Chapter 42 Sienna #2
“It sure was. And besides being ridiculously cute, it’s actually a great sign for healthy brain development.”
For as much as I’d talked to Mango, it wasn’t until this moment that it hit me—there was a tiny living baby inside me. My body had made that little yawning creature. My heart swelled and I stared at the screen, barely blinking. I didn’t want to miss a second.
Nadia shifted the wand, moving down Mango’s body. I got to see their fingers and waving arms and listen to their heart. I wanted to record that sound and listen to it every night for hours.
“Do you know the sex already?”
I jumped a little at Nadia’s question. I’d been so focused on the screen I’d almost forgotten she was here. “Oh, um, no, I don’t.”
“Okay. Well, I’m about to check Baby’s legs so I can measure the thigh bone. Depending on Baby’s position, you might see something. So if you don’t want to know, you should look away from the screen now.”
My heart pounded. “I thought I wanted it to be a surprise, but now I’m not so sure.”
Her smile was warm as she moved the wand around my stomach. “There’s no right or wrong way to do it. If you don’t find out today and change your mind, you can always call the office.”
Being surprised had sounded fun when I was squashed between Sofiya and Juliet on the couch, laughing about baby names, but my heart felt too fragile right now for surprises. It was just Mango and me against the world, and I wanted to know as much about them as I could.
“I want to know,” I blurted.
“Yeah? Are you sure?”
Suddenly, the need to know was so urgent it vibrated under my skin. “Yes, please.”
She shifted the wand again. “Alright, these are Baby’s feet and legs.” A blur of white and black on the screen shifted into focus. “Right there”—she circled the area with her finger—“is the area between the legs.”
“I don’t know what I’m looking at,” I admitted.
“I know. It’s hard to see. But Baby is actually in the perfect position for us. You are having a girl.”
A girl.
My Mango was a girl.
My daughter.
Tears streamed down my face, and my belly wobbled wildly as I choked down a sob.
Nadia’s eyebrows furrowed as she handed me a box of tissues. “Are you okay?”
I blotted my face. “Yeah. Sorry. I didn’t expect to have such a strong reaction.”
She sat down in the chair beside the bed and patted my hand while I got my tears under control. I appreciated her comfort, but wished it were someone else’s hand I was holding.
I sniffed. “Okay, freakout over.”
“Those pregnancy hormones can be wild,” she said, kindly excusing my freakout. I wasn’t even sure why I’d had such a big reaction. “It happens all the time.”
After I lay back down, Nadia continued the scan. My eyes were glued to the large screen, but my mind darted in a million directions.
Was pink too expected for the nursery? Maybe a richer mauve for the walls paired with natural wood.
Or I could go full maximalist with color—a rainbow theme would be so fun.
I needed shelves to make her own little library.
Mamma had read to me every single night, and Papà had joined whenever he was home in time. I wanted to do the same for my girl.
Juliet and Sofiya would be so excited to hear we were adding another girl to our group, and Polina and Sveta would be thrilled but unsurprised.
They’d been convinced I was having a girl this whole time because of how much Vovchyk loved nudging my belly versus how much he disliked men.
The Bratva soldiers had learned to maintain a wide perimeter whenever he was around.
I grabbed another handful of tissues and wiped my eyes.
Black marks from my mascara covered the thin material.
It was probably time to invest in waterproof.
What was the name of the brand Leona loved?
Speaking of the assassin, she would be thrilled I was having a girl, although she would definitely try to recruit her into her army.
I’d already caught her teaching Clem how to hold a knife.
It had been a plastic blade, at least, but Matteo had not been pleased—especially because when he took the knife from his daughter, she had started crying.
He’d picked her up, rocking her and murmuring sweet words while glaring at Leona.
Clementine had him wrapped around her little fingers.
I had never imagined Matteo with a kid, but he was the quintessential girl dad.
Even with a small team of nannies and night nurses, my brother insisted on being the one to care for her whenever he was home.
When Sofiya had told him about the one hundred foods challenge, where you feed your baby a hundred foods before they turn one, he had approached it with the same intensity he would use in planning an enemy ambush.
He kept a checklist in his phone of all the foods Clem had tried, plus her reactions to them.
Sweet Potatoes: 9/10. Ate them all.
Broccoli: 1/10. Made her cry. Never feed to her again.
Would Dimitri ever want to be that involved in his daughter’s life?
Shit. Shit.
My heart rate pulsed in my ears as reality crashed down on me, harsh and cold. How would Dimitri respond to the news that we were having a girl? Our entire marriage was based on the fact that I was carrying his heir, but would he see a daughter as an heir?
In our world, girls were pawns in the games of corrupt men who didn’t see us as fully human or valuable outside of what we could give them.
We were traded for alliances and kidnapped for leverage.
That wasn’t the life I wanted for my daughter.
She should be free to play and dream big and move around the world safely.
I wanted her to have everything, but what if Dimitri didn’t see it that way?
What if he held her gender against her, like so many Mafia and Bratva men?
“Alright, we are done.” Nadia handed me a towel to wipe the gel off my belly. “The doctor will be in soon to review everything with you. Do you need anything in the meantime?”
“No, thank you.” My words came out in a low croak.
She smiled before heading out of the room.
I slowly sat up and sipped my water. My stomach growled.
My lack of breakfast was catching up to me now, and visions of a cheeseburger, fries, and a milkshake danced in my mind.
Hopefully Maxim wasn’t in a hurry to get back.
I was pretty sure it was illegal to not stop for a post-doctor appointment treat.
My palm rounded my belly. “Now I can really start thinking of names. I bet your aunties will have lots of ideas.”
I sat sideways on my table, my feet swinging beneath me. My heels knocked against the metal frame.
Thump thump thump.
The minutes ticked by.
Thump thump thump.
Still no doctor.
Thump thump thump.
I couldn’t handle being alone with my thoughts for this long. The walls started closing in.
Finally, the door opened and I stilled my legs.
“Hi, Sienna. How are you doing today?” Dr. Bell set her tablet down on the side table and came over to the ultrasound machine.
Crawling out of my skin. Worried about my daughter’s entire future being stolen from her before she’s even born. Desperate for a cookies and cream milkshake.
“Good.”
“I’m glad to hear it. Nadia told me you found out the sex. Congratulations on your little girl.”
I gave her a watery smile. “Thank you.”
She asked me her usual questions about my symptoms before directing me to lay back. More jelly on my stomach. Whooshing sounds filled the room.
It wasn’t until the silence stretched into several minutes that I became concerned. Dr. Bell’s brow was furrowed while she cocked her head, pressing the wand down harder on my stomach.
“Is something wrong?” I finally asked.
She relaxed her face and glanced at me. “Nothing to worry about yet.”
Yet.
Yet yet yet.
“I wanted to take a second look at Baby’s heart because Nadia wasn’t able to get as clear of an image as we’d like.”
My chest tightened.
“It’s very common,” she soothed. “Baby’s heart is only the size of a fingernail right now, so it can be hard to get a clear picture, especially if she’s feeling wriggly and moving around like she is today.”
“You think something is wrong with her heart?” My voice cracked on my high-pitched question.
She put down the ultrasound wand and sat down on the rolling stool.
“I think the chance of something being wrong is small, but I want to make sure we get a clear picture just to be absolutely sure. I’m going to refer you to a maternal fetal medicine doctor so they can do a fetal echocardiogram.
” She handed me napkins and I wiped my belly again, my movements stiff.
“How do they do the fetal echocardiogram?”
“It’s a type of ultrasound, so not at all invasive.”
“What do you think is wrong?”
“I’m not saying anything is wrong,” she said, her words gentle and slow. “Based on today’s image, there is a slight possibility that Baby could have what’s called a Ventricular Septal Defect, or VSD, which is a little hole in the heart.”
The room spun slightly around me while I sucked in quick breaths. My hands clenched into fists. I needed to calm down. Panicking wasn’t good for my Mango.
“Is this something I did?” I blurted. Why had my body failed to make her heart correctly?
Dr. Bell eyed me with the same expression one might give a bomb on the verge of detonation.
She gently took my hand. “You’ve done nothing wrong, Sienna.
Nothing at all. Even if it is a VSD, a lot of them end up closing by themselves and don’t require any treatment.
We’re just being extra cautious by referring you, okay? ”
I nodded, because what else was I supposed to do? Demand she turn the machine back on and say, Never mind, her heart looks perfect?
“Okay,” I said. My skin flashed hot then cold. I needed to get out of here.
“You’ll get a call from fetal medicine in the next day or two to schedule an appointment. Please call me if you need anything in the meantime.”
I climbed off the bed.
“You didn’t drive here, did you?” she asked carefully.
I shook my head. Maxim was outside the door and Sergey stood guard in the lobby.
“I know it doesn’t help for me to say not to worry, so I’ll just say take it easy the next few days. Be kind to yourself, rest, and try not to do too much Googling.”
My smile was strained, her words barely penetrating my whirling mind.
She left the room.
I got dressed.
My fingers closed around my phone and I thought about calling Sofiya. I didn’t want to be alone, and I knew she’d insist on flying out to be with me. But if I called her, I’d have to say the words out loud: There might be something wrong with my baby’s heart.
I slipped my phone into my bag.
Maxim was standing in the hallway when I exited the room.
His brow furrowed the moment he saw me, his body on full alert. “Everything okay?”
I dug down into the deepest reserves of my soul and slipped on the mask I’d worn for so long.
“Yep. All good. I’m just tired.”
He didn’t look convinced and kept shooting me concerned glances while he guided me out of the office.
It certainly didn’t ease his suspicions when I turned down his offer to get a drive-through cheeseburger, but I was on the verge of a breakdown and needed to get home as fast as possible.
He kept exchanging looks with Sergey and trying to catch my eye in the rearview mirror, but I pressed my cheek to the window and closed my eyes.
Vovchyk ran out to the car to greet me, pressing his nose to my belly the second the door was open. I carded my fingers through his thick fur. My eyes stung.
I mumbled something about taking a nap and headed inside without looking back. My legs burned as I climbed the stairs. All my strength had been zapped from my body, and only Vovk’s steady presence at my back kept me going until we got to my room.
I closed the door behind me, and it was in that private quiet that I crumpled to the floor with a sob. Vovchyk whined and pressed his body against mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck, soaking in his steady presence and crying into his fur.
“You’re going to have a sister,” I choked out. “A little baby girl. You’ll be the best big brother ever. I just need her to be okay. I’ll give anything to make her okay.”
A wave of helplessness more intense than anything I’d felt since I was a young girl crashed over me, harsh and oppressive. I had more money than I knew what to do with, and connections with some of the most powerful people around the world, but none of it mattered.
I didn’t know how much time had passed, but I eventually managed to drag myself to bed and curl up under the covers. Vovk lay by my feet, eyes fixed unwaveringly at the door, keeping guard as I drifted off.