Chapter 51 Dimitri
DIMITRI
The sky was gray outside of my office window, and a smattering of snowflakes filled the air.
Sienna was outside with Vovk by her side and Clementine in her arms. They were spinning around in circles and with every rotation, Clem threw her head back, her mouth open in an exuberant laugh.
It felt like watching a scene in a snow globe while I stood with my face pressed against the glass.
Sienna was wearing the new winter coat Sofiya had given her for Christmas.
She looked like an angel in the light blue jacket with her red lips and cheeks framed by the fur-lined hood.
Inexplicable jealousy seeped through my veins that she was dressed in clothes someone else gave her, but wasn’t wearing the necklace I gave her.
A soft knock drew my attention. Sofiya stood in the doorway with her rollator, Noodle at her side. She closed the door behind her and sat in the chair across from me.
“You should leave soon, before the snow gets worse,” I said.
She pursed her lips. “I am not leaving until you tell me what is going on.” Her voice carried an unfamiliar sharpness.
I glanced back out the window, unsure how to answer.
“Listen,” she continued. “I’m married to the world’s grumpiest Mafia man. He doesn’t stand a chance against me and neither do you. So we can sit here for as long as it takes, or we can skip all of that and you can just tell me now.”
Pride flared in my chest at her newfound confidence. She was nothing like the scared, cowering girl she’d been when this house belonged to our father.
“What is it you want me to say?”
Anger flashed in her eyes, and her fingers drummed against the arm of the chair. “I want you to tell me…” She trailed off and all her righteous indignation seeped from her body, leaving her eyes wet and shoulders slumped.
Fuck. Anger I could handle, but this?
“I want you to tell me how you’re doing.” Her voice cracked, and my heart thumped painfully.
“I’m doing fine.”
“Right.” She nodded slowly. “You’re fine. Sure.” She pressed her trembling lips together and stared out the window.
“What do you need, Sofiya?” I hardened my tone, hoping it would drive her away.
She leaned over the desk and took my hand. “I need my brother to be happy. Our father is dead and we can be a real family, but it’s like you’re still not here with us.”
“I’m not sure that’s meant for me.”
“What?”
“Happiness. What matters is that you and Mila are safe, and the Bratva is secure.”
“What about Sienna and the baby?”
My eyes automatically went to the window where Clementine was sitting on Vovk’s back. Sienna was holding her to make sure she didn’t fall as the wolf pranced around the garden.
Sofiya smiled as she took in the scene, but her expression sobered when her bright blue eyes met mine. “Your wife and child deserve to be happy. Will you make that happen?”
Defensiveness consumed me, sharp and prickly. The urge to snap at her almost consumed me, but when I opened my mouth, the truth spilled out. “How can I love them and keep them safe at the same time?”
Her expression softened. “What do you mean? Why would loving them make them less safe? Sienna’s already living here, married to you.”
“Love always comes at a cost. Just because Rustik is gone doesn’t mean all of my enemies are.
” Should I tell her about him? If I didn’t catch him soon, I would have to tell Rossi and Finnegan, but my pride said he was mine to take care of.
To kill. “I had to keep my distance from you and Mila to keep you safe. If Rustik had known I felt any affection for you, he would have used you against me. Hurt you to control me.” It was as if his ghost lingered in this place.
Watching me. Judging me. “But you were hurt, anyway.”
“Dimochka, no. I mean, yes, he did hurt me and Mila, but compared to what you went through, we were shielded from so much.” Her voice wavered, like she was crying, but I was a coward and couldn’t look at her face.
“We always knew you drew his attention away to spare us, but he’s gone now.
His death doesn’t erase the memories we all carry, but he doesn’t get to dictate your future. ”
Was that what I was doing? Letting my devil of a father ruin my marriage from beyond the grave? I had always sworn that I would never become like him, yet I’d threatened my wife the same way he threatened to take me away from my mama. My self-hatred consumed me. Made me feel sick.
Sofiya took a deep breath and looked around the office.
“I wasn’t sure how I’d feel coming back here.
The anticipation of it made my nightmares worse and Matteo was close to canceling the trip.
But being here has actually been so good.
The house doesn’t feel the same. And not just because it’s a construction zone.
” She smiled wryly. “The energy is so much brighter and more peaceful. It’s not scary here anymore. ”
Emotion clogged my throat. I hadn’t even considered what it was like for her to be back here. She had lived and suffered in this house for longer than I had, but I’d just been focused on my own dark memories.
“It’s mostly Sienna’s doing,” I mumbled. “She did all the Christmas decorations.” I didn’t admit that I’d been avoiding the house for the past few weeks.
“She really wanted to make this a good holiday for everyone.” She hesitated. “I’m not sure she’s actually happy, though.”
“What?”
“She seems sad. Lonely.” Sofiya’s words were soft, but there was an underlying judgement in them.
“Things have been hard.” My hands were clenched in tight fists under my desk.
Look how pathetic you are. Can’t even hide your feelings.
I shoved the voice aside. I didn’t have to listen to him anymore.
“It’s my fault. Things have been strained for a few weeks after she pulled a prank that jeopardized our security. I reacted badly.”
Sofiya’s laughter was the last reaction I expected.
“Sienna’s pranks are legendary among the Mafia soldiers,” she said by way of explanation. “And I doubt she actually did anything that jeopardized your security. She’s absolutely brilliant and so funny. She’ll be good for you. Help you lighten up a bit, as long as you’re good to her.”
She glanced out the window again. Rossi was out there now, trying to steal his daughter back from Sienna, who was doing a whole ass photo shoot of Clementine and Vovk.
I doubted lightening up was in my future. Although, the look on Sergey’s face a few weeks ago when he opened his knife case to find all the blades replaced by plastic ones had been…enjoyable.
“Any ideas on how I can make it up to her?” I asked.
“Well, I would start with actually saying the words I’m sorry.
I know, I know, it’s not in Bratva men’s vocabulary, but you’re the Pakhan now.
You can do things a new way.” She gripped the handles of her rollator and stood.
I let out an exasperated sigh and rounded the desk, gently gripping her elbow to support her.
She gave me a soft smile. “You don’t have to worry about me anymore.”
“I’ll always worry about you.”
She leaned into my chest, wrapping her arms around me. I returned her embrace with stiff arms. Sofiya’s touch didn’t make my skin crawl, but it still put my body on high alert as I braced for pain. For whatever reason, Sienna remained the only exception. The only one my body saw as safe.
We pulled apart, and Sofiya patted my chest. “Oh, and one more bit of advice. If you’re going to give her jewelry, for the love of god make sure it’s gold, not silver.”