Chapter Seven - Harper
Harper
I SIT AT a corner table in Amalia”s Place, nervously fiddling with the straw in my untouched iced tea. The trendy downtown pub is bustling with the usual Friday night crowd, but I barely notice the chatter and laughter surrounding me. My mind is a million miles away, lost in a haze of fear and uncertainty.
I glance down at my phone, checking the time for the hundredth time. Selena should be here any minute. I need her now more than ever, need her steady presence and unwavering support. Because my world has just been turned upside down in the most unexpected way.
I”m pregnant. Five weeks along, according to the doctor I saw this morning. And not just one baby, but three. Triplets. The word echoes in my head, a dizzying refrain that still doesn”t feel real.
I should have known something was off when I missed my period. I”m usually like clockwork, but with everything going on - Oscar”s pre-treatments, tests and appointments; settling into life with Gabriel - I didn”t think much of it at first. But then the nausea started.
Three pregnancy tests later, all positive, and I knew I needed to see a doctor. To confirm what my heart already knew to be true. But hearing it out loud, seeing the tiny flickering heartbeats on the ultrasound screen...it made it real in a way I wasn”t prepared for.
I rest a hand on my still-flat stomach, a fierce surge of protectiveness rushing through me. These babies...they”re a part of me. A part of Gabriel. Created out of the love and passion we”ve shared, even if he doesn”t know it yet.
And that”s the problem, isn”t it? Gabriel doesn”t want this. If I go through with this pregnancy, if I choose these babies...I risk losing everything.
Losing Gabriel. Losing the happy, stable life we”ve built together. The laughter and warmth and sense of belonging that”s become as necessary to me as air. And worst of all, losing the financial support that”s paying for the treatment that can rid Oscar of the pain inducing, abnormally shaped red blood cells in his body.
The thought makes bile rise in my throat, tears burning behind my eyes. How can I choose between my babies and my brother?
But even as my mind races with worst-case scenarios, I know deep down that I can”t give up these babies. They”re a miracle, a gift I never thought I”d have. And I already love them with a ferocity that takes my breath away.
”Harper!”
Selena”s voice snaps me out of my spiraling thoughts. She weaves her way through the crowded bar, her face etched with concern as she slides into the booth across from me.
”Hey sweetie, sorry I”m late. Traffic was a nightmare.” She reaches across the table to squeeze my hand, her brow furrowed. ”What”s going on? You sounded strange on the phone, scared me half to death.”
“I didn”t mean to worry you.”
Selena searches my face, her expression softening.
”Spill - what”s got you looking like you”ve seen a ghost?”
I take a deep breath, steeling myself. I”d planned on telling her everything, blurting out my news and begging for her advice. But now, sitting here with the words on the tip of my tongue, I hesitate.
Gabriel deserves to know first. He”s the father. I owe him the respect of hearing it from me before anyone else.
So I swallow down the confession, forcing my racing thoughts in a different direction.
”It”s Gabriel,” I say instead, my voice small and strained. ”I”m in love with him, Selena. Like, head-over-heels, can”t-imagine-my-life-without-him in love. And I”m terrified.”
Selena sits back, her eyes wide. ”Oh, Harper. That”s huge.”
”I don”t know what to do. We had a deal, an arrangement. But I broke the rules. I fell for him anyway.”
”Are you sure he doesn”t feel the same way?” Selena asks gently. ”The way he looks at you, the way he is with Oscar, that”s not just friendship. That”s real.”
”I don”t know. Sometimes I think maybe, but then I remember the contract. The way he was so adamant about not wanting love, not wanting kids. Why would he put that in there if he was open to more?”
Selena is quiet for a long moment, her gaze thoughtful. ”I think,” she says slowly, ”that Gabriel might be more afraid of love than opposed to it. Think about it, Harper. With all the women in the world who have baggage, who come with complications, why did he choose you?”
”I don”t know. Convenience, maybe? I was already his assistant, already knew him.”
But even as I say it, I know it”s not the full truth. Selena seems to know it too, because she shakes her head.
”Gabriel has owned his company for over fifteen years, Harper. I guarantee you”re not the first beautiful assistant he”s had in that time. Not the first single woman with responsibilities who”s crossed his path. But you”re the one he offered this deal to. The one he married.”
I sit with that for a moment, hardly daring to hope. Could she be right? Could there be more to his feelings?
”He has changed since the wedding. He”s softer, more open and affectionate, not just with me, but with Oscar, too. It”s like he”s letting himself care. Letting himself be part of a family.”
”Exactly. Men like Gabriel don”t do that for just anyone, Harper. He might not be ready to admit it, even to himself, but that man is falling for you. Hard.”
A thrill goes through me at her words, followed quickly by a crush of panic. If she”s right, if Gabriel really has feelings for me...how will he react to the pregnancy? Will it send him running, reinforcing all his fears about love and commitment? Or will it be the catalyst that finally breaks down his walls, that shows him the beauty of the future we could have together?
”What do I do, Selena? I”m so scared of losing him. Of losing everything we”ve fought so hard to build. But I can”t keep going like this, can”t keep hiding how I feel. It”s eating me alive.”
Selena reaches out again, her hand warm and steady over mine. ”Oh Harper. I wish I had all the answers. But this is between you and Gabriel. You need to talk to him, need to lay it all out on the table. The feelings, the fears, all of it.”
”I know you”re right. I just think I need a little time. To wrap my head around it, figure out what I want to say. How I want to say it.”
”Take all the time you need. But don”t wait too long, okay? You both deserve happiness. I think you could have that, if you”re brave enough to reach for it.”
Tears sting my eyes at her fierce sincerity and unwavering faith that hasn’t changed since kindergarten. ”Thank you. For being the best friend a girl could ask for.”
Selena smiles, her own eyes suspiciously misty. ”You started it when you punched Billy after he called me fat. You’re stuck with me.”
A watery laugh escapes me.
We sit in comfortable silence for a moment, sipping our drinks and letting the conversation settle. My mind is still whirling, still grappling with the enormity of the secrets I”m keeping. But there”s a glimmer of hope now too, a flicker of possibility amidst the fear.
”I”m going to tell him,” I say quietly, decisively. ”Not tonight, not yet. I need a little more time. But soon. I”ll ask him to have dinner with me, somewhere quiet where we can really talk. And I”ll tell him everything.”
”Good. I know it won”t be easy. But you”re doing the right thing.”
I”ll just have to find a way to make it work. To convince Gabriel to let me keep the babies, lend me money to continue Oscar”s treatments. I”ll promise to raise them on my own, to never ask for anything more from him. I”ll spend the rest of my life paying him back the money for the money for Oscar’s treatment.
The thought of facing the future without him is too painful to bear.
But I know now, with bone-deep certainty, that I”ll bear it if I have to. For my babies, for the tiny lives depending on me, I”ll find the strength to do this. With or without Gabriel by my side.
I just pray that it”s with him. That the love I feel for him is enough to overcome every obstacle, fear and doubt.
That it”s enough to build a life on, a real happily ever after, beyond the pages of any contract.
But for now, for tonight...I let myself lean on my best friend. I let myself be scared and hopeful and everything in between.