Chapter 33
ROMAN
Putting pressure on William Rossen was a good first step. Uncle Mikhail was upfront about looking into how we could go after him, but he had to do so with a careful eye on how much the Popovs might strike back.
“If we could use this as an excuse to just fucking clear them out of the city…” he muttered after we met again a couple of days later.
Sergei grunted. “I’m all for that,” he said wryly.
Of course, he would be. We all loathed the Popovs on principle. But when Maisie was taken before Sergei had officially accepted her as his daughter, before he’d even married Natalie, he’d gotten more than a taste of what it was like to deal with Niko Popov messing with us.
“But I think this is working,” Andre said. “In the meantime.” He nodded as he scrolled his emails. “I’ll touch base with our informant at the prison again, too.”
Uncle Mikhail rubbed his chin, reclining in his big chair in the office.
Owen was napping on him, the toddler still small enough that he fit against his father if he was really cranky and Claire needed a break.
He kept his free hand on Owen’s back, securing him in place, and I had to smile.
I could see myself doing that with Henry, or Emily, when they were older and still wanted to be close to me in my office.
Or any other kids…
I could picture a red-headed hellion of a daughter trying to keep up with Emily and Henry. Or maybe another boy. Or—
“There’s only so many prisons to check here,” Andre said, jarring me from my fantasies.
They kept popping up with more frequency.
Ever since Amber opened up to me and shared the secrets that I knew she had been keeping from me, I was getting addicted to the idea of forever with her.
To trust that she was the one and that settling with her was what I’d been waiting for my whole life.
“International ones might take a little more time,” he added. “Doable, but more time-consuming.”
Sergei and I stood to leave, both of us only stopping in for a meeting this afternoon.
“Wherever the bastard is, we’ll end him,” I said, more than willing to do the deed myself.
Lorne’s idea to have someone handle the hit behind bars was a good one, but it was tricky finding the asshole who’d raped Amber a decade ago.
It was more than a few years to comb back through.
We had the most luck in scouring through all of William’s financial information, courtesy of our good friend we’d had placed high up in the IRS. But it was still over ten years ago.
I expressed my frustration to my brother as we left Uncle Mikhail’s office, but Sergei wasn’t losing faith.
“We’ll find him. It’s just a matter of checking who was sentenced for what and matching the timing of the crimes to the prison sentence.”
“Plus checking who’s up for parole,” I added.
“Yes. That too. Correlating the prison timeline with who William was acquainted with will get us the target.”
“Good.” I came to a stop at Claire coming through the open foyer space before where the elevator was positioned, the one I’d take to go down to the interconnected tunnels that would bring me back to my building.
“I’ll catch you later,” I told my brother, picking up the pace to reach Claire.
Sergei left, and Claire turned at the sound of me coming after her.
“Hey, Roman.” She smiled, but it faltered immediately. “Oh, no. Please don’t tell me that Mikhail’s already hoping I can take over with Owen again.” She rubbed her head and winced.
“No, no.”
“Oh.” She brightened. “You looked like you were seeking me out and I thought…” She sighed.
“I was, but not because my uncle can’t handle a napping toddler on his own.”
She rolled her eyes. “Oh, that’s just…” She growled. “That’s just great. He keeps us up all night. I can’t get any decent sleep, but when I lie down for a nap, I’m too awake to even get a minute’s worth.”
I smiled.
She frowned. “How you have been keeping up with two at the same time…”
“I’ve got Amber.”
“You do.” Her face softened with a smile. “And I’ve got Mikhail, but it’s overwhelming to even think about two babies at once.”
“Technically, Owen’s not a baby anymore.”
She crossed her arms. “He’ll always be my baby.”
“Anything I can help with?” I said. I knew all too well how daunting it was to be this sleep deprived.
“Like you don’t have your hands full enough already?” she joked lightly. She patted my arm. “All jokes aside,” she said before a yawn interrupted her, “did you need something?”
I nodded. “I was wondering if you could help me—when you’re not losing sleep and this frustrated.”
“Oh, stop. I’ll survive. What’s going on?”
“I was thinking about how Amber’s been struggling for so long with what happened to her and all those years she was stuck in that house.
Kept there like a product on the shelf or something.
” I grimaced, hating to think of her being so trapped and helpless, all through her younger years and since she’d become an adult. “Like a hostage.”
“It’s terrible.”
“When she came here, I noticed how she was skittish and nervous. Those trauma responses she couldn’t fully hide.”
“No one can hide those completely. It’s instinct.”
“And I know that sometimes, she’ll be triggered by what we do. Or can get mixed up with.” I watched her closely for a sign that she was following.
“I’m sure she will.” She released a long exhale. “I was nervous at first too, when I met Mikhail. It’s a drastic change to go from being a civilian to a member of this family.”
“But you’ve adapted.”
She tilted her head side to side. “We all do. We’re animals and animals adapt.
The human body and mind adapt. If you’re trying to compare or contrast what Amber and I experienced, though, that’s apples to oranges.
I was never raped. I was never held hostage anywhere.
I merely struggled to give up my old life as I knew it for this new life with love and protection. ”
“Is there a chance that maybe you could offer her advice? On how to adapt?”
Her smile was slow and patient. “Is this your way of admitting that you are no longer the player and are finally going to settle down? Amber has tamed you after all?”
I smirked. “I haven’t been the playboy I used to be for a long while now, even before I hired her as my nanny.”
She held up a hand. “Fair enough.”
“And it’s a little late to worry about planning to settle down. I already have been. Discovering Emily and Henry kickstarted that. But I have been settling.” I just hadn’t officially realized it as it happened. “It started as wanting to be home and present for the twins, but it’s Amber, too.”
“This is wonderful news, Roman.”
It was. Each time I let myself get carried away with imagining a lasting future with Amber, I felt lighter. Happier. More content that she would be with me at home, ready to be my partner with my son and daughter.
Yet, I still had to be conscious of Amber’s hesitations.
I hated to doubt whether she could ever fully accept this bloody world I had grown up in.
I detested thinking about whether she’d be further triggered and upset about any of the violence. Or seeing any Popovs again.
Amber’s past wasn’t something to just sweep under the rug and forget about. We had to work with it. And my hope was that Claire would help.
“So, you’ll consider it?” I asked. “I realize you’ve got your hands full.”
She giggled and shook her head as that turned into a yawn too. “Which one of us doesn’t have their hands full around here? Of course, I’ll help her. However I can.”
“Thank you. I wanted to ask you since you went through the same acclimation process, of coming from the world outside these walls and sticking with committing to staying.”
She dipped her chin. “Yes. It’s a change to accommodate for. But if her adoptive father associated with the Popovs, she can’t truly be immune to how a crime family works.”
I shrugged. “William was never in the family, though.”
“Close enough, right?” She patted my shoulder. “If I can help her, I will. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of having someone to talk to.”
“She has me,” I replied quickly.
“Yes, but from a woman's perspective, that whole walk-a-mile-in-one’s-shoes theory. I’d be glad to help her.”
“Not just in how to adjust to staying here forever.”
Her brows shot up as she smiled. “Forever? We’re going to have another wedding that soon?”
I dismissed the enthusiasm in her voice. “No celebrations will be warranted until Rossen and ‘friend’ are dealt with.”
She winced. “No details, please.”
“Fine.” I cleared my throat. “I was also hoping you might have ideas or resources for how she can manage and cope with her PTSD, too.”
“Therapy would be a good start. You’re really trying to think of everything,” she said with a smile again.
“I don’t know if I’d call that everything.” I furrowed my brow. “Is there anything I’m missing?”
“Anything you’re missing in what regard?” she asked simply.
“I don’t want to be oblivious or miss anything in regard to her staying here, to being a permanent member of the family.”
To provide for her in every way I could so she would continue to choose me. To consent and let me believe I’d won her over. Not for a fickle fling, but that I’d won her heart.
“Well…” she said in a teasing, singsong voice. “To become a member of this family, you need to have Mikhail’s approval.”
I nodded. “And she does.” He just practically said that he wished this situation could be the rationale to end the Popov threat for good.
“And generally, in a traditional sense, you make someone part of a family by marrying them.”
“Yeah.” Obviously.
Her eyes bugged out as she grinned. “Really? You’re that serious about her?”
I smirked, amused how anyone would doubt me all this time. Amber had been slowly becoming my woman for months now. We’d just been letting the label of her being the nanny diffuse it all like a filter.
“Yes. Isn’t it obvious?” I’d killed for her. I’d rip this world apart to secure the means to keep her happy and safe.
Smiling gently, she nodded. “I suppose it is obvious, Roman. Obvious that no matter how long you’ve detested the idea of settling down, you love her.”
And I always will.
I smiled as I resumed walking back to my building, ignoring my ringing phone, dismissing all the thoughts in my mind, and procrastinating on the mental to-do list that never shut up.
I love her.
Because she trusted me. Because she chose me.
And because I would spend the rest of my life proving to her that she can and should trust me for the rest of our lives.