Chapter - 32
This was only the second time that Parthvi was going to see her family after I brought her here and married her and this was the second time I had seen that look on her face.
Happiness.
Standing in front of the mirror, she was brushing her hair with a big smile playing on her lips and I could hear the tune she was humming. She had been doing that for the past few days but never once did she allow herself to actually sing, like she had promised me she never would.
I leaned back slightly against the couch, one arm resting over the armrest as I watched her through the mirror without interrupting.
She still had not noticed that I had been looking at her for the last five minutes.
Or maybe she had.
With Parthvi, it was difficult to tell sometimes.
The room was quiet except for the soft sound of her bangles clinking against each other every few seconds as she moved. Not delicate gold ones that women in this house usually wore.
Dark silver and too many of them, all stacked unevenly on both wrists, chiming softly every time she lifted her hand to fix her hair or adjust something on the dresser.
She placed the hairbrush down and leaned closer to the mirror, applying kajal quickly before rubbing the corner lightly with her finger.
Then came the earrings, big silver jhumkas that matched the bangles.
I watched her push her hair to one side and hook one into place before shaking her head slightly to settle it properly. The movement made a few loose strands fall around her face and she huffed softly before tucking them back again.
My gaze dropped lower to her ripped jeans, torn from the knees and above it, a simple white kurti with blue threadwork near the sleeves, loose enough to move with her but fitted just enough that I could see the outline of her frame every time she turned.
No palace stylist would ever choose something like this for a queen.
And yet somehow, she looked more royal standing there barefoot in torn jeans than most people dressed in diamonds.
She picked up another set of bangles from the dresser and began sliding them up her wrist carefully, twisting her hand slightly when one refused to move further.
A quiet sound of annoyance left her throat.
I watched her struggle with it for another few seconds before speaking.
"The ones you are already wearing are not enough then?"
This made her turn around immediately and look at me, her fingers fumbling.
"Ranaji? When did you come here? I thought I was alone in the room!" she exclaimed, finally pushing the rest of the bangles onto her wrist, a look of satisfaction crossing her face.
"I have been sitting here for a long time ever since you walked out of your closet, Parthvi." I told her and her eyes widened.
"You have?" she confirmed and I gave her a nod.
All she did was sigh.
"You could have told me you were here. But that's okay. There is one important thing I need to ask you." she said, looking at me and made her way closer to the couch, taking a seat next to me.
I looked at her once, saying nothing.
That was enough encouragement for Parthvi apparently because she immediately shifted on the couch, turning properly toward me with one leg tucked beneath her.
Her bangles clinked softly again as she pointed a finger at my face very seriously.
"Why are you so boring?" she voiced out and my brows lifted slightly.
"That is the important question?" I asked her.
"Yes." she nodded with complete sincerity and added, "Very important."
I continued looking at her without reacting much and that only seemed to strengthen her argument because she leaned closer instantly and this was the first time she was so carefree and laid back with me.
"You do know that it's Holi, right? And I am seeing you working, working?
This is the time you are supposed to be putting some hair oil and wearing some old clothes to get ready so that people don't go around throwing colours on your good clothes.
" she threw her hands in the air, wildly surprised.
"No one throws colour on me Parthvi." I told her and she blinked a few times, processing my words.
"Yeah that cannot be true Ranaji. I am sure Ishaan does." she shrugged.
"No one plays with colours here. The only Holi that is celebrated here in the Palace is the Pooja that we did last night and this morning, Pankhuri will offer the colours in the temple." I said, clarifying her doubts.
She stared at me for a full three seconds after that.
Then another.
Her expression slowly shifted from confusion to complete disbelief.
"What do you mean no one plays with colours?" she asked finally, like she genuinely thought I had said something absurd.
"I said exactly what you heard."I held her gaze calmly.
"So you are telling me that Ishaan has never played Holi? Anyone of you have never played Holi?" she asked, sounding like she could not believe that those words were leaving her mouth.
"No." I told her once again.
"Oh my god. Okay, change of plans Ranaji. I am going home after we all have played Holi here." she declared, standing up and walking towards the door.
I decided against stopping her because if making sure everyone plays Holi around here gives her happiness, I would let that happen.
This was her home too and if she wanted something to happen, that would happen and the thought of her, willingly wanting to celebrate a festival here, together made my heart beat a little faster.
Her voice travelled faintly through the corridor outside, followed by Ishaan's louder one almost immediately after, which meant she had already found him and probably dragged him into whatever disaster she was planning.
A small breath left me as I stood up from the couch after giving her a head start of twenty minutes.
Disaster.
That was exactly what it was going to be.
And yet, for the first time in my life, I found myself walking toward it willingly.
The servants moving across the halls looked confused, some amused, some concerned because instructions were being thrown around from three different directions at once and all three voices belonged to people who should not have been in charge of anything together.
Parthvi.
Ishaan.
And Pankhuri, who was trying very hard to pretend she was not involved while being completely involved.
I followed the sound of chaos toward the rear lawn.
And stopped there for a moment.
Parthvi was kneeling on the ground beside three large buckets filled with coloured water, her bangles pushed halfway up her forearms now while she mixed colour into one of them with a long wooden stick.
There was pink powder on her cheek already and Pankhuri had a yellow.
Ishaan stood beside her holding a pichkari almost bigger than his arm while very seriously aiming it at random servants walking past.
Pankhuri was sitting on the edge of the fountain filling water balloons with complete concentration.
And in the middle of everything, Parthvi looked happy and she made the people around her happy, everyone.
Even the palace help who were working around were smiling, more than happily helping with the preparations to whatever the three of them had in mind.
She looked up suddenly and spotted me standing there and a grin spread across her lips immediately.
"See?" she announced proudly, throwing both hands out toward the setup. "Now this looks like Holi."
My gaze moved over the buckets, balloons and colours spread everywhere and then back to her.
"It looks like something Ishaan and his friends would plan for holi and not you and Pankhuri." I told her.
Actually no," she corrected herself very seriously, "Ishaan's plans are more dangerous. He wanted to fill these balloons with mud ten minutes ago. But Ranaji, what is the harm in becoming kids once again at least once a year?"
How do I tell her that the childhood she had and the one I had nothing in common.
"I still think that was a good idea," Ishaan defended himself instantly from the other side of the lawn.
"It was absolutely not a good idea." Pankhuri replied without even looking up from the balloons she was tying.
I watched Parthvi laugh at that, completely carefree, her head tilting back slightly while the wind pushed a few strands of hair across her face again.
"Now I am going to go and get Adhiraj uncle.
He should not be missing out on all this fun.
You go and get Yuvaan bhaisaa." she asked Pankhuri who nodded in agreement after they were done with whatever they were doing and both of them walked in opposite directions, Parthvi of course was walking opposite to where she wanted to go.
"The other side." was all I had to say to make her turn and walk to the other side and she shouted a thank you, waving dismissively without turning her head and went away.
Ishaan, who had already started playing with the guards, made his way to me.
"Bade Papa, how did we never play Holi like this last year? And the year before that? he asked, looking up at me with his big, complaining eyes and I picked him up in my arms.
"Because no one thought of it." I told him and he nodded.
"Then it's a good thing you brought Pri here. I think she is the most smartest and most funniest." he told me, putting the blue gulaal on my face.
"Ishaan, have you not been taking your English lessons seriously? You don't use most with superlatives." I told him and he scrunched his little nose.
"Pri was right. You are boring." he agreed with her as he shook his little head in something that looked a lot like disappointment.
That made me look at him once.
"Your Pri seems to have influenced you too much already."
"She influences everyone." he replied very confidently, like that was an obvious fact and honestly, looking at the current state of the palace, it was difficult to disagree.
Before I could respond, Yuvaan finally walked into the lawn with Pankhuri beside him.
He stopped after taking in the entire scene.
The buckets, balloons and colours spread across the marble flooring.
The guards already covered in colour because Ishaan had apparently declared war on them first and then his eyes landed on me.
More specifically, on the blue colour still streaked across my jaw.
His brows lifted slowly.
"You let someone put colour on you?" he asked like he genuinely could not believe what he was seeing.
Ishaan answered before I could.
"That would be me." he announced proudly.
"So we really are playing Holi?" he asked, looking around once again before looking at Pankhuri and me.
Ishaan nodded again.
"Yes Papa! Look around! We have not done so many preparations just to take pictures. We are playing water Holi today and if Daadisa comes to scold Pri or mumma or me, I will lock her in her room." he said, shrugging his shoulders, still in my arms.
"Ishu, you do not talk about your elders like that." Pankhuri scolded him, hitting the back of his head and he said nothing, just taking his pichkari and throwing water on Pankhuri.
Pankhuri gasped loudly as the stream of blue water hit her shoulder and dupatta completely.
"Ishaan!"
He burst into laughter instantly, nearly falling out of my arms while pointing the pichkari at her again.
"Attack successful!" he declared proudly.
"You little traitor....."
Before she could finish, another splash of colour hit Yuvaan directly across the chest.
Everyone turned at once.
Parthvi stood near the entrance of the lawn with one hand still stretched out from where she had thrown the colour balloon, looking extremely pleased with herself as she pushed Baba's wheelchair who has a twinkle in his eyes, perhaps from what she just did to Yuvaan.
Then Parthvi rested both her hands against the wheelchair handles and leaned slightly toward him.
"See?" she said softly. "I told you this would be fun."
Baba's eyes moved slowly across the lawn before resting on all of us again and his lips switched in his attempt of a smile.
Yuvaan looked at Baba for a second and then let out a quiet breath through his nose, shaking his head lightly.
"Great." he muttered, wiping the colour from his jaw. "Now even Baba has joined your side."
Parthvi looked deeply offended by that statement.
"Joined my side?" she repeated dramatically. "Excuse me, Adhiraj uncle has been on my side ever since I told him that we are playing Holi today."
"Okay, official announcement," Pankhuri said loudly enough for everyone to hear. "The colours have already been offered in the temple to Kanhaiyya and Daadisaa has also been informed about whatever madness is happening here."
She paused dramatically.
"So now none of you have excuses. Play properly."
Ishaan let out a scream of victory immediately and demanded to be put back on his feet, which I did and he immediately ran behind his mother with his pichkari and gulal.
Parthvi laughed under her breath while shaking her head and then slowly crouched beside Baba again with a small plate of gulaal in her hand and took the red colour between her fingers, applying a tilak on his forehead before putting the yellow on his cheeks.
Happy Holi, Uncle." she said quietl and Baba's eyes stayed on her face while she smiled softly and adjusted the shawl over his shoulder properly because Ishaan had apparently half-pulled it away while running behind Pankhuri.
"Ranaji, Yuvaan Bhaisaa, your turn." she said, standing up and offered the colours to us and we bent down in from of him.
"Happy Holi Baba." Yuvaan took the colour and applied on his cheeks and I followed, touching his feet before standing up straight again.
"You both should go and play, I am going to sit here with Baba." I told them and they both first looked at me, then at each other and nodded.
"But after a while, I am going to come here and you are going to play Bhaiya." Yuvaan announced without waiting for my response and they both walked out to the lawn.
I smiled, dragging Baba's wheelchair closer to the lawn so that he could see everyone while I sat down on of the stone benches right next to him.
"I remember Maasa loved Holi." I usually avoided mentioning her in front of him but today, I could not hold back.
His lips twitched once again, this time it felt like he was agreeing with me.
"She used to start preparing for Holi three days in advance." I said after a while, my gaze still fixed ahead. "And she never allowed anyone to wear white peacefully around her."
Baba's eyes shifted toward me slowly.
A small breath left me through my nose.
"I remember once she threw colour on Daadisaa before sunrise just because she wanted to say she attacked first that year."
For the first time in a long time, her memories did not hurt immediately after arriving.
"She used to force me to help her fill balloons and then blame me whenever someone got angry." I continued quietly. "And somehow, every year, you ended up being dragged into it too."
Baba's fingers twitched slightly against the armrest.
I noticed it instantly.
A faint smile pulled at the corner of my mouth.
"Yes," I murmured. "I remember."
His eyes rested on my face for a few seconds before moving back toward the lawn.
Toward Parthvi.
She was standing near the fountain now, trying to fill a pichkari while Ishaan kept jumping around her and making the entire process impossible. Her hair was half ruined already, pink and yellow colours smeared across her cheeks while her bangles kept sliding down her wrists every time she moved.
Then suddenly she looked up.
Straight toward us.
And smiled immediately after spotting Baba.
She lifted a hand and waved dramatically from across the lawn before pointing her pichkari toward Yuvaan again like she had found her next target.
I shook my head lightly.
"She reminds me of her sometimes when she tries to make everyone around her happy, even when she is not." I admitted quietly.
Baba's eyes stayed on Parthvi and this time, his lips twitched a little more visibly.
I was looking at him when a sharp splash of cold water hit the side of my shoulder, making me turn immediately.
My wife had sneaked upon me with the empty pichkari in her hand and absolutely no regret on her face.
In fact, she looked proud of herself.
"Happy Holi, Ranaji." she said sweetly.
Baba's eyes shifted between us and I could almost see the amusement in them now.
"You just made a mistake." I told her calmly, standing up from the bench slowly.
"Yes Bhai, you go and get your revenge. I will stay here with Baba. For so long she has been taking unfair advantage of speed." Yuvaan said, who was completely covered in the most disgusting shade of pink and green water colours that looked like they will not be leaving him anytime soon.
Her eyes widened immediately at Yuvaan's words.
"Excuse me?" she gasped, turning toward him. "You were literally helping Ishaan fill balloons fifteen minutes ago to throw them at me."
"That was before you attacked me like a mad woman." Yuvaan replied calmly, brushing colour off his sleeve.
"I threw one balloon!"
"You threw it at my face."
"That is where balloons are supposed to go!"
I watched her argue with him for another few seconds before she slowly looked back at me and the confidence disappeared a little because I was on my feet now, walking towards her, slowly.
"Ranaji, let us behave like mature adults."she started carefully, taking one step backwards.
"You threw water on me first." I ruffed back.
"Haan toh? If I jump in the well, will you jump too?" she replied immediately.
Yuvaan laughed under his breath while Ishaan shouted, "Run Pri!" from somewhere near the fountain
Parthvi pointed at Ishaan instantly.
"See? Even your nephew thinks you are being unreasonable." she kept taking her steps backwards while I took mine towards her.
"I am not the one running." I told her because she was being unreasonable, expecting no consequences to her actions.
That made her narrow her eyes at me before she turned and tried to walk away with complete fake calmness.
She lasted exactly four seconds.
Then she broke into a run the moment I took one faster step toward her.
A laugh escaped Ishaan immediately while Pankhuri covered her mouth, already watching the scene unfold like she knew exactly where this was heading.
"Parthvi." I called once.
She looked over her shoulder while running backwards and pointed a warning finger at me.
"No. Stay there. We can discuss this peacefully."
"I don't think so." I laughed at her eyes widening and in three long strides,I caught her by the waist and pulled her back against me at once and a soft gasp left her instantly.
My arm stayed wrapped around her waist firmly, holding her right against my side while she twisted slightly in my hold, trying very hard to look offended and failing very badly at it because she was looking around for something for an idea that had just popped up in her mind and her eyes told me that.
Her bangles clinked softly as she placed both her hands over my arm around her waist, trying to push it away.
"Ranaji, I....I don't think this is very appropriate." she said, suddenly looking away from my eyes, her eyes casting down and I realised the position we were standing in. She was in my arm, our faces inches away from each other.
I looked at her for a moment after she said that.
"Attacking your husband with water balloons in front of the entire palace was appropriate though?" I asked calmly.
"You are not my....." she started but stopped, her lips pressing in a thin line and her eyes back, glaring into mine.
"I am not your what?" I asked her as we continued to stare into each other's eyes.
Her lips parted once.
Then closed again before taking advantage of my hold loosening on her and distanced herself from me, tucking her hair back.
Then, after a few seconds, she stepped slightly closer to me once again.
"I threw water on you, it's only fair I let you too." she said, shrugging and waiting for me to throw water on her, closing her eyes looking ridiculously cute.
But I was not going to throw water on her, that would be juvenile.
I looked at her for a second longer as she waited.
She kept her eyes shut, shoulders pulled up slightly in preparation for cold water that never came and after a few moments, one of her eyes slowly opened.
Then the other.
"You are not doing anything?" she asked suspiciously.
"No."
"No?" she asked and a faint smile pulled at the corner of my mouth before I finally reached towards the silver plate of gulal resting on the edge of the fountain beside us.
The moment her eyes dropped to my hand, she went quiet and I took a little of the red colour between my fingers and stepped closer again.
This time, she did not move back, joke or run. She just stood there looking up at me while the noise around us slowly faded into the background again and my hand lifted slowly toward her face, my fingers touching her cheek.
Softly, very softly.
The red gulal spread across her skin under my fingertips as I dragged the colour lightly over one cheek and then the other, my thumb brushing just below her eye unintentionally.
"Happy Holi, Parthvi. Thank you for bringing enough happiness with you to colour this entire palace with it." I said, letting my hand linger on her cheek and she allowed it.
Her eyes widened slightly hearing my words and for a second,she just stood there staring at me.
"I....umm......I.....I think this is my family too now, Ranaji and you don't have to thank me for wanting to make everyone happy and besides, I did all this to make myself happy too so I did not completely have selfless intentions." she said after a while.
I know that was a lie. She was very happy in the morning, getting ready to leave for Udaipur to celebrate with her family.
But she stayed, she stayed for everyone here, she stayed for me.
Parthvi looked away immediately after saying it, almost like she had not meant to say it out loud. Her fingers moved toward the bangles on her wrist, adjusting them unnecessarily while the wind pushed strands of coloured hair across her face.
"I am going to ask you something Parthvi and you don't have to give me an answer immediately." I asked her, letting my guard fall in front of her without a thought.
She was just standing there in front of me, colours across her cheeks, silver bangles pushed up her wrists and her eyes fixed completely on mine, waiting.
I held her gaze for a few moments before speaking.
"I know this marriage did not begin the way any normal one does, neither did it happen under any happy circumstances and I know there are too many things standing between us.
Too much history and too many reasons for us to continue hating each other.
"I said slowly, carefully, because every word mattered here.
Her fingers stilled completely over her bangles.
"But despite all that, I want to give this marriage a fighting chance, Parthvi."I told her in all honesty because I needed her to know that I want this and for the first time today, I saw her going back into her shell, the one she usually stays in when she is near me.
This was not good.
"Parthvi. you do not have to be careful with me right now or ever." I said more calmly this time and her eyes lifted back to mine almost instantly as a small breath left her but she still did not say anything.
"I am not asking you for an answer this moment." I continued calmly. "I only want you to know what I want."
She swallowed lightly.
My gaze dropped for one second to the red gulal still spread across her cheeks before returning to her eyes again.
"I want to know you beyond the anger between us." I admitted honestly. "I want to spend time with you without every conversation turning into a fight we are both too tired to continue."
Something in her expression softened just a little.
"I want this house to become your home properly and not a place where you constantly feel like you need permission to breathe." I said.
Her lips parted slightly hearing that.
"And I know what happened between our families cannot simply disappear." My voice lowered further. "I know I cannot ask you to forget everything I did to you overnight because I cannot either."
That was the truth.
The most difficult part of all this was that neither of us had created the history standing between us and yet we had inherited every wound from it.
"But I do not want us to spend the rest of our lives punishing each other for things we did not do ourselves." I finished quietly.
For a long moment, she just looked at me, really looked at me like she was trying to decide whether I meant every word or not.
Then her eyes dropped slowly and I watched her take a small breath before speaking.
"You know what the problem is?" she asked softly.
I waited.
"I never know what version of you I am going to get." she admitted honestly. "Sometimes you look at me like you cannot even tolerate my existence and then sometimes..." she stopped midway.
"And then sometimes?" I asked quietly.
Her eyes flickered back to mine.
"Sometimes you make me feel safe and myself around you." she whispered.
Something inside my chest tightened painfully hearing that.
She looked away almost immediately after admitting it, clearly uncomfortable with her own honesty.
"And that is confusing." she added quickly, trying to lighten the seriousness of her own words. "Very confusing."
A faint breath almost resembling a laugh left me.
"For me too." I admitted.
That made her look back at me again, surprised.
I held her gaze steadily.
"I have spent years believing I would never want this marriage beyond duty." I said honestly. "And now suddenly I find myself wanting to know what makes you smile before you do it. Wanting to hear you talk even when you think you talk too much."
Her cheeks turned slightly pink beneath the colours already there.
"And that frightens you?" she asked quietly.
"Yes."
The answer came without hesitation.
Because it did.
Parthvi stared at me for another moment before something inside her finally eased a little and I physically saw it happen.
Her shoulders relaxed.
Her hands unclenched.
And then, very carefully, she nodded once.
"I think..." she started softly. "I think I would like to try too."
I said nothing because I did not trust myself to interrupt her.
"I do not want to keep walking around you like one wrong sentence will destroy everything either and I know this will probably be harder for you than it is for me because of the history attached to my surname."she admitted.
My jaw tightened slightly at that but I let her continue.
"But if you genuinely want to make this marriage work..." her voice softened again, "then I will try too, Ranaji."
For a second, neither of us moved.
Then very slowly, her fingers reached forward and lightly caught the edge of my sleeve.
Not my hand.
Not fully.
Just enough to tell me she meant it.
And somehow, that tiny hesitant gesture felt more intimate than anything else had so far.