Chapter Twenty-Six
DEE
“Colt,” I whisper, barely able to get his name out.
He looks at me, and I see it, he’s just as terrified as I am.
Because this is it.
These were our only eggs.
Our only shot.
If this doesn’t work, we’ll never be parents.
“It’s okay, baby,” he whispers, but the tremble in his voice betrays him.
Dr. Doherty exhales slowly and turns off the machine. “Okay, you can sit up now, Anna.”
She tugs her shirt back down and walks over to sit beside Johnny, her face a little too still. The air feels heavy, like we’re sitting in a storm cloud waiting for it to break. My skin is buzzing, but not in anticipation—something darker, something dreadful.
Dr. Doherty reads over the results again, lips pressed together, rubbing the back of his neck like the words won’t come.
“Dee… Colt…” he starts, then pauses.
Please no.
Please don’t say it.
Tears sting my eyes before I even hear the words, like my body already knows what he’s about to tell us.
“Doc,” Colt says, voice rough. “Just spit it out.” He pulls me tighter into his side, and I feel him breathe in like he’s bracing for a heavy hit.
“I’m so sorry.”
No.
God, no.
Please.
The words land like a wrecking ball, and the floor drops out from beneath me. I can’t breathe. I can’t even think. My body starts to shake uncontrollably, and I feel Colt’s arms tighten around me, but it’s like I’m not even in my body anymore.
This wasn’t supposed to happen.
We were supposed to leave here with hope.
Not with a funeral in our hearts.
I hear Anna gasp behind me, a sharp intake of breath that fractures something profound in my chest. My head falls into my hands as a sob rips through me.
I wasn’t ready for this.
I knew the risks.
I knew it was a possibility.
But I never really believed it would happen.
I never believed we’d lose… everything.
“What happened, Doc?” Johnny asks, voice hushed and tight.
Dr. Doherty speaks quietly, his voice a dull echo in my ears.
“Neither embryo matured enough to sustain life. Anna, you’re not pregnant.
I’m so sorry… to all of you. I’ll give you some time.
Take as long as you need. We won’t need the room again today.
” He rests a gentle hand on my shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Dee. There’s nothing more we can do. ”
And then he’s gone.
Just like that.
Taking all my hopes and dreams with him.
I stare at the floor, but all I can see are the faces of the babies that never got the chance to exist.
I will never be a mother.
Never.
That truth slams into me like a freight train.
That dream, that one last fragility of hope, was taken from me. Stolen. By a van. By rabid fans. By fate. Whatever you want to call it—it’s gone.
“I’m so sorry, Colt. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you a family.”
“Dee, baby—”
“Don’t,” I snap, louder than I meant to, but I can’t take his sympathies right now. I glance up through soaked lashes and see him crying too.
God, no.
Seeing him cry? That hurts more than anything else.
He stands and hauls me to my feet, pulling me into him like he needs me just as much as I need him. I break in his arms, my whole body shaking.
Behind me, I hear Anna sob.
“I’m so sorry,” she chokes out. “I… I don’t know what I did wrong.”
“Honey, it’s not your fault,” Johnny says softly, trying to comfort her.
“Anna, don’t blame yourself. We certainly don’t, do we, Dee?” Colt says.
I glance over at her through blurred vision. She’s devastated, too. This wasn’t only our loss—it was hers. I let go of Colt and stumble to her. She rises quickly and catches me in her arms, and we cry together, mourning the loss of two babies who never had a damn chance.
Johnny hugs Colt, their own grief shared in silence.
The room feels like it’s spinning. My stomach twists violently. I stumble, and Anna catches me again.
Colt’s at my side in an instant.
My legs give out.
I drop to the floor.
Colt drops with me, pulling me into his lap. My sobs are loud, uncontrollable, ugly. He rocks me against his chest, and I cling to him like I’ll float away if I let go.
“It’s okay, Dee. Let it all out. I’ve got you,” he murmurs against my hair, his own voice shaking.
Johnny’s voice comes next. “We’ll give you guys some time. We’ll be outside if you need us.”
I feel Colt nod as they leave the room.
And that’s when I really break.
My body goes limp. The sobs won’t stop. It’s like my soul is being ripped out one jagged breath at a time. I didn’t know I could grieve this hard for something I never even held.
I pictured them.
A boy and a girl.
Names picked out.
Tiny jumpsuits hanging in the closet at home.
Gone.
All of it.
I start heaving—dry, choking spasms—and Colt lifts me, rushing me to the sink. I retch again and again, but nothing comes up.
“Fuck, Dee, I—” Colt starts, then cuts himself off.
I look at him through tear-swollen eyes.
He’s pale. Shaken. Hollowed out.
And that’s when it hits me—I’m not the only one who’s lost something today.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I’m sorry I didn’t have more eggs. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you this.”
He pulls me in tighter. “No. Dee, this isn’t your fault. It’s nobody’s fault. I swear to you, this doesn’t change a damn thing. If we adopt, if we foster, if we spend our lives raising a dozen dogs instead of kids, I don’t care. I want you. That’s it. That’s always been it.”
I nod against him, my heart splitting in two.
He slides us back to the floor, and I curl into him, letting myself cry until there’s nothing left to give. An hour passes before I can stand.
Colt helps me to my feet, and we walk out to the waiting room where Anna and Johnny are seated. Anna sees me and starts crying again. Johnny wraps an arm around her as I step closer.
She stands.
“I love you for trying, Anna,” I say softly. “I’m not angry. I’m not upset with you. You tried to give us something, and I’ll always love you for that fact alone.”
She wipes her face and nods. “I know it’s not my fault, but I still feel responsible—”
“Don’t,” I interrupt gently. “This just… wasn’t meant to be.”
She pulls me into another hug.
“C’mon,” Colt says, wrapping an arm around me. “Let’s get out of here.”
We leave the clinic, and it feels like we’re walking through fog. The ride to Anna and Johnny’s is silent. When we drop them off, there’s no long goodbye. There are no more words left to say.
The five-minute drive home is quiet too.
Too quiet.
And maybe that’s when it finally settles in.
I will never be a mother.
Not now.
Not ever.
After we pull up in the driveway, Colt ushers me to the front door. We’re both silent as we go inside, and I decide to head to bed. Colt obviously has the same idea. Either that or he’s following me to make sure I’m okay, but we have yet to utter a word.
Once inside the bedroom, I lean down, taking off my dress, leaving me in my bra and panties as Colt watches me. I’m getting a little concerned about him. He’s so quiet, and the way he’s watching me is making me think he’s not okay.
And while my emotions are all over the place, I understand what he needs. Deep down, I know I need the same. To let go and just be, so I keep my gaze on him.
He shrugs out of his jeans, his cock springing free, and I think he’s going to take me right here, right now.
But he doesn’t. Colt drops to his knees in front of me, and a flame ignites behind his blue eyes.
He still hasn’t said a word, letting me take control, and while I have no illusion he will let me keep this up, I’m running with it.
He slides my panties down, and I drape my leg over his shoulder, threading my fingers into his hair, pulling him to my center as I lean back against the wall.
Colt needs no further guidance as he slides his tongue between my folds, my fingers tug at his hair, shoving his face further as I buck my hips into him.
He groans, pulling my other leg up so I’m balanced with my legs over his shoulders and my back against the wall.
I’ll never get over his strength as he holds me completely above him, then he grips my ass cheeks, holding me in place as he feasts on me.
I scream out when he nips at my clit, then slides his tongue to my now slick entrance.
My legs tremble, squeezing the sides of his face, and my hips rock, seeking more.
When he pushes his tongue inside, I’m done for.
My climax hits so hard that I tense, holding him in place.
All thoughts and cares leave me as I drown in the absolute bliss wracking my body.
It isn’t until a sharp sting on the side of my ass cheek radiates up my spine that I realize I am still at Colt’s mercy.
Immediately, I let go, and he pulls back, his breath coming hard and fast. He doesn’t say anything as he lets my feet fall to the floor.
Luckily, not for long, as I don’t think I could hold myself up.
He quickly steps in closer and lifts me under the legs, moving his cock into place and slamming up into me.
My breath catches at the force, but it’s welcomed.
Each time he thrusts, the force causes my back to slide up and down the wall, and his grip on my hips will no doubt leave bruises. There is a mix of pain and pleasure that has me already teetering on the edge.
We are both panting, and sweat covers our bodies. Colt adjusts his hold, taking a wrist in one hand, his grip possessive, and slams it against the wall above my head. I squeak through a strangled moan. This is the dominant Colt I have craved, my pussy clenching around him.
“Fuck, Dee,” he groans out, leaning his forehead against my chest.
“Colt, let go. I want you to fucking own me. Make me forget,” I plead, pulling his head back with my free hand. His blue eyes glow with desire, but with something else as well. I’m sure he sees the same in mine.
“Dammit, Dee. I’m barely holding on,” Colt confesses.
“Let. Go,” I reply, leaning down and biting his lip, eliciting a growl.