Chapter 18
18
Brennon
I t’s almost three o’clock in the morning and she still hasn’t texted me back. I don’t even know if she made it home okay. But I’m guessing by the fact that it shows my message has been received and read that she did. I’m not okay though. I’m fucking nervous as all get out and getting antsier by the minute. The thought of losing her is fucking crushing me.
Me: Hey, babe. Me again. Really starting to get worried about you. Please let me know that you made it home safe. Otherwise, I might need to drive over there and see for myself.
I may get in my car anyway. Wait outside her house until the sun rises and then knock on her door.
The message goes through—received and…opened. She’s reading it, which means she’s awake. But as the seconds tick by, no response comes back. Twenty-three nerve-wracking minutes later, a text finally comes in.
My girl: I’m home. I’m sorry I forgot to text. And I’m sorry about tonight. It was a lot for me. I have a really hard time in new situations. I know it made you uncomfortable, and I’m sorry for embarrassing you. I’ve been thinking about things for the last few hours, realizing that we are complete opposites. I don’t know if we make sense honestly. I think you’re an amazing guy, Brennon, and I really care about you. But long term, I just don’t think things will work out between us. I’m sorry.
There have been a few moments during a game where I was slammed so hard in the chest, it almost felt like I was going to die. The wind got knocked out of me. My heart was pounding so hard, racing toward what felt like an attack, and I nearly blacked out. The darkness was closing in around me. But the pain and fear I felt never even came close to what I’m feeling now. It’s like my heart is being ripped right from my chest. My soul is being torn to fucking shreds.
This is what I was afraid of. The guys just had to run their mouths, telling her how I ran through the girls’ locker room naked, streaking the cheerleaders. It was a fucking dare but of course they left out the details of the wager. Or how I shat myself during a game. I had a fucking stomach bug, and it hit me when I got tackled. It’s not like I popped a squat and did it in hopes of trying to be funny. I was fucking sick.
Then all the guys had to point out how I’m a pro-drinker, the champion at beer pong, so now she thinks I’m some kind of guzzling party animal ready to get to college and throw ragers. How the fuck would the guys like it if I highlighted all their embarrassing moments right in front of their girls? Now Willow thinks I’m some kind of jackass and she doesn’t want to be with me.
Why the fuck can’t I breathe? And why the hell is it so hot in this fucking room?
I grab my keys and rush outside, needing air. Needing to take a drive—straight to her house. I want to tell her that she’s wrong. She thinks we’re complete opposites, but what about all our conversations? All the things we have in common? Football, video games, our families. Our likes and dislikes. What about the connection between us? I’ve never felt any kind of spark with anyone else. It’s fucking electric. And I know she feels it too.
My eyes try to focus on the road, but the lines are a little blurred. Fuck, I can’t lose her. I’m in fucking love with her. And how could she think for one second that she embarrassed me tonight? I felt like a bastard for everyone putting her on the spot and making her nervous. I was trying to do most of the talking so she didn’t have to, but I was not embarrassed. I could never be embarrassed by her.
I pull onto her road, looking at the time on my dash. It’s nearly four in the morning. It’s not like I can ring her doorbell. Her parents are asleep.
I climb out of my truck and walk around the side of her house, seeing her bedroom light off. But there’s a glow coming through the window. She’s probably playing on her computer. I should’ve logged on and reminded her of how much fun we have together.
I pull out my phone, shooting off a text.
Me: Can we talk?
My message is immediately opened. She’s definitely still awake.
My girl: My voice isn’t working tonight. Besides, this is already hard enough, Bren. I don’t want it to hurt more.
But that’s just it. It doesn’t have to hurt. I’m not that guy. I’m not the guy they painted me out to be. I’m me. The same guy she’s been chatting online with for months.
Me: If you want me to blast my stereo and pull a move from Say Anything , I will. But I’m trying to respect your parents, babe. Please come out. There are a few things I want to tell you.
I watch her window, waiting for her to look out, and there she appears. Her eyes growing as big as the moon when she sees I wasn’t lying. She disappears and I walk back around, waiting by her door for her to show. The minutes pass by and my body is near freezing. It’s cold out here, and it wasn’t like I grabbed a jacket on the way out.
“I-i-it’s s-s-so c-c-cold,” she says as she opens the door and gets blasted by the chill.
“Can we go sit in my car?”
She may be stuttering, but my teeth are chattering too, making it to where neither of us will be able to speak.
She holds up her finger, and then darts back inside. When she comes back out, she has a coat and a hat on and is holding a coat for me. It’s her dad’s jacket. A little small, but I’ll take what I can get. I slip it on and then walk her over to my truck. Holding the door open and helping her up inside. I go around and get in, starting the engine and firing up the heat. It’s going to take a moment to warm up. It’s going to take her telling me she doesn’t want to end things for my heart to defrost.
“Babe…” I turn in my seat to face her. She’s looking down at her lap, writing something on a piece of paper.
What are you doing here, Brennon?
“I came to talk. I don’t understand why you’re ending things between us. Look, the things the guys said about me, yeah, I’ve done some goofy shit in the past, but it’s not me. It’s not who I am. The guy you’ve gotten to know online, that’s who I am.”
She looks back down, writing on her pad again. It must be the only way she can get her words out. The fact that she’s so upset she can’t even talk, guts me. I don’t want to make her nervous. I want to make her happy.
It didn’t bother me. I thought it was funny. But you didn’t seem yourself tonight. I could tell you were uncomfortable with me being there.
“The only thing I was uncomfortable with was the guys telling you all about the stupid shit I’ve done in the past. I didn’t want you to think I was a dumbass. Having you there didn’t make me uncomfortable. And I wasn’t embarrassed. I’d never be embarrassed by you.”
She shakes her head, turning back to her notepad. I wish she’d try to use her voice. I don’t care if she stutters. I just don’t want her to feel like she can’t be herself around me.
It felt like you were. All night it seemed like you were trying to keep me from talking to your friends. Every time they came over, you’d rush me into another room. And any time I started stuttering, you were quick to answer for me. It felt like you wanted me to be quiet.
The air goes right from my lungs on a heavy sigh. I had no idea I was making her feel like that. I was trying to make things easier on her. I wasn’t trying to shut her up. I don’t care what my friends think. If any of them made a comment or had a problem with her, I would’ve socked their lights out.
“I’m sorry, baby. I thought I was being helpful. I knew how nervous you were about coming tonight, and I heard you struggling with Ryeson at dinner so I thought I could help. I’m sorry. God, I wasn’t trying to talk over you because I didn’t want you to speak. I just wanted you to have a good time tonight.”
She swallows hard, ducking her head back down and picking up her pen.
People have been talking for me my entire life. My mom doesn’t realize that she does it all the time. My cousin does it because she hates listening to me. When you did it, it felt like you were embarrassed.
I scoot forward, taking her hands in mine. “I would never be embarrassed, Willow. I think everything about you is incredible. I was so worried about you having a good time tonight, and about making sure you felt comfortable, that I wasn’t thinking about my actions and how it would make you feel. I never meant to make you feel ashamed or inadequate, and I certainly wasn’t embarrassed having you by my side.” I felt like I was the luckiest guy in the room. “I’m just really sorry, baby. I wish I could have a do-over. I would do everything different. Starting with not letting your cousin speak to you the way she did. I’m sorry, babe, but she’s a bitch.”
When her lips tip up into a smile, a bit of the ice melts away.
“She is,” she says the words, her voice a smooth whisper, and it’s a relief to hear. “She’s always b-b-been annoyed by me. I’m s-s-sorry things didn’t work out b-b-between her and Ryeson.”
Ryeson will be fine. He could have his pick of any girl. He just doesn’t seem interested in anyone.
“Not to worry, babe. He thought you were really cool though.” Her face lights right up when I say it. “All my friends thought you were great. They’re all wondering why you ended up with me.” I wink. “That is, if you’re willing to take me back and give me another chance.”
“I only s-s-said those things b-b-because I was scared. I f-f-figured if I broke up with you f-f-first, it w-w-would hurt less.”
“I’m in love with you, Willow.”
She looks shocked again. Shit, maybe I should’ve waited. Maybe it’s too soon.
“I l-l-love y-y-you t-t-too.” Her eyes drop down to her lap, and she picks up her pen and paper again.
I’m not nervous, just overwhelmed with happiness. I love you too, Brennon. And I want to get stronger for you. For us. Just be patient with me. It might take me some time to warm up to your friends, but I’ll get there.
“I can be patient, babe. But just know that I don’t have any expectations. And I promise I won’t pressure you again into doing something you don’t want to do. We can hang out with the guys in a smaller group, or just double date, or…”
She presses her lips to mine and my words are swallowed up along with all my thoughts. I grip onto the back of her head and drive in, needing to be buried inside her. It’s been cold out here, but she is my warmth. She is my heart. It’s beating again. Racing faster as she grips onto my shirt, clinging tighter. All of my senses are firing, sharpening around the edges, and the need is tackling me head on. Barreling over me.
She lets out a little whimper and I reach over and press the button on the side of her chair, leaning her seat back. My tongue delves in deeper, needing to be as close as I can get, starving for the connection.
“Brennon.”
Her whimper has me pulling back. “What do you need, baby?”
“What if my parents come out?”
I look up, seeing how all the windows are fogged. If they come outside, they won’t be able to see in, but they’ll sure as hell know what’s happening. “Do you really think they’ll wake up?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“Do you want me to stop?”
“No.”
Then it’s settled. I reach for the hem of her pajama pants and slide them down. It looks like my girl doesn’t like to sleep in underwear, which has me stiffening in my slacks. I run my hands down and part her thighs, ready to dive in.
“Willow! Are you out here?”
Her mother’s voice has me shifting back to my seat. My girl sits up, frantically working to get her clothes back in place. What the hell is that woman doing awake?
“Does she usually wake up this early?”
“S-s-sometimes she has a h-h-hard time s-s-sleeping. Can you r-r-roll down your w-w-window?”
I do as she asks, and Willow leans over me. “M-m-mom I’m in h-h-here.”
Mrs. Carber comes walking over, tightening her bathrobe as the frigid air gives her a chill.
“It’s freezing out here, Willow. What are you two doing out here this late?”
“T-t-talking.”
“So, is everything right in the world again?” She smiles, looking toward the front windshield. “Judging by how fogged up the glass is, I’d say you two worked out your differences.”
“It’s not what you think, Mrs. Carber. We were just talking.”
Her eyebrow goes right up. “I was a teenager once, my dear boy. There is little steam in talking. But I’m glad to see you two have talked things through. Now, I think it’s time for Willow to come in and for you to get on home before your mother starts to worry. Wouldn’t you say?”
My mom probably assumes I’m sleeping at Chase’s house tonight, but I’m not going to argue with the woman. I want to stay in her good graces.
“Yes, ma’am. I’m sorry for keeping her up so late. Would it be all right if I took her out on a date tomorrow?”
She smiles broadly. “You’ll have to ask her, but you have my permission.” She winks, and I turn toward my girl.
“What do you say, baby? Can I pick you up at six so we can have a do-over? Just the two of us?”
She nods, and her blushing smile hits me in the chest. “I’d like that.” She leans over and gives me a quick kiss on the lips before she’s hopping out of my truck and running around to go in with her mom.
“Good night, babe. And good night, Mrs. Carber.” Her mom nods with a smile and wraps her arm around her daughter’s shoulders, leading her back inside. I pick up my phone and quickly text her the words I would’ve said had her mom not been there.
Me: Love you, baby. Sleep tight. And text me when you wake up. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow, and I promise I’ll finish what we started.
And I’ll make sure we’re some place where we won’t be interrupted.