Chapter Thirty
DEE
Colt doesn’t leave my side all night.
Even when I go to the bathroom, he follows like a damn bodyguard. It’s sweet, and okay, maybe a little suffocating. But I let him. Because I know he’s trying to make up for everything. And because, deep down, I need the reassurance anyway.
I can tell the day’s events hit him hard—seeing Caleb again, connecting with him, realizing just how fragile his son’s future is.
But there’s this light in him that I haven’t seen in a while.
He’s not diving headfirst into fatherhood, demanding Caleb call him Dad, or making grand gestures.
He’s just quietly present. Observing, absorbing, and getting to know his son.
And I hate that it’s breaking me.
Because I want to be happy for him.
And I am.
But then I’m mad.
Not at Colt. Not even at Caleb.
Just, frustratingly mad.
Mad that this came out of nowhere.
Mad that I’ll never know what it feels like to look into a child’s eyes and see myself in them.
Mad that Colt gets this one thing we both wanted, but not with me.
Then, of course, I get angry at myself for being mad.
It’s a loop I can’t escape.
I don’t want to dump it all on Colt. He doesn’t deserve to be dragged down with me. But my head’s a battlefield, and my heart feels like it’s being pulled in a dozen directions.
Eventually, we make it to bed. I’ve thawed out from our hot bath enough to feel like I’m not made of ice anymore.
I climb into bed in my thickest pajamas while Princess curls up at my feet.
Colt strolls out of the ensuite in his boxers, like it’s not freezing and we don’t live in a perpetually damp, old English house.
He slides into bed beside me and lies on his side, facing me. “I haven’t asked you something,” he starts, his voice low. “And I should have.”
I blink over at him, suddenly tense. “Asked me what?”
His knuckles brush my cheek, soft and slow. “How do you feel about me being tested for the transplant?”
Ah.
He’s observing me, like he expects me to lash out. Maybe even forbid him. But I’d never do that.
“He’s your son,” I say quietly. “And he needs help. Of course, you’re going to try to help him.
I just… I worry, Colt. If you’re not a match, I know what that’ll do to you.
And if you are? Surgery’s a risk. You going under…
” I pause, making sure the words are right.
“God, I don’t even want to think about it. ”
His jaw tics. “That means a lot to hear you say that. I didn’t want to assume I had your support.”
I let out a bitter little laugh. “It’s not about support. It’s about what I’m terrified of losing.”
He sighs, shifting a little closer. “I get it. I do. But I’ve stared death in the face more times than I can count, Dee. A transplant? That’s not gonna be the thing that takes me out.”
I roll my eyes. “Says the man who thinks he’s invincible.”
He smirks, but it fades quickly. “I’m not invincible. But I’m not going down easy either. Not when I have you.”
My throat tightens.
I nod and reach out, my fingers tracing the line of his jaw. “Just promise me you won’t try to be the hero at the cost of yourself.”
He leans into my touch. “I promise I’ll do what’s right. For Caleb. And for you.”
“I don’t want you getting your hopes up, Colt. If it doesn’t work, if you’re not a match…”
“I know. But I have to try. I’ve just met Caleb, and I already feel like he’s this piece of me I didn’t know was missing. I can’t… I can’t lose him now.”
God, the pain in his voice.
I finally understand the depth of what he’s carrying.
“We’ll find a donor,” I say, leaning in to kiss him. “One way or another. We’ll help him.”
His mouth covers mine, slow and firm. The kiss deepens, his tongue brushing mine like he’s searching for reassurance he doesn’t know how to ask for.
I give it willingly.
He shifts, easing me onto my back, hovering above me. His body covers mine, warm and solid, and everything else fades. My fingers slide into his hair. He groans softly into my mouth, his hardness pressing against me.
When he finally pulls back, his breathing’s ragged. “Can I make love to you, Dee?”
He rarely asks. Usually, he takes—dominant, possessive, confident.
But tonight, he’s cautious and gentle.
And I realize he’s asking because he sees how unsteady I’ve been. He’s not looking for sex. He’s looking for a connection.
I nod. “I need you, Colt.”
His mouth claims mine again, and this time I fall into him completely.
For the next two hours, I don’t think about Macy. Or Caleb. Or doctors. Or kidneys.
I think about our wedding day.
About love.
About how, even in the middle of chaos, he still grounds me.
And for now… that’s more than enough.
***
In the morning, I wake up with Colt wrapped around me so tightly I can hardly breathe. I think that’s what woke me. My head’s on his chest, his arms locked around me like a vice. His eyes are scrunched shut, and sweat clings to his skin. My brows furrow as I rest my hand on his chest.
His head jerks side to side, eyes squeezed tight. His breathing is shallow, moaning slightly under his breath. He’s dreaming—badly. I shift, but his grip tightens. I struggle to breathe.
“Babe, wake up.”
His head shakes again. I slap his chest—hard. He groans, eyes flying open like he’s been shocked awake.
“It’s okay. It was just a dream,” I say, running my hand on his cheek to soothe him. His hands clutch me tighter before finally loosening, and his breathing slows.
“Colt, you’re kinda crushing me,” I whisper. He looks down and releases me quickly.
I inhale deep while he scans my body, hands roaming as if to confirm I’m real.
“Colt, I’m okay. I’m here. It was just a dream,” I say quickly.
He exhales hard, then pulls my head to his chest. “Sorry for squeezing you,” he murmurs, kissing my head and stroking my cheek.
“It’s fine. Are you okay? What was it about?” I ask, noticing how dull his once-bright eyes look.
“It was nothing. Just a stupid dream,” he mutters, brushing my forehead with a kiss.
I prop myself up, looking down at him. “Colt, it was a nightmare. Please talk to me.”
He exhales, swallowing. “It’s stupid. I dreamt I was a match for Caleb. The transplant went great, but on our way home, we were in a wreck and—” He stops, closing his eyes.
My chest tightens. It’s clearly shaken him.
“Go on…”
He meets my eyes, the weight in his gaze unsettling.
“You died. I saw your body, lifeless on the road. I tried to help, but Caleb was crying in the car. I had to choose. I left you to help him, but when I turned back… you were gone. Just blood. Everywhere. But you weren’t there.
I kept searching. That’s when you woke me up. ”
I realize I’ve stopped breathing. Gasping, I reach for him. He closes his eyes again, like he’s reliving it.
“Hey… I’m here. I’m fine. I haven’t gone anywhere. I promise.”
His hand caresses my cheek, eyes shimmering like he’s holding back tears. “I can’t lose you. You know that, right?”
“You won’t.” I promise it as if it’s law.
He nods, kissing me, pulling me into him. I kiss him back, hard. He needs it. And maybe I do too. My lashes wet with unshed tears, I pull back. His frazzled expression is calmer now. The tension’s fading.
“Didn’t mean to scare you,” he says as I settle beside him.
“You didn’t scare me. You may have squished me, but I can handle that.”
“I’d better get ready to be tested.”
A wave of unease washes over me. I hate that Colt has to do this. I wish Macy had never shown up. But wishes don’t change reality. I kiss his chest as he unwraps his arm, sits up, and heads for the ensuite. I lie back and just breathe.
He gets dressed, and before long, Hux is at the door to take him to the hospital. I decide to stay home.
I kiss Colt goodbye and wish him luck. I know he wanted me there, but this part—this whole other-family part—I don’t want to be part of that. Not yet. If he needs surgery, I’ll be there. But right now? I have got to get my head straight.
As I watch Hux and Colt drive away, Princess curls at my feet. I scoop her up and close the door. She looks like she’s smiling, and no matter how crappy I feel, she’s always there.
There’s someone else I can count on too.
I grab my phone and call Joseph. As it rings, I walk into the music room and slump onto the white sofa.
“It’s my goddess. How are you?” he answers.
Hearing his voice? I fall apart. Tears burst free as sobs take over. I can’t even speak.
Princess jumps up, settling in my lap, trying to comfort me.
“Is it the surrogacy? Is that why you’re upset?”
If only that were the only reason.
“No,” I manage to blubber out.
He exhales. “Do I need to come over and rip Colter Slade a new arsehole? Because I will. What’s he done?”
“He hasn’t done anything,” I hiccup. “It’s just—”
“Dee, talk to me.”
“So Colt’s ex showed up. She’s skinny. Fucking gorgeous.”
Joseph chuckles, and I frown.
“You’re jealous and think he’s gonna leave you? Dee… he just married you. He’s crazy about you.”
“No, I know. But, she brought someone with her.”
“Okaaay. Ominous much? Who?”
“She brought his son. He’s seven. Has stage five kidney failure.
She came to see if Colt’s a match. He’s getting tested right now, and I don’t know how to handle it.
I wanted kids with Colt so badly, and that got taken away.
Then the very next day, she dumps a sick child in my lap like, ‘Remember when we did this, Colt? Remember that? I love you, Colt. Check out my super-hot rack and take me on your lounge room floor like the wild dog that I am,’ ” I blurt it all out in one childish, mocking voice.
“Wow. So let me get this straight. Colt’s ex shows up with a sick kid, drops the news on you, and then flirts with your man?”
“Well… she didn’t exactly throw herself at him, but I know she wants to.”
He laughs softly. “You’re jealous of her, their past, and that he has a child that isn’t with you.”
“I’m a bad person, aren’t I?”