Chapter 26
Dominik
Things are worse than I imagined.
But despite it all, losing Alina is the one outcome I know I won’t survive.
When she agreed to a month with him, I knew this was a possibility. I just didn’t think she would cave so soon, though.
I still love her. I still care about her. Even with my brother standing between us, determined to tear us apart.
He’s so good at manipulating people, she probably doesn’t even realize he’s doing it to her. And I can’t be there to protect her like I promised her I would.
I take a step back from Alina, forcing myself to breathe as she stands there, wrecked, tears clinging to her lashes.
I don’t want to see her cry, but if I don’t steady myself first, I’m going to break right along with her.
I assumed Alina felt something for Gavriil when she let him touch her. But knowing that she got him off too means it wasn’t just fear or survival.
There’s something deeper between them than I thought. And that digs straight into my chest and twists.
“Dom…” Her voice cracks, and it nearly undoes me.
“I’m trying to figure out how to breathe through this, but of course I still want you.” Shaking my head, I tell her, “I just need you to be honest with me, Alina. I didn’t want this to happen… and I don’t know how to pretend it didn’t.”
Alina moves closer like I might spook if she comes too fast. I suppose I feel a little erratic right now. “This wasn’t what I planned either. I swear. He’s the reason Archer…I shouldn’t want him. I wish I didn’t!”
“No, you shouldn’t want him,” I agree with her as I meet her gaze. I can hear the genuine guilt in her voice, and I also know how Gavriil is. He wraps women around his finger so easily.
I never thought Alina would fall into the same trap that they did.
“I’m sorry,” Alina whispers again, blinking her eyes rapidly to keep her glistening tears at bay. “I know I should’ve told you before, and I shouldn’t have done what I did in the first place. It won’t happen again.”
Obviously, I don’t see what she does in Gavriil, but I want more than just repeated apologies from her. I need explanations because as much as I wish I could read her mind, I can’t.
“So, you admit it? You want Gavriil?” I ask her, watching her expression shift from shame to confusion in real time.
“He infuriates me, Dom,” she admits, her fingers twisting in the fabric of her sleeve like she wants to tear it apart. “There are times when I can’t stand to look at his smug face. And then…”
Something clamps down around my chest, squeezing until every breath is labored. It’s like the damn world is sitting on my chest right now. That’s how much her answer means to me.
“I don’t know how to answer that question.” Alina sighs as her shoulders drop. “I just know I don’t want to lose you,” she says, desperation bleeding into every word. “I can’t.”
The desperation in her voice soothes some of my anxiety. She’s not lying to me. Not about this.
I fold my arms behind my head, trying to breathe easier and think clearer. I should’ve seen this coming. Gavriil was determined to break her down to this point. And the worst part was that it worked. Not completely, but enough.
I know Alina would still run back to me in a heartbeat. At least for now.
And maybe we can use Gavriil’s obsession with her to turn the tables on him once and for all.
Until then…I won’t punish her for his manipulation.
“Come here,” I murmur, even though lowering my guard like this feels dangerous in ways bullets never have.
She and Gavriil have the power to hurt me the most, but I don’t believe that she’s trying to hurt me on purpose. I see how she feels written all over her beautiful face.
Alina swallows once, then she’s in my arms, colliding with me like she’s afraid I’ll disappear.
I close my eyes as I wrap my arms around her shoulders, holding her close as she sinks into me. Fuck, it feels too good to have her back in my arms.
Too good to give up for that son of a bitch.
That’s exactly what he wants me to do. It’s probably why he sent her down here while I was still fucking furious with him.
If I could kill him, things would be much easier. It’s not something I ever saw myself doing before Alina.
Since my walls are already down, I find myself telling Alina something that I’ve never told anyone before.
There’s no point pretending I’m stronger than this when she can already see every crack.
“I owe Gavriil my life. That’s why I followed him without question for years, why I never asked who I was becoming as long as he was still standing.”
She looks up at me, her brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
“He killed our father to save me. Nearly died fighting him, too. We told everyone it was an assassination attempt, that we barely made it out alive. For years we had to pretend to chase down his attacker.”
“Jesus, Dom. That’s awful. I’m so sorry you went through that,” Alina whispers.
“Gavriil was barely twenty-five. He stepped in as Pakhan to keep anyone from questioning our father’s death, from questioning us.
He became…ruthless so we could survive. That’s why I followed him blindly for over ten years now.
But I’m done…” I admit quietly. “Done letting his sacrifice decide who I’m allowed to be. ”
“I’m sorry, for everything,” Alina says again and again into my chest with shuddery breaths.
My fingers breeze through her still damp hair as I rest my chin on the top of her head and try not to think about them showering together.
Agony still echoes through me, but I know it would hurt even more to lose her.
I’m not going to be an idiot and push away the woman I love. I’m not letting Gavriil win this war.
“There’s nothing you could do to make me stop loving you,” I say, and I hate how true it is, that she has that kind of power over me. Hopefully, she’ll have the same power over my brother soon.
Alina tightens her grip on me. “But I…”
“I love you,” I say as I rest my hand on the back of her neck, coaxing her head to tilt back so that our eyes can meet.
Her face softens. “I love you, too.”
I want to strangle Gavriil right now for being a deceptive, handsy asshole, but I’d rather take advantage of the time that I have with Alina before she’s taken away from me again.
I momentarily hesitate, the image of his hands on her flashing through my mind. Then I kiss her anyway, because losing her would hurt worse.
My fingers delve into her hair, cradling her head as our kiss deepens.
Alina runs her hands up my back, her fingertips grazing the muscle beneath my t-shirt. She presses her chest flush against mine, her mouth perfectly melding with mine.
I don’t ask if she kissed him. I can’t. Some answers would break something I’m trying to hold together.
Besides, that’s too intimate for Gavriil. I’ve never known him to truly love and trust anyone enough to let them get so close to him.
That’s probably why he never lets anyone get close, because once they do, he doesn’t know how to let go.
“I still want you,” I whisper to Alina as my lips slowly flutter along her jaw and down her neck. “You know I do. Just…not in here.”
“I know,” Alina agrees. “But will you hold me? Please?”
“Always,” I promise her. Part of me wants to change my mind, to have her here and now just to prove something to myself or to Gavriil. But that wouldn’t be fair to Alina. This isn’t the time or place. Especially not with that asshole watching.
We lower ourselves down onto the mattress. Lying facing each other, our arms and legs tangled together.
Alina draws in a deep breath before relaxing in my arms.
I bet Gavriil is losing his shit after his attempt to come between us backfired.
Alina leans forward, brushing her lips over mine. And I do the one thing my brother is too much of a coward to do.
I kiss her back. Over and over again.
A groan escapes me as we lie there and make out like teenagers.
Resisting taking things further may be the death of me, but I would still die a happy man.
“I’ve missed you so much, dikaya koshka,” I tell her before pressing a gentle kiss against her lips. “Being away from you, not knowing what he’s doing to you, it’s going to drive me crazy.”
“Nothing is going to happen again,” Alina says, but we both know that’s probably a lie.
That’s why I tell her what may be the hardest thing I’ve ever said to her. “If you want him…then let him get even more distracted.”
“What?” she whispers.
I hate myself for asking this of her, but I hate him more.
“You have a hold on him, dikaya koshka. Dig your nails in deeper. Use his weakness for you to convince him to let me out of here.”
And once I’m free, I’ll make sure he never touches her again.
“Are you sure?” Alina asks, studying my face with her brow furrowed in confusion. No doubt she wonders how I went from being on the verge of violence to something that sounds like acceptance so fast.
“Only if you want to,” I tell her. “If not, I’ll find another way out.”
I kiss away every tense line in her face until she can’t help but relax a little.
“Okay,” she agrees. Looking relieved, Alina rests her forehead against mine, her hands settling on the back of my neck. After a few minutes, she says, “Just so you know, he was furious with me afterward.”
“What? Why?” I ask since he only acted smug around me.
“I said your name when I…you know, finished.”
Fuck. I bet Gavriil was livid with her.
“That does make me feel a little bit better,” I admit, knowing she ruined it for him.
“He’s such an asshole. I hope he forgets I’m down here.”
Doubtful.
A yawn breaks from her as she buries her face in the crook of her arm. “Sorry. I was having trouble sleeping before he sent me back down here.”
“Me too,” I tell her as I push a few strands of hair out of her face. “Maybe he won’t be an ass and will let us sleep for a few hours.”
Alina chews on her bottom lip. “Maybe.”
I can tell that her mind is still racing, but I don’t want her to overthink things and make herself feel even worse than she already does. I want to move forward with this plan, and I’d really like to sleep with her in my arms for once.
I cup her face and tell her, “Sleep. You’re safe with me. I’m going to hold you for as long as he lets me.”
Light returns to her eyes as she smiles. “That sounds really nice.”
We have to cherish the small things. They never last as long as we want.
I don’t want to let her go, especially after finding out what Gavriil has been doing to her.
He’s adamant on making her his, on proving to me that she’s not loyal. But if we can turn things around on him soon, I’ll take everything from him.
Alina will be mine.
I’ll replace him as Pakhan.
And Gavriil won’t be able to hurt either of us again.