His to Hate.

Chapter - 33

Umm, what did I just do? Did I really agree to give the man I married a chance to build this marriage or whatever this is together and where did it even come from?

Fuck, I really need to talk to someone and that someone needs to either be Jai bhaiya or Ruhani bhabhi because I am not sure if mumma or papa will really understand me, mostly because I don't know what to tell them.

By the time the car had crossed the highway stretch and Ratangarh had faded into long, quiet roads lined with fields and scattered houses, the restlessness in my chest had not gone away.

If anything, it had only settled in my bones deeper.

I shifted slightly in my seat, pulling the edge of my Kurti, my fingers absentmindedly tracing the edge of one of my bangles as the soft clinking filled the silence inside the car.

It had already been two hours, and not once had my mind quieted down long enough to stop replaying what I had said, what he had said, and how everything between us had shifted so unexpectedly in just a few minutes.

I leaned my head back against the seat and shut my eyes for a second, hoping that the silence in the car with just some old music playing over the radio at a low volume would calm my thoughts a little but it didn't.

"Call me once you reach and let me know that you okay." that's what he had said when he had shut the door of the car after I had sat inside and all I had done was nod at him once before I left.

Not that he needed me to call him to let him know that I had reached and was okay because there were two security cars following me at the moment and I am sure they were updating him every other hour.

Okay, this journey was officially exhausting and I was done thinking so I plugged in my earphones, blasted Shreya Ghosal and Sonu Nigam tracks and threw my head back, closing my eyes.

The next time I opened my eyes, Jai Bhaiya was opening the door of the car and looking at me with a big smile on his face.

"Finally." he said and I returned that big smile, stepping out of the car.

"Happy Holi bhaiya!" I threw my arms around his neck and the next thing I knew, I was drenched in pink water from head to toe, extremely mad at myself for not expecting this in the first place.

"The one time I am nice to you and you do this." I whined, elbowed him in the stomach and begun to tie my hair because he already had started running inside the house to escape and I had some catching up to do.

Stupid conversations could wait till after we had played Holi and were unrecognisable for the rest of the week.

But the moment I entered home, things were different. There was no gulal lying around, no gujiyas set on the table and no one looking like they had even applied any colour to each other.

They were waiting for me to come home before they started with the celebrations and that knowledge sent a little ache in my heart because I have already celebrated once, back in the palace while they all were still waiting.

I slowed down a little after that, my steps losing that rushed excitement.

I pressed my lips together for a second, adjusting the wet strands of my hair behind my ear before stepping further inside, forcing my voice to sound normal.

"You people really could not start without me?" I called out, trying to keep it light.

Bhai turned back from the hallway, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

"Of course not, Pri. How could we? Yes, mumma made Ruhani offer the gulal to Kanha's feet and then she put a little tilak on her forehead and mine because this is the first Holi we are celebrating with our baby but there was no chance we were going to play before you got here.

" he shrugged like he was offended that I even asked the question.

All I could do was shake my head and then Bhabhi, Mumma and Papa walked out to the hall.

"Aa gayi meri bacchi?" Papa walked to me and pulled me into his arms without caring that I was all drenched in pink water.

"Haan Papa. I have missed you so much." I said, hugging him tighter, relaxing under his hold, always my forever safe space.

Papa pulled back after a few seconds but his hand did not leave my shoulder, like he still needed to make sure I was actually there.

"So did I, my perfect girl." he said simply and that was enough to make my throat tighten for a second but before it could get emotional, Bhai clapped loudly from behind.

"Okay, we are not doing this emotional thing right now."he said, already picking up a plate of gulal.

"Jai!" Mumma warned, but there was no real strictness in her voice.

Too late.

He stepped forward and this time, before I could even move, he put a full palm of yellow across my other cheek.

I gasped.

"You are not surviving today." I told him very calmly.

"Catch me first." he repeated from earlier, already stepping back.

"Oh, I will." I announced and grabbed the nearest plate and lunged toward him and within seconds, the entire hall turned into chaos.

Ruhani bhabhi tried to move away carefully, one hand instinctively going to her stomach as she laughed.

"Not on me!" she warned, taking two quick steps back.

"Of course not!" I said, walking toward her with a smile, taking a small pinch of pink and gently applying it on her cheek. "Happy Holi, bhabhi."

She smiled back softly.

"Happy Holi, Parthvi." she replied, doing the same to me, careful and warm.

Bhai, of course, had no such decency as he came from behind and smeared colour across her other cheek.

"Jai!" she glared at him.

"What?" he shrugged. "Our baby has to know how big of a deal Holi is in this family!"

"You are impossible." Bhabhi said, trying to look annoyed but failing completely because she was already smiling.

"Very." Bhai agreed proudly.

Mumma shook her head at all of us, but even she could not stop the small smile that slipped through as she picked up a little colour and walked toward Papa.

He was smiling too and this was the first time I had seen him smile this genuinely after everything as he waited for mumma to do whatever she wanted to.

First, she applied tilak on his forehead, then coloured his cheeks, ruffling more gulal in his hair.

Bhabhi and I joined mumma and coloured Papa while Jai bhai went out to the little garden, setting up our water Holi idea.

I followed Bhai outside a few minutes later, dragging Ruhani with me while Mumma stayed back with Papa for a moment longer, probably trying to clean at least some of the colour off his face and failing miserably.

The garden already looked like a disaster. Buckets lined up near the tap, two pipes running across the grass, balloons floating in one of the tubs and Bhai standing right in the middle of it like he had just built something revolutionary.

We both had completely grown up but on Holi, we were always those five and ten year old siblings who would play with water the entire day.

He turned the moment he saw us.

"Welcome to the battlefield." he announced proudly.

"Ready to lose?" I asked him, raising a brow.

"You underestimate me." he said, pointing at the balloons. "Those are loaded."

"With what?" Ruhani asked suspiciously.

"Water." he replied.

"Only water?" I narrowed my eyes.

He paused and then grinned.

"The water may or may not have pukka rang."

"Jai!" both of us said at the same time.

Before he could defend himself, a splash of water hit the back of his neck, making us all all turn only to find Papa standing near the door, holding the pipe in his hand with absolutely no regret on his face.

I froze for a second and then broke into a grin.

"Oh my god," I whispered, looking at Bhabhi. "He has joined."

Bhai looked betrayed.

"Papa, that was unprovoked." he crossed his arms.

"You started inside and you attacked my daughter first." Papa replied calmly, adjusting his grip on the pipe.

"That was inside and I am your son too, if you are forgetting." Bhai argued. "This is outside. Different rules."

"Same rules." Papa said.

"Traitor," Bhai muttered under his breath, already bending to grab a balloon from the tub, but Papa was faster this time, turning the pipe toward him and drenching him completely before he could even aim.

I laughed, loudly.

"You deserved that." I told him, not even pretending to feel bad.

"Oh, you are enjoying this too much." he pointed at me, narrowing his eyes before picking up two balloons at once.

"Don't even think about it." I warned, already stepping back but his look told me that he was going to do what he wanted to, no matter what.

I turned and ran before he could throw them, my wet feet slipping slightly against the grass but not enough to slow me down as I ducked behind bhabhi, who immediately raised both her hands.

"No. Absolutely not. I am not your shield."

"Please." I said, already hiding behind her anyway.

"You won't listen, will you?" she muttered, but she was smiling, shaking her head as Bhai stopped a few steps away.

Mumma walked out just then, stopping at the sight of all of us completely drenched, her gaze moving from Bhai to Papa to me and then finally settling on Ruhani.

"You are all behaving like children." she said, but there was no irritation in her voice.

Only warmth.

"Correction." Bhai added immediately, wiping water from his face. "We are enjoying life."

"That too at the expense of my garden." she sighed, but the small smile was still there.

"Mummaaa you literally always lose this argument every year." I said, walking toward her with a grin before picking up a little gulal from the plate kept near the door and applying it gently on her cheek.

"Happy Holi, Mumma."

Her hand came up instinctively to hold my wrist for a second, her thumb brushing lightly over my fingers before she returned the gesture, applying colour on my forehead.

"Happy Holi, beta."

I gave her a big smile and then a big hug before I snatched the pipe from Papa's hands and the bottle of permanent colours from bhai's hands, painting mumma pink just like we all were.

For the next hour or two, we played like crazy, a few neighbours joined us and before we knew it, the sun had set and mumma had finally put her feet down and asked us all to stop but I could sense that she didn't want to stop really but she was right, we would fall sick if we stay like this anymore.

Ruhani Bhabhi had already gone inside to rest and the moment we stepped inside and I saw Jai bhai's face, I couldn't hold myself back.

"Your face is not going back to normal for at least a week." I told him, trying not to laugh and failing miserably.

"Look at yourself first." he shot back immediately, pointing at my cheeks, ears, forehead and neck. "You look worse."

"That is not possible."

"It is."

Papa snorted beside us. "Both of you look equally terrible."

"All of you, go take a bath. NOW." Mumma announced, dragging Papa with her and I walked back to my room and then into the washroom.

By the time we were done bathing and changed into fresh clothes, tiredness had finally caught up with all of us.

Dinner was quieter but not really silent, which I was thankful for because dinner at our home was never silent.

Papa kept shaking his head every time he looked at Bhai's face, Bhabhi kept trying to wipe off colour that clearly was not going anywhere, and Mumma just sat there smiling, occasionally laughing under her breath whenever one of us complained about how we looked.

I caught my reflection once in the glass cabinet beside us.

Pink still clung to my entire face.

"Go sleep." Mumma finally said, standing up. "All of you look like you will collapse any second."

"We will." Bhai agreed instantly.

Papa placed a hand on my head once before walking away with Mumma and just like that, they left us there and for a few seconds, none of us spoke but we made our way to the living room and sat down.

"Okay." he said. "Now tell me."

I blinked. "Tell you what?"

He gave me a look, the look.

I hesitated for a second before saying it.

"He... wants to try."

"Try?"Bhai's brows pulled together slightly.

"He wants to give this marriage a chance." I clarified. "To actually make this marriage work, to get to know me and to move on from everything."

The three of us looked at each other, blinking.

"He said he doesn't want to live his life without knowing the woman he married." I added, unable to take the silence.

Bhabhi's expression softened instantly.

"And you?" she asked, her eyes on me, making me look down at my hands.

"I said yes."

The words still felt... strange and extremely real.

"And?" Bhai leaned forward slightly now, his elbows resting on his knees.

"And I don't know." I admitted honestly, letting out a small breath. "I mean...I think I want that too because I don't want to keep walking around him like I am waiting for something to go wrong all the time."

My fingers twisted together unconsciously.

"But it's not that simple." I added, shaking my head lightly. "It's not like we can just forget everything that has happened and suddenly become normal."

"You don't have to." Bhabhi said, shrugging her shoulders.

I looked at her.

"You just have to try." bhai added.

"I know." I nodded slowly. "And I also know it's going to be harder for him than it is for me. With everything... I don't even know how he is going to do this."

Bhai watched me for a second and then leaned back.

"Doesn't matter." he said, making me frown.

"Of course it does bhai!." I exclaimed.

"No." he shook his head. "What matters is that he wants to do it and you want to do it too."

"You deserve to have something that feels like home, Pri," he added. "Not something you are constantly trying to survive."

I nodded once slowly.

"I want that too, I think." I admitted.

"This will always be your home, sweetheart.

But you live there now because of circumstances out of everyone's control and if you want to make the Palace your home, you will have to try too.

You will have to let people in, even though you might not be really sure of everyone's intentions.

" bhabhi said, shifting closer to me, keeping a hand on mine, giving it a small squeeze.

"That is true." I muttered.

Bhabhi smiled.

"Go sleep. We all are tired and I am not letting you go back tomorrow." bhai said, standing up and extending his hand towards Bhabhi to help her too.

I smiled, looking at them.

"Yeah I wasn't planning on going tomorrow either, good night people!" I greeted them, walking back to my bedroom.

Shutting the door behind me with my foot, I dropped the cushion in my hand that I had accidentally carried from the couch on the living room on the chair and sat down on the bed, letting out a long breath that felt like it had been sitting in my chest the entire evening.

I leaned back on my hands, staring at the ceiling for a few seconds before my eyes shifted to the side table where my phone lay and then it hit me.

Oh shit.

My body straightened immediately as I grabbed it.

He had asked me to call him once I reached and I had nodded like a responsible adult.

And then, I had completely forgotten.

"Great, Parthvi. Amazing. Very responsible of you." I muttered under my breath, already unlocking the phone and staring at the time.

It was Very late.

I pressed my lips together, hesitating for a second, my thumb hovering just above the screen. I shouldn't call now, he could be sleeping. Maybe I can just message him in the morning and explain.....

Before I could think any further, my thumb moved on its own and pressed his name and the phone started ringing.

Once, and the moment it did, reality hit me all at once. I had lost my mind.

"What am I doing?" I whispered, my eyes widening as I quickly pulled the phone away and cut the call before it could ring again.

I stared at the screen, my heartbeat a little too loud in my ears as the words call ended blinked back at me.

That was it.

One ring.

I dropped myself back and laid on the bed, my feet rooted on the floor, shutting my eyes for a second as I let out a breath.

I stayed like that for a few seconds, eyes shut, the phone still loosely held in my hand, as if remaining still would somehow undo what I had just done.

"Tu kuch zyada hi stupid hai Parthvi." I pulled the pillow onto my face, screaming the words into it.

Just as I was done uttering those words, my phone went off and I groaned once again, knowing perfectly well that it was Ranaji calling me back and that I did not know what I was going to say once I pick up.

Should I even pick up?

I am not a coward, I will pick it up.

My breath caught for a second before I straightened slightly and picked up the call, clearing my throat in a rushed attempt to sound normal but my heartbeat was quickening.

"Hello?" I said, a little too quickly.

There was a brief pause on the other end, not long enough to be uncomfortable but deliberate enough to make me suddenly aware of how fast my heart was beating.

"You called." he said finally, his voice low and unhurried.

"I....yes....I mean..." I stopped, pressing my lips together, suddenly very aware of how unprepared I was for this conversation.

"I reached. I was supposed to call but it completely slipped my mind.

Jai bhai poured pink water all over me just as soon as I stepped out of the car and then it turned into an entire thing and then we started to.

..." I started but then stopped after realising that I had started to ramble again in front of him.

I stopped mid-sentence, pressing my lips together, my fingers tightening slightly around the phone as I forced myself to breathe normally.

There was a second of silence and then I heard his voice.

"I gathered as much, Parthvi." he said, his voice as calm as ever, and warmth crept up my neck before I could stop it.

"Right." I muttered, shifting against the headboard, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear even though no one was there to notice. "I talk too much."

"You think that's a problem?" he asked, almost thoughtful.

"Of course. No one really likes people who talk too much." I gave a small shrug, rolling my eyes at myself.

"The only thing I don't like is when you go quiet on me without finishing your sentences."he said softly.

I blinked at that, my grip on the phone loosening just a little as I processed what he had said.

"That is a very strange complaint." I muttered, unsure as to what to tell him.

"It is a very reasonable one." he replied, his tone even, like this was something obvious and I was the one missing the point. "You begin saying something and then you stop halfway, as if you have already decided that I am not interested in what you were about to tell me."

"That's not..." I started, then stopped again and a small breath left him.

"You are doing it again." he said, his tone low, almost thoughtful.

I shut my eyes for a second, dropping my head back against the headboard.

"Okay, fine." I exhaled. "Maybe I do that but it's not because I think you're not interested."

"Then why?"

I shifted slightly, pulling my legs closer, resting my chin over my knee as I thought about it for a second.

"Because I don't know how much I should say or where to stop or what is too much."I admitted to him.

There was a pause on the other end and when he spoke again, his voice had changed just slightly.

"You do not have to measure your words with me, Parthvi." he said, slow and certain. "If something is too much, I will tell you. But I would rather hear you speak than watch you hold yourself back for no reason."

"Okay, I promise that I will continue to speak till the time you ask me not to but you are going to regret this because I talk too much and I love it." I found myself chuckling a bit at my words.

"I do not make statements I intend to regret." he said,making it difficult to argue with him even when I wanted to.

I smiled a little at that, pressing my lips together.

"Of course you don't." I muttered. "You probably plan conversations in your head before you even have them."

"I consider my words before I speak them, there is a difference." he told me and I could imagine his straight face while he said those words.

"There really isn't Ranaji." I said, shaking my head lightly, even though he couldn't see me. "It still sounds very exhausting."

"It is efficient." he replied.

I let out a soft huff of laughter at that.

"Yeah, well... I am the opposite of efficient." I admitted, tucking my hair behind my ear again. "I just say things and then figure halfway through that maybe I shouldn't have said them at all."

That drew out a small laugh out of him.

"I have come to realise that I want to hear whatever it is that you have to say, Parthvi." he confessed and heat rushed to my face once again.

What was happening with me!! Why was I blushing, hearing his words?

"I...I wanted to tell you something." I said, changing the topic because once again, I did not know what to tell him.

"I am listening." he spoke up in a heartbeat.

"Is it okay if I stay back home for a day or two more. Bhabhi, Mumma and I are planning on going shopping tomorrow to get some baby stuff." I told him.

There was a brief pause on the other end, like he was considering something.

"You do not need my permission for anything, Parthvi," he said finally, his tone calm but not distant.

I exhaled a little, not realising until that moment that I had been holding my breath.

"I know I don't." I said, shifting slightly against the headboard. "Mujhe bas laga ki aapko bata dena chahiye."

"Aapko sahi laga." he replied.

Before I could say anything else, a yawn escaped me and I found my body stretching.

Before I could say anything else, a yawn escaped me and I found my body stretching slightly, my shoulders loosening as the exhaustion of the entire day finally caught up with me.

"You should be going to bed." he said in a way that made it difficult to argue.

"I am going." I murmured, blinking slowly, my eyes feeling heavier by the second.

"And stop reading that forsaken book before sleeping." he muttered and I laughed.

"I did not bring it with me, it's still in your room." I told him, laughing.

"Our room." he corrected me, making me bite my lip but I couldn't bring myself to say that.

"Okay." I replied and once again, he gave me a small laugh.

"Saying okay is your coping mechanism." he remarked.

"That is not true." I said immediately.

"It is." he replied. "You say it when you do not wish to argue further, when you agree, when you disagree and when you do not know what to say."

I opened my mouth to deny it again.

Then stopped because he was not wrong.

"Okay." I said, just proving his point.

"Good night, Parthvi." he said and I could somehow hear him smiling, weird.

"Good night Ranaji. Oh, and I did leave a mail with Yuvaan for the leave, will you make sure that he approves it without teasing me first?" I asked him.

"I will see what I can do but as your boss, I should tell you that at this company, recent joinees are not allowed more than three paid leaves a month." he said, his voice teasing.

"I know that. Good thing I don't plan on taking more than three." I murmured and then we finally hung up.

I let out a small breath and dropped the phone beside me, shifting and turning onto my side.

"Our room."

The words slipped back into my head without permission and I pressed my lips together, pulling the comforter a little higher.

I turned slightly, my fingers curling into the pillow as I let my head sink into it properly and the entire dayplayed back in fragments in my mind.

I let out a small breath, closing my eyes slowly.

"This is going to be complicated." I murmured quietly to myself.

But for once, the thought did not make me restless.

It didn't make me want to run in the opposite direction or overthink every possible outcome.

I did not have answers, not for anything that mattered right now.

I didn't know how this was going to work or if we would be able to move past everything that had already happened.

But I knew that tomorrow would come with its own questions, its own conversations, its own moments that would probably complicate things again.

But not tonight.

Tonight, I could just sleep and feel really, really happy in such a long time.