Chapter 17
17
Willow
“ W illow, darling, what happened?”
I thought my mom would’ve been asleep by now, but I should’ve known she’d wait up. It was my first party, and she wants to know all the details. Plus, I’m certain she wants to make sure I didn’t come home drunk. Although, she’d probably secretly cheer to my dad if I had because it would make me normal. A normal teenager getting tipsy with her friends. But that’s not what happened.
I don’t want to share how horrible the night was. Brennon was completely embarrassed by me. It even got to the point where every time his friends came up to talk to us, he’d quickly give an introduction then steer me away before I had a chance to open my mouth and speak. And it’s not just the fact that he was embarrassed by me. He was totally different tonight. He was quiet and reserved. It felt like he was uncomfortable the entire time.
It was clear he didn’t want me there.
“Do you want to write it down, sweetie?”
I nod my head, and my mom rushes to get me a box of Kleenex and a notepad and pen. I don’t even know what to write. It’s not his fault. I’m not mad at him. I just don’t know what to do.
I had a really hard time talking tonight.
“It’s to be expected.” She nods. “It was a new environment and new people. Plus, you were with your boyfriend and there’s the added pressure of wanting to impress him.”
He definitely wasn’t impressed. Embarrassed is more like it.
Her mouth turns down and she’s giving me that motherly look like I’m being overly sensitive. This is one time I wish I were. “And what makes you think that?”
He looked really uncomfortable every time I spoke. He just seemed miserable the entire night. And I could tell I was holding him back from the fun. His friends kept wanting him to join in to do different things, and he kept looking disappointed that he had to babysit me.
She lets out a sigh, handing me another tissue. I can hear her thoughts, and I’m not overreacting. I know what I saw. I know how I felt.
“Willow, sweetie, I think sometimes you have a tendency to project your fears onto others. He was probably nervous. You know, guys get nervous too. His teenage brain was probably sitting there trying to decide when it would be a good time to lean in and kiss you, and you’re interpreting it as him being uncomfortable. I’ve seen Brennon around you, and that boy is smitten. The way he looks at you is priceless.”
I’m not so sure. If she had seen the way he looked at me tonight, she’d be questioning things too. It was the first time he got to truly see my nerves in action. I don’t usually struggle when it’s just the two of us, and I don’t think he realized what he was getting into. I don’t think he was expecting things to be so awkward.
I don’t know, Mom. Things just felt off with us tonight.
It just felt like he was embarrassed to have me there. He even told me at the end of the night that he probably shouldn’t have invited me. It was like he realized too late what a mistake it was bringing me out in public. Now, come Monday, everyone will be making fun of him for dating me. And come Tuesday, I might be ghosted.
My mom takes my hands, giving me a squeeze. “Look, sweetie, if you’re worried about how he feels, talk to him. Ask him if there was something bothering him this evening. But I honestly think that once you get some rest, you’ll realize you were overreacting. I think you were probably just caught up in your nerves and the adrenaline of going to your first party and were reading too much into things. But I think everything will be okay.” She leans forward and kisses the top of my head. “It’s late, sweetie. We both need our beauty rest. So, just sleep on it. I think everything will look brighter in the light of day.”
I’m not sure I’ll be able to fall asleep tonight. And I can’t talk to him. That’s part of the problem. And even if I could, is he really going to tell me the truth? In spite of everything, Brennon’s a really nice guy. It was even more apparent tonight with the way his friends worship him. He’s a good person, and it’s not like he’s going to tell me he felt embarrassed when he introduced me to his friends and I couldn’t even sputter out a hello.
“Night.” I get the word out, and it’s the first time all night I didn’t struggle. I wish when it mattered most my voice could’ve been smooth.
“Good night, sweetheart.”
She gives me a kiss goodnight, and the loneliness settles in. I hate being left alone with my pain, wondering what I should do. The last thing I want is to ruin his reputation or for him to change. His light was definitely dim tonight, and that was on account of me. I don’t want to bring him down. And he’s too nice to break up with me. Which means…I’m going to have to do it myself.
I’m going to have to let him go.