Chapter 27
Leonard pushed papers around on his desk, feeling exhausted and frustrated.
He was going to have to stop retreating to his study so often eventually.
There was already no work for him to do in here, and it was obvious to anyone who was paying attention that he only came here to put off the need to speak to Prudence about the interactions between the two of them.
The members of my staff know exactly what’s going on with me. It’s only dumb luck if Prudence herself hasn’t figured it out, and she will eventually.
The door moved slightly in its frame, and Leonard frowned, looking up. He didn’t believe in spirits or hauntings or any of that nonsense, but the door had definitely moved. Had it been a breeze? He hadn’t felt anything like that…
No. As he stood up to see what was going on, he spotted the culprit—it was the little gray cat that Prudence had rescued from the tree the other day.
He simmered. That animal seemed to be taking over the house, always appearing when it was least expected and least wanted.
He had no desire to spend any time in the company of this cat, but what could be done about it?
It wasn’t as if the beast would go away because he asked it nicely, and he couldn’t bring himself to throw it out of the house.
He knew all too well the impact it would have on Prudence if he were to get rid of her cherished pet.
The cat strode haughtily across the room, coiled its body, and leapt up into Leonard’s lap. For a moment, he was tempted to push it back down onto the floor, but it turned a slow circle and settled down, staring up at him with wide eyes as if daring him to do something about its presence.
Leonard sighed. “You’re just like Prudence; do you know that?”
The cat yawned as if it couldn’t have had any less interest in his opinion if it had tried.
“Yes, exactly,” he said. “You don’t care what’s going on around you. Nothing has ever perturbed you in your life. You have no trouble finding comfort. Just look at you, walking in here as if you own the place and settling down on my lap without so much as a by-your-leave.”
Then he snorted at himself. “You’re a cat of course,” he murmured. “I don’t know what I expect you to do—ask me for permission before you sit down? You hardly could.” He sighed, running his hand over the cat’s back. The cat closed its eyes and let out a purr of satisfaction.
“And that’s another thing,” Leonard said.
“You act as if you’re perfectly happy with our circumstances, but we both know that’s just a show you’re putting on, don’t we?
” He closed his eyes. “What am I doing? This isn’t about the cat.
This is about Prudence.” He looked down at the animal in his lap.
“But I could never say these things to her, so I suppose I’m settling for saying them to you.
At least I can trust you not to repeat anything I say here to Prudence, can’t I? You wouldn’t give me away.”
The cat opened one eye and looked balefully up at him, and Leonard was forced to confront the fact that he was behaving like more of a fool than he ever had before in his life. What was Prudence doing to him?
This is why I can’t bear to be around her. I lose all sense of who I am when the two of us are in the same place, and it’s maddening. I turn into the kind of man who speaks to cats for heaven’s sake… what sort of thing is that to do?
He hadn’t had a conversation with Prudence since the night of the Staffordshire ball three days ago now.
He had been very pleased with her performance, but he was shocked by the moment on the dance floor when he had felt compelled to kiss her.
He still didn’t know where that urge had come from.
Things were not romantic between the two of them, even now that they had begun to learn how to get along with each other and even to be friends with one another.
He had betrayed the agreement that he himself had insisted upon when he’d married her by letting that feeling get its hooks into him.
It doesn’t matter. The point is that I didn’t actually do it. What difference does the fact that I momentarily wanted to do it make? I restrained myself, and that’s what ought to be important.
But he hadn’t fully restrained himself, had he?
He’d held eye contact with her. He’d touched her cheek.
He could claim all he wanted that he had done those things for the sake of appearances, but the truth was that he hadn’t, and he knew it.
He’d touched her cheek because he had wanted to.
He had looked her in the eyes because he simply hadn’t been able to look away.
Oh, what’s the matter with me!
“Aphrodite? Aphrodite!”
The anxious voice was coming from the hall right outside the study, and Leonard recognized it as belonging to Prudence. “Is everything all right?” he called out, stirred from his own musing by the sound of her worry. “Are you all right, Prudence?”
The door opened, and she came in. She was clearly in a worried state, wringing her hands and bouncing on the balls of her feet, but her whole body relaxed when she saw him. “Oh,” she said. “You’ve got her.”
He put two and two together. “Aphrodite is the name of the cat.”
“That’s right,” she said. “I thought it was sweet.” She wrapped her arms around her body as if she had taken a chill. “I’ve been looking for her all morning. I thought maybe she had gotten outside last night, and a fox had found her or something.”
“I’m so sorry.” He rose to his feet, lifting the cat up along with him.
“I didn’t know you were looking for her, or I wouldn’t have let her sequester herself in here like this.
I didn’t mean to cause you worry.” He walked across the room and held the cat out, and Prudence accepted her gratefully into her arms. She kissed the top of Aphrodite’s head.
“How long has she been in here with you?” Prudence asked quietly.
“Not long. About fifteen minutes, I would say.”
“Oh, Aphrodite. Where have you been all morning? I was looking for you.” She sighed. “I’m going to have to put a bell on this cat.”
“That’s actually not a bad idea.” Leonard smiled. He reached out and touched her arm. “Are you all right? I know you were awfully worried about her, but she’s all right.”
“I’m fine,” Prudence said, but she took a step closer to him, leaning into his touch.
A fire coursed through Leonard. She was so warm. She came to him so easily. It was as if she was properly his wife, as if she belonged to him in every way and would acquiesce to whatever he wanted. As if there were no boundaries between the two of them.
And now, again, he was thinking about kissing her.
It would be different if he did it now than it would have been at the ball.
There was no one to watch. They wouldn’t be making any sort of impression on anybody.
It really would be just for the two of them, and hadn’t he told himself that that was the condition under which it might be all right?
I could take her in my arms and kiss her right now. I could…
No, he couldn’t. She was as pliant as she was because she had been afraid for her cat. She didn’t want passion right now, she wanted comfort. It would be wrong to deny her that, to turn this moment into something else just because he could.
But he didn’t trust himself to offer her an embrace.
Already his thoughts were out of his control.
Instead, he just let his hand linger on her arm for a moment.
“Aphrodite is fine,” he said. “We can get her a bell if that would please you. And I’ll also ask the staff to keep an extra close watch on her.
We’ll ensure that someone always knows when she steps outside and when she returns, so you won’t have to wonder about that. ”
“Can we really do that?” she asked.
“Of course, we can. We have a sizable staff here after all, and they’ll be only too happy to help out,” he said. “Nobody wants you to have to fear for the safety of your pet.”
“I thought you didn’t like Aphrodite,” she observed. “I thought you thought I was being silly for wanting to keep her.”
“I do think that.” A chuckle escaped him. “Yet another of your maddeningly foolish notions. But this one, at least, is fairly harmless, so I don’t mind indulging you in it, and I don’t relish the idea of seeing you worried about anything at all. I can help you with this. Don’t let it trouble you.”
She sighed. “Thank you,” she said. “It means a lot to me that you understand.”
“I didn’t say I understand.” He grinned. “Only that I was willing to help. But I’ve given up on the idea of understanding you, Prudence. You’re an enigma to me.”
She smiled back. For a moment, she just lingered, looking at him, saying nothing, not pulling away.
Finally, she stepped back. “I’ll leave you to your work,” she said.
And a part of him wanted to stop her. To tell her that she didn’t need to leave, that he was happy for her to stay with him, and that her company was nothing but a pleasure.
He gritted his teeth and stopped himself. This wasn’t a moment that required her to stay. She had been reassured about the cat. The only reasons he might have for her to stay here now were selfish ones, and he wouldn’t try to compel her to stay just because it would make him happy.
I have to stop being in conflict with myself about this. I’ve already decided that this isn’t going to be that kind of marriage, and if I act as though it is, I’ll be giving her false hope. She deserves straightforward treatment from me.
He returned his desk, allowing her to take her leave, keeping his head down until she was gone. He knew that if he looked up at her, he ran the risk of changing his mind and calling her back, and he didn’t want to do that.
He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.
He was in over his head with all of this, and the more time went on, the more aware of that fact he became.
He had been so sure of the idea that he would be able to manage this marriage, that he would be able to bring this woman into his house and be married to her with no fuss or expectation.
And then, gradually, things had begun to change.
He cared for her now, and there was nothing he could do to take that back. He was just going to have to find a way to live with it—and to keep it from impacting her as much as it had already began to impact him.
This is dangerous. It’s dangerous for both of us, and I can’t allow myself to get carried away.
He looked down at the papers spread in front of him. There was no chance he was going to be able to get any more work done today. With a sigh, he got to his feet again.
He would find another room in the house in which to sequester himself for a while—and he would do his best to steer clear of his wife for her sake.