Chapter Twenty-Seven
DEE
“Yeah, Dee’s okay. Devastated, but okay. She took it better than I did, Johnny. I lost it.” Colt’s voice is low, gravelly, and raw as it slips through the crack in the door.
I’ve just woken up, still tucked under the covers after everything that happened earlier. The heartbreak. The weight of it all. The ache in my chest is still there, heavy and suffocating.
“I should’ve been there for her, but instead, she was the one comforting me. I’m such a fucking jerk. I don’t know how she puts up with me,” Colt murmurs.
I press my hand to my stomach, the empty ache echoing through me, while my heart clenches at how broken he sounds.
I know he’s blaming himself, twisting the pain inward, the same way I’ve been doing.
My muscles are sore from the intensity of his touch, and his need to feel something, to lose himself in me, but that ache is nothing compared to the way my heart feels like it’s cracked in half.
That dream—our dream—of a family, of raising a child together, it feels shattered beyond repair. Like someone held it in their hands and just crushed it.
“No, I know she loves me, Johnny, but the way I lost it…” He pauses. “S-she deserves so much better than that,” Colt stammers, his voice cracking, and I wince as the rawness bleeds through every word.
God, I hate hearing him like this.
I shift slowly in the bed, trying to sit up. Every part of me is drained—physically, emotionally, mentally—but the need to comfort Colt, to hold him the way he held me, pushes me upright.
“Yeah, true. How’s Anna doing?” he asks, and my ears perk up at her name. I can’t hear Johnny’s response, but I strain to listen anyway, praying she’s not blaming herself.
“That’s good. Just tell her we’re truly grateful for trying. We can’t thank her enough for what she did. You too, man. Thanks for helping us through this. And I’m sorry we both lost it at the clinic. I know Dee wouldn’t have wanted to make Anna feel bad. She was grieving, you know?”
His words squeeze my heart. Because he’s right. I was grieving. I still am. Now, all I can think about is how Anna must be carrying this burden, thinking she failed us when, in truth, it was never her fault. My eggs weren’t viable, and that’s the hard, ugly truth.
I swallow hard as guilt claws at me.
She gave us a chance.
She gave us hope.
She gave us everything she could.
I’ll never hold that against her.
Colt finishes the call. “Well, you guys try to have a good night. Dee’s still asleep, so I’m going back to bed with her. I’ll chat to you tomorrow, yeah?”
I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them as the door creaks open.
Colt steps inside, his eyes locking on mine as soon as he sees I’m awake.
The way he looks at me is that same tortured, soulful gaze he had at the clinic.
But this time, he tries to mask it with a soft smile.
He crosses the room, places his phone on the bedside table, and climbs in beside me.
“Sorry, did I wake you?” he asks, brushing his knuckles across my arm.
I shake my head and lean into him, needing the safety of his warmth. “No, I just woke up.” I tip my head to look at him. “How’s Johnny? And Anna?”
“You heard all that?” he asks, and I nod slowly. “They’re both doing okay. Anna feels awful, but I kept telling her this wasn’t on her.” He sighs deeply, tightening his hold around me. “I made sure she knows we don’t blame her.”
“Good. Because we don’t. And babe, I don’t want you beating yourself up either. You needed to let it out. That’s human. That’s real. I’m okay, and you’re not a bad husband. You’re the best man I could have ever asked for.”
His mouth twitches into a half-smile. “You know me too damn well.”
“I’m your wife, it’s my job to know you.”
“I still feel like I failed you,” he murmurs, his voice hoarse.
“You didn’t fail me. You were there through it all. You held me together, even when you were falling apart yourself.”
He breathes out, but it’s shaky like he’s holding back too much. “We’re supposed to be recording tomorrow at Abbey Road,” he says after a pause. “But I’m not going. I’ll email Rob and tell him I need more time with you. We can reschedule.”
Part of me wants to say yes. To have him here, wrapped around me like armor. But he’s already sacrificed so much for me, for us. The band, the fans, are his outlet.
“No,” I say, firm but gentle. “You’ve taken enough time off for me. I don’t want you to miss out on something you love because of this. We can’t change what’s happened, and hiding from the world won’t make it hurt any less.”
He frowns. “Dee—”
“Go. Make music. Do something that makes you feel alive again. I’ll be okay. I’m gonna ask Anna to come over. We can hang out, talk, maybe cry a little, but I’ll be surrounded by love.”
He doesn’t look convinced, and I reach up, cupping his cheek.
“I promise, I’ll be okay. Please, go be a rock god for me.”
He smirks at that, but it’s reluctant. “I’ll have my phone on me. You call the second you need me. No hesitation.”
“I will.”
“Are you sure?”
“Colt.”
“Okay, okay,” he says, holding his hands up, then lacing his fingers through mine.
“We just have to find our new version of normal,” I whisper.
He nods. “Then let’s start tonight. Shower, dinner, and some damn peace.” He presses an intense, grounding kiss to my lips, his hand tangling in my hair like he never wants to let go.
The Next Day
Johnny and Anna pull up out front of the house, and Princess barks excitedly, tail wagging like crazy as she races to the door. I lean over the kitchen counter and press a quick kiss to Colt’s lips. He kisses me back, firm and sure, then zips up his guitar case and slings it over his shoulder.
We walk to the front door together.
“Princess, shush,” I say, and she instantly quiets, sitting like the obedient little queen she is.
I open the door as Anna and Johnny make their way up the steps. Anna’s holding a giant bunch of flowers, all wrapped in soft tissue paper, and I tilt my head at her with a half-smile. “Really?”
“I know they won’t fix anything,” she says gently. “But I wanted you to have something pretty to look at. Something to brighten the space, even for a second.” She hugs me tight, and I sink into it, grateful for the small kindness.
Johnny glances at Colt. “You sure you wanna do this today, man?”
Colt’s eyes slide to mine, silently checking in. I give a small nod. I’m still not okay, but I want him to go. Need him to go.
He wraps his arm around my shoulder, tugging me close as he presses a kiss to the top of my head. “The wife wants girl time,” he says with a soft smirk. “And she wants to hear some music. So what the wife wants, the wife gets.”
I snort. “Damn right.”
Johnny chuckles. “Well, we’d better hit the road then.”
Colt turns to face me, that alpha still present in his gaze. “You sure you don’t want me to stay?” he asks one last time.
I roll my eyes, but it’s affectionate. “Just go, Colt. Have fun, make magic in that studio, and then come home and sing me all the songs you record today.”
His smile grows slow and full, like I’ve handed him every fantasy on a platter. “I can do that. Love you.”
I nod. “I know.” I swat his ass. “Now go make beautiful music, rock god.”
He winks, then heads down the path with Johnny.
Anna steps inside and closes the door behind us. “You seem better than I expected,” she says, glancing at me.
I shrug, trying to play it off. “I’m okay. Colt took it hard, so I’ve had to be strong for him. But I still feel like I’m walking a razor’s edge, like one wrong step and I’ll lose it completely.”
Anna wraps a protective arm around me and pulls me in close. “Well, if you need to lose it, I’m right here. Cry it out, scream, throw something… I’m your girl.”
“I might take you up on that. Where’s Aston?”
Her smile fades just a little. “I… I thought it might be too soon. Dropped him at Mum’s before we came over. Figured you didn’t need that kind of heartache today.”
A sharp pang hits my chest, but I nod. She’s right. Seeing a baby right now might wreck me completely. I’m already dangling, barely holding on, and one soft coo might be enough to send me into free fall.
“Thanks,” I murmur.
She nods. “C’mon. Let’s get some caffeine in us and talk girl shit.”
“Perfect.”
We head into the kitchen and pour two coffees. It’s quiet for a few moments, the air thick with everything unspoken until Anna breaks it, “So,” she says softly. “How are you really?”
I freeze with the coffee cup halfway to my lips.
The dam I’ve been holding back all morning wobbles.
“I think I’m still numb,” I admit, voice low.
“I broke at the clinic. Colt shattered when we got home. Then we… we grieved together. But I feel like I haven’t really cried, like I haven’t truly mourned the fact that I’ll never be a mother.
Ever.” The words catch in my throat like broken glass, and the lump that forms nearly chokes me.
Anna sets her cup down and walks over, rubbing my shoulder.
“There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, Dee.
There’s no quota on tears. You don’t need to feel guilty for how you’re handling this.
You’ve already cried more than most people would in a lifetime.
Maybe you’re stronger now than you used to be. Maybe you’re tired of crying.”
“Maybe,” I whisper, wiping a tear as it rolls down my cheek.
She softens. “But even if you’re strong, you don’t have to pretend to be. If you need to break down, I’ll sit on the floor and cry with you, no questions asked.”
A laugh bubbles up, shaky and wet, then I shake my head. “I just… I keep thinking Colt deserves better. More, you know.”
“I knew that was coming,” Anna sighs, sitting beside me. “Dee, that man loves you like his soul depends on it. You are exactly what he deserves, you’re his equal, his other half. Don’t sell yourself short.”