Chapter - 28
How was I supposed to share the bed with Ranaji? This was going to be super, super awkward.
"Kya karun?" I muttered to myself, pacing around the room.
Thankfully, he was still not here. Yuvaan and him had to urgently leave for Kolkata for some work three nights ago, when he offered me the job but they were coming back tonight.
I was super boared but even Ishaan and Pankhuri were busy with his homework. I tried to help but he refused to study when I was around so I told him to first finish his homework and then we would play in the evening and came back to this room.
I was just about to make my way to the balcony when my phone went off.
Mumma.
"Hii Mumma!" I said, picking up in the first ring.
"Priyu, how are you beta?" she asked.
"I am fine Mumma. How is everyone at home?" I asked her, sitting on the couch, stretching my legs.
"Everyone is good. Jai and your papa are still at work and Ruhani is sitting with me here. I was oiling her hair and now we are looking at your childhood pictures." she replied and I smiled.
Bhabhi said Hiii Parthvi in the background and I hii'ed back.
"When is Bhabhi's next appointment with the Gynac?" I asked her.
"Next week. Jai will get the text about the exact date and time soon." she replied and I nodded absent-mindedly.
"Kya hua beta, itni khoi khoi kyun lag rahi hai?" she asked suddenly.
"Nahi mumma, kuch nahi. Bas aaj thoda thak gayi hoon." I tried to ease her worry.
Before she could say anything, I heard their doorbell go off.
"Your Papa and bhai are here." she said and I immediately heard Jai bhaiya's voice asking if I was on the phone.
Then probably he snatched it from mumma.
"Hii Pri. Yoga start ki?" he asked and I rolled my eyes.
"Bhaiya please, maine aapko bataya tha na ki mujhe meri neend kaafi pyaari hai." I said and he chuckled.
"I know, I know." he replied.
"Accha bhaiya, I wanted to ask you something." I said, still in two minds.
"Bol na." his tone grew a little serious and I could imagine him sitting straight.
There was a small pause on the other side of the line and I could almost hear him processing every word instead of reacting immediately, which is something he has always done whenever I sound confused instead of angry.
"You screamed?" he asked first, because of course that is what he chose to focus on.
"Bhaiya," I warned.
"I am just confirming."
"Yes, I screamed. It felt like he was offering me a favour and I did not like that feeling at all." I admitted, rubbing my forehead.
"And now?" he asked.
"And now I do not know if I overreacted or if I was right. He said I would be assessed like anyone else and paid like anyone else but when it comes from him, everything feels complicated." I said honestly.
He hummed thoughtfully.
"Okay," he said slowly. "Let me ask you something. If this offer had come from any other big company with the same role, same pay and same conditions, would you even be confused?"
I opened my mouth to reply and then stopped.
"No." I admitted.
"Then the job is not the problem, the source is." he said simply.
"I know."
"Do you trust him professionally?" he asked.
"I don't know him at all. I have been living with him, sharing a room with him for almost four months now and I know nothing about him except for what had happened all those years ago." I confessed.
"Of course you do not." he said simply.
I blinked.
"That is not shocking, Pri. You two were not given the luxury of a normal beginning. Most people start with awkward small talk and first impressions. You both have started with extreme hatred started with history." he continued in the same tone.
I leaned back into the couch, staring at the ceiling.
"We did not choose each other and I am sure we never would have had, even if we met in normal circumstances." I muttered.
"I know." he replied calmly
We both did not know what to say but he broke the silence first.
"Take the job Parthvi. Don't waste away your dreams. I know that you will not be completely independent of the factors and faces surrounding you but at least you will be doing what you have wanted to do. Take that job." he said.
"And if things get complicated?" I asked softly.
"Things are already complicated, at least let your career not be the casualty of it." he replied without missing a beat.
I exhaled slowly.
"You really think I should?" I asked one last time, needing that final push.
"Yes. Take the job, prove yourself and stop shrinking your life because of circumstances you did not create." he said firmly.
I nodded to myself even though he could not see me.
"Okay." I said quietly. "I will take it."
"Good." he replied, his tone softening.
"I love you bhaiya." I hugged the cushion closer to myself.
"I love you too, Pri and I want you home for Holi. Do something but come home for holi." he said.
"I will bhaiya, I promise. We always celebrate Holi together." I replied, determined.
Then, we hung up.
I stayed seated for a few seconds after the call disconnected, staring at the dark screen of my phone as if it would suddenly flash a different answer at me.
I was going to take the job.
The decision felt both terrifying and steady at the same time.
I placed the phone on the table and stood up and began to walk around the whole room once again for some reason.
I would have to tell him.
I ran a hand through my hair and walked from one end of the room to the other, then back again, then toward the wardrobe, then toward the balcony door without actually stepping outside.
Why was this harder than screaming at him?
I inhaled deeply and exhaled just as sharply.
I inhaled deeply one more time and instead of continuing to wear a path into the carpet, I walked straight toward the balcony and pushed the doors open.
The evening air hit my face instantly, cool and slightly scented with wet earth from the fountains below.
The balcony ledge here was wide enough to sit comfortably on so I climbed onto the ledge carefully and sat sideways, my back resting lightly against the side wall.
I pulled my legs up, bending them from the knees and wrapping my arms around them and let my chin rest against my kneecap.
I tilted my head to the side and looked at the courtyard below and it looked absolutely beautiful.
Little flowers were beginning to bloom and new leaves were forming on the big and small trees.
The rabbits were coming out of their homes near the fountain more and the sunlight was looking somehow more brighter, more vibrant.
I traced invisible patterns on the stone beside me with my finger and let the wind play with the loose strands of my hair.
The sound of a car entering the courtyard reached me faintly and my heartbeat reacted before my brain did.
He was back.
I watched from above as the car stopped and the staff hurried forward and for a second I caught a glimpse of him stepping out, tall and composed as always, speaking to someone beside him.
From where I was sitting, the entire driveway was visible and for a brief second and while the staff moved around him, he paused and then as if he could feel my gaze on him, he looked straight up, at me.
Our eyes met from that distance and something inside my chest tightened as he simply held my gaze. The wind moved my hair across my face but I did not push it back because my damn hands felt like they had frozen.
He said something to the person next to him without breaking eye contact immediately and then, very slightly inclined his head in acknowledgement and I became acutely conscious of the way I was sitting, like a child who did not know what to do with herself.
My fingers tightened slightly around my legs and stayed there, holding his gaze a fraction longer than necessary before finally looking away first.
Coward.
I kept sitting there when I heard the bedroom door open and refused to turn on head around to look at Ranaji once again.
"Gir jaayengi aap." I heard his voice and I had no option but to look now.
"I can get down myself." I replied and he did not argue but waited which somehow made it worse.
I pushed myself forward, ready to slide off the ledge and land neatly on my feet just to prove a point. It was not even that high as I had climbed up myself.
But before I could even try, his palms wrapped around my waist and a shiver ran down my spine as I raised my head to look at him, my eyes widening in shock.
Before I could say a single word, he lifted me straight up and a shocking gasp left me.
My hands instinctively gripped his forearms and I felt and I felt the strength under my fingers. He lifted me straight up, vertically, like I weighed nothing at all and for one suspended second my feet were no longer touching anything but air.
Then, he lowered me and when my feet finally touched the ground, he did not immediately step away and I did not immediately let go, my hands gripping his arm.
What was I doing?
My hands were still on him.
His hands were still at my waist.
I became suddenly, painfully aware of how close we were standing and dropped my hands first, almost abruptly and took a hurried step back, nearly tripping over my own feet in the process, and quickly tucked the loose strands of hair behind my ear just to have something to do with my trembling fingers.
Why on earth was my face so warm?
Idiot.
Complete idiot.
"I did not need your help." I said quickly, the words tumbling out in a rush that sounded nothing like the confident tone I had imagined in my head.
He looked at me.
"I was getting down perfectly fine."
"You were about to jump." he replied calmly.
"I was not jumping."
"You were."
My fingers moved to tuck my hair behind my ear again even though it was already in place. I could feel the blush refusing to fade and silently cursed my own traitorous face.
Why did he have to be this tall?
Why did I have to tilt my head up every time I spoke to him?
It made everything feel more intense than it needed to be!
"Ummm....I....I wanted to tell you something." I started, in an attempt to change the topic to stop feeling so weirded out.
He gave me a nod.
"I... I am taking the job." I finally said, forcing the words out before I could lose courage again and what I saw in his eyes looked like something a little close to approval with a dash of satisfaction.
"I know." he said.
My brows pulled together. "You know?"
"You did not work that hard for nothing. You start from tomorrow under Yuvaan. He is the CFO and your department reports to him. He will explain how his department works." was his only response.
"Thank you, Ranaji. Whatever said and done, this is a huge opportunity for me and I will give nothing but my best to prove myself that I am capable of working there.
" I replied, genuinely grateful because as a mature adult, from now onwards, I had to keep my personal and professional lives separate.
"You do not have to prove to me that you are capable." he said.
"I have to prove it to everyone else." I replied, lifting my chin slightly. "And to myself."
A faint nod from him was what I got.
Before I could say anything else, there was a knock on the door and we both turned around and walked back inside the room from the balcony and Daadisa walked inside.
"Rudra, I am here to remind you that you need to clear your schedule for Holika Dahan next week. I don't want any last minute meetings." she told him and then her eyes fell on me.
"And you, Raanisa of Ratangarh. You do have some duties towards this palace.
This is the first festival after you have come here and as much as I despise you and anything to do with you, you will still have to manage the Holi preparations and all the other festivals' preparations starting this year.
" she taunted me and I knew she wanted to say a few other nice things but held herself back because Ranaji was here.
"Yes ma'am. I will make sure that every single preparation is done as per everyone's liking but I would like to go home for holi." I found myself speaking.
Wrong, wrong timing Parthvi! I mentally literally slapped my head in frustration.
Daadisa's expression hardened almost immediately, her spine straightening further as if I had personally insulted the entire lineage of Ratangarh.
"You would like to go home?" she repeated slowly.
The tone was not a question.
It was a challenge.
I swallowed but did not look away. "Yes, ma'am."
"This is your home now." she gestured lightly around the room.
"I understand that, ma'am. And I will fulfil all responsibilities here before I leave. I just would like to play Holi morning with my family. That has always been a family tradition for us and I wouldn't want it to change it because of me." I told her and Daadisa's gaze shifted to Rudra.
"Rudra, explain to your wife what tradition means." she said, her voice cool.
My heart thudded once because if he refused, I would not be throwing a tantrum. I would just run home because there was no way I was going to play Holi without my family.
No one spoke a word for a few seconds and I did not look at him because I did not want my face to betray the stubbornness already forming inside me.
And then his voice came, calm and even.
"She will manage and celebrate and perform all the rituals of Holika Dahan here." he said and Daadisa nodded once, satisfied too quickly.
"And the next morning, she will go and celebrate Holi with her family." he continued.
"This has never been the practice." Daadisa's eyes sharpened.
"Practices can evolve. Besides, she is the Raanisa and has made a promise. She is bound to fulfil that promise." he said, authoritatively.
"You are changing Rudra, you are softening. You don't even remember who this girl is, do you? Let me remind you. She is the daughter of...." she started and the hatred in her voice and the way she was looking as me almost made me flinch.
"Nahi Daadisa, iske aage ek shabd aur nahi. Jaanta hoon yeh kaun hai par ek baat aapko bhi jaan leni chahiye. Patni hain yeh ab meri aur inki beizatti nahi sahunga mai." his voice rang in my ears.
Just hated it.
He did not move immediately. His shoulders were still squared and his posture was still straight but then he exhaled and turned around.
"I wanted to tell you first about wanting to go home for Holi but the words just slipped in front of her by mistake." I said, looking at him in the eye.
"My driver will take you to Udaipur early morning on Holi." he nodded in understanding.
"Thank you." I said and turned around to grab my phone.
He probably went to change and I immediately texted Jai Bhaiya that I have told him that I have accepted his job offer and that I will be home for Holi!
I was brushing my hair in front of the mirror when he came out of the shower.
He was in a simple dark t-shirt and grey track pants, hair still damp from the shower, a few strands falling carelessly over his forehead.
The fabric of the t-shirt clung slightly to his shoulders and chest and I suddenly became very aware that this was the first time I had seen him looking normal at this time of the day.
Otherwise, he would be all in his suits and ties and formals.
Why was I noticing that?
Focus, Parthvi.
I quickly clipped my hair up, pretending to be extremely invested in arranging it properly.
I don't know what came over me, maybe a moment of complete honestly but it was idiotic.
"Ranaji, I should confess something to you." I said, making up my mind to be unhinged.
He raised a brow but looked a little amused more than curious as if he had already anticipated that nothing serious was going to come out of my words.
"I was planning to run from the palace had you not let me go home for Holi." I told him, shrugging my shoulders.
He chuckled.
"Aur aapke iss shaandaar plan mein aapko yeh yaad nahi raha ki aap shaayad iss mahal ke mukhyah dwaar tak nahi jaa paati kisi ki sahayata ke bina, bhaagne ki toh bohot door ki baat hai, aap mud kar mujhse hi takra jaati." he smiled, throwing his towel on the bed.
I glared at him through the mirror and opened my mouth only to close it a couple of times to respond to his truth but what could I even say?
"Very funny." I said flatly and looked away, rolling my eyes.
The night rolled in quickly and after dinner and playing with Ishaan and promising him that I would play with him every evening after work, it was almost midnight when I walked back to the room and then it came back to me.
Sharing the damn bed. He was sitting on his desk as usually, reading some document off his laptop and probably didn't notice me walk in so I quietly moved towards the couch and was just about to sit when he shook his head without even looking at me, leaving my wide eyed.
However, I chose to ignore him and lied down anyway.
"I think we had reached an agreement three night ago, didn't we Parthvi?" he asked, shutting the laptop close and getting up from his seat.
I immediately closed my eyes and hid myself inside the duvet, pretending to sleep.
Even I wouldn't believe me if I had to believe me after this.
"Is this supposed to make me believe that you are asleep in there?" I heard his voice and sighed.
I kept my eyes shut anyway, committing to a bit.
Maybe if I did not respond, he would just let it go and to my success, he did!
For the rest of the next five minutes, I did not hear him which made me peak out of the blanket, only to find him sitting on the chair opposite to the couch with his phone in his hands and the moment I looked at him, he looked at me.
"Done?" he asked, meeting my eyes.
"Ranaji, I have never shared a bed with a man before. Do you not realise how awkward this could be?" I asked him, without looking away this time.
"I have never shared a bed with a woman either, Parthvi. It does not have to be awkward if we don't want it to be." he said, keeping his phone away.
I blinked.
That was not the response I had prepared myself for.
"You are right. This does not have to be awkward. Besides, I have the perfect solution to sharing a bed and also not sharing it." I said, standing up immediately and he looked at me, a little confused.
Before he could ask anything, I picked up the two large decorative cushions from the armchair and placed them in the centre of the bed.
Then I grabbed the three smaller ones from the window seat.
Then the two from the couch.
Then, because apparently I had committed to this madness, I even took the long cylindrical ones from the corner.
He folded his arms across his chest.
"What exactly are you doing?" he asked, one eyebrow slightly raised.
"Have you not seen Hindi TV serials?" I asked, raising a brow of my own.
He blinked once, his expression going blank in the most unimpressed way possible. "No." he said evenly, slipping his hands into the pockets of his track pants. "I have not."
"That explains so much," I declared, shaking my head.
He tilted his head slightly. "And what exactly does that explain?" he asked, walking closer to inspect the structure I was building.
"Your complete lack of survival skills." I replied with full seriousness, bending to grab another cushion from the armchair.
"My survival skills are perfectly intact." he said calmly, watching me transfer the last of the decorative cushions to the bed.
"Clearly not." I muttered under my breath as I aligned them down the exact centre of the mattress. "This is standard married-but-not-actually-comfortable protocol."
He looked conflicted but impressed.
"And what exactly are the terms of this treaty?" he asked.
I pointed at the cushion wall. "You remain on your side. I remain on mine. No accidental invasions."
"And if the border collapses?" he asked, nudging one cushion lightly with a finger.
I immediately leaned forward and fixed it again. "Then we pretend it did not."
He did not argue further.
Instead, he simply walked to his side of the bed, switched off the main lights but the room was not pitch dark as usual before of the moonlight filtering through the curtains.
He laid down on his side of the bed, careful not to disturb the ridiculous cushion border I had built and I laid down on mine, stiff as a wooden board.
For the first few minutes, I did not move.
Then I turned slightly.
Then again.
Then I adjusted the blanket.
Then the pillow.
Then I flipped to the other side. Why was this mattress so strange?
It felt softer than what I was used to. Or maybe firmer. I could not tell. Every time I shifted, the sheet rustled and I became hyper aware of the fact that he was right there.
Two seconds later, I turned again.
After what felt like an eternity of me rearranging my existence on that mattress, I felt the bed shift slightly.
He sat up.
The sudden movement made me freeze.
I heard the sound of his feet touching the floor.
"Where are you going?" I asked immediately, my voice cutting through the silence before I could stop myself.
"To the couch. You are not comfortable with me next to you here." he replied simply calmly.
Without thinking, I reached out and caught his wrist and the contact startled both of us as my fingers wrapped around his wrist instinctively, and for a brief second, neither of us moved.
"Wait." I said softly.
He looked down at my hand on him, then at my face.
"I am not uncomfortable because of you Ranaji. I am uncomfortable because this mattress is extremely weird." I said quickly, almost defensively.
He raised one eyebrow.
"It is too soft." I continued, words tumbling out in a rush. "At home, my bed is much firmer like that couch. This one feels like I am sinking. I am just not used to it."
He studied my face carefully.
"I know you won't cross any boundaries." I continued, holding his gaze. "You have respected my space for months. This is not about that."
His wrist was still in my hand and I became aware of it only when my thumb shifted slightly against his skin and immediately left his hand.
"I just need to get used to it." I murmured. "That is all."
For a moment, he did not say anything.
"You are blaming the mattress?" he asked.
"I am." I replied stubbornly.
"And you are certain it is not me?"
"I am certain." I said firmly.
He looked at the bed, then at the couch, then back at me.
"You should know that this mattress is custom made." he defended the mattress.
"Sadly, I do. You have yourself told me this that time." I replied, referring to the time I had slept here before the wedding.
His lips curved upwards in a small smile and he slowly lied back next to me.
"Goodnight." I muttered.
"Good night, Parthvi." he replied and eventually, I let sleep take over me.