Ben
Resting my arm behind my head, I stare up at the ceiling, trying to think about practice and Coach Paxton. I can’t decide how I feel about him. Going from a coach who pretty much let us do whatever we wanted to one who made us run drills until our legs gave out… it’s a shift.
I should really start reading that book he emailed to us. He’s expecting us to read at least one chapter a night until we’re done. We’re going to be discussing it at practices from now on, and I don’t want to be the guy who’s behind everyone else.
But… I don’t think I can concentrate right now.
My mind keeps wandering to Jolie, an image of her flashing through my brain before I can force it back into hiding.
“Just read the damn book already,” I huff, grabbing my phone and opening the book.
I make it through the foreword before my mind starts to drift and I’m picturing Caroline, her eyes flashing hot, then turning icy cold at the realization that I had been messing around with her cousin.
Life can be cruel sometimes. Although, I guess it doesn’t matter because it’s not like Jolie and I are a thing, right?
Letting out a heavy sigh, I feel that weight crushing down on me. I don’t even know why it’s there. Jolie and I were never going to be a thing. I said no women, and now I have the added reason of her being related to a girl who sucker-punched me without even meaning to. I can’t go there.
I won’t.
Picking up my phone again, I tap the screen and try to get through the first chapter of Mind Gym when I’m interrupted by a soft tap on my door.
“Ben?”
Jolting upright, I gape at my door for a second.
Was that Jolie’s voice?
“Ben. It’s me. It’s… Jolie. Can I come in?”
Shit, what the hell is she doing here?
I can’t find my voice as I scramble off the bed and rush to open the door.
Why am I rushing? I should be telling her to go away.
But the second I spot her face, I feel this flood of… shit, it’s a weird-ass concoction of joy, relief and mild panic.
She shouldn’t be here.
But I can’t tell her to leave… because I want her to stay.
This is such a mindfuck.
“Can I come in?” Her big gray eyes stare up at me, and I’m powerless to do anything but move aside.
She gives me a nervous smile, stepping past me and walking to the edge of my bed, then taking a few jittery steps to her right as I close the door and pace to my closet.
Crossing my arms, I spin back to face her, about to ask her what she’s doing here, when she pushes up the sleeves of her baggy sweater and launches into a speech I never saw coming.
“So, I know we said this is over. No more tutoring sessions, and I get why you said that, but I just wanted to come here tonight and appeal your decision, because today, when I was walking to class, I overheard these two girls talking about Caroline and… well, you.”
Her expression crumples like she’s hurting, and my stomach twists into a painful knot.
She clears her throat. “I was kind of spinning when I found out about you and Caroline hooking up, but then I heard about the baby and the miscarriage, and my brain was seriously ready to explode because I had no idea. My family didn’t breathe a word of it to me.
They just told me she had a stomach bug so bad that she had to go to hospital.
And then I hear this and I was like… ‘What the…?’” She bulges her eyes, then lets out this breathy awkward laugh before clearing her throat.
“I know I should call her and really confirm the story with the actual source, but I’m kind of mad at her right now, and I don’t want to talk to her.
I did talk to my aunt, though, and although she wasn’t a fountain of information, she did indicate that what I’d heard was true, so…
” She glances at me, obviously checking to see if I’m still listening.
Or maybe she wants me to verify the story.
All I can give her is a stiff nod.
Her expression crumples again. “I’m sorry that happened to you.
I’m sorry she kept that from you. And I’m really sorry she rejected you.
It’s completely insane. I mean, why would anyone ever want to reject you?
” She lifts her hand toward me. “You’re so sweet and beautiful and kind, and any girl would be lucky to have you, like seriously!
I would never do that to you. I would never ignore you or push you away, and I would never be dumb enough to choose someone else over you!
” Her voice pitches, her expression so earnest…
And I’ve forgotten how to breathe.
“I like being with you so much, Ben.” Her voice starts to shake, and she has to suck in a ragged breath.
“I know we haven’t spent mountains of time together, but the time we have spent together has been perfect.
I love watching movies with you and talking with you and playing Scrabble with you and…
and…” She scratches her forehead, squeezing her eyes shut.
“Shoot, I had this whole speech planned out, and it was way better than what I’m saying right now.
But the second you opened the door, all my practice just flew out the window.
One look at your face and I’ve forgotten most of it, and… ”
She pulls a scrap of paper out of her pocket and my heart folds in half, this unchecked affection rising through me as I fight a grin.
Her hands are shaking as she tries to straighten out the paper, then ends up ripping it.
With a soft tut, she balls it up, scrunching the paper in her fist while huffing out a breath.
“Look, the point is…” She huffs again, so obviously steeling herself.
And then her eyes land right on me, her voice softening to a husky whisper.
“The truth is, I… I like you, like really like you, okay? In fact, I think I might even be falling in love with you, so I’m just here to say that…
well, that.” She starts picking at the paper ball in her hand, her eyes darting down to it as she swallows and murmurs, “I just needed you to know how I felt, and I needed you to hear that I’m not like those other girls.
I see you. I want you, and not just for some fling or one-night stand.
I know we started out with this… tutoring arrangement, but the more time I spent with you, the more it didn’t feel like tutoring anymore.
It was starting to feel real, because it is real.
For me, at least. And I guess I just had to come and tell you all of that so you’d know…
and to maybe, you know… to ask… to find…
” She blows out a breath, her eyes glassing over when she skims my face and gives me a desperate look.
“To find out if… the feeling is… you know… mutual? Like, do you like really like me too, or were you seriously just being the beautiful, nice, lovely man you are and helping me out with zero feelings involved?”
I still haven’t said anything. Ever since she turned up, I’ve stood here a mute listener, soaking in her voice, her eyes, her words, her face… soaking in everything about her and absorbing her beautiful truth.
She wants me.
She really wants me.
And I guess it all comes down to one question: Am I going to let her in?
The silence pulsing through the room right now is expanding out between us, and when she starts to give me this heartbreaking, resigned smile, like she’s trying so hard to be brave and not fall apart in front of me, I break.
I can’t do this anymore.
I can’t keep pretending.
So I step forward… and I snatch her wrist before she can turn for the door. Rubbing my thumb across the soft skin of her forearm, I gaze down at her, my mind filling with everything I want to say, battling it out with everything I should say, and then telling them both to shut the hell up.
A soft smile curls my lips when I reach for her face, cupping those sweet cheeks of hers and leaning down to press our lips together.
She responds with a soft intake of breath.
“Really?” she whispers against my lips, her surprise adorable, endearing, and I can’t help a soft laugh.
“I, like, really like you too.” It’s the last thing I manage to say before cupping the back of her head and deepening the kiss.
Finally, I let myself have her.
I let myself give and take the way a couple would.
She’s not my student anymore—she’s my choice.
And as our kiss deepens even more, I can feel that shift.
When she starts lifting the shirt over my head, there’s no resistance.
When I start to wriggle my hands under her sweater and run my fingers up her long torso and around her small curves, it feels like the easiest thing in the world.
I’m not fighting anything. I’m letting go, and fuck if it’s not the best feeling in the world.
She lets out a soft whimper when I brush my thumb over her erect nipple, her lips firmly pressing against mine before she pulls back to lift her clothes away. We make quick work of her baggy sweats, and soon the floor is littered with our clothing.
Scooping her into my arms, I carry her to the bed and lay her down gently, teasing every inch of her skin with my tongue and lips. I draw it out until she’s begging me to make her come.
“Please.” Her fingers scrape through my hair as I suck her nipple and massage her clit. She’s already on the verge, and the freedom I feel as I watch her is so fucking good.
I’m finally allowing myself to enjoy this, and the smile that grows on my face as she falls apart in my arms is big and unchecked.
“Ahhh.” Her voice is breathy as she fists the sheet beneath her and rides my fingers.
I press my lips against her neck until she starts to sink back down, and then I softly whisper, “Do you want more?”
“I want you,” she whispers back. “I want you on me, inside me… if that’s what… I mean, do you want that too?”
Leaning up on my elbow, I gaze down at her pretty face and smile. “Yeah, baby. I want that too.”
Her eyes light with this loved-up, starry-eyed look that I seriously don’t deserve.
Pressing my lips against hers, we start to make out all over again, and I reach for my top drawer. We’re going to do things right this time. No more mindless, uncontrolled coupling. No more fighting or resistance.
Resting between her legs, I pull out a condom and check for consent. “You sure?”
“Most definitely.” She smiles, biting her bottom lip. I watch those gray eyes dance for a second before sitting on my knees and suiting up.
She studies me in fascination, then reaches for my cock and gives it a few slow pumps.
“Feels different with this on.”
“Yeah, I know, but we’ve got to be safe. I want to finish inside you this time.”
Her smile grows and she reaches for my shoulders, curling her hand around my neck and pulling me down on top of her.
I easily fall, my resistance shattered. It fell apart the second she showed up at my bedroom door. It turned to vapor as she spilled out every word I needed to hear. Each syllable chipped away at my resolve until there was nothing left but belief and trust.
She’s not going to leave me on a whim.
This girl cares about me.
She wants me.
She’s choosing me.
And I choose her.
The words whistle through me as I ease myself inside her. I go slowly, gently, still mindful that she’s only had sex twice in her life. Thankfully, she’s wet and ready for me, making it easy to slip into her.
Tipping her head back, she grips my shoulder, her mouth popping open when she shifts her hips to accommodate me.
“You okay?”
“I’m good,” she squeaks. “I’m so good right now.” Her words disintegrate into a groan that skyrockets my desire, and I start to move inside her.
Rocking back and forth, I slowly build up the pace until she begins to move with me, tipping her hips to match my thrusts.
A soft moan rumbles in my throat and I dip my head, pressing my cheek against hers when she wraps her arms around me, digging her fingers into my back and whimpering against my shoulder, “So good. So, so go—” Her words get cut off by another moan, and I’m fucking flying right now.
This is heaven.
I swear.
Her sweet pussy wrapped around me, her long body gliding against mine. We are one right now, and when I tip my head up to check her expression and she catches my eye, for that beat… we’re the only two people on this planet.