Chapter 14 Amber
AMBER
Roman rolled off me and glanced in the direction of the portable cribs.
Oh, my God.
Shame hit me at once. That I’d slept with the father of those two innocent babies while they were in the same room. I winced and covered my face with both hands.
Roman chuckled lightly, reaching for my wrists and pulling me upright. He gazed at me smugly, clearly liking what he saw. As he gently urged me to sit up, he whispered, “They’re still asleep.”
I shot him an I can’t believe we just did that! look.
His smile stayed in place as he got me onto my feet and led me into the bathroom.
“They’re bound to wake up soon,” he said as he got me in the shower with him. Leaving the door open gave us the chance to hear them, but we managed to clean up and share lingering soft kisses before getting back in bed.
Once we were under the covers, snuggled together, I let the sated sensations relax me all the way into a deep sleep.
He’d wanted me to focus on him, on feeling good instead of worrying, and I’d trusted him to do that. And I couldn’t take it back or regret it now.
It seemed like we’d just gotten into bed and fallen asleep when the babies fussed. I groaned, leaning over to get up, but Roman told me not to.
“I’ve got it. Just go back to sleep.”
Spent and exhausted from all that happened, I closed my eyes again and slumped against the pillow.
The next time I opened my eyes, it was when sunshine tried to slip through the curtains. Morning had come, and I'd slept for more than an hour or two.
The curse of cluster feeding seemed to be over. And as I looked at Roman still sleeping next to me, I smiled at how the curse of lusting after him was over too.
No. That’s not true.
I still wanted him. Right now, as a matter of fact, with how sexy he looked, sleepy and at ease, sprawled out in the bed.
Letting out a long sigh, I smiled at how alive I felt. How bright my future looked. How good I felt—instead of used.
Staring at Roman as he slept and not wanting to get up lest I wake up the twins yet, I tried to disengage from the darker memories that wanted to drag me down.
For the first time since my assault so long ago, when William let one of his friends break into my room and rape me, I didn’t feel ashamed or dirty.
I had a voice with Roman. He let me make a choice.
Last night, he’d told me that it was just sex, nothing more, and I agreed.
The very last thing I needed to do was seriously get carried away with whimsical fantasies of fairytale-grade dreams. There was no point in wishing that we were making love instead of scratching an itch.
It was stupid to be silly and think that we were promising ourselves to each other for an eternity, not caving to a physical urge.
And it was just what I hadn’t realized I’d been needing. I’d never had sex before, because I refused to consider the time I was raped as something I’d wanted or welcomed. That was an assault, a specific attack. As far as I was concerned, last night, I’d lost my “virginity” to Roman.
In the light of the morning, it didn’t scare me. It… motivated me. It pushed me to think that I was on my way to healing from my past.
The longer I lay here and tried to picture how the day would go—anticipating that the twins would wake up very soon—I frowned at what happened in the living room last night.
Would it be weird to go out there? Would there be evidence of damage or any signs of a break-in?
Those questions snuck back into my mind, worrying me all over again.
Will I ever feel safe, truly safe?
Or am I doomed to forever suffer this lock of fear?
Roman groaned sleepily. Not opening his eyes, he pulled me close and sighed against me.
“Stop worrying,” he said in a sleep-roughened voice.
“How can you tell that I was?”
He shrugged, opening his eyes and gazing up at me. The peace on his face soothed me.
“What are you worrying about?” he asked as he stroked his hand up and down my side.
It was my turn to shrug, a little peeved that he could be this good at reading me—with his eyes closed and just waking up. “Oh, nothing much. Just, uh, how to handle all the guilt and fear that I slept with my big, powerful boss last night.”
He grinned. “Big?”
I blushed but beamed when he kissed me slowly and deeply.
“You do not need to worry about what happened last night,” he said.
“Because it’ll stay a secret between us?”
“If you want.” He rolled me onto my back, kissing me and hovering over me.
“I mean it. I can’t lose this job, Roman.” I shot a glance in the direction of Emily and Henry still sleeping in. “I can’t lose this opportunity.”
He kissed down my body, going straight for my breasts. I hadn’t bothered with clothes last night, or earlier this morning, whenever it was that we’d showered. As he licked and sucked on my sensitive skin, I relished the zings of arousal that shot down to my core.
“You won’t,” he promised, looking up at me as he touched his tongue to my nipple.
I hissed in a sharp breath at the potent flood of desire that followed.
He seemed to have a one-track mind about fooling around with me. Or he had one approach to distracting me from panicking or worrying. I couldn’t mind it when he induced me to feel so alive, so wanted and needed and desired. It was a heady mix I couldn’t deny.
But in my heart, I dreaded the chance that I could lose this.
This merging business with pleasure would backfire and I wouldn’t be employed here anymore.
Emily and Henry had stolen my heart, and I couldn’t imagine the grief and loss I’d suffer through to not be in their lives.
They’d imprinted on me already, and I valued having a role in their young lives like this.
But I couldn’t lose this job—this home and security, either.
Despite what happened last night, I knew I was safer here than on my own in the big, bad world out there.
If that intruder from last night wasn’t related to William and searching for me, then I had no reason to be alarmed.
Thinking wasn’t too easy to manage right now, but as I thought back to how I’d jumped to the conclusion that the intruder could be sent by William, I dismissed it as farfetched.
How could William even know that I was here?
I’d only gone out of the building and had been seen with Roman once, for that brunch.
It seemed too random for William to have spotted me that one time to track me here.
“Amber…” Roman whispered with a teasing tone as he crept lower over me. “I told you. You don’t need to worry about what happened last night.”
He’d pushed off the sheets, revealing me. Revealing himself, too, as he crawled down my body and settled in between my legs.
“Why… not?” I asked, battling the self-consciousness of him down there, his face inches from my pussy, spreading me wide open for him to see.
“Because you need to worry about something else instead.”
I leaned up on the pillows more to watch him as he stroked his fingers over my folds. “I do?”
He nodded, giving me a wickedly devastating and handsome smile. “Yeah. Worry about staying quiet while I help myself to tasting this sweet little pussy of yours.”
My mouth hung open. His went down, aiming for my entrance.
Without taking his eyes off me once, he kissed me and slid his hands under my ass to hold me in place.
“Roman,” I hissed, shocked and so turned on, I knew I’d embarrass myself somehow.
He only smiled and carried on. Stroking his tongue up and down, he laved me and dragged the hot, velvety stretch of his tongue in such a way that I did worry. If I’d scream. If I’d cry out.
I glanced at the cribs again and wanted to whimper.
As he funneled his tongue into me, I dreaded waking up the whole building.
Then when he placed his big fingers in my body to massage me there, he moved his skillful mouth and tongue to my clit and sucked.
Flicking the tip of his tongue at that bundle of nerves nearly had me seeing stars, but when he put soft suction on the spot, I threaded my fingers through his hair and held him in place.
“Ooh…” I moaned as quietly as I dared to, lying back and humping his face.
He dug his fingers into my ass cheeks, and the strength of his grip triggered me to let go.
I came, shaking and trembling. On instinct, I clamped my thighs on his head, and fisting his hair to ground myself, I rode out the waves of euphoria that left me sizzled and spent.
He pressed one last kiss to the inside of my thigh before leaning up to grin at me.
“You didn’t wake them up,” he teased.
I wheezed out a harsh exhale and stared at him incredulously. His chin was still glistening from my arousal. His eyes glittered with mischief. But it was the pure satisfaction in his smile that warmed my heart.
Right then, a little cry filled the room.
I felt my face go slack as I deadpanned at him.
Seriously?
He chuckled, standing and showing me that he had a hell of an erection tenting in his sweatpants.
“You jinxed it,” I teased as Henry fussed a wakeup call.
He winked at me and stretched. “You’re welcome.”
I eyed the big bulge that pressed against the fabric of his pants. “But now I can’t return the favor.”
He shrugged, watching me get up and pull clothes on as I cooed at Emily and Henry and told them I would be there as fast as I could.
“I’ll take you up on that offer later,” he said.
“If you want to manage them for a while, I’ll be in the shower getting rid of this.
” He stroked his erection through his pants, and I gave a sound of protest. He’d just made me come and I wanted more.
I wanted to taste him. I wanted to ride him and I wanted to—
I pressed my hand to my burning cheek. “Oh, my God. What have you turned me into?” I muttered.
Hurrying toward Henry, I shook my head as Roman went into the bathroom, chuckling smugly.
“He’s going to turn me into a monster,” I whispered as I picked up Henry and cuddled him.
No, he’s not.
Changing Henry’s diaper was the return to reality I needed.
I wasn’t here to fuck my boss. No matter how damned good he was at mastering my body and making me melt for him.
I was here to be a nanny to this baby boy and his twin.
Don’t screw this up.
I couldn’t lose this job, and if that meant schooling myself to avoid acting like a feral animal for Roman, then that was what I’d need to try to do.