Chapter Twenty-Eight #2
“I’m so sorry, baby. I know the timing of this is insane, and you’re going through hell. I just want you to know I’m here. I’ll always be here. I love you so fucking m-much.” His voice cracks on that last word.
I stay silent.
Not because I don’t love him.
Because I love him too darn much.
If I say it back, if I open that door, I won’t be able to do what I know I need to.
“Can you just tell me you love me?” he asks gently.
My lips part, but nothing comes out.
“Baby?”
I start to sob. Loud, ugly sobs into his pillow.
The door handle jiggles again.
“Okay,” he says softly. “I don’t want to upset you, so I’ll stay in the guest room tonight. But I’m right next door. If you need me for anything, I’m there. I love you, Dee. I want you to know that you are it for me.” His voice is shaky and raw.
God, he is breaking.
“I will fight for us. You’re my wife. I need you more than I’ve ever needed anything in my life.” His breath hitches. Then a sniff.
I know he’s crying.
Because of me.
He thinks I don’t love him.
He’s never been more wrong.
I stay silent. Not because I want to punish him, but because if I speak, the dam will break and I’ll never pull myself together again.
“I’ve loved you since the moment I kissed you outside the bathroom at your first concert,” he says, voice strained. “And I’ll love you until the day I die.” Then he sobs.
The sound of him breaking outside my door rips me to shreds.
I clamp my eyes shut, gripping the pillow so tightly my fingers leave crescents in the fabric. My chest caves in, my breath shallow and rushed as tears flood down my cheeks again.
Colt’s footsteps move away, and the silence is louder than his sobs.
I stare at the ceiling, lost in the endless loop of grief.
At some point, night falls. Darkness settles in.
But I don’t sleep.
I lie here, unmoving. Listening.
At one point, I hear Colt talking on the phone. Johnny? Hux? Maybe his mum. Whoever it is, I’m glad he’s not alone.
***
The next morning, footsteps on the stairs pull me from my trance.
Then, scratching at the door, and a soft whimper.
Princess.
She knows.
She always knows.
I wipe my cheeks with the back of my hand and push off the covers. I can’t stay in here forever. I need to talk to Colt. I need to find out where we go from here.
Getting out of bed, I shuffle to the ensuite and brace myself in front of the mirror.
One look and I flinch. My face is a mess with puffy, red eyes and hair tangled like I’ve been caught in a storm.
I run a hand through it without caring how it looks.
There’s no emotion left to fight. With a sigh, I step back into the bedroom, unlock the door, and open it slowly.
Princess barrels toward me, tail wagging, her little paws tapping across the floor before she jumps up against my legs.
She’s always there. No judgment. No expectations.
I lean down, pet her, and press a soft kiss to her furry head before swinging the door wide.
The numbness still wraps around me like a thick fog.
Colt’s not in the hallway.
I wander out and follow the sound of his voice. He’s talking—firm, focused. I pause outside the kitchen, just far enough away to remain unseen.
“Okay, great. So the money will be deposited every month into his trust fund and into Macy McCormack’s account as well?” he says, and I stiffen.
A trust fund?
My stomach flips. Of course, Colt has to pay child support. That’s his responsibility now. I shouldn’t be surprised.
“Perfect. Thanks so much, Frank. I’ll come in during the week to sign the paperwork. Appreciate you getting on this so quickly,” he adds, then I hear the soft beep of the call ending.
He was talking to Frank, our lawyer.
I wrap my arms around myself, pressing my back to the wall. At least he’s doing the right thing by stepping up and taking care of his family, even if it means Macy is now a permanent fixture in our lives.
I hate how bitter I feel.
I hate that part of me is angry at a sick child.
But I am.
If Caleb hadn’t gotten sick, Colt might never have known he existed. We’d still be mourning one loss, not bracing for another. We’d be trying to find our way back.
Now? We’re lost.
Colt turns the corner and spots me. His face softens instantly, and he rushes forward and pulls me into a tight embrace.
But I don’t move. I don’t lift my arms. I don’t sink into him.
Because the harder I hold on, the harder this goodbye will be.
“Jesus, baby…” he whispers, brushing frantic kisses over my hair. “I’ve been so fucking worried.”
I close my eyes, letting his scent calm me even as my throat tightens.
“I didn’t know, Dee. Not about Caleb. Not that Macy was coming here. I haven’t seen her since she left me. You have to believe me, I didn’t know,” he says, gripping me like he’s afraid I’ll slip through his fingers.
I open my mouth and speak softly. “If you knew… back then. If you’d known that Macy was pregnant, would you have tried harder to stay?”
He jerks back, blinking at me. “What?”
I lift my eyes, but not to his. I can’t look him in the face. “Would you have stayed with her if you’d known she was carrying your child?”
He hesitates. “Dee, that was so long ago. It doesn’t matter now—”
“It matters to me.” My voice rises, sharp and cut with pain. “It’s a simple question, Colt.”
He rubs the back of his neck. His jaw flexes. Then, finally, he nods. “Yes.”
The breath I was holding escapes, slow and shaky. My chest cracks open.
I don’t react.
I don’t sob or scream.
I just… go still.
Colt takes my hands, his thumbs rubbing over the backs of them. “It was another life, baby. Before you. Before us.”
I swallow hard. “Do you still love her?”
“What?” He recoils. “No! God, Dee. No. I love you. I belong with you. Don’t do this, don’t go there. I’m here for better or worse, remember?” He gently takes my chin, trying to lift my face, but I shut my eyes.
“Open your eyes, baby. Please. I’m your husband. I’m still the man you married. That hasn’t changed.”
My eyes stay shut as I shake my head. “Everything’s changed, Colt.”
He groans softly and pulls me into his chest again, holding me so tight I can barely breathe. “Don’t say that. Please don’t say that.”
“I don’t know what you expect me to do. You have a family now. I’m… in the way.”
His breath leaves his nose in a sharp, frustrated rush. “Don’t say that bullshit,” he snaps, voice low. “You are my family. Please don’t go down that road where you push me away because you think I deserve something else, because I don’t. I want you. I need you.”
I stare ahead, eyes empty. “You, me… and your kid, huh?”
He flinches. “Don’t do that. Please don’t say it like that.
You think I like this? That I don’t die a little every time I see what it’s doing to you?
I never wanted a family with anyone but you.
” He steps back slightly, hands still on me.
His face is a battlefield of anguish, fury, and desperation, all vying for attention.
“I never wanted Macy back in my life. But Caleb…” He swallows hard.
“He’s mine. I’ve missed seven years of his life, and I need to make up for that.
I’m not going to abandon him, Dee. But that doesn’t mean I’m leaving you. ”
My throat burns, and my voice barely comes out. “Is that why you were talking to Frank? Paying for his affection?”
His face twists. “No. Jesus, Dee.” He steps back fully now, frowning like I just punched him in the gut.
“I’m setting them up so they can survive.
I don’t want Macy and Caleb sleeping in a car when I’ve got the means to help.
But I’m not buying his love. I want to earn that by being a damn good father. ”
The word father slices right through me.
I lower my head and squeeze my eyes shut.
I already know how this story ends.
He gets closer to Caleb. He bonds with Macy again. They remember what it was like before. And he sees that with her, he could have the one thing I’ll never be able to give him.
A child. A family.
The kind of life I wanted with him was ripped away by fate.
“I don’t think I can do this,” I whisper.
The words barely leave my mouth before he grabs me again, crushing me to him like I’m air and he’s been suffocating.
“No. No, baby, don’t say that. You can’t do this to me. You can’t leave me. I’m begging you… don’t go. I can’t breathe without you, Dee.” He’s shaking. Breathing like he’s run a marathon.
“I’ll walk away from them if you ask me to. I’ll cut ties. I’ll give up the only son I’ll ever have, even if it kills me. If that’s what it takes to keep you, I’ll do it.”
“No,” I whisper into his chest, my tears soaking through his shirt. “I’d never ask you to do that. I couldn’t.”
And it’s the truth.
Even though I want to rip this chapter out of our story, I can’t punish Caleb for being born. None of this is that little boy’s fault. He deserves to know how incredible his father is.
Colt cups my face in his hands, his voice breaking. “I’ll b-beg if I have to, baby.”
I lift my hand and run it across his damp cheek. His lips tremble. I rise on my toes and kiss him—soft, tender, aching. He kisses me back like it’s the last thing holding him together.
When we break apart, he presses his forehead to mine.
“I can’t lose you,” he whispers, wiping the tears from my cheeks with his thumbs. “I won’t survive it.”
I kiss him again because I can’t not.
Because I still love him.
Because he’s mine, even if it’s only for now.
I don’t know what tomorrow looks like.
I don’t know how this ends.
But today?
Today I can’t leave him.
He’s my kryptonite.
And I’m powerless.
“I love you so much, Colt.” My voice trembles. “I know I’m struggling with this. I want to be happy for you. I want it so badly it physically hurts.”
He cups my face again, his thumb brushing the corner of my eye where another tear escapes.
“The fact that you want to be happy for me… that’s more than enough, Dee.
” His voice is low, thick with conviction.
“I don’t expect joy. Hell, I’d be surprised if this wasn’t tearing you apart.
I know it is. And I hate myself for that.
” He presses his forehead to mine again, his grip tightening like he needs the contact to stay upright.
“I’ll spend every second of every day proving to you that you come first. I don’t care how long it takes, I’ll earn your trust back.
I don’t know what it looks like yet, but I swear to you, Dee…
you will never feel like you’re not my priority because you are.
You always have been.” He pauses, his breath catching, then adds, “Not even music could make me happy if you weren’t in my life. ”
That hits me like a punch to the gut.
Music is everything to Colt. His soul. His release. The one thing he’s clung to since he was a kid.
But now, I’m his everything?
I swallow the lump in my throat, blinking through fresh tears. I can’t walk away from him. Not because I’m weak, but because I know what it would do to him. To us.
If I left, Colt would shatter.
And I’m not sure he’d come back from that.
The man standing in front of me now—the man he’s fought to become—he could disappear. The pain, the guilt, the spiral, I’ve seen what that path looks like for rock stars. I’ve seen how quickly the stage lights turn dark. If Colt gave in to that life again, it would consume him.
And a world without Colter Slade?
That’s not a world I can survive in either.
Leaving him wouldn’t just break us.
It would destroy us both.