14. Chapter 14
F inally!
He was mine. I saw that moment in his pale green eyes when he gave up the fight and accepted me as his. As we were always meant to be. Then he kissed me.
I had been so angry with my angel. How could he send me back to my mother after all we had been through?
I didn’t even know her. It was fine getting to know her again, but I didn’t want to move into another strange house with a complete stranger.
She wasn’t mine. Angel was. She may have been once upon a time, but my pain and suffering changed me.
Only Angel understood it. My mother wouldn’t.
I didn’t know what happened to him that made him fight this thing between us, but it must have been something bad.
He only gave hints of it here and there.
My bones and body turned to mush like I lost all my muscles when we kissed.
I had so little experience with kissing except that one time in his kitchen, and it wasn’t long enough for me to learn much, so when I could, I spent time watching videos or turning on romance movies to learn.
Not just to learn about kissing but about sex which involved love, not from hate and cruelty.
I soon understood that two people could be kind, tender, and gentle.
I had so little experience in that as well.
Chef and Nanny gave me only a fraction of the kindness I needed, but it was better than nothing, so I held onto them like precious gifts.
When he put his tongue in my mouth, I tasted his amber drink which was harsh and strong, just like my angel.
His woodsy and man smell filled my senses as I breathed him in through my nose while he claimed my mouth.
Strange sounds escaped me, but they couldn’t be helped.
Grunts, whimpers, whining. All told of my want and need for him.
My penis grew hard, and while it wasn’t the first time it had happened, it was the first time I really wanted it to.
Before, I was filled with humiliation from getting off from men taking me.
I was embarrassed now because it was all I knew, but I also understood enough that it was a natural reaction to Angel, especially feeling him harden beneath me, telling me he wanted me, too, just as he said.
His hand moved up through my hair and grabbed a fistful of it. My stomach twisted with the residual fear that he’d pull too hard, but I remembered to trust Angel. He wouldn’t hurt me. His tug was gentle to control this kiss, but not to take what I didn’t offer.
We pulled apart to catch our breath. My lips and jaw burned from his coarse stubble since he hadn’t shaved recently, making my skin raw, and I liked it. My fingers rested on my mouth, still feeling his kiss there. It was tingly, and I wanted more. So much more.
His green gems looked dark from arousal yet pained. He was still in conflict, my poor baby. He needed to fully understand that I was all in, and he needed to trust me to decide my fate.
I cupped his face again, and he groaned. “Stop fighting this, Angel. It’s okay to want me. And you need to trust me to know what I want and when to tell you to stop. I know I’m… messed up, but despite what happened to me, I still know what is right and what is wrong. And you are perfectly right.”
“Okay,” he whispered, and his final walls came crashing down around us. It was silent, but you felt them shudder nonetheless.
“I want to touch you,” I said.
He paused and then nodded, sitting up to remove his shirt.
I had expected smooth skin, what I didn’t expect were all the scars.
He had a few I noticed on his arms, but they were nothing compared to his chest and stomach.
I touched each of them, delicately tracing long lacerations, smaller round ones that looked like puckers, and more.
And I felt each one because we shared our pain.
He let me explore his past war wounds permanently marred on his skin without complaint or objection.
It was like he fought a battle that couldn’t be won, but he came out as a champion, anyway.
“What happened to you?”
“It doesn’t matter. It’s a long story.”
“You’ve said that before. All I have is time with you now.”
“Later.”
“Promise?”
His face hardened when he sighed and then nodded. “Fine.”
“I want all of you, Angel.”
“You sure are demanding lately.”
I smiled and bit my lip, understanding he was just teasing me. “Because I feel good now. I’m… happy.”
My heart leaped up to my throat when he abruptly stood, taking me with him. I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck, nuzzling his throat as he carried me to his bedroom.
“Are you sure about this?” he asked before he set me down.
I knew what he was asking. He was asking for my consent. “Yes.”
“You control this show, okay?”
“Okay.”
He eased me onto his bed and let go. I sat and watched him remove his joggers and underwear.
Angel had a lot of muscles, but he wasn’t as bulky as some of the other men.
I liked his tattoos, too. His penis was really hard and leaking, causing my heart and breathing to tremble in part with anticipation and another part from fear, as I knew there would be, but I was determined to push through this and give me newer, happier memories.
I hoped my time with Angel would eventually erase the worst of it.
It would never fully go away, just like his scars.
I had carried the pain for far too long, but I had so few happy times that I clutched them close to me and used them in times of distress. Angel would help with that.
“But… you can teach me some things, too, right? It wasn’t like I got to really… participate just for me.”
His jaw ticked, and his brows furrowed when he frowned. It wasn’t at me, but at what happened to me. I learned his expressions early on when I moved in here and what some of his angry faces meant. “Luca…”
“Don’t. Trust… remember?”
He sighed and nodded. “I’ll teach you, but I have a feeling you’re going to be teaching me a few things yourself.”
Angel fell to his knees before me and tugged my T-shirt over my head. I tried not to be conscientious about the hair that had grown out all over my body. I didn’t have tons, but I still wasn’t used to it. Angel had some hair mostly growing downward past his belly button.
His fingers danced across my skin, making me shiver. I closed my eyes to the sensation, relishing in its gentleness. It was a soft breath against the skin, featherlight, yet I felt it everywhere as my skin broke out in goosebumps.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yes.”
His hand eased me onto my back, and he raised his body to hover over me. His lips were so close to mine, but he didn’t kiss me. My stomach clenched with need, wanting his mouth on mine. It was my newest favorite thing. More than chocolate or popcorn, or baseball hats.
“Touch me,” he ordered.
I had been gripping the comforter on his bed, unsure what to do with my hands.
I had touched him earlier, but this felt different, sexual, like a red zone I wasn’t allowed near.
Finally, my hands grazed along the flying birds on his arm up to a tattoo of a landscape on his chest. Then our eyes met, touching in other ways.
“You’re so beautiful, Luca.”
I’d been told that many times in my life, but this was the first time I believed it. “So are you, Angel.”
My hands explored his skin as he pressed sweet kisses all over, from my jaw to my shoulders and to my tummy. As he went down, his hands landed on the button of my shorts and undid them. Then he slowly zipped them down.
“You okay? Talk to me.”
“Yes, don’t stop.”
With both of his hands, he peeled off my shorts, taking my underwear with them. My penis and sac felt heavy, and I felt a little awkward lying there, unsure of what to do next, trusting Angel to guide me.
He was on his knees and spread my legs open.
My hands were at a loss as to what to do again since he was out of reach, so I fisted his covers again.
Then my eyes slammed shut when he grabbed my penis, tugging and twisting in gentle but firm strokes.
I tried not to remember men doing this to me to harden me. This was my angel.
I jolted off the bed and fell back down to the heaven that was his tongue. That was new. A strange, high-pitched sound escaped me as he swallowed me whole. My hands reached out blindly for him until I found his silky hair and fisted it, pulling him in for more.
He suddenly popped off, and I cried out. “Use my mouth, Luca. Do what you want. I can take it.”
He swallowed me down again, and I thrust hard into his mouth while holding on to his hair to keep him from leaving.
I needed to spill. I had orgasmed many times, and sometimes when I wasn’t allowed to in private, but Angel’s mouth was out of this world.
I was floating on clouds, lost in a dream of tingles and delicious pressure between my legs.
Before I could finally let go, he popped off me again.
“No!”
He chuckled and kissed my thighs. “We aren’t finished, Sunshine.”
Angel stood and opened his side-table drawer and pulled out lube and a condom, setting them aside. I swallowed hard, knowing that prepping was coming, and tried to remind myself that it was a good thing. It was done, so I didn’t hurt so much.
“If you aren’t comfortable with me being inside you, you can have me. I don’t… normally bottom, but I will for you if it makes you more comfortable.”
“No, I need this. You… can be inside.”
He stood over me, looking stern. “Luca, are you being honest? Don’t push yourself if you can’t do this.”
“Trust me.” It was all I could say. Was it scary? Yes. But I needed to get past my fear. Father and his men were dead. They could never hurt me again. There were still others, but we would kill them, too.
“Luca…”
“I said trust me. In fact, I want you to teach me what it’s like to be a real lover. Your lover. All of it.”
“I’m not sure you want that. In fact… I like it rough.”
“Then we’ll do rough.”
“That’s not a good idea. It will be triggering for you.”
“Can you please let me decide that? I will do everything to feel… not how I used to. To be worshiped instead of used. To have someone give to me instead of take.”
He sighed and looked at me for so long, I was worried he would stop all this, but I mentally begged him to trust me. I was terrified, but I wanted to push past all the bad things that happened to me. I trusted him.
“We’ll talk more about that later. For now, we go easy. Pull your legs back. Open yourself up.”
I smiled and grabbed the backs of my thighs, and did as I was told.
Instead of the expected cold dribbling and probing fingers.
Warm breath caressed my hole, then his tongue swiped around it.
I bit my bottom lip, getting lost in the unfamiliar but arousing sensation.
It was so vulnerable, but I liked it, too.
“Are you okay?”
I did not want him to stop. “Stop asking me!”
He dove back in, and I thrust upward, seeking some sort of friction for my penis since he left me unfinished and desperate, but all I had was air, and he wouldn’t touch me there again.
“I need to finish,” I whined.
“You will. Promise. Pleasure goes both ways.”
His fingers pried me open more as he shoved his tongue inside.
My body loosened up more and more as I relaxed around his unrelenting tongue, feeling weightless.
My penis leaked everywhere, and I was desperate to finish, but I loved the sensation he gave me, putting me at ease and taking me away from the negative memories and thoughts, filling me up with goodness.
A blood transfusion of hope and happiness.
My groan was so loud when he pulled away, he laughed out loud. “You’re so mean!” But I didn’t mean it. He just left me wanting and begging for release, but I knew he wouldn’t leave me that way forever.
“You’re just impatient.”
He grabbed the lube and dribbled some over my hole. Then the familiar probing began, and I instantly clenched despite his best efforts at opening me up.
“Don’t say it!” I snapped before he could ask me if I was okay for the hundredth time. “Give me a moment.”
I willed my body to allow him in. If I couldn’t let his fingers inside me, how could I allow his penis?
I had to force out the negative thoughts again and think back to Angel’s tongue and kisses and sweet touches.
Soon, I finally let him in. He sunk a finger in and explored, moving it around until it found the spot that was familiar, yet I hated it.
Hated because it felt so good, but I was never allowed to release the pressure, and whenever I did by accident, I was punished for it.
Angel talked to me in hushed, sweet tones, coaxing me to open up more and more. I focused on his words and tender care until I could accept three fingers. He pulled them out, leaving me empty, then he rolled on a condom.
Instead of just taking me, he climbed into the bed and kissed me. It was full of tongue, sucks, and nibbles. I could taste myself on his lips, and I didn’t hate it. When he pulled away, he fell onto his back. “You guide me. You control how you want it.”
My brows furrowed. “But, don’t you want me on my knees?”
“Not if that’s how they took you. Fuck that. Never on your knees unless you want to. I will never make you do that. No, I want you to straddle me and sink down on me. Just because I’ll be inside you doesn’t mean I’m in control.”
I nodded and placed a leg on either side of his hips.
Once his tip breached my hole, I just quickly sunk down to get it over with.
Before I worried or stressed, he grabbed my face and pulled me into another kiss.
This was what I wanted. This care that he took with me made my experience worth remembering, shutting out my monsters and demons.