Chapter 54
Ethan
From the way Clive is staring at me, I can’t tell if he’s about to tell me he loves me or send me directly to the gates of hell. Trying to read this man every single day must be exhausting for his hot wife. He sits behind his desk, fingers templed under his chin, permafrown on his face.
‘That’s all of it?’ he says after the longest wait in human history.
‘Yes, sir. Clive. Yes, Clive.’
With my hands behind my back, still in my warm-up gear, I stand in the middle of his office with my head held high.
Whatever he decides, I’ll take it on the chin.
If he pulls me from the game, if he tells Harchester or the head of the university and I’m back on a plane to South Carolina this time tomorrow, at least I’ll know he had all the information to make the decision.
‘You know you should’ve told me the first time you walked through my door?’ he says.
‘I do.’
‘And you know from here on in, if I get so much as an inkling of you fucking up again, I’ll be wearing your bollocks as a pair of earrings?’
I swear I feel them go back up inside me.
‘From what I can make out, you made some bad decisions then you thought you’d treat yourself by making a few more.
’ Clive shakes his head slowly with his eyes closed.
When they open, they’re trained on me like a rifle sight.
‘I made you captain for a reason, Taylor, you’re a natural leader.
Sometimes leaders have to take one for the team.
What you need to work out now is knowing the difference between when to fall on your sword and when to let other people suffer the consequences of their own actions.
I can see how you thought you were doing the right thing, so you’re getting a pass.
Now get out of my sodding office and put your bloody kit on.
Kick-off is in twenty minutes and if you’re not ready to play, you won’t start, which I can’t imagine would impress the Harchester scouts. ’
I can’t believe it. He’s already tapping away at his computer as though I’d just strolled into his office and told him what I ate for my breakfast not the whole truth about me, Chris and the accident.
‘I don’t know what to say—’
‘That’s because there is nothing to say. Fuck off before I change my mind.’
If nothing else, I know when a conversation is over. I thank him, silently, and stride out of the office, checking the time on my watch. There’s one more person I have to speak to before the game begins.
I can only pray she’ll hear me out.
Michael is waiting for me outside the locker room and my heart gets stuck in my throat.
I don’t say anything, but my face asks the question and his answers.
He opens the door. The boys are already on the field, warming up, and there’s only one person inside.
It’s Mia. She looks at me, stricken by emotions I never want to see in those beautiful eyes ever again.
‘You’re okay,’ she gasps, sinking onto the closest bench, both hands covering her heart. ‘When Michael wouldn’t say what was wrong, I panicked and—’
‘I need to talk to you,’ I tell her before my confidence breaks. ‘You don’t have to believe me but I want to tell you the truth.’
‘You don’t have to.’
The deep red of her Hemden scarf contrasts too sharply against her impossibly pale face. She looks so tired.
‘I want to,’ I say and she whimpers so softly I have to grab hold of a locker to keep myself in position. ‘Will you listen?’
The slightest suggestion of a nod is all I need.
‘There was an accident, fourth of July weekend, that’s true.
A bunch of us were going down to the beach and my little brother, Chris, wanted to tag along.
Mom and Dad were fighting as usual so I agreed, figured it might be good to get him out of the house.
First mistake. My second mistake was letting him drink.
Chris is only sixteen but it’s not like I didn’t drink a couple of beers at parties when I was his age, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.
And he was having a good time, not sloppy or anything, just a little buzzed.
We drove down in Breanna’s Jeep but she wanted to party, so I offered to be the designated driver and drive back home.
Didn’t feel right getting wasted with Chris there anyway. ’
She shifts how she’s sitting and I see her hands sticking out of the too-long sleeves of her coat. Her nails are still painted pink like they were last Sunday. It’s almost enough to throw me off but I close my eyes, and just like that, I’m back in Beaufort.
‘Day turns into night, everyone’s having a good time, but Breanna has to get back for curfew. Did you know her dad is a state representative?’
‘No?’
‘And a first-class asshole to boot,’ I say.
‘She’s twenty years old and has to be home by eleven, like anything that might embarrass him is scheduled for midnight onwards.
Anyhow, it’s time for us to go and Bre is insisting she drives.
There’s no way I’m letting that happen, but she is so drunk and kicking up such a fuss, she won’t give me the keys.
So, in the end, we compromise. She gives them to Chris. ’
When I told Clive this same story he watched me like he was observing me like an animal in a zoo. But Mia, she’s staring at me with those big blue eyes, her lips are quivering, like she’s trying not to cry, and I hate that it’s my fault.
‘I swear, Mia, I thought he’d had two beers and that was it.
I checked a bunch of times, made sure he switched to soda, made sure he ate something.
He seemed fine. What I didn’t know is how he’d been adding liquor to that soda.
A bunch of the guys had flasks, whiskey, vodka, tequila, and I don’t know how much he’d had but as soon as we pulled onto the parkway, I knew something was wrong.
I’m in the back, the two of them up front, blasting music and yelling, and Breanna keeps grabbing the wheel like it’s some kind of joke.
But what could I do? I’m stuck in the back, sober and terrified.
So we’re almost home and I’m ready to rip them both a new one when it happens.
Giant dog runs out from nowhere, Chris swerves one way, Bre grabs the wheel and pulls the other, and we skid right off the road.
Chris must’ve kept his foot down because we didn’t stop until we hit a tree. ’
‘Ethan.’ Mia brings her fingers up to cover her mouth.
‘When I came to, Bre was already out of the car but Chris was trapped between the door and the tree. I knew if the cops came, they would breathalyse us and I couldn’t let a dumb accident ruin his life.
A DUI follows you everywhere, you know? No college, no job, no future.
He was kind of mumbling and moving around so, I pulled him out of the car.
Breanna always liked Chris and she knew her dad was gonna kill her if he found out how wasted she was or that she let a drunk sixteen-year-old drive her Jeep, so she agreed to go with it.
By the time the cops showed up and the ambulance arrived, me and Bre had our story straight.
I was the only one of us who had a chance of blowing under the limit, so it made sense to say I was the one driving.
‘No one pressed charges, it was an accident and the only laws that got broke were underage drinking, just a misdemeanour. Breanna’s dad made some noise about suing us in civil court but that would’ve meant telling the world his little girl blew a 0.
12 on the fourth of July so that went away, on the condition I agreed to leave Marshall and break up with Bre.
She was more than happy to go along with him, didn’t even blink.
I guess I should’ve seen it coming. Things hadn’t been so great between us for a while. ’
‘And Chris?’
‘Chris was in a coma for two days. Even when he came around, tissue around his spine was so swollen, the doctors couldn’t tell if he was permanently injured or not.’
I throw up my arms then let them fall to my sides, hands clapping against my thighs. I drop onto the bench, exhausted.
‘You took the blame for all of it? You didn’t even tell your parents the truth?’
‘I didn’t tell anyone the truth.’
Leaning forward, I let my hair fall in front of my face as I stare at the tiled floor.
‘Easier to stick to the same story with everyone. Once Chris was back home, Dad agreed to Mr Kershaw’s “suggestions”, pulled some strings and donated a fuckton of money to get me last-minute admission to Hemden.
They were happy to have me join the team and even happier to finally have the cash to build a new aquatics centre.
No one asks questions when they don’t want to. ’
My eyes are still trained on the tiles when I see the black toecaps of her boots appear in front of me.
I still can’t bring myself to look up when she sits down on the bench, one cautious hand on my back.
I feel it through my shirt and I don’t know if I can keep it together much longer.
She’s touching me, she’s touching me, she’s touching me.
‘I had a plan,’ I say. ‘Keep myself to myself, tell no one about the accident and make it through the year without getting into trouble. Then I met you.’
‘And me being from Marshall was a problem.’
‘Nope. Me falling in love with you was a problem.’
Her hand stills on my back and I tense every muscle in my face to stop the tears. She doesn’t say anything, and I don’t blame her.
‘Bre knew there was another Marshall student here, but when she asked me about you, I said those shitty things so she wouldn’t dig any further.
It was stupid and I didn’t think it through but I didn’t want the past messing with the present,’ I add in a hoarse whisper.
‘But I still can’t believe she recorded our call and sent it to you.
I can’t believe she’d be that cruel. I guess she has every right to be, she’s still lying for me, why should I have something as good as you in my life? ’
‘You think Bre sent me that recording?’ Mia says.
‘Who else could it be? No one knows.’
‘At least one person does.’ She runs her hand down lower until it’s at the base of my spine. ‘Did you call Bre from Devonshire House?’
I nod. ‘The place next door to us?’
‘Yeah,’ Mia says quietly. ‘That’s Oliver’s house. He overheard you on the phone.’
If it weren’t for her hand grounding me to the bench, I’d be on my feet on my way to put my fist through that assclown’s face.
‘I’m going to kill him.’
‘Fair,’ she replies, ‘but can you wait until after the game? Jenna will be so mad if we lose because you’re in jail and not on the field.’
I want to laugh but I can’t. The best I can manage is the ghost of a smile as I shake my head. What’s the use in kicking the guy’s ass anyhow? All he did was pass along half a story, he didn’t tell any lies.
‘That’s all of it,’ I say. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I just couldn’t do it. I’m already ashamed of myself, I couldn’t stand for you to be ashamed of me too.’
‘You don’t have anything to be ashamed of, Ethan.’
The hand on my back slides up and down, tender, gentle movements that I don’t deserve.
‘Even if I wasn’t driving, it was still my fault. I let Chris drive, I took him to the beach, I let him drink. He’s my little brother and I’m responsible for him.’
‘Is Chris going to be okay?’
‘Yeah.’ The word comes out so strained, like I’m afraid to say it in case I jinx his recovery. ‘He is.’
‘I do understand why you didn’t tell me,’ she says, wiping a tear from my cheek. ‘I only wish you’d felt that you could.’
‘You’re the only one who knows the whole truth.
’ I catch her hand and weave my fingers through hers.
‘You and Clive. I haven’t even told the team all of it, only about the accident.
I would never ask anyone to lie for me but it’s for Chris’s sake.
I would do anything for my little brother. Clive promised he won’t say anything.’
She doesn’t pull her hand away from mine, but a questioning shadow crosses her face.
I bring her hand to my lips and press a kiss to her fingers.
On contact, I feel it, the unchecked desire she inspires in me.
When I bring my eyes up to hers, I can’t stop myself, grabbing the back of her head and bringing her to me, our mouths meeting in a kiss so desperate it’s all I can do not to tear her clothes off here and now.
But that’s not right for Mia. At least, I don’t think it is until she moves, straddling my lap and holding on to me even more tightly.
I’m rock hard as soon as I feel her body moving against mine, her ass against my dick, her hands in my hair.
The back of my head collides with my locker as I pop the studs on her jeans, sliding my hand inside, not hesitating for a second when I find her underwear. She’s so wet, so ready.
‘Ethan.’ She breathes my name and slips her hand inside my shorts, wrapping her soft palm against my hard cock and I have to concentrate to stop myself coming the second she grips me. She comes first, she always comes first, in every single possible way.
It’s a need more than a want as we pant into each other’s mouths, murmuring inaudible promises and requests, harder, faster, don’t stop, I won’t, come for me, come for me, come for me.
Her body seizes and she buries her face in the crook of my neck, smothering her gasps with a mouthful of my jersey.
The smallest fraction of a second later, I let myself go, breathing her in, because she’s mine now.
She’s mine and I’m hers, all of me. I showed her all of me and she still wants me.
Maybe not as badly as I need her, but I don’t care.
No one ever wanted anyone the way I want Mia Meyers.