Chapter 19 #2
Tyler looks at me, nonplussed. “Oh. You knew?” I nod.
“Shit. Well, that’s embarrassing.” He laughs.
“But no, Seth didn’t tell me to do that.
I decided to do that before I even talked to him.
Could’ve saved myself a lot of trouble if I’d just gone to him in the first place.
” He sighs. “Essentially, his verdict was that you are into me and…” He raises his hands, creating air quotes.
“To quote him: ‘If your roommate doesn’t like you sticking your dick in other people, it’s because he wants it inside him’. ”
It’s my turn to blush, and I do, turning bright red. It would be less embarrassing if it wasn’t true.
“I…”
“Please, you don’t have to say anything,” Tyler placates. “Seth just doesn’t pull his punches. And he really got me thinking. I swear, I planned to talk to you about it, to see if there was a solution.”
“Solution?”
“Yeah, I mean…” He makes a face. “Seth believed the only way to solve this was to go our separate ways. Because I didn’t feel like that about you back then—or didn’t think I did. And I couldn’t just stop having sex because you had feelings for me, so I was pretty stuck.”
“Right.” Of course he wouldn’t stop having sex because of my annoying little feelings.
“I meant to talk to you when I got home, but then the migraine hit and…”
Oh. It was then.
“And I offered you a massage, and a blowjob,” I finish for him.
He barks out a laugh. “Yeah, pretty much. And you kinda sucked my brains out through my dick, so I can’t really be blamed for losing track of what I meant to do.”
It’s all just good-natured humor, but I still feel shame rising up inside me. “I’m sorry. For jumping you like that. We could’ve talked it out, but I ruined everything, because…” Because I was so fucking desperate for him. God, I’m pathetic.
“Hey—no.” Shuffling closer, Tyler reaches for my hand, making me unclench it from the shirt. “You didn’t ruin anything. In fact, you made me think hard about my feelings for you. I enjoyed what we did way too much for someone who was convinced he’s not interested in another guy.”
“Everyone loves a blowjob…” David certainly never protested, even though he'd refuse to go anywhere near my dick.
“But not everyone is looking at their roommate while it’s happening and thinking how fucking hot he is and how he wants to fill said roommate with cum.”
My mouth falls open. “I— You— What?”
A sheepish smile curves his lips. “Yeah.” He strokes my hand while he talks.
“That’s when I realized this might just work out.
Because I was clearly attracted to you without realizing it.
And I wanted to make a proposition—to make this a thing, and that way you wouldn’t feel like you needed to move out.
” His expression changes, getting somehow darker.
“But then you announced you were going on a date…” His next laugh isn’t nice, nor humorous.
“I’m sorry. I had no idea.” God, I’ve been so stupid. This whole time. If only I’d talked to him instead of pushing him away, we could’ve avoided so much crap. I wouldn’t have gone on my ‘date’ either.
“Don’t apologize. You couldn’t have known. I wasn’t exactly a role model for direct communication. But yeah, you can say I was very confused when it seemed like you moved on so quickly. Even more when the idea of you seeing another guy pissed me off.”
“It did?” Is he admitting he was jealous? Or just upset that I ‘had my fun and moved onto another conquest’? “Honestly, the only reason I even downloaded the dating app was to try to get over you. Because I wanted to keep living with you. Regardless of my feelings, I really like living with you.”
The confession brings a toothy grin out of him.
“Yeah? So do I. I really, really wanted to keep living with you like this.” He leans in, my heart pounding like crazy when I realize he’s going to kiss me.
It’s soft, just a brush of lips, but it settles on my heart like a brand. With Tyler’s name on it.
“So, now that we finally talked...” His voice drops to that low rumble he used last night, when he was about to take me. “Would you like to keep doing this? With me?”
It’s hell, to finally hear the words I’ve been dying for, while knowing I should say no.
Nothing good can come out of this in the long run.
I don’t bother reminding him that he’s supposed to be straight—I’ve met more than enough ‘straight men’ who love sticking their dick in another guy.
If I say yes, I know I’ll end up hurt. Discarded like a useless toy when he realizes it’s been fun but he’s ready to call it quits—though I’m sure he won’t be mean about it, just very practical. I know all that. And yet…
I think of how kind Tyler is to me. How hard he tried to salvage what we already had because he cares enough to put in the effort.
I think of the heat of his body against mine, on top of mine, and how good it felt to be filled by him, to be given everything I asked for without being shamed, or judged.
And he’s offering all that to me…for the foreseeable future. After pining for so long, how could I possibly refuse?
So, I don’t tell him it’s not just his body I want, but his heart too. I don’t tell him I want him all to myself, not when he made it clear he can’t stop having sex for my sake. I don’t tell him any of that.
“Okay.”
His face splits on a grin that hits me square in the chest. “Yeah?”
I nod. “But…don’t you find it weird?” I’ve avoided bringing it up, but if I don’t make sure, I will turn into a ball of anxiety every time we have sex.
“Find what weird?”
“Me. My kink. How I b-begged you.” For all I know, he was just acting nonchalant, so I wouldn’t be embarrassed. But it must’ve freaked him out, right?
“Begged me for my dick?” He snorts. “Jamie, that’s hardly even a kink. People say all kinds of stuff when they get horny.” Something in my expression gives him pause. “Is that not what you meant?”
“Not quite,” I mumble. “First of all, it’s not just in the heat of the moment.
I always want to be, um, full.” I try my hardest not to curl into a ball.
“I crave it. So. Much. That feeling of being stuffed to the brim. I…hate being empty.” I’m too scared to look at him.
Is his expression shocked? Weirded out? I hope it’s just confused and not completely grossed out.
“That’s…really fucking hot.”
My head snaps up. “What?”
His face twists in a grimace. “Sorry, I don’t mean to fetishize you. Especially since you’re so self-conscious about it.”
“Wait—you don’t think it’s weird? Or disgusting?”
He looks genuinely puzzled, which already has me relaxing. Then he arches an eyebrow.
“Did I come across as disgusted when I was balls deep inside you?”
I blush again, which is ironic. “That was in the heat of the moment.”
“Well, the moment is over, and I still think it’s probably the hottest shit I’ve heard. And seen. And done.”
“You—really?” Someone like Tyler could have—and probably has had—anyone he wanted. And he’s saying that what we did yesterday was the hottest thing he’s experienced?
“Oh yeah.” His voice drops low again, and he runs a finger over the edge of my jaw before pinching my chin. “Seeing you go crazy for my cock was fucking hot, little bunny.”
I shiver at the nickname. I was shocked at how much I loved it when he first said it. It felt so…right.
“You don’t think it’s depraved? Fucked up?”
“Oh, it is.” He chuckles darkly, then brings my hand down and puts it over his crotch. He’s hard again. “I happen to love depraved, fucked up shit.”
I whimper. He lets go of my hand, but I don’t move it away. Instead, I rub him over his sweats, feeling my hole pulsate at the memory of what that hard length felt like inside of me. God, I want him again. Still. Always.
“So, now that everything has been cleared up,” Tyler starts, his breathing becoming heavy and loud as I massage his cock. “Is there anything else you’re worried about?”
I peer at him through my eyelashes. “I get really needy. Is that…okay?”
“Perfect. I get really horny. Seems like a match made in heaven to me.”
I laugh, relieved, then pout when he stops my hand.
“Shower. Then breakfast.”
“But—”
“Nuh-uh.” He waggles a finger in my face and scrambles off the bed. “You might be needy and I might be horny, but we both need to eat. Need to get energy from somewhere.” He winks.
Oh. Okay. Energy. Very important. Need.
I shuffle to the edge, already tired from the mere thought of having to walk.
My whole body feels like jelly, proving Tyler’s point.
But instead of my feet meeting the floor, they end up fluttering in the air when he scoops me up, hands supporting the back of my thighs.
I let out a surprised squeak as my legs instinctively wrap around his waist and my arms around his shoulders.
“Tyler!”
He answers with a delighted little laugh, hands sliding to my butt. When his fingers graze my sloppy entrance, I bury my face in the crook of his neck. God, this is humiliating.
“Fuck,” Tyler grows straight into my ear. “You’re leaking. I must’ve come buckets.”
Great. Now I’m hard too. No way he can’t feel it.
He chuckles. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up, or you’ll be dripping all day.”
My hole freaking quivers at the thought. God, I want that. Want to walk around and go about my day while Tyler’s release drips down my thighs, like a mark he left on me. No one would know, just him and me.
And because he said this is going to be a thing now, not just something we did in the heat of the moment, I let him carry me to the bathroom without a protest. There’s something incredibly arousing about a man Tyler’s size and strength, who could crush me without breaking a sweat, but instead he treats me like something precious and fragile.
Something—someone he wants to protect, take care of.
If I cling onto him a little too hard, that’s okay. It’s just the two of us. For now, anyway.