Chapter 16
Trevor was sitting in his office back in England, surrounded by fine ornaments and large pictures. The view from his window was of bleak buildings hiding the beauty of nature from him. It was a far cry from the Highlands.
By now, he had hoped that he would have been able to shake the thought of Emma from his mind.
During the journey back down through England, he tried to tell himself that she meant nothing to him and that she was nothing special, but he knew he was lying to himself.
His heart ached, and more than once he felt the urge to turn around and rush back to her, to apologize and hold her in his arms and never let her go.
But that wouldn’t have served her at all. He didn’t belong in the Highlands anymore than he belonged anywhere else.
The door opened and his uncle stepped in.
“How is the work going?” his uncle asked. The man was tall, although his figure was more bloated than Trevor’s as he lived well and lived heartily. His name was Samuel.
“It’s going,” Trevor said with a smile. “I shall be done with it soon.”
“Well, the crown will be pleased to have some more land. You have done something that few men have done in life, Trevor; you have proven me wrong,” Samuel said, punctuating his words with a small chuckle. “There’s a great future for you here if you apply yourself.”
“Thank you, sir. I hope to be at the company for a very long time.”
“As well you should, especially after what you’ve been through.
Although I think you should stay in London for the foreseeable future.
There’s no need to rush around the country like you’ve been doing.
There’s plenty of fun to be had here,” he said with a gleam in his eyes.
“You know there’s a ball coming up that I really think you should attend.
There are many young women who would be honored to find a husband like yourself, and the prospects are always better for a married couple, especially if you can marry into a family who has a good sense of wealth. ”
“I’m sure that’s the case, but you know that I am not suited to balls.”
“Nonsense,” Samuel harrumphed. “It’s just a matter of application.
Trust me, Trevor, you are a far cry from the man you were when you turned up on my doorstep.
I still remember how pitiful it was to see you, to see the harm my brother did to you,” Samuel sighed as he was struck by the past. “If only I had known, I would have found you sooner and saved you from that terrible life. But everything is as it should be now. You are here, a man of repute, and believe me, I have already heard whispers of ladies who are intrigued to meet you. I think it’s time for you to take the next step in your life.
You shall attend a ball with me, Trevor, and I will introduce you to some people who are excited to meet you.
There’s only one way to travel in life, and that’s up! ”
His uncle moved away from the room with a smile on his face, although Trevor’s polite smile faded almost immediately.
Since returning to England, he had been reminded of what a shadow his life was, of how hollow it was without Emma.
He pined for her, and the thought of courting another woman filled him with disgust. There was nobody that compared to her.
She was a rare flower that only bloomed in one particular place in the world, and he knew he would never find anyone like her again.
To feign interest in another woman would only have led him down a dark path and been a waste of time.
He told himself that he had made the right decision.
She had a loving family and it would have been unfair to rip her from it.
Lyndsay had managed to escape the drudgery of England and separating the family would have been a cruel thing to do.
There was no way that Douglas would have changed his mind to come down to England.
Even if Emma had joined them, Trevor doubted that she would have enjoyed England as much as she thought.
Life was stricter here, and Emma was not the type to obey arbitrary rules.
No, she would probably have been miserable, and it was likely that she would have missed her home in the Highlands more than she realized.
She was better suited to finding a man who could have been a part of her life up there, who could have given her what she wanted and shared a humble, happy life free of drama.
Trevor wasn’t that man, no matter how much he wished he could be.
He stared at his knuckles and thought back to all the times they had been covered in blood.
He gritted his teeth and wondered if he should try and find another fight because it might help to dull the emotional pain.
At least if he were focused on his own blood, he wouldn’t have to worry about the anguish of his heart.
All the lies he told himself could not persuade him that he had done the right thing.
His mind swirled with the image of her standing in front of her doorway, kissing him, but that melted away and was replaced with the last time he had seen her.
Emma’s face was twisted in anger, and rage poured from her eyes.
He wished that he could have done things differently, that he could have made things right, but it seemed that every aspect of his life was cursed.
He thought back to his father and the lessons he had been taught by that cruel man.
Trevor’s mind throbbed with pain, and he threw the quill down to the desk.
The inkpot spilled over and dripped along the edge of the desk, pouring to the floor, as black as blood.
Trevor paced around the office that felt more like a cage than it ever had done before.
His nostrils flared, and he went to the window, gazing into the sky, wondering how he was ever going to live without her.
In the brief time he had known her, she had transformed his life and made him see the world in a completely different way. But it was over now.
It was over because he had decided it was best, but he was beginning to doubt his judgment.
When he thought of his future, he knew it would be lonely and bleak, and he would likely end up as bitter as his father.
Yes, he may well be rich, and he might even marry at some point just to get the matter over and done with, but there would always be a hole where his heart used to be.
He had been wrong when he left the Highlands.
He thought he was going to leave a piece of himself there, but that wasn’t quite accurate.
In fact, he ended up leaving his entire heart with Emma.
Now he was a mere shell of a man, and he would have to be content with dreaming of what might have been.