Chapter 12
Isat by Logan”s bedside, my mind a tempest of conflicting emotions as my brother”s questions hung heavy in the air, demanding answers I wasn”t sure I could give.
”Just tell me how you got mixed up with these guys, Luni,” Logan said. ”How the hell did you end up with him?”
It was like he was afraid to say Tristan”s name for fear he”d suddenly appear. ”I told you. Tristan brought me here from Gino”s when he found out I was actually his daughter.”
”You didn”t know him before that?”
I thought back to those nights Tristan snuck into my room. The way he”d touched me, and still did, like I was something precious, something owned. Like he could barely control his hunger for me. How he wouldn”t let me numb myself. Or starve.
But I didn”t want to tell my brother all of that. Those memories were mine, and they were private. ”Not before I met him at the wedding, like I told you, and I”d seen him when he came to Gino”s with Luca.”
”And you”ve been here all this time? With him?”
”Well, at his house down the road, yes. Until you—well, Gino—texted me.”
He started pushing himself up on the pillows and I rushed over to help him so he wouldn”t hurt his ribs. Swinging his legs over the side of his bed, he sat still for a few seconds, catching his breath.
”I just don”t understand why you”d throw away your life on a poker game.”
How to explain to him that I didn”t know any other way to live? First with our foster father, then dancing in the clubs, and finally with Gino. Trading my body for money, for his safety, was all I knew how to do. ”I was just trying to survive,” I told him, choosing my words carefully. ”And to get the money to help you pay off your school.”
”I should”ve never gone to college. Or I should”ve studied harder so I could”ve gotten more grants.”
I sat down on the bed beside him. ”It”s not your fault, Logan. And I want you in school. You”re going to be a great nurse.”
He was quiet for a minute, then he asked, ”Did Mr. Phillips…” He sniffed, his good eye cutting to me before staring straight ahead. ”Did he do things to you?”
I tried to play it off. ”Why would you ask that?”
Logan glanced at me, then away. ”I saw the way he looked at you, Luni. I was young, but I wasn”t stupid.”
Guess I wasn”t as good at hiding things from my little brother as I”d thought. ”Well, he also taught me how to play poker,” I told him without answering his question. ”I”m really good at it. I won so much money before I played Gino that we would”ve been comfortable for a long time.”
”You should”ve quit while you were ahead.”
I laughed. ”Yeah.”
”So what about this Tristan guy?” he asked when we fell quiet again. ”What”s he to you?”
The smile slipped from my face. ”I”m not really sure,” I told him honestly.
”He doesn”t seem particularly…warm,” he finished.
I didn”t laugh that time. ”He”s been through a lot, Logan. And it”s made him the way he is. Try not to judge him too harshly, okay?”
”Like what?”
I rubbed my forehead. ”Well, he was raised to be one of Luca”s guards. And from what I”ve heard, it was a horrifying way for a little boy to grow up. Now, protecting Luca is the only reason he has for living.”
”Until you.”
Giving him a small smile, I said, ”I guess? Maybe. He”s having a hard time dealing with some stuff right now. And I am, too. I don”t think this life is one I want to live. And I don”t want you anywhere near it.”
”So why don”t you just break it off with him?” he asked. ”And don”t tell me ”it”s complicated.””
I took a second to think about my answer. ”Because of how he was raised, Tristan had…” How to explain a man as enigmatic as him? ”…shut down,” I finished. ”He has a hard time understanding emotions, and I don”t think he really feels that many. But he put his life in danger for me, to keep me safe, and I don”t know. I feel like I owe him some grace for that.” And probably a little more gratitude than I”d shown him so far.
”So you”re telling me you”re dating a psychopath?”
I shook my head. ”I don”t think it”s that bad.”
Logan”s brow furrowed, concern etched across his features. I knew he couldn”t understand the inexplicable pull I felt toward Tristan, the way my body responded to his touch despite the warning bells in my head. And I wasn”t about to try to explain it to him.
”I know it doesn”t make sense,” I admitted. ”But there”s a connection between us, something I can”t explain.” Something I didn”t even have the words for.
I fell silent then, the weight of my confession hanging in the air. Logan reached for my hand, and I gave his a squeeze. ”How about a shower and a change of clothes?”
”That would be great. But you”re not helping me, Luni.”
”I”m your sister!” I laughed.
”And I”m twenty-two, which is way too old for you to see me naked.”
”You”ll always be little to me.”
Carefully sliding off the bed, he gave me a grin that I was sure made all the girls” hearts flutter. ”I ain”t so little anymore, sis.”
”Ew, Logan.” Slapping him on the shoulder, I made sure he was steady on his feet before we continued to the gym. Veda told me there was a shower in there and she”d left some clean clothes for Logan on the counter.
”I still can”t get over this house,” he told me as we walked through the great room to the opposite hallway.
I looked up at the ceiling, two floors up. ”Right?”
”Have you seen all of it?”
”Not much more than you. Hopefully, Veda gave me good directions.”
Once we got to the gym, I helped him cover his arm brace. ”Take your time. And if you need me, just yell. I”ll be right out here,” I told him before leaving him alone.
”I”ll be fine, Luni. Stop worrying about me.”
I sank down onto one of the benches in the gym, letting out a heavy sigh as I listened to the water running in the other room. Finally, I had a moment to myself, a chance to sort through the tangled web of thoughts and emotions swirling inside my head.
Logan was right, of course. I knew deep down that I needed to put some distance between Tristan and myself. It was the logical thing to do, the smart thing to do. But even as I sat there, trying to convince myself that leaving was the only option, I couldn”t ignore the dull ache that settled in my chest at the thought of walking away from him.
It didn”t make any sense. I couldn”t understand why the idea of leaving behind the man who”d kept me captive in a cell filled me with such a profound sense of loss, a hollow emptiness that threatened to swallow me whole. I knew I should want to escape, to run as far away from him as I could get... but I didn”t. Despite everything, some small, irrational part of me wanted to stay.
I stared at myself in the wall of mirrors, studying the swollen scrape on my face. Funny, I still looked like the same girl who danced topless in the club, her only focus collecting as much cash as possible from the men watching her, but I didn”t feel like that girl anymore. I wasn”t sure how to explain it. I was just…different.
I touched the small wound on my lip and thought about the way Tristan had kissed me with such desperation, like he was afraid I”d disappear if he let go. The way he”d held me close, his body solid and warm and large against mine. Protective. And for a moment, I”d felt safe in a way I never had before.
But then I shook my head, trying to clear the memories. I couldn”t let myself get caught up in him and the way he made me feel. I had to be strong, for Logan”s sake, if not my own.
Yet even as I told myself that, I couldn”t ignore the part of me that wanted to stay, that craved his touch and the way he looked at me like I was the only thing that mattered in his life.
I”d never mattered that much to anyone. Not even my brother.
I didn”t understand it, this pull he had on me. And I hated the way it made me question everything I thought I knew.
It would be good for me to get away from him, to clear my head and get my life back on track. I wasn”t lying when I”d said I didn”t want this life. I didn”t want to be the mistress of a mafia man. I”d lived my entire life in a body that was the property of men in one way or the other. So no, even if Gino was gone, I didn”t want this life.
I wanted to be free.
Even if the thought of leaving, of never seeing him again, made my heart clench in a way I didn”t want to examine too closely.
The next fewdays passed in a blur as Logan continued to heal. I spent most of my time by his side, making sure he was comfortable and had everything he needed. Veda was a godsend, always there with a kind word or a helping hand. And Lisa kept us well fed.
As Logan grew stronger, he started wandering around the house, usually with Enzo as a tour guide, and I found myself with more time to think. And the more I thought, the more I realized that we couldn”t stay here. I didn”t like him spending so much time with Enzo, and I didn”t want to overstay our welcome. So far, Luca hadn”t asked for anything in return for his kindness, and maybe he never would. But I didn”t want to take that chance.
I hadn”t seen Tristan since the day of the meeting with the capos.
I tried not to think about that.
It wasn”t that I didn”t care for him. I did, more than I wanted to admit. But I was done trading my body and my freedom for survival. Logan told me he had a little money stashed away that he hadn”t used for living expenses. It was enough for us to get by for a short time until I could find a respectable job in a restaurant or something. I wasn”t expecting to see the money I”d lost to Gino ever again, but that was okay. We wouldn”t have an easy life, but we”d have each other, and we”d get by.
I wanted a life of my own, one where I was free to make my own choices and live on my own terms. And as much as it pained me to admit it, I knew I couldn”t have that with Tristan.
So I made a decision. I would go see him one last time to thank him for everything he”d done for me. And then I would tell him that I was leaving.
My heart clenched at the thought of walking away from him, but I knew it was the right thing to do. For both of us. Logan and I would leave tomorrow and take an Uber back to his dorms, get Logan”s car, and drive until we found somewhere where Gino wouldn”t find us. My brother could transfer schools. Maybe not at first, but as soon as we were stable somewhere.
He”d argued with me about that. He wanted to work and help support us, and I”d agreed for the short term. But I was determined that he finish his schooling.
I waited until Logan was busy hanging out in the kitchen with Lisa, and then I slipped out of the house.
Taking a deep breath of the crisp morning air, I started walking, my feet carrying me down the drive to Tristan”s.
As I approached the house, I hesitated. Maybe it would be better if I left without telling him. Or wait for him to come to Luca”s before I said anything.
I”ll always come for you.
This was stupid. I didn”t know how he was going to react. Maybe I”d just tell him thank you and skip the part about leaving. That way I”d have said what I came here to say, but he”d have no reason to panic and throw me back in the cell.
Maybe being at Luca”s these last few days had given me too much confidence. And maybe, Tristan wouldn”t care at all. Maybe I”d proven to be more trouble than I was worth.
These thoughts spun around in my head as I stood there, undecided. What was the real reason I was here? Was it to thank him? Or because I missed him?
I was about to turn around and go back to Luca”s when the door opened and Tristan stood in the doorway. My eyes roamed down his body, taking in the hard muscle beneath the black suit, and a burning ache began deep in my lower belly.
And when my eyes returned to his face, the hunger and pain in his eyes made my knees go weak.
Oh, god.