Chapter Eight - Gabriel
Gabriel
SOMETHING IS WRONG. I felt it in the unnatural stillness of the house, the absence of Harper”s usual cheerful humming as I stepped through the door after work.
I shake my head as I brush my teeth, using more force than necessary.
The past few days, she’s been different. Our lovemaking has been more urgent, almost desperate, as if she”s trying to pour whatever she can”t say into the press of her body against mine. It”s like she”s slipping through my fingers, and I”m terrified of what it means.
Terrified that she”s tired of me, of this life we”ve built together, that what I’m giving her isn’t enough. Terrified that she”s met someone else, someone who can give her the love and warmth she deserves.
A fierce surge of possessiveness that rises in me. I try to tamp down on the primal need to keep her by my side at any cost. I know I”m not an easy man to love, know I carry more baggage and scars than anyone should have to bear. Christ, my own parents abandoned me in a dumpster like yesterday”s trash. Who could ever truly love a man with that kind of history?
But even as the old fears and doubts clamor in my head, I force myself to take a breath. To remember that Harper isn”t like anyone else. She”s kind, with a heart big enough to love even the most broken of men. If she wants to leave, I”ll have to let her go. No matter how much it destroys me.
I”ll do anything to persuade her to stay, to fight for this fragile, precious thing we”ve found together. But I won”t force her, won”t cage her like a bird with clipped wings. She deserves better than that. Better than me.
With a heavy heart, I rinse my mouth and leave the bathroom. I strip mechanically, my mind a million miles away. It”s only when I”m down to my boxers that I realize Harper hasn”t turned to watch me like she usually does. She loves to observe my little striptease, her eyes darkening with hunger as each piece of clothing falls away.
But tonight, she”s facing the wall, her shoulders tense and her breathing uneven. It adds to the sinking feeling in my gut, the certainty that something is deeply wrong.
I slip into bed behind her, my hand finding hers beneath the covers. She threads our fingers together instantly, and I take a small measure of comfort in that. In the way her body still responds to mine, even if her mind is a mystery.
My lips brushing the shell of her ear.
”What’s wrong, Harper? Something”s been off for days.”
She stiffens, her breath catching. But she doesn”t pull away, and I take that as a good sign.
”You promised we”d always be honest with each other,” I remind her gently. ”No secrets, no holding back. I”m not great at this relationship stuff. But I”m trying. I want to be here for you, in whatever way you need. Just tell me what”s going on in that beautiful head of yours.”
Harper is silent for a long moment, and with each passing second, the fear in my chest grows claws and fangs. Threatening to eat me alive.
Finally, she takes a deep, shuddery breath. ”I”m pregnant.”
The world stops spinning. I freeze, my mind going utterly, completely blank. Pregnant. Harper is pregnant. With my child.
”I”m so sorry,” she whispers, her voice thick with tears. ”The birth control failed. I didn”t...I didn”t do this on purpose, Gabriel. I would never try to trap you like that.”
Her words snap me out of my daze, and I realize with a sickening lurch that she”s shaking.
”I know this isn”t what you wanted,” she continues, the words spilling out of her like a dam breaking. ”I know you never intended to have kids. But I can”t give up on these babies, Gabriel. On the lives we created together. Even if it means doing it alone. Even if it means finding another way to pay for Oscar”s treatment.”
She takes a deep breath, as if steeling herself. ”I love you,” she whispers, so softly I almost don”t hear it. ”I tried not to because it goes against everything we agreed to. But I couldn”t help it. You mean...you mean everything to me, Gabriel.”
Shock rockets through me, followed by a surge of joy. She loves me. Harper Elaine Hamilton, the woman who”s become the center of my entire universe, loves me.
”You love me?” I manage, my voice hoarse and raw with emotion. ”Truly?”
A tiny hiccupping sob escapes her. ”I”m so sorry,” she says again. ”I”m sorry I ruined everything.”
I”m moving before I can think, turning her in my arms until she”s facing me. Until I can see the truth of her words shining in her tear-filled eyes.
”Harper!” I cup her face in my hands. ”It takes two people to get pregnant. And this is a miracle!”
She blinks up at me, confusion and cautious hope warring on her face.
”But you don”t want children. You were so adamant about that clause in the contract.”
I take a deep breath, steeling myself to bare a truth I”ve never spoken aloud. ”Five years ago, I had a vasectomy. I was so sure I”d never be able to be the kind of father a child deserves. So I took steps to make sure it didn’t happen.”
Harper blanches, her eyes going wide with shock.
”You were only thirty! God, Gabriel, that”s...”
”Extreme?” I finish for her, a wry smile tugging at my lips. ”Yeah. I was terrified of passing on my messed-up genes. I thought I was doing the responsible thing.”
I brush my thumbs over her cheekbones, marveling at the softness of her skin. At the miracle of her, here in my arms. ”I never imagined I”d meet someone like you, Harper. Someone who would make me want to reconsider everything I thought I knew about myself. About love and family and the future.”
Her breath hitches, fresh tears spilling down her cheeks. ”What are you saying, Gabriel?”
”I”m saying that I love you. I”m saying that I don’t want to imagine my life without you. You”ve brought so much light and joy into my world and shown me what it means to be part of a family. If that”s not love, then I don”t know what is.”
Her hands come up to cover mine where they cradle her face. ”What about the baby? Babies, Gabriel. It”s triplets.”
Triplets. The word echoes in my head like a gong, resonant and earth-shattering. Three little lives, growing even now in the woman I adore. Three tiny pieces of me and her, knit together by some inexplicable twist of fate.
Terror and wonder war in my chest, taking my breath away. I”m going to be a father. Me, the unwanted bastard who never thought he”d have a family of his own.
”We made three babies?” I choke out, awe and disbelief coloring my voice. ”Harper, that”s incredible.”
But even as joy fills me, a lifetime of fear and self-doubt rises to meet it. I imagine all the ways I could fail them, these precious beings that are already worming their way into my heart.
“What if they inherit my messed-up leg? I wasn’t exactly nurtured right. I might damage them emotionally, you know? Maybe my father was the kind of person who beat up my mother, I don’t know.” My hands fist in frustration. “I can”t bear the thought of watching our kids suffer, Harper.”
”Oh, Gabriel. Is this what you”ve been so afraid of? Is this why you didn’t want kids?”
I nod, not trusting my voice.
”Sweetheart, listen to me. You are not your genetics. You are not your leg or your parents. You are the man I love, the man I choose every day. And you are going to be an incredible father.”
A bitter laugh catching in my throat. ”How can you be so sure?”
“I know how much you care, how fiercely you protect the people who matter to you. Everything you said proves how perfect you already are for this job.”
I frown, not understanding. She reaches up to smooth the furrow between my brows, her touch impossibly tender.
”You”re not worried about yourself, Gabriel. You”re worried about our babies. About keeping them healthy and whole. And that’s what makes a good father. Loving your kids, putting their needs first are the only qualifications you need.”
Her words hit me like a sledgehammer, cracking open some secret, yearning place that”s always longed for this - for family, for belonging. For the chance to love and be loved in return, without condition or reserve.
”It won”t be easy. I”m going to fuck up and get it wrong a thousand times before I get it right.”
”Of course you will. So will I. That”s what parenting is. Trying and failing and trying again. But we”ll do it together. You and me, and these beautiful babies we”ve been gifted with. We”ll figure it out as we go.”
Together. The word echoes in my head like a promise, like a vow more sacred than any I”ve ever spoken. I gather this incredible woman into my arms, burying my face in the silk of her hair as emotion overwhelms me.
”Together,” I rasp, the word tasting like forever on my tongue. ”God, Harper. I love you so much. I never thought I could have this.”
”But you can.” Her arms tighten around me. ”You”re an amazing man, Gabriel Cross. An amazing husband, friend and lover. And you”re going to be the most wonderful dad our kids could ask for.”
”Our kids. Christ, we’re really having babies!”
”Three precious babies. Half you and half me and completely, totally ours.”
I”m grinning like a fool now, tears streaming unchecked down my face; so fucking in love with this woman and this impossible dream made real.
”I”m going to love you, Oscar, and our three little miracles forever. I swear on everything I am that I won’t take a single second for granted.”
“Forever. I like the sound of that.”
And then she”s kissing me, long and slow and deep. Pouring all her love, all her hopes and dreams and unshakable faith into the press of her lips on mine.
And I”m kissing her back, with every shred of my battered, mending heart.
In this moment, I”m not the abandoned bastard or the boy with the scarred face and crooked leg. I”m not the closed-off billionaire or the man who thought he”d never be enough.
I”m Harper”s husband. The father of her children. The man lucky enough to stand by her side, now and for all the days to come.
I”m hers in every way that matters. Just as she is mine.