a quick wave of her hand.
“I know what you want to say, and I know you mean it. I really appreciate it. But I can’t move in with you. That would be ...”
“Convenient?” he suggested, scrutinising her with an impenetrable look. Was that disappointment in his eyes?
“Of course it would be convenient! Without ever having seen your place, I’m sure it’s a thousand times nicer than my monk’s cell here. But it would also be a relapse into my old patterns, and I don’t want that. I am going to take responsibility for myself, my stuff and my dogs.”
“You could do that anyway. And I’m sure the company would do us both good,” he claimed.
She shook her head. “I don’t want the ‘company’. No, that came out wrong. I love your company, but I don’t want to share a place with you. I don’t want to be your roommate but ...”
What was she saying? She was talking herself into a mess!
In her mind’s eye, though, an irresistible film started playing: the two of them in a beautiful – shared!
– bedroom in a beautiful– shared! – house.
Like, as a real couple. The idea was intoxicating and absolutely terrifying at the same time.
“… I can’t commit to a relationship right now because I have to build a relationship with myself first. And I reckon you feel the same way. ”