Chapter 25
Alina
I can’t sleep tonight.
The guilt is eating me alive, twisting low in my stomach, sharp, hot, and unforgiving.
No matter how much I want to blame Gavriil, my body still remembers how good it felt to give in to him, to see him so turned on he was rambling in Russian.
At least that’s what it sounded like when he lost control all because my hand was on him.
I hate that I enjoy having such an effect on him.
And that he so easily got me worked up.
I went from wanting to claw his eyes out to whimpering for him way too fast.
I momentarily forgot myself, but it won’t happen again.
Still, whoever I had become in that shower, I knew I wasn’t the same woman Dominik had fallen in love with. And I don’t know how to become her again.
I roll onto my other side for the fifth time, my eyes aching from the exhaustion that’s not strong enough to knock me out. My mind just won’t shut up, refusing to let me forget about what Gavriil and I did together for even a few minutes.
The memory replays on a vicious loop, heating my skin with sensations I don’t want to name.
I shouldn’t want him like this. I shouldn’t linger on how good it felt to have his hands roaming all over me.
And I shouldn’t have crossed a line with him I can’t uncross.
I gave into him, just like he knew I would, betraying Dominik.
A frustrated sigh drifts from me as I twist over to lie on my back, staring at the shadows on the ceiling as the bedside lamps gently illuminate the room. Maybe I could fall asleep easier if Gavriil actually came in and turned them off.
Where the hell is he?
“Screw it,” I mutter before pushing myself up to my feet and walking over to the sink to run cold water over my face.
The chill washes away some of my exhaustion, leaving my mind just a little clearer and sharper. This guilt will rot me from the inside out if I don’t tell Dominik the truth.
I should’ve told him the moment I saw him.
I don’t want to lie to him. How can we ever trust each other if we keep secrets? Even if the truth will hurt him, he needs to know.
I have to tell him what happened. What Gavriil did to me. And worse, what I let myself do with him.
Just like before, I have no idea how I’m going to put the incident into words because I can barely describe what happened and how I felt at the time in my own head, but I have to try. I owe Dom that.
When the bedroom door opens, my head jerks up out of the sink. Water droplets glide down my face as I turn around to see Gavriil tugging off his dark red tie and black suit jacket. My heart rate immediately spikes.
“Waiting up for me?” Gavriil purrs, already too close.
I wipe my face with my arm, ignoring the fluttering sensation in my stomach. “I can’t sleep with the lights on,” I lie.
Gavriil tilts his head as he slowly unbuttons his white shirt, eyes on mine. “That’s the only reason? Just a little bit of light?”
“Yes.” Of course, my voice wavers against my will.
Gavriil hums under his breath as he slips his shirt off leaving him in his black slacks. Shadows grace his bare torso, further defining every muscle on his body. And with them are the marks my nails left behind. “You’re a terrible liar.”
A scoff breaks from me. “No, I’m not.”
I sound like a guilty child arguing with her parents.
Gavriil tosses his shirt to the side before unlocking and entering the cage, prompting me to step back until the small of my back hits the sink. “Maybe another hot shower would help you fall asleep.”
My teeth grind at his blatant smugness. He’s so pleased with himself for what happened earlier, but I refuse to let it happen again. I don’t care how close he gets to me, and he’s closing the distance between us quickly.
“I’ll pass,” I say, forcing my voice to harden.
Gavriil slows to a stop a few inches away from me, the smell of his cologne rolling over me. And blood. His lip is bleeding. Not that I care why when he says, “Are you sure? Maybe you just need another release to help you relax.”
“That’s not happening again,” I tell him, fixing him with a firm stare. I can’t mess up twice.
“No? Not even if I offer my tongue to get you off this time.”
Bastard.
Every word that comes out of his mouth is like dripping honey, sweet and smooth. His thick accent complements everything that he says, especially the filthy shit.
“No.”
To my surprise, Gavriil doesn’t reach out to touch me. He just stands there, invading my personal space so that it’s impossible to ignore him.
Then again, he’s impossible to ignore even if he’s across the room.
“You sure about that?” Gavriil asks me, his voice bordering on teasing.
I eye him, unease stirring in my chest. He can be cocky, but something feels off about him. He looks way too amused with himself.
Unless he’s just that damn happy that I gave in to him.
“What are you doing?” I question him, bracing myself for anything he could possibly pull.
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t like this…attitude.”
Gavriil smirks, and I hate how handsome it makes him look because it’s the closest that I’ll get to seeing a genuine smile. “I don’t know what you mean. I think you’re paying attention to me a little too closely, printsessa.”
My cheeks grow warm. He has to stop calling me that. “Why are you in here? You must’ve known that I was going to turn you down. Didn’t you hear me? What we did before…we’re not doing it again.”
He clicks his tongue. “Your loss.”
The heat in my face threatens to move lower as his gaze slides down my figure like roaming hands, tracing every curve. He needs to get out of here.
“Go away. I’m trying to sleep,” I say pointedly as my eyes dart to the door behind him.
“I have a different idea to help you out,” Gavriil says, making me roll my eyes. “Would you like to see Dominik again?” he asks.
My eyes widen mid-roll. There’s no way that he just offered that to me. There has to be a catch, but I’m too nervous that he’ll strip away the opportunity if I question him about it.
“Yes,” I blurt out, my eagerness evident in my voice.
The thought of telling Dominik the truth makes me nauseous with worry, but I want to see him again. I want to feel his protective arms around me like he’s my personal set of armor. I want to figure this situation out together because we’re far more effective that way.
If he’ll even want to talk to me after I tell him what I did.
Gavriil takes his phone out of his pants pocket and sends a text before looking back up at me. “Say hello to my brother for me.”
I wrinkle my nose at him. “Why don’t you do that yourself?”
“I think it’ll be better coming from you.”
He really needs to get over his pride and have a productive conversation with Dominik, specifically about the war that has been waged against the Bratva before we’re all killed. He needs his help, but Dom isn’t going to lift a finger unless Gavriil makes things right with him.
Maybe things are too far gone for that to ever happen.
The bedroom door opens, and Valentin enters. He pulls a pair of handcuffs out of his back pocket.
Gavriil shakes his head. “No need. She’ll go peacefully. Won’t you, Alina?”
I nod. There’s still no point in making a run for it if Dominik is stuck in a cell and the house is surrounded with guards.
Gavriil walks away from me to open the cage door. He motions for me to go through.
My stomach flip-flops as I oblige, brushing past him on my way out and feeling a tingle on the back of my neck. Something just feels off.
This feels like bait. I just saw Dom not even hours ago.
Valentin follows me out of the bedroom and down the two flights of stairs to the prison. He nods to Simeon, who leans against the wall with a bag of chips in one hand and his phone in the other.
They certainly stay busy.
Simeon digs around in his jacket pocket and tosses a key to Valentin. “Again?”
“Don’t know what he’s up to,” Valentin mutters before leading me over to Dominik’s cell.
Dominik pauses his pacing, his eyes locking with mine.
I expect him to smile or rush to the door, but he doesn’t move a muscle or speak a word as Valentin opens the door and pushes me inside.
My stomach drops as a crushed, confused look fills Dominik’s face.
Something is wrong.
“I know what happened between you and Gavriil,” Dominik says.
The floor drops out from under me.
A shaky exhale leaves me, along with all the air in my lungs. “What?”
Dominik looks away from me, his voice sounding strained. Hurt. Betrayed. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
I was just about to. How did he…
Cold realization slams into me. Gavriil.
No wonder he seemed so damn smug. No wonder he offered to send me down here. It was planned all along.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper as a lump lodges in my throat. “I just…it had just happened, and I felt so guilty and confused. I didn’t want to hurt you.”
Dominik draws in a deep breath through his nose before lifting his eyes to mine. “Did he force you?”
His words pierce my heart like an ice pick. Even after what he found out, his main concern is still my safety and wellbeing.
I swallow hard. “Petrov is back down here, right? He was alive and well. Gavriil brought him into the room, and I knew what could happen to him if I didn’t agree to the shower,” I admit, watching his eyes widen in shock and fury. “I didn’t want him to suffer.”
Dominik nods, remaining silent as he waits for me to continue.
My mouth wilts. This is the really hard part.
“But what happened after the shower started…” My voice breaks. “That part wasn’t coerced.”
Dominik’s expression stiffens. “And what exactly happened?”
As much as I don’t want to dive into all the details, I’m afraid that Gavriil fed him a bunch of lies that makes the situation sound even worse than it was. Granted, I’m sure this sounds like a total nightmare to Dominik, regardless.
“I let him touch me,” I say, the words scraping my throat raw. “And I touched him back.”
Dominik blinks at me like I just smacked him in the face. “Hold on. You touched him? Willingly?”
Shock rings through me as we stare at each other, tense silence filling his cell. “He didn’t tell you that part, did he?”
Dominik grinds his teeth as he shakes his head. “No, he left that out.”
That conniving son of a bitch. He knew that I would say something, and it would hurt even more coming out of my mouth than his.
“I’m so sorry, Dom,” I tell him as the lump in my throat grows bigger, my eyes stinging as shame crashes down on me. I know that I hurt him, all because of the hold Gavriil has over me.
I wish that I could break it, but when he steps into the same room as me, my self control just…splinters. Anger turns into desire. It overtakes me before I can stop it, and then it spreads out of control like a wildfire.
“I can’t fucking believe that bastard,” Dominik grits out with a shake of his head. “You…when you say touched, you mean you got each other off?”
I nod then my heart lurches as I watch his expression cycle through a range of emotions. I could lose him over this. Over his brother of all people.
But I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want to lose the person who has looked out for me since the day that we met, even if that put him at risk.
“I regret hurting you so much,” I say fiercely as I go over and place my hands on his upper arms, hoping that he’ll listen to me, that he won’t pull away.
Thankfully, he doesn’t. “And I know you might not believe me when I say that I care about you and that I love you, but I do. Both things can be true at the same time. I can’t imagine my life without you, Dom. I don’t want to. That hasn’t changed.”
Dominik’s face softens a hint as he gazes down at me. There’s still fury, disappointment, and hurt in his stormy eyes.
“But if you don’t want me anymore, if you can’t forgive me, if this broke something between us, I’ll accept that,” I tell him as tears prick my eyes, fear clawing at the depths of my stomach.
If I lose Dominik, I don’t know what I’ll do. I’m not even worried about my safety. I’m worried about the hole that’ll leave in my heart that no one else will ever be able to fill.
Dominik’s eyes fall from mine, the silence crushing in.
And somehow, that silence hurts more than if he’d shouted.