Chapter 28
Redmayne Manor was familiar to Prudence—almost as familiar as her own home had become at this point. Arabella had been living here for years, and Prudence had visited many times. It was a place that made her feel confident and comfortable.
But on the night of a ball, everything was different.
This was her first time attending her sister’s annual ball as a married lady, and that made things feel different too.
She felt a sense of belonging that she never had before, and that—truth be told—she hadn’t realized she was looking for.
To walk into this room as not only Arabella’s sister but the Duke of Desford’s wife was incredibly validating, and as people’s eyes fixed on her, she felt certain that their thoughts couldn’t possibly be anything negative or unflattering.
She clung to Leonard’s arm, as she’d gotten into the habit of doing at these affairs, and leaned close to him.
“Look,” she said. “There’s my cousin. She wrote and told me that she was going to come over early tonight to help Arabella host the ball.
After all, she is the main focus of tonight’s events. ”
“Do you think she’ll find herself a husband?” Leonard murmured back.
“I don’t know. She’s so shy,” Prudence said.
Shyness was a trait she’d never understood; she didn’t contain a bit of it herself.
Why not just stand up and say what you were thinking at all times?
But she was used to the way Caroline’s shyness affected her, so she knew how to handle it when she saw it in Bridget.
“We’re going to have to help her. We’ll introduce her to some people.
You’ll be willing to do your part with that, right? ”
“Of course, I will,” Leonard said. “Do you have anyone in mind?”
“No, no, I just want her to spend the evening dancing with a lot of different gentlemen,” Prudence said. “I want her to have options. I want her to get a look at what’s out there for her to choose from so she’ll be well positioned to make a choice by the end of the season.”
“You think she’ll marry by the end of the season, then?”
“Oh, I don’t know about that, but I do think she might enter into a courtship by that time. That would be ideal.” Music began to play. “We should dance!” she enthused, taking his hand and pulling him toward the floor. “I love this piece.”
“Do you?” He seemed to hesitate a little, lingering rather than allowing her to pull him forward. “Maybe we should get something to drink before we take to the dance floor.”
“No, I want to dance,” she insisted, giving another gentle tug on his hand.
She raised her voice slightly to ensure that everyone around them would hear what she was about to say.
“I’ve been looking forward to being in your arms all day, Leonard.
You know very well that there’s nothing that makes me happier. ”
She beamed, satisfied with herself. No one who heard those words could doubt that she was madly in love with her husband, so she knew that Leonard would be pleased with what she had said.
What was more, she was surprised—and oddly gratified—to find that there was no falseness in what she had said.
She really did want to spend the evening in his arms. The discovery of what a good dancer her husband was had been a lovely one, and while they were at these balls, the odd tension that so often existed between them at home seemed to melt away.
At home, it was as though they were pushing each other away, putting up walls between them.
But here, they had given themselves permission to show that they were fond of one another.
It was what they were supposed to be doing; it was the goal.
And that meant that pulling closer to him, smiling up at him, and enjoying his touch and his nearness were all made simple and easy.
If only it could be like this all the time, she thought as they began to dance. If only we could have a marriage that included these little moments. I don’t know what I’m going to do when the season ends, and we have to go back to treating each other coolly all the time.
The truth was that she had dreamed all her life of falling in love, and lately, performing their love story again and again at ball after ball, she almost felt as if that dream had actually come true. It would be very sad to have to face the fact that it had never been real.
I don’t have to face that tonight, though, she told herself firmly. Tonight, we can just enjoy one another.
He held her at arm’s length as they began to dance, but Prudence knew that surely the two of them could do better than that.
She bent her arms, bringing herself in closer to him.
She could feel the warmth of his body now, and it sent a tingle down her spine.
If only she could allow herself to lean all the way in, to rest her head on his shoulder and have his arms close around her…
that was the kind of romance she had always dreamed of and that was the kind of thing that would have been happening at home if their marriage had been of the nature she’d wanted.
They couldn’t have those moments when no one was watching, but there had to be some way to make them happen here.
As he turned her slowly, she softened her stance and leaned in a little more, hoping that he would take the hint.
But his arms went rigid. He pushed her back slightly, his hands on her shoulders, and held her at arm’s length once more. “We shouldn’t do this here,” he said, his voice tight.
“We shouldn’t do it here?” What did that mean?
It wasn’t as if he intended for them to get close to one another anywhere else—that had always been apparent.
“I thought this was what you wanted. I thought your aim was for us to show people how in love we are. What shows that better than a little closeness?”
He let go of her entirely, backing away so that there were several feet of space between the two of them, almost as if she’d said something that had caused him actual physical pain.
It was impossible to believe that she could have—surely, she didn’t have that much influence over him?
But he backed away further still, and Prudence understood that he wanted distance between the two of them.
“I did say that I would stop and speak to one of my business associates tonight,” he said. “Maybe I should go do that right now.”
“In the middle of our dance?” She could hardly believe what she was hearing. “Isn’t that the opposite of what we’re trying to convey to people? Don’t we want them to see us wrapped up in one another and not looking for reasons to spend time apart?”
“I’m not looking for a reason,” he told her. “This is important. This is something I must do.”
“Then I’ll come with you,” she said, reaching out for his hand, recalling the way it had been when she had been introduced to Lord Battington.
“That will be helpful, won’t it? You’ll want to make a good impression on people by showing them that I’m supportive of your business ventures.
And they’ll be able to see that things are personally good between the two of us as well. ”
“No,” Leonard said firmly. “That won’t be necessary this time. It will be best, in fact, if I speak to them on my own. Why don’t you go and find someone to socialize with—your sister, perhaps? I’ll come and find you when I’m done.”
He turned and walked away without looking back before Prudence could say anything else about it.
She watched him go, feeling staggered by what had just happened.
It was at his insistence that she had started to put on such a show of being head over heels in love every time they went out of the house.
That wasn’t her idea. She wouldn’t deny that she had begun to enjoy it—to be fond of these moments they spent at balls together—but it was nothing she would ever have come up with on her own.
That was for certain. And now, he was treating her as though it had been her idea all along—as though she was being too clingy and putting too many expectations on him when all he wanted was to distance himself from her.
Where was the logic in that? Where was the justice? It was thoroughly unfair.
She turned and wandered off toward the drinks table, her heart aching.
Little though she liked to admit it, she really had been looking forward to dancing with him tonight, and now, it seemed as if that wasn’t going to happen.
The next ball wasn’t set to take place for a full week’s time, and who knew whether the same thing was going to happen there.
Maybe it would. Maybe she wouldn’t have the opportunity to be held by him again for ages. Maybe not ever.
A cold pit opened up inside her. Would he continue to push her away for the remainder of their marriage?
She’d known that this intimacy between them was a temporary thing and that it was all for show.
If she was very honest with herself, she had been dreading the day it would come to an end, even though she had known it was inevitable.
But there was no part of her that had ever dreamed it would happen this soon.
She had assumed they had until the end of the season to act as if they were in love with one another—to feel as if they were in love with one another.
Now, she had to acknowledge that it might have all come to an end already.
“Prudence? What are you doing here?” Arabella asked.
She seemed to have had the same idea Prudence had—she was picking up a glass of wine and taking a slight sip of it.
“I thought you were out on the dance floor,” she went on.
“Didn’t I just see you out there with your husband?
And the dance hasn’t finished yet. I’d have thought you would stay until the number was over at least. Is something the matter? ”
“Nothing,” Prudence murmured, feeling as if she couldn’t bring herself to express what she was feeling to her sister. She cleared her throat. “Tell me, how has the party been so far? Are all the guests you were expecting present?”
“Oh, yes, and everyone is having a marvelous time, but…” Arabella narrowed her eyes.
“You really do look as if something has disturbed you, Prudence. I know you well enough to know that look on your face. Are you sure you don’t want to talk to me about anything?
What’s happening with you? Why did you leave the dance floor? ”
For a moment, Prudence was tempted to confide in her sister. She knew Arabella loved her and would take her side no matter what, and maybe that was what she needed right now—someone who would make her feel loved and listened to. Someone who would make her feel like she mattered.
Or maybe, she just needed to put it from her mind.
It had never been real between them. She had only allowed herself to believe that it might become that way, and her irresponsibility in that regard was her own fault and no one else’s.
She could blame nobody but herself for the fact that she was in pain now.
“It’s nothing,” she said. “Leonard saw someone he needed to speak to; that’s all. I’m sure we’ll dance again later. I’m sure he’ll return to me as soon as he can.”
She was proud of herself. Her voice didn’t reveal any of the uncertainty she felt in the face of that question.