Chapter Three #2
She smiles softly. “Nothing’s wrong,” she murmurs. “I was enjoying the moment.” Relieved, I lean in and kiss her again, savoring the warmth of her lips.
I stay with her until she drifts back to sleep, her breathing steady and peaceful. Once I’m sure she’s resting comfortably, I press the call button, needing answers about her surgery.
A nurse enters the room.
“Is she awake again?” she asks.
“No, she just went back to sleep,” I reply. “I was wondering if I could speak with the doctor about her stomach operation.”
She nods. “I’ll page him for you. It’s near the end of his shift, so he shouldn’t be long.”
I exhale, unease settling in my chest. Something doesn’t feel right.
An hour passes, each minute stretching longer than the last. Frustration builds as I wait, the silence in the room amplifying my anxiety, when finally, the doctor walks in.
“I heard you wanted to see me?” the doctor says.
I stand to greet him, nodding. “I was wondering what kind of operation you did on Dee’s stomach,” I say.
“Okay, but not in here,” he answers, and dread instantly fills my veins.
He leads me outside her room, so we’re far enough away that she won’t hear, but still in the doorway so I can still see her.
“Right, so just lay it on me. How bad is it?” I ask, and he rubs the back of his neck—that’s not a good sign.
“The metal tubing that penetrated her stomach also penetrated her uterus and her right fallopian tube and ovary,” he stops, and I look at him, not understanding.
“Right, so that means?” I ask, not knowing anything about medical jargon.
He shakes his head and continues, “Basically, because the damage to her uterus was not repairable, we had to perform an emergency hysterectomy to remove all the damaged tissue.”
I stare at him, confused as fuck.
All this medical jargon—I have no idea what he’s saying.
“Doc, in English?” I question.
“Colt, we had to remove everything.”
“Okay, well, does she need a transplant or something? What does she need?” I beg, simply wanting him to explain in words I understand.
“No, Colt, a transplant isn’t possible—”
“Then what the fuck are you talking about?” I yell, getting frustrated.
He shakes his head and places his hand on my arm for comfort, but it doesn’t give me any. “Colt, it means she can’t conceive or carry a child. She will not be able to get pregnant, and she won’t be able to—”
“For how long? ’Cause I know she wants kids, but how long until she can?” I interrupt, guessing it can’t be too bad since we can always have children later. I mean, we wanted to get married first, so it’s not that bad.
“Colt, I need you to listen to what I’m saying. Dee will never get pregnant, and she can never carry a baby. The organs she needs to do that, we had to remove. All of them. Dee will never fall pregnant,” he informs me, and dammit, I finally get what he is telling me.
I take a few deep breaths as the gravity of this situation sinks in. “Dee can’t get pregnant?” I ask to confirm, and he shakes his head. “Ever?” I question, and he shakes his head again.
“So, we will never have children naturally?” I inquire, and he nods his head.
Fuck me! Instantly, I feel sick to my stomach with the heavy weight that has been dropped on me. I bend over and place my hands on my knees, breathing deeply.
The doctor pats my back as I try to pull myself together.
There will never be miniature versions of us running around.
A mixture of both of us to love, cherish, and help grow.
That won’t ever happen for us!
“Colt, when we took out her ovaries, we found some mature eggs, and we froze them,” he announces.
I stand up straight and look at him, confused.
“Basically, it means that if you can find a surrogate, someone who we can implant Dee’s egg, we can fertilize the egg with your sperm, and they can carry a baby to full term.
So there is still a small chance you can both have your own children.
We found three eggs. Now, I’m not going to lie, they may not take, but still, three chances are better than none. ”
If push came to shove and Dee and I wanted a baby, I’m sure we could find a surrogate even if I have to pay someone to do it.
Because I know the one thing Dee always wanted in our future was babies.
Especially after seeing Anna pregnant. I don’t know how Dee will take this news.
Not being able to have our child grow inside her is a massive issue.
I don’t know how I’m going to tell her.
I exhale loudly.
“I know it’s a lot to take in right now, but you have options. I’ll get Shannon to bring you all the forms and leaflets on embryo transfer and surrogacy, as well as some forms on adoption and fostering.”
My head is spinning.
All these different options.
Scenarios.
Except for the one I really want—Dee carrying our child.
I wanted to spoil her rotten while she waddles around barefoot and pregnant.
I wanted to be able to feel our baby kick inside her, and I wanted to be there while she was screaming about how much she hated me while giving birth.
But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that we can’t always have what we want, and as much as this news is killing me right now, I know Dee is going to take this even harder than I am, so I will need to be there for her.
“Thanks, Doc,” is all I can think to say.
“Look, I know you’re having a tough time, and I’m sure this has only made it harder, but if you want to be able to take care of Dee, you need to take care of yourself first. Have some time to yourself each day, even if you go for a walk down the corridor and back.
You need time to let your head sort itself out.
The family of a patient who’s had injuries and been in an induced coma, like Dee, will always struggle.
If there’s one thing you can take from all this, it’s that she’s going to make a full recovery physically.
Mentally, however, she may need help. I would even suggest going to counseling when we finally tell her about her hysterectomy.
Women take these things really hard, and you will need to be strong to help her build strength.
So while you can… rest, eat, and shower and do all the things you can to look after yourself, Colt, because without you, Dee will struggle to come to terms with it. ”
I don’t reply, I simply nod and then look over at her, lying so still asleep in bed, not knowing that her world is going to be turned on its head when she finally wakes up properly.
He spins and walks off, leaving me to head back inside and sit beside Dee, holding her hand once more.
Damn. I can’t help the tears that silently fall.
I’ve never cried much in my life, but it seems like it’s all I do at this fucking hospital.
She’s dreaming again because I see her eyes moving under her eyelids. I wipe my tears and take a deep breath, preparing myself for another episode of delirium.