13. Chapter 13 #2
I tried to be gentle, but I had to get him out of my house.
He belonged with his mother, not me, and if he didn’t leave, I was afraid of the repercussions of his staying.
He was already attached to me, and the feeling was slowly starting to be mutual.
I was a loner. A killer. There was no room in my life for a troubled young man and love.
Yet, after seeing him so broken recently, I wanted to hold him forever and protect him.
And that right there was the fucking problem.
T he past week was awkward as fuck as Luca’s mother got his room ready, and we eased him back into some semblance of a normal life.
We met her a few more times as Luca got to know her again before we completely uprooted him, but he refused to talk to her.
Hell, he refused to talk to me, too. Both of us were getting the cold shoulder, and we were both at a loss as to what to do.
While he ignored me, he wouldn’t see her without me, leaving me more confused.
That night, after the latest lunch date with his mother, we sat on the couch to watch TV as we did every night because he enjoyed it. But his passive-aggressive behavior continued since the day I announced he’d be leaving me and staying with his mother.
My stomach churned with frustration at myself, the situation, and fucking missing him.
I missed his innocent questions about the world, sitting on my lap, playing with his hair, and his strangely insightful comments.
He hadn’t been in my bed once, either. Instead, our days were filled with either silence or one-sided discussions.
He had completely shut me out, and it was pissing me the fuck off.
And I thought I was stubborn. Luca mastered the silence game.
He sat on one corner of the couch, as far away from me as possible, with his rabbit tucked against him.
Cleo slept on the floor as close to him as she could get while he played on his smartphone that I got him shortly after he moved in with me.
He was a quick learner and used the internet to discover the world that he’d missed for over a decade.
But sometimes, I’d catch him playing a game on it.
“What are you playing?” I asked in a lame attempt to mend bridges.
Unsurprisingly, he said nothing, not even looking at me.
I sighed and tried again. “What do you want to watch tonight?”
The sound was down on his phone because he knew it annoyed me, but his fingers flew over it, focused on his game, but he definitely heard me.
“Two more days, and you’ll be back home. Your mom said the room looks great.”
Sick of being ignored and his pouting, I growled, reached over to him, yanked the phone from his hands, and slammed it on the table. Before he could protest, I grabbed him by his pits and pulled him onto my lap, but he tried to pull away, refusing to even look at me, the fucking brat.
“Enough!” I hissed, grabbing him by the jaw to force him to look at me. “Stop with the games. I’m fucking sick of it.”
His eyes welled, and as he yanked his head out of my grasp, he smacked me hard on the chest. He actually fucking smacked me. “You’re nothing! I don’t talk to nothings. You’re not my angel. You’re just another mean person who doesn’t care about me.”
“I do care about you. That's why I’m sending you away.”
“No! Lies! You don’t care. If you cared, you would let me stay. We belong together. I love you. I don’t love her.”
I tried to steady my breathing and heart, reminding myself that he was still innocent and didn’t understand all the time, despite his intuitiveness.
“Luca, she’s your mother.”
“I don’t care! I want to be with you. You promised to teach me how to be independent. You promised to kill the men who hurt me.”
“I will still come to visit you.” Though I wasn’t sure that was the truth.
I’d keep working for him, but I didn’t need to see my clients to do my job.
In fact, they preferred it if I didn’t see them.
And visiting him would only keep him tethered to me, and that was the very reason I needed to sever it, because fuck, I shouldn’t be this upset with him not talking to me or acknowledging my presence.
Strangely, I missed him. Dammit! I wasn’t used to these conflicting emotions.
And if I gave in to him, I’d be no better than those other men.
“Lies!” he shouted, calling me out on my bullshit as he always did.
Fine. Time for the truth. Maybe then he’d understand.
I held his face firmly in my hands to keep him from pulling away.
“You want the truth? So be it. I’m getting attached to you, too, and this is a fucking problem.
You don’t need another older man in your life taking you.
Fucking you. And I am used to being alone.
But dammit, I care about you, too. That’s not a lie.
You’ve wormed your way into my heart, and I’m having a really fucking hard time dealing with it. I’m a killer. You are a distraction.”
Luca finally settled down, and he sniffed away his tears. “You really care about me?”
“Yes, asshole.”
“Then why are you sending me away? I don’t understand. If you like me, then why can’t I stay?”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Why isn’t it? I love you. You care about me. There shouldn’t be anything complicated about that.”
And he wasn’t wrong. There shouldn’t be anything complicated about it for normal people, but we were anything but normal. “Luca—”
“No, you’re making this too hard. I want to stay. You want me, too. Getting sold into sex slavery is complicated. Getting raped and abused is complicated. Killing my own father, who sold me to some Russian, is complicated. Caring about someone else is the least complicated thing I can think of.”
That rationality was hard to argue with and a reminder of the intuitiveness he shouldn’t have. I sighed, trying to think of another way to explain my stance, but as usual, Luca poked and prodded through my resolve and logic, finding holes or creating them. I couldn’t tell which.
“Doesn’t wanting someone in your life freak you out?
They’ll want sex, Sunshine. You’ve been so hurt, and you don’t need me to do that to you.
And I’m not sure I can take hurting you like that either.
As I said, I’ve grown attached to you and protective over you, even from myself. That’s why you need to go.”
For the first time in a week, Luca’s face softened, and he cupped my face with a hand.
“You’re wrong. It’s exactly why I need to stay.
You’re my angel who protects me. I trust you not to hurt me with sex.
You won’t beat me or make me suffer. Does it scare me to think of doing it, even with someone I care about?
Yes. So much. There’s definitely fear. But that’s what love is, right?
” He grabbed my hand and placed it flat against his rapidly beating heart.
“I want to give you all of me. My love, my fears, my wants, my pain… all of it.”
Holy fuck, he was about to turn me into an emotional wreck.
Just when I thought I had complete control over my life and emotions, he proved me wrong once again.
I swallowed hard, looking up at his earnest face.
A face so full of innocent truth, yet so much old soul within him.
And not for the first time since finding him that day, I was filled with uncertainty.
Torn yet again to either send him away or have him stay.
But if I kept him this time, there would be no other chances.
He’d be stuck with me because I wouldn’t let him go a third time.
“I’m… scared.” It was a fucking hard thing to admit for someone like me, but Luca was always filled with vulnerability, making it easier for me to let go.
His smile was soft and all too knowing. “Of course, you are. You may be an angel, but you’re still human. I’m scared, too, but I can handle it because I’m certain about one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“I’m certain about you.”
Fuck it. I was already going to burn in hell, anyway. I grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him into a kiss.