|78| • Everest
I barely had my phone on me during the past few days, when my phone buzzed the first time in the morning, it was the jewellery store.
The ring I paid for was done. The news made my heart clench; I debated silently with myself, confused about whether to pay the remaining half of the money or request a refund.
Honestly? I was tempted to do the latter, but as things were panning out, I wasn't sure I could proceed with the proposal.
I was hurt, and I didn't think she was ready for marriage.
Sure I wasn't the judge of that, but from where I stood, she was still the naive girl I hopelessly fell in love with.
Perhaps I should have talked myself out of it, but I grabbed my coat and went out the pick the ring regardless of what ran through my mind.
The ring glimmered, the diamond taunting me. I was buying a ring I wasn't sure I was going to use.
Ha...was this the height of hope?
When I was done with the pick-up, I headed back home, deciding to be less pathetic.
Arranging my room was the start, I eventually started working out and lost count of how many push-ups I did.
For every thought of Amelia, I added a sum of five to the exercise -- to put it lightly, my arms were throbbing when I was done. Panting, I got up, working on my legs.
I recalled a bit of training we usually did in the army, the boys and I would gather in the room after lights out, exercising until one of us dropped out or surrendered.
It was something fun we thought of, but now here I was, alone in my room doing these workouts to stop thinking of the hurt in my chest. Letting out shaky breaths, I slowly laid both legs on the floor, looking at the ceiling.
I couldn't keep staying here.
The only reason I left was because I needed to take a breather, I needed to be anywhere but there.
It had been a little over one week and I knew the longer I stayed, the more worried my family was.
Whenever I thought of going back to see Amelia, a nudging feeling kept me from doing so.
I had read her message that day when she said she was going to therapy now.
It shocked me, but I was a bit glad too.
Admittedly, those words picked at my skin after I'd thought about it over and over, it was so easy for her to say.
Yet I couldn't bring myself to admit it all this while.
Right, when last did I even attend therapy?
I had been too busy sulking and hiding in the four corners of my room to go and be more vulnerable with the woman.
I couldn't imagine how I'd begin to tell her that the love of my life kissed another guy.
Not only was it embarrassing but it was also gnawing on my ego.
What did that prick have that made her want to be his friend so darn much?
Was it because he was closer to her age group?
No matter how much I pondered, I didn't seem to get it.
Laying my head on the mattress, I looked up at the light fitting, it was turned off, I preferred to be in the dark these days.
"Amelia..." I heard myself calling, raising my hand above my face, spreading out five of my fingers.
"I want us to talk about this...but, I don't know.
" I mumbled, covering my face with my palms.
"I miss you," I mumbled to myself.
It was nearly impossible not to miss her.
Her smile, her kind self, the way she giggled at my jokes, the way her eyes lit up whenever I made a dish for her, the way she offered to bake us something even though I barely had ingredients for that.
I missed her words, her hands on mine, I missed her.
Damn it. I hated this. Leaving was more torture than I thought, each passing day left my body numb and my heart heavy.
The mere look at Abel had me glancing away, their resemblance toyed with my emotion way too much.
Did she miss me too?
I chuckled to myself, that wasn't the right question to ask. I was more curious about whether she was willing to change. I didn't want what we had to end, not this way, not now or shortly. I meant what I did by buying that engagement ring.
Right.
The ring.
I groaned, turning to my side to fetch the small rectangular padded box out of the drawer.
The box was a dark brown, with gold lining at the corners.
I opened it with one hand, observing the ring.
I could imagine this on her finger, it'd fit her.
Titling the ring slightly, I read the inscription on the side, it was what I'd told them to write.
Sighing, I put the ring back into the box, clasping it shut before securing it in my bottom drawer.
The ringtone from my phone drew my attention from my mind to the room, rolling my eyes, I searched blindly for it on my bed. Who could be calling me at this hour? When I felt the vibration on my hand, I drew it towards me.
Baby.
The caller ID read. It felt like my chest constricted the moment I read those words, my heart racing as though it was being chased by the other organs.
It was Amelia, she was calling. This was the last thing I expected, a text was understandable but a call?
I continued to stare at the vibrating phone, almost dumbfounded.
Was I ready to talk?
What on earth was I going to say?
Realizing the call would soon go to voicemail, I swiped accept. Putting the phone to my ear, I let out deep breaths. "Hey, Amelia..." I'd been calling her name times before, but this felt different, now, she could hear me.
I heard a shuffling from the other side of the screen, as though she quickly got up from somewhere. Was she still at the apartment? How was she doing? Was she eating well? I was sick and tired of blocking her off, I needed to know how she was doing.
"E-Everest." Her soft voice called out, oh how I'd missed her voice.
Amelia seemed taken aback that I answered the call, it was probably because I didn't reply to her text message.
I didn't know what to reply, so I decided to just soak in the information.
Taking a shaky breath, I climbed to bed.
She was okay, right? I mean, she sounded pretty tired but not hurt or anything.
"How...how are you?" I asked, not knowing what else to say.
Amelia cleared her throat, "M-me? Oh, I'm...to be honest? I've been better." She ended with a sigh, I could already imagine her twirling her braided her, looking up with those doe eyes of hers. She'd been better? Me too, baby, me too.
There was a pause, none of us spoke, I guess we'd been apart for too long.
"How about you? How are you doing? Are you eating well? I hope you've been alright...wherever you are. I'm not saying that in a condescending way or anything, it just-"
I chuckled silently, not wanting to interrupt.
She was rambling, how I'd missed that. I just listened to the tune of worry spill from her lips.
So I wasn't the only person close to ripping my hair off in worry, she worried about me too.
"I'm rambling, I'm sorry." Amelia ended with a huff, taking a deep breath after all those words.
"Which do I answer first?" I found myself teasing.
I'd thought the next conversation between the both of us would be icy, but this, this I liked.
Also, I couldn't bring myself to talk to her harshly, not after the last time I saw her cry.
"Oh...I'm sorry, you can answer whichever, you don't have to though.
" She mumbled the end lowly but I still heard.
"To be honest?" I asked rhetorically, she hummed.
"I haven't been fine, I've been cooped up in my family house for quite a while, feeling pathetic and such.
Eating? Well, I try to, sometimes. Truth is, I've not been in the best mood, but I guess being alone for a while made me calm down.
" There was no point in beating around the bush.
I felt like shit and wanted her to know.
Not to make her feel guilty, but to admit it and be more at ease. I wanted to get better.
I didn't want to feel hate or anger, neither did I want to hold a grudge and become depressed.
Those feelings were heavy on my heart. There was a brief pause, "Oh...thanks for telling me that."
This amused me, "Thanks?" I asked, a lazy smirk
"I wanted to know how you were doing. I was hoping you wouldn't dismiss the question.
" She explained without stuttering. There was a bit of hesitation in her voice, but she didn't hold back.
I hummed, feeling a strand of my hair. Dismiss the question, huh?
Come to think of it, I was probably dismissing a lot of her questions concerning therapy.
I didn't want her to see me as broken. Shaking my head, I listened in for what else she wanted to say.
"How about you?" I asked instead.
Amelia sighed, "I...I am better now. And, before I answer, I want to tell you something."
Intrigued, I hummed, telling her to go on.
"I know sorry isn't going to cut it, but Everest, I am truly sorry for cheating on you.
I don't have an excuse and I'm so sorry I found it so hard to realize that before.
These past few days have been pretty miserable for me, and I'm not telling you that so it'd make you feel bad or anything!
I just...had some time to think." She began, taking a shaky breath. My shoulders relaxed on the bed.
Sorry. That word was used to pacify many things, and I guess my already numb pain was part of it. She cleared her throat as though she wanted to continue so I let her, pursing my lips.
"You were right, I do have abandonment issues, and my therapist -- uh his name is Dr. Jones, he made me realize where all of this was coming from and we've been trying to sort it out step by step.
What I'm trying to say is, I messed up, I did.
But I'm willing to change Evie--I mean, Everest. I am.
B-but i-if you want to call it q-quits..
." I noticed her words became lower, her tone more hesitant.
Call it quits?
Was that what she thought I'd do?
Sure I left, but that thought hadn't even crossed my mind. I didn't want us to call it 'quits', even though I was hurt, I still wanted to make this work. "Amelia." I sighed, cutting her off, I didn't want her to sound so scared, heck, I was scared too.
"I don't want to call it quits, let's get that straight."
I told her, rubbing my face. "Oh..." She muttered lowly.
"I...I think it would be better if we spoke about this in person." I told her, my voice low. I didn't want such a hearty conversation over the phone. It was as if the little confidence she had withered away because she let out a light sigh.
"Are you at the apartment?" I asked.
"Oh! Uh...I'm not, I actually went to see Abel.
So I'm staying here for a bit." I hummed, nodding.
I guess the apartment could get a bit lonely.
"Hey, Amelia?" I called out slowly, thinking over what I was about to say.
She hesitated before humming. The truth was, I didn't really care for an apology, I just wanted her to realize what she did wrong and not do such again.
The apologies just made everything all the more tense.
"I'm going to work tomorrow," I uttered, looking up at the ceiling. "Huh? O-oh you mean Abel's workshop? Okay, I guess we could see when you're less busy." She said, sounding deflated. I almost chuckled. Letting it sink in, I remained silent.
The silence swelled for a minute before she perked up again. "Uh, would it be fine with you...if I showed up there?" Ah, so she finally put two and two together. Why would I not be fine with it? It was her brother's workshop, wasn't it?
"Why else did you think I told you, hm?"
I almost smirked, I missed her. Speaking on the phone was not enough, "Really?!" Hearing how eager she was made me smile, a genuine tug on my lips. It had been quite a while since I'd smiled like this. "Really," I reassured.
I wasn't so proud of how I handled the situation, it wasn't as though I wouldn't have left if given a chance.
But leaving for more than a week? It was more of fear than sadness at this point.
Too scared to face the music. It took her calling first to know I wanted to talk this out.
How stupid did that sound? Brushing the strands of my hair out of my face, I closed my eyes.
"Thank you! I'll be there, should I come in the morning? Or during your break? Maybe I should wait until you're done-" There was that ramble of hers. "Whenever you decide, you come and I'll take a break then."
"Oh okay. Okay..." I laughed a bit, it was good to see she was back to being jolly.
"So I'll see you then. Goodnight baby."
The words slipped out, but I didn't mind. Amelia paused, I could already imagine her blushing. "Goodnight, Evie..."