Chapter - 21
Happy New Year, my fam ??
As we step into a brand new year, I just want to thank you for choosing my stories, my characters and my worlds. Every comment you send across, every chapter you wait for and every emotion you feel while reading means more to me than I can ever put into words.
May this year bring you new beginnings, healing, brave dreams and moments that make your heart feel full. I hope you find comfort in stories, strength in yourself and happiness in the little things.
Here's to more love, more hope, more magic, and many more journeys we'll share together.
Wishing you a year that is kind to you.
Happy New Year ??
I could not stop myself from bouncing around the room, waiting for someone to come and tell me that I could leave.
True to his word, Ranaji had returned my phone this morning and I was just dying to text mumma or Jai Bhaiya that I was coming home to meet them but I stopped myself.
Partly because I wanted to surprise them but also because somewhere deep down, I had this too good to be true feeling playing around.
What if he was not serious? What if he was just testing my breaking point? What if all he wanted to do was make me talk to him and that is why he played the trick.
But those doubts subsided and were just left to a mild discomfort when I found my phone because that meant Ranaji had upheld one end of his promise.
I checked the time for the tenth time in the last five minutes.
Still nothing.
I paced from the window to the bed and back again, my steps uneven because of my ankle but I did not care and kept y phone clutched in my hand, the screen lighting up every few seconds because I kept unlocking it for no reason.
Then, I sat on the hand rest of the couch and took a deep breath, pressing my lips together. I had learnt very quickly that hope was dangerous here but before I could go deeper into that spiral, someone knocked the door and my heart jumped.
"Come in." I said, trying to sound normal and failing miserably.
One of the maids entered, her expression polite but distant, as always.
"Raanisa, gaadi taiyaar hai." she informed me.
I stood up so fast that the room spun for a second and grabbed my jacket, my bag which I had packed and repacked at least three times since morning and walked out behind her before anyone in this palace could change their minds.
As I walked ahead, an attendant immediately took my bag from me and followed behind me before I could object and tell him that I was okay carrying it.
I was on the lookout around because I was expecting Ranaji to appear out of nowhere and stop me.
But he didn't and as we reached the porch, the car was already waiting. The guards stood straight. The driver opened the door for me.
This was the first time I was stepping out of Ratangarh after I got here.
I hesitated only for a heartbeat before sitting inside the car and the door closed behind me as I pulled my jacket tighter around myself and stared straight ahead.
Home, I was going home.
The car started moving and I did not breathe properly until the gates were completely out of sight and only then did I lean back against the seat.
There was one more car behind us which kept following us.
"Kaka, yeh piche waali gaadi kyun chal rahi hai humaare saath?" I asked the driver, curiosity taking over me.
"Raanisa, woh niyam hai. Jab bhi koi raajparivaar se mahal ke bahar jaata hai, humesha ek gaadi suraksha ke liye piche chalti hai." He replied politely.
"Par mai toh Rajparivaar se nahi hoon." I replied, shrugging my shoulders and then my eyes widened as I realised what I had just said.
He chuckled.
"Aap accha mazaak kar leti hain, Raanisa." He said and explained nothing.
He didn't have to because I was an idiot! Of course I was a part of the royal family on paper and these were protocols.
Then, I remained silent for the rest of the three and a half hours of the ride back home and as Udaipur started to come into view, I was getting more impatient and my heartbeat racing.
The driver slowed down near my lane and I sat up straight at once, suddenly very aware of how fast I was breathing. My ankle throbbed faintly but I barely noticed it.
The car stopped in front of the house.
My house.
For a moment, I just sat there, staring at the gate like it might disappear if I blinked. Everything looked exactly the same.
The driver stepped out and opened the door for me. I thanked him softly and stepped down, my feet touching the ground that felt more familiar than anything else in the world.
The car behind us stopped too, but I did not look back.
I walked up to the door slowly, my heart thudding so loud that I was sure it could be heard from inside.
I raised my hand, hesitated and then rang the doorbell and the door opened almost immediately.
For half a second, my mind did not register what I was seeing.
Then mumma was standing there.
She looked exactly the same and completely different all at once. Her hair was tied back loosely, her dupatta slipping off one shoulder, her eyes completely tired. The moment her gaze fell on me, everything on her face froze.
"Parthvi..." she whispered.
And then she was pulling me into her arms, keeping both her palms on my cheeks, scanning my face.
I did not remember dropping my bag or how my face ended up pressed against her shoulder. I only knew that she smelled like home and warm food and something familiar that made my throat close instantly.
"Mumma." I breathed, and that was it.
I did not even feel that tears were running down my cheeks until mumma wiped them with her hands.
She held my face between her palms, her thumbs brushing my cheeks again and again like she was making sure I was real.
"Tu theek hai na beta?" she asked softly. "Kuch hua toh nahi?"
I nodded immediately, even though my throat hurt too much to speak. I knew if I opened my mouth properly, I would start crying again and I did not want to do that on the doorstep.
She pulled me inside but she did not let go of my hand even once as she led me inside and made me sit on the sofa carefully.
"Baith." she said and I obeyed.
She crouched slightly in front of me, her eyes scanning my face again, then my hands, then my foot.
"Pair mein kya hua hai?" she asked.
"Thoda sa twist ho gaya tha," I said, finally finding my voice. "It's fine now."
Her lips pressed together but she did not say anything. She just nodded once and stood up.
"Tu baith," she repeated. "Main paani laati hoon."
As she walked towards the kitchen, I leaned back against the sofa and let out a breath I felt like I had been holding for days.
Then I heard hurried footsteps and before I could even turn my head properly, Jai Bhaiya appeared in front of me.
He froze.
For one second, he just stared at me like his brain needed time to catch up.
"Parthvi?" he said, disbelief all over his face.
I smiled at him and that was enough.
He crossed the distance between us in two steps and pulled me into a tight hug, his arm wrapped around my shoulders and held me for a moment longer than usual and then pulled back just enough to look at my face.
"You're actually here." he said, still sounding unsure. "This is not one of those things where I wake up and realise I imagined it, right?"
I let out a small laugh through my tears and shook my head.
"I'm real." I said. "I promise."
His eyes softened instantly.
His smile broke out fully then, wide and almost disbelieving.
"God," he breathed, running a hand through his hair. "We were so scared."
Mumma returned just then with a glass of water and placed it in my hands, watching me like she would if I were sick.
"Pehle paani." she said again.
I took a few sips, my fingers trembling slightly, and Jai Bhaiya sat down right next to me, close enough that our shoulders touched.
"Parthvi teri shaadi...." Mumma could not even continue her sentence as she broke down, her body shaking as she pulled me into her arms.
All the things I had been holding in since Ratangarh, all the nights I had stared at the ceiling, all the fear and anger and loneliness came rushing out at once.
"I missed you so much." I cried.
ai Bhaiya stood up suddenly, like he didn't know what to do with himself, and then he knelt down in front of us, his hand coming up to hold my arm and then mumma's.
"Bas." he said, but his own voice cracked badly. "Bas ho gaya."
His eyes were red. He looked away once, wiped his face with his sleeve like he used to when he was younger, and then pulled both of us into his arms.
I rested my head over his shoulder, trying to calm myself down.
"It's okay." he said quietly, more to himself than to us. "You're home now.."
Mumma slowly loosened her hold but kept one hand on my back, rubbing small circles like she used to when I was a child and had nightmares. Her crying softened into quiet sniffles.
I pulled back slightly and wiped my face with the back of my hand, feeling embarrassed and relieved at the same time.
"I'm sorry," I said softly. "I didn't want to worry you."
Mumma looked at me sharply.
"Pagal hai kya?" she said. "Tu meri beti hai. Teri fikr nahi karenge toh kiski karenge?"
That made my throat tighten again, so I just nodded.
Jai Bhaiya exhaled slowly and stood back on his feet.
"Ruhani bhabhi aur P....papa? Kahan hain? Kaise hain?" I asked, standing up too.
"Parthvi, Ruhani is pregnant." Mumma told me, wiping her tears and I immediately looked at Jai Bhaiya.
This was the best thing I had heard in my lifetime!
"Pregnant?" I repeated softly.
Mumma nodded, a small smile breaking through her tears.
"Haan," she said. "Almost two months."
"Bhaiya?" I asked, my voice shaking now for a completely different reason.
He nodded too, his eyes shining but not as much as they should have. He was going to be a father! And I was going to be a Bua.
"Haan, Pri." was all he said before I gave him a very tight hug.
"Kahan hain Bhabhi?" I asked, looking around.
"I sent her to her parents' house beta. At least she will be looked after there. Yahan pe toh khud sab kuch sambhal rahi thi aur mai uss state of mind mein nahi thi ki uska khayal rakh paati." Mumma said.
"I didn't want her to see... all this," he said. "She was already so worried about you."
My chest tightened again.
"I'm sorry," I said, the word slipping out before I could stop it.
"Jab se aayi ho, tum kyun sorry bole jaa rahi ho Pri? Galat toh tumhare saath hua hai. Ek baar aur nahi ab." Bhaiya said sternly, pulling me back into his arms.
I nodded against his chest, my grip tightening on his shirt for a second.
"Bring her back bhaiya and look after her, she needs you the most right now and please be happy, aap papa banne wale ho aur aap Daadi." I said, turning around to look at mumma.
"Ruhani toh khushi se paagal ho jaayegi tujhe dekh kar, mai abhi lekar aata hoon usko." He said as he kept a hand on my cheek lovingly once and picked up his car keys, walking out.
"Mumma....papa kahan hain?" I asked her.
"He is in the bedroom, hardly comes out anymore, hardly eats anything and does not talk to me or to anyone else.
The guilt is eating him alive, Parthvi. He did not even react to the news of going to become a grandfather.
He just sits there and stares into nothing.
" She told me and with her every word, I found my heart breaking.
I know that what he has done is unforgivable and just evil but that still does not change the fact that I still love him and I will keep loving him until I am no more.
I may not be able to forgive him yet but I cannot let him break like this.
He had to live and if I had to lie to ensure that, I would.
I stood up slowly, my legs feeling weak all over again.
"I am going to see him." I told her, she nodded once.
She walked ahead and I followed her down the short corridor into their room.
"Don't push him too much." she said quietly.
I nodded.
She stepped aside and I stood there for a moment, my hand hovering near the door. I did not know what I would say. I only knew that I had to go in.
I knocked but there was no response soI pushed the door open slowly.
The room was dim. The curtains were half drawn and Papa was sitting on the edge of the bed, his shoulders slumped, his hands resting loosely in his lap. He looked smaller somehow. Older.
For a second, he did not notice me.
"Papa," I said softly.
He flinched.
His head lifted slowly, as if it took effort, and then his eyes met mine.
He froze.
"Parthvi?" he whispered, disbelief filling his voice.
I took a step forward.
"Yes," I said. "I'm here."
Something on his face collapsed.
He stood up so suddenly that the chair behind him fell, but neither of us reacted to the sound. He took one step toward me and then stopped, like he was afraid I would disappear if he came any closer.
"You're really here?" he asked, his voice shaking.
I nodded.
Before I could say anything else, he broke down.
He covered his face with his hands and cried openly, helplessly, like a man who had been holding himself together by force and could not anymore.
"I ruined everything," he sobbed. "Everything."
My chest tightened painfully as I crossed the distance between us and wrapped my arms around him. He held onto me immediately.
"Mujhe laga tha ki mai tujhe phir kabhi nahi dekh paaunga Parthvi." He sobbed and I could not hold back either.
"Mujhe bhi Papa. Mujhe bhi." I bit my lip and hugged him harder, letting myself go and he held me tighter.
"Mai toh tujhse maafi bhi maangne laayak nahi hoon, beta. Maine teri zindagi barbaad kar di hai, tere sapne, umeedein sab tod diye." He said, now looking at me, his eyes watering.
What could I possibly respond to that? He was right, he has ruined my life but even admitting that to myself makes my heart ache because the love I had for him outweighs every damn thing. He is my Papa and the reason I know what love really means. How can I hate the love of my life?
"Papa aapne hi mujhe sikhaya hai ki family sab kuch hoti hai aur aap meri family hi hain.
Aisa iss duniya mein kuch nahi hoga jo mai naa karun aapke liye.
Agar aapko kuch hoga toh jee toh mai bhi nahi paaungi na.
Haan, shayad mai aapko abhi bhi maaf nahi kar paayi hoon par aap itna samajh lo ki aapke bina toh mai kuch nahi hoon aur yeh baat utni hi sach hai jitne sach mere Bappa hain.
Mai aapse naaraaz reh sakti hoon par kabhi aapse nafrat nahi kar sakti.
" I confessed to him, my heart twisting into folds after folds after uttering every single word while he just stood there, almost lifeless.
"Parthvi tu...." he started but I stopped him.
"Nahi Papa. Aap suno. Maine aapse ek promise liya tha jaane se pehele ki aap jiyoge humari family ke liye.
Aapne mujhe diya hua promise poora nahi kiya hai.
Kya aapko pata bhi hai ki Jai Bhaiya papa banne wale hain?
Aapne Ruhani bhabhi ke papa se vidaai ke time kaha tha na ki aap unko beti ki tarah rakhenge yahan?
Kya aapko pata bhi hai ki woh yahan nahi hain, woh apne parents ke paas reh rahin hai jab ki unhe aap sab se support aur care milni chahiye thi. " I asked him, wiping his tears.
He stared at me blankly.
For a moment, I thought he had not heard me properly.
"What?" he asked quietly.
"Jai Bhaiya is going to be a father." I said again, slowly. "You're going to be a grandfather."
His brows pulled together in confusion.
"No." he said, almost to himself. "I did not know that. No one told me."
My chest tightened.
"They did." I said softly. "Mumma told you. Everyone did."
He looked away, his gaze falling somewhere near the wall, unfocused.
"Mujhe kuch yaad nahi hai." he whispered. "Kuch bhi nahi."
(I don't remember anything at all.)
That was when it hit me. He had not been listening at all. Not to mumma. Not to the house. Not to life. He had been sitting here, day after day, breathing but not living.
"That's because you weren't here," I said quietly. "Not really."
He didn't argue.
He just sat back down on the edge of the bed, his hands falling limp in his lap again, like all the strength had drained out of him.
"I didn't deserve to know," he murmured. "After what I did."
"That's not true Papa. You don't deserve to life unhappily for the rest of your life after that blood debt is already claimed.
You wronged them by pulling that trigger on the queen, they wronged you by taking me away from you and honestly, we got off easy.
I am now the Raanisa of Ratangarh and no one has mistreated me there.
" I lied immediately and moved in front of him and crouched so he had no choice but to look at me.
He froze completely. He didn't even know this. God, how long had he just sat here like this?
"You... what?" he asked hoarsely, recovering after a while.
I didn't look away.
"I am married, Papa." I said evenly, even though my chest felt like it was splitting open. "Ranaji married me. Something about a law."
He closed his eyes, listening to my words. So he knows about that law.
A tear slipped out and rolled down his cheek.
"This is because of me." he said quietly. "Again."
I reached out and held his face, forcing him to look at me.
"No," I said firmly. "This is because I am an adult who made a choice."
His gaze searched my face desperately.
"Did he force you?" he asked. "Did he hurt you?"
"No." I said instantly. "He didn't."
Another tear fell. Then another.
"Does he treat you well?" he asked, almost afraid of the answer.
I hesitated for half a second but it was long enough for him to notice.
"Parthvi," he said, his voice breaking. "Tell me the truth."
"I am safe." I said carefully. "I am respected. No one has raised a hand on me. I am the Raanisa of Ratangarh now."
The title sounded foreign even to my own ears.
He stared at me in silence, tears kept spilling from his eyes but he didn't wipe them away.
He reached out slowly, his hand trembling as it came to rest against my cheek, like he was still unsure I was real.
"I stole your life." he whispered.
"No." I said gently. "You broke it but I am learning how to live with the pieces."
I had to give him some honesty for him to believe some of my lies.
"Papa, mujhe yeh toh nahi pata ki meri life aage kaisi hone waali hai par haan, mai yeh aapko bata sakti hoon ki mai dukhi nahi rahungi. Mai dobara sapne dekhungi jo shaayad pehele se alag honge par mere honge." I lied to him with a heavy heart.
He closed his eyes when I finished speaking, like he was holding those words somewhere inside his chest so they would not fall apart. His hand stayed against my cheek, warm and trembling, grounding both of us in the same moment.
"I don't know how to make this right," he said finally, his voice hollow.
"You don't have to," I replied. "You just have to stay."
His breath shuddered. Slowly, he nodded. It wasn't certainty or forgiveness. It was survival. And today, that was enough.
"Maine Jai bhaiya ko bheja hai Ruhani bhabhi ko waapis laane.
Papa, aapko sabka dhyaan rakhna hai, apna bhi.
Maine Ranaji ko iss baar manaya hai aap logon se milne dene ke liye, aage bhi kar lungi.
I promise that I will come here and see you all as often as I can.
But for that, you need to promise me again and fulfill it this time that you will not do this to yourself and to mumma, Jai bhaiya and bhabhi.
Iss parivaar mein itni badi khushi aa rahi hai, mai bua banne waali hoon aur mai nahi chahti ki ghar ka mahaul aisa ho jahan koi khush hi na reh sake aur yeh baat aap acche se jaan lo ki agar aap khush rehne ki koshish nahi karoge toh koi bhi khush nahi reh paayega. " I told him the truth this time.
I leaned forward and rested my forehead against his shoulder, the way I used to when I was little and afraid of thunderstorms. He wrapped his arms around me, careful, like I was fragile glass, and for the first time since I had walked into this room, his hold felt alive.
We stayed like that for a while.
"Ab chalo, jao aur mere acche Papa ban ke bahar aao, bhaiya aate hi honge bhabhi ko leke." I said, giving him a smile and he nodded.
When I stepped out, Mumma looked up from the corridor. She didn't ask anything. She didn't need to. One look at my face and her shoulders sagged in relief before hugging me again and that is when I realised,
Home does not fix you, it reminds you about the lengths you can go for the people who mean everything to you, even if they have a hundred flaws and more.