Chapter 17
Although Beltane Day had come and gone, signifying the beginning of summer, the world had never been as bleak as it was for Emma.
After Trevor had left, she had dragged herself back to the farm and shut herself in her room for days on end.
Her parents brought up food for her, and they did not require her to do her chores, for which she was grateful.
She stared into space and tried to repair her fractured heart, even though she knew it was never going to be the same again.
Trevor had left her distraught. The emotions that swirled through her mind were conflicting and chaotic.
One moment she felt love swell as she lived in that moment where their lips met, and then she was brought to the brink of sorrow once again as she thought of him riding away, leaving her behind, telling her that he had always intended to leave.
She wondered if she had misinterpreted things so badly or if he had just deceived her.
Perhaps he had treated her as a toy, as mere amusement to pass the time while he was away from London.
She should have known that she wasn’t special to him.
She was just a Highland girl, after all.
What could have possibly attracted a refined gentleman like him to her?
But it was difficult to shake the way he had looked at and spoken to her.
It was difficult to forget the moments they shared that all linked up into one long chain of happiness.
He had made her feel alive in a way that no other man had and surely no other man would again, and then he had made her feel a death as well.
In the back of her mind, she had always wondered what it would be like to die, and now she knew.
She would never see England. She would never attend an elegant ball as Mrs. Whitehall.
She would never be anything other than who she was, and it was time she accepted that.
She rose slowly, her eyes glazed over as though she was in a trance, for she knew what she needed to do.
She did not bother wearing her shawl even though she was going into the village.
She was beyond such things now. It was perhaps the only positive thing that Trevor had left her with.
Each step was automatic. There was no lightness to her stride, and her face was devoid of emotion, like a still lake in the middle of winter.
She ignored the murmurs of people as she passed through the village.
Gossip traveled fast, and they all knew of her sorrow, but this time she didn’t care about what they thought.
She made her way to the inn, where Shem was standing behind the bar. As she entered, all eyes turned toward her, and she cast her gaze around the inn, settling on a man sitting in the middle of the room. She walked toward him, interrupting his conversation.
“David,” she began, her words clipped and blunt. “Yes.”
“Yes tae what?” he asked, furrowing his brow.
Emma pursed her lips, knowing that there was no going back once she said this. But what else did she have left?
“Ye know. Yes, I’ll marry ye,” she said.
It took a moment or two for realization to appear on David’s face. He slapped his palm against the table and then leaped from his seat.
“I suppose ye’ve haed enough of that English lout?” David asked.
“He’s gone,” Emma said, again with no trace of emotion in her voice.
“Aye, and we’re all the better for it. The last thing we need is people like him hanging around our village.
I’m glad ye hae seen sense, lass. I told ye that one day ye would change yer mind!
I’m glad ye hae finally seen what’s good for ye.
I saw the way that man left ye, and I promise I will never dae the same tae ye.
I’ll always dae right by ye, ye’ll see,” David said.
Emma knew he was telling the truth. He could never break her heart because it had already been broken, and she would never love him the same way she had loved Trevor.
David clapped his hands together and called out to Shem to pour a round for everyone in the bar, which was met with cheers.
Word soon spread, and other people arrived from outside, ready to celebrate the marriage proposal.
“Another victory for the Highlands!” David announced, and a great cheer went up as people toasted to his good fortune, and to Emma’s too, of course.
However, in the celebration, nobody noticed Emma slipping away like a ghost, returning to the farm.
David was happy enough enjoying the company of his friends, and she had no need to partake in the elation of the moment because there was none of that emotion for her.
In fact, she acted as though she was in mourning.
Emma returned to the farm and walked into the kitchen where her parents were sitting.
“I would like tae inform ye that I hae just told David I will marry him,” she said flatly, and then moved back to her room before they could say anything else.
Lyndsay and Douglas exchanged a surprised glance, but she didn’t want to talk to them about it.
However, soon after she entered her room, Lyndsay joined her.
She knocked first, and when there was no answer from Emma, Lyndsay opened the door, making use of a mother’s privilege.
Emma stood at the window, staring out into space, thinking about what Trevor had told her. The bed creaked slightly as Lyndsay took a seat.
“Ye know, Trevor told me that some people are like trees, rooted tae one place, and some people are like birds, free tae soar wherever they like. I dreamed that I was like a bird, but now I see I am a tree.”
“Do you really believe that?” Lyndsay asked.
“What else am I supposed tae believe? It’s clear that my life is here and cannae be anywhere else.”
“Is that why you have accepted David’s proposal?”
“I might as well. It’s clearly what everyone else wants.
It’s the easiest solution, anyway. I’m nae getting any younger, and if I’m gaeing tae be married, I might as well get married now.
David knows me better than anyone, and he will be an important man tae the village as he gets older. I could dae far worse.”
“Yes, you could,” Lyndsay said, pursing her lips, “but that’s not really the matter in question, is it?”
Emma tilted her head so that she could have a better view of her mother. “What dae ye mean?”
Lyndsay leaned forward and sighed. “I fear that I have let you down as a mother, Emma. I have tried to do my best and give you everything you need for a good life, but I worry that in the end, I have made a mistake. I thought that what I wanted for you was safety and security, to be in one place and never have to know the turmoil of leaving the home you were brought up in or the fear that you might never find a place to belong to again. Your father and I have spoken about this, and I don’t think we’ve ever truly appreciated how difficult it has been for you to live here, being both English and Scottish.
I think because we were both welcomed with open arms, we have always thought everyone treated you the same way.
I’m sorry we turned a blind eye to how people treat you. ”
“It’s fine, Ma. It’s all over now.”
“Really? So you’re really going to marry David?”
“I hae no future outside of Scotland, sae why nae? He loves me, and I’m sure I will grow fond of him in time.”
“Fondness is not enough to base a life on. I saw you and Trevor together. You came alive in a way that I’ve not seen you do before.
It reminded me of when I was young and first met your father.
When I gave birth to you, I always hoped that you would be able to find your happiness here, but I think that was too na?ve of me.
I had to leave my home to find your father, and perhaps the same is true for you as well. ”
“Aye, well, it’s nae like I hae a choice anymore, is it? This is the life that’s meant for me.”
“But that’s what I’m trying to tell you, Emma.
It’s not. All I’ve wanted for you is to have the same choice I had.
I’m sorry if sometimes it seems as though your father and I have been pushing you in a different direction.
Most people would have thought I was crazy for leaving England behind to live with a Highlander, but it was the right decision for me.
I want you to know that your father and I will support you in any decision you make.
Whatever choice you think will bring you the most happiness in life, you make it, and we’ll be right by your side,” Lyndsay said.
Emma couldn’t help but feel it was too little too late, but there was no use blaming her mother for sending Trevor away.
“I appreciate that Ma, but it’s nae only me who haes a choice.
Trevor haed a choice tae, and he decided tae leave.
What am I supposed tae dae with that? I hae tae face the facts that my life is here.
It always will be, sae I might as well try and make the best of it.
Trevor is nae coming back. I was a fool for him already.
I’m nae gaeing tae be a fool and wait for him,” she said, and went back to staring out the window.
Lyndsay looked as though she was about to say something else, but instead, she remained silent and paced out of the room, leaving Emma alone again.