25. Chapter 25
Chapter 25
“ T hat was one hell of a game, boys,” Ryan yelled as they walked off the field. He slung his arm around Gonzo’s shoulder. “Looks like somebody’s shooting for Heavy Metal this year. A dinger and a sweet snag for a DP in one game.”
Pete walked up to Gonzo’s other side. “Nice catch, man. How am I supposed to win Golden Glove again this year when you do double plays like that?”
“Guess you’ll have to work a little harder to keep up.”
“Fuck you. That glove is mine.” Pete laughed. “I’m gunning for you, asshole.”
“You can try.” Gonzo waggled his eyebrows at his friend. “But you don’t have the lightning moves I do.”
“Sometimes you gotta take it slow and drag it out more, hasn’t Bailey taught you that?” Pete tossed out the dig and carried on toward his locker.
Bailey had taught him a lot of things. He tossed his glove in his locker, dropped on the bench, and rubbed his hands across his face.
What the hell was he going to do? Baseball was everything to him. Everything. But so was Bailey.
And having both of them for the past few months? He’d never dreamed his life could feel like this. And in a few months, if he got offered the kind of deal he’d always dreamed about and took it, then it could all disappear. Now that he’d had a taste of what life could be like with her, he couldn’t imagine baseball alone would ever be enough.
How was he supposed to choose between the life he’d always dreamed of and the woman he loved? Fuck.
Smitty sat down on the bench beside him. “That was a hell of a play to end the game, Gonz.”
He flicked a look at his friend. “Thanks.”
“So how come you’re sitting over here like your dog just died?”
“I don’t know. Just got a lot on my mind, man.” He untied his shoes and pushed them toward his locker before peeling off his sweaty socks.
“This have anything to do with whatever had you being all mopey yesterday on the plane?”
“I wasn’t mopey. I just didn’t feel like talking and hanging out.”
“You always want to hang out, especially when we’re on the road.”
“That’s because it’s the only time you assholes want to hang out anymore.”
“Whoa.” Smitty’s shoulders snapped back. “Where’s that coming from?”
“Nowhere, fuck, forget it.” He stood up and peeled the rest of his uniform off his body and stalked toward the shower. The locker room was the last place he wanted to have a conversation about his fucking feelings.
He stepped beneath the shower spray and let the hot water hit his shoulders. He cranked it hotter, so it sat just at the edge of too hot and dunked his head under the spray. He turned around, dropped his head, and placed his hand on the wall to brace himself as the burning heat pelted his scalp.
“Fuck,” he yelled as a pain seared his ass. He whipped around to see Charles standing there laughing with his towel in his hand. “What the hell, Chuck?” The fucker had snapped his towel on his ass.
“Stop calling me Chuck,” the man complained.
“Well, stop being an asshole.” Gonzo rubbed his ass cheek.
Charles stepped toward him. Was the fucker seriously challenging him? Not a smart idea in the mood he was in. Game on, asshole. Gonzo took a step.
The next thing he knew, Smitty jumped between them. “Are you fucknuts seriously making me get between you butt-ass naked? Jesus,” Smitty muttered. “Grow the fuck up.” Smitty glared at Charles. “It was a fucking nickname, dude,” he said before turning to Gonzo. “And what the hell? It’s a towel snap. How many times have you done that to me?”
“It’s different,” Gonzo muttered.
“How’s it different? Because you’re in a bad fucking mood?”
He glanced at Charles. No. Because it was different when it was your friends, but he wasn’t going to say that. He rubbed a hand across his face. This shit with Bailey was doing a number on him. Maybe what he needed was some perspective. Surely the guys had talked to their women about this shit. “Can we grab the guys and get a beer?”
“You okay?” Smitty pressed.
“I don’t know.” He sure as hell wouldn’t be if Bailey and he broke up.
“Let me grab a quick shower and we’ll grab the guys. We got you, man.”
“Thanks,” he mumbled, then walked back under the spray to wash off.
Half an hour later, Gonzo slung his bag over his shoulder as he walked off the bus at the hotel.
“Is this a pub across the street, or beers in the room, kind of conversation?” Ryan asked.
“I’m not gonna cry if that’s what you’re asking,” Gonzo muttered.
Ryan’s shoulder bobbed. “I don’t know. You want everyone to spill their shit, but you don’t spill yours.”
“Normally, I don’t have shit to spill.”
Ryan’s eyes widened. “Do you, now?”
“No. I don’t know.” He adjusted his bag. “Just shit with Bailey I could use some advice on.”
“I’m great at handling woman shit,” Ryan said.
“Oh my god,” Smitty snorted. “Are you kidding me? None of us are great at it, but between us, we can probably figure it out. Let’s drop our bags and we’ll head over there.” He pointed at the Sherlock Holmes pub across the street.
In his room, he set his bag on the floor by the door and pulled his phone out of his pocket. Still no text from Bailey.
Damn it. He didn’t want to be the one who reached out first. She’d hurt him, not the other way around. If anyone should text first, it was her.
He shoved his phone into his pocket. Screw it. He needed a beer.
Ryan and Smitty were already in the lobby when he got there. “Where’s Pete?”
“On the phone with my sister.” Ryan rolled his eyes. “I told him to let it go to voicemail, but for some reason, he always wants to talk to her.”
“What the hell?” Smitty mumbled.
Following his gaze, Gonzo watched as Pete stumbled toward them like he’d just sucked down a cannister of laughing gas. His face split in some weird Joker-esk grin, one part happy, the other part crazed.
“Good talk with Kendall?” Gonzo asked.
“Everything okay with my sister?”
Pete blinked several times, then chuckled. “Yeah, fuck, umm.” He laughed again and looked at Ryan. “Ken’s pregnant.”
“Holy shit,” Ryan whooped, then grabbed Pete and picked him up.
Gonzo’s chest tightened. He was happy for his friend, he really was, but Pete’s news was like a neon sign showing the differences between where they were both at in their lives.
When Ryan set Pete down, Smitty hugged him. “Welcome to the club, brother.”
“Thanks. I’m still trying to process it.” Pete slapped Smitty on the back, then turned to Gonzo.
Another one of his friends was going to be a dad. “I’m happy for you, man. Looks like I’ll get a chance to be the favorite uncle again.”
“Fuck you. If anyone is going to be this kid’s favorite uncle, it’s me,” Ryan told him.
“We’ll see,” Gonzo taunted. “You obviously just found out?”
“Yeah, yeah, she just told me.” The goofy smile on his face changed to a laugh. “Holy shit.”
“Kendall is way more chill than my sister was,” Gonzo said. “When Ramona got pregnant, she wouldn’t let anyone know till she was something stupid, like three months along or something.”
Pete’s eyes widened. “Umm yeah, I might have fucked up there.”
“What do you mean?” Gonzo watched his friend and chuckled when Pete winced. “Oh shit, were you not supposed to tell us?”
Pete’s wince turned into a grimace. “Maybe not.”
“Maybe not?” Ryan asked.
“Definitely not.” Pete sucked in a breath through his teeth. “Kendall’s gonna kill me.”
Ryan smacked him on the arm. “Why’d you tell us then?”
“I didn’t mean to. I was fucking standing over there when she told me.” He pointed to where he’d been standing a couple of minutes ago. “It hadn’t even sunk in when I saw you guys. It just kind of slipped out.”
“It slipped out?” Ryan growled.
“Apparently not in time,” Smitty joked.
Gonzo snorted, then covered it with a cough when both Ryan and Pete glared at the other man.
“I’m just saying,” Smitty mumbled.
“Can we just pretend I didn’t tell you guys? Then when Kendall gives me the all clear, you can act all excited?” Pete asked hopefully.
Ryan glanced at him, then back at Pete. “Do you really think this guy can pull that off?” He flicked his thumb toward Gonzo.
“Hey,” Gonzo complained.
Ryan raised his eyebrow at him. “Am I wrong?”
“No, probably not,” he grumbled. “What? I’m excited to be an uncle again.”
“I know and you fucking suck at keeping secrets.”
“No, I don’t. I’m just not good at keeping the good ones. I get too excited.” He looked at Pete. “Sorry, man, there’s no way she’s not gonna know.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s all good.” Pete wrapped his arm around Gonzo’s shoulder. “If you think about it really, it’s her own fault. What was she thinking telling me when I was on the road? It’s almost like she was begging me to tell you.”
“Exactly, she’s got no one but herself to blame,” he agreed.
Ryan rolled his eyes. “I’d love to hear you explain that to my sister.”
Pete winced. “I might not say it exactly that way.”
“No shit,” Ryan chuckled.
Smitty wrapped his arm around Pete’s shoulder. “Alright, boys, let’s go get that beer.”
Between tonight’s win and Pete’s news, he should be flying high. But he wasn’t. Yeah, things with Bailey were fucked up, but in the other areas of his life, they were pretty good. He swallowed past the lump in his throat. Somehow, the Bailey piece felt bigger than all the rest.
Inside the pub, he scanned the room. The place was practically empty. Eying a table in the corner by the window, he led the way through the pub. Gonzo slid onto the bench and Smitty took the seat beside him.
He picked up the cardboard coaster on the table, absently noted the name of the beer and tapped it against the wood. His phone burned in his pocket. What if his sound wasn’t turned on and Bailey texted?
A brunette in a tight black T-shirt walked up to their table. “You eating or just here for drinks?” she asked as she held up the menus in her hand.
“We’re just having beer,” Smitty replied.
“What can I get ya?” she asked.
Smitty snaked the coaster out of Gonzo’s hand. “Is this any good?”
“It’s pretty dark, kind of like a cross between a stout and a dark ale.”
Smitty glanced around the table, then looked back at the server. “Sounds good. Let’s do a jug of that.”
“Coming up.” Order in hand, she turned and headed toward the bar.
“Okay, so.” Smitty turned in his seat to face him. “You gonna tell us what’s going on with you?”
“Nah, it’s fine. Pete just found out he’s gonna be a dad, I don’t want to bring that down.”
“It’s fine. I need to chill out about this anyway, otherwise I’m gonna announce it to some reporter or something and then Kendall will have my nuts. It’s one thing to tell you guys, something else if I tell the rest of the team.”
“Good plan. My sister might look sweet, but she’s not. She’s really not. You cross that woman and she’s damn right evil.”
“She’s not evil.” Pete rolled his eyes.
“Evil,” Ryan stated, then looked at Gonzo. “So what’s going on?”
“I’m not sure things are going to work out with Bailey.”
Smitty’s head snapped. “What? Why not? What are you talking about?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know.”
The server walked up and set the pitcher of beer and stack of glasses on the table. “Can I get you anything else?”
“No thanks,” Gonzo replied. He grabbed the glasses and pulled the first one off the top, then the next until he had the four glasses lined up in a row.
“Talk,” Pete ordered.
“You ever think about what happens when you get traded?” He grabbed the pitcher and started filling the glasses.
“What do you mean?” Ryan asked.
“I mean, like for Peyton, what happens for her when it’s time for your next contract?”
Ryan’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
“Like how does she feel about potentially packing up her life and following you across country?”
Ryan shrugged. “I still have five years left in my contract, so it’s not something we worry about too much.”
Gonzo rolled his eyes. “Okay, fine. Smitty, how does Kia feel about it?”
“Fine, she’s not too worried about it. She’s moved around a lot doing tattoos, so to her this isn’t really much different. She’s looking forward to being near her sister for a couple more years, but other than that it’s an adventure.”
That was definitely not how Bailey saw things. “And Kendall? You guys gotta be thinking about it. You’re a free agent like I am.”
“Yeah, we’ve been talking about it quite a bit. Her boss is really open to her working remotely as much as possible, since she doesn’t want to lose her. She wants to work from home a lot once the baby comes, anyway.”
“Hold up.” Ryan shifted in his seat. “The baby was planned? Why didn’t you tell me?”
Pete shrugged. “I don’t know. Wasn’t sure how long it would take to get pregnant and didn’t want the whole awkward conversation about us trying because trying means sex and you hate when I talk about sex with Kendall.”
“Well yeah, cuz it’s my sister and it’s weird. But you could have said you were trying. You were so freaked out when she was late a couple of months ago.”
“We weren’t trying then. Now we are.” That goofy grin popped back on his face. “I didn’t know my boys would be beasts and I’d knock it out of the park on the first try.” Pete held up his hand to be slapped.
Denying the high-five, Ryan shook his head. “Nope, could’ve done without that.”
Pete snickered, then looked back at Gonzo. “I take it this is what the fight with Bailey was about?”
“Kinda,” he replied. “So Kendall’s cool with moving after this season?”
“I don’t know that I’d say cool, but it is what it is. She’s talked about doing her own thing if remote is too hard. She gets headhunted all the time, she’s got lots of contacts, so she’ll find work. What about Bailey?”
“She has no interest in moving.” He hooked his thumbnail in the edge of the coaster.
“That’s tough. She’ll come around.”
“No, she made it pretty clear she was not moving.”
“Like end of discussion?” Pete asked.
“Yep.”
Pete’s forehead wrinkled. “But didn’t she move here because of her dickhead ex?”
“Yep.” He dug his nail deeper into the edge of the coaster, splitting apart the cardboard.
“Well, that sucks. How come she’d move for him and not you?”
Feeling vindicated, he threw up his hands. “Thank you. That’s exactly what I said.”
“And what’d she say?” Pete pressed.
“She went all feminist on me.”
“What do you mean?”
“How she’d made the mistake of following a man once, never again. She was her own woman, blah blah blah.” He shook his head. “Which I don’t get. I don’t see how it’s any different from what’s happening now. I don’t charge her rent now, so I don’t see how it would be any different if we moved someplace else and she couldn’t find work.”
“The difference would be that she might not be able to find work. She’s got a pretty niche job, doesn’t she?” Ryan asked.
“Yeah. Apparently professor jobs are thin on the ground, which is why I said she didn’t have to work because I’d be making bank.”
“You said that?” Smitty asked. The matching deer in headlights looks on Pete and Ryan’s faces said they were all feeling the same thing.
“I wasn’t a dick about how I said it. I said I wanted her with me and am happy to support her until she found the right thing. I don’t see how that’s a bad thing.”
“I’m guessing she did?” Pete asked cautiously.
“Oh yeah.” He picked up his beer and took a sip. “But she was planning on moving to San Diego with that asshat before she found a job. This professorship just came through at the last minute. She didn’t have that when she said yes to him. So why would she move with him and not me?”
“I don’t know,” Smitty mumbled. “Did you ask her?”
“Yep, and that’s when she went on about being her own person and all that shit. How does moving with me mean she’s not her own person? I’m not some dick who’s trying to control her life. And I’m fucking insulted that she thinks I am.”
“Did she say she thought you were controlling?” Smitty asked. “Did you ask her to move with you, or tell her?”
Gonzo gawked at his friend. “In what world would I tell a woman she had to do anything?”
Smitty raised an eyebrow.
“Besides in the bedroom.” Gonzo sighed. “Of course, I didn’t demand she move with me. I’d just met with Brian.” He rubbed his forehead with his hand. “Maybe I could have broached the subject differently. I don’t know.”
“Is he hearing talk?” Pete asked.
“No, he’s speculating right now, but it got me thinking.”
Ryan sighed. “I try not to think about the fact that you’re both free agents after this season. That’ll suck if the Hawks don’t sign you both.”
“I don’t think the Hawks will be able to offer anything close to what’ll be on the table for Gonz with the season he’s been having,” Pete said. “Me? We’ll see. It’d be nice if they could.”
“Brian’s expecting some good offers.” Gonzo didn’t want to share with his friends yet what his agent had in the works for endorsements but if it went through it would guarantee teams wanted him even more. “You guys know how it is. We have no guarantee on how many seasons our body will hold up so you gotta take the best contract you can get.” The money Brian was talking about was life changing, not just for him but for his family as well. “I don’t have a choice. My parents sacrificed so much to give me this opportunity. I can just imagine how proud my dad would be if I signed a big contract.”
“I’ve met your parents. They’d be proud of anything you did,” Pete said.
“Yeah, but come on, me signing a huge contract, that’s like the American dream. It doesn’t get better than that.”
“Wasn’t their dream just for you to have the choice?” Smitty asked.
Was it?
“I don’t even know what’s gonna get offered, so it doesn’t matter. What matters is Bailey uprooted her whole life for Brad and she won’t even consider building a life with me. Fuck, I’m an idiot.”
“You’re not an idiot. Bailey loves you,” Ryan said.
“Does she?” he asked. “Wouldn’t she be at least willing to discuss options if she loved me? I’m not saying it has to be my way, but we should at least consider both sides, shouldn’t we? How would you feel if Peyton said it didn’t matter what the contract was, it’s not up for discussion? You’re staying here whether the Hawks’ offer or not.”
“The Hawks are gonna offer you something.”
“Jesus, not the point,” Gonzo growled. “How would you feel?”
“I don’t know, cuz it wouldn’t happen.”
“How do you know? You guys haven’t talked about when your contract is up.”
“Well, cuz you can’t date a ballplayer and not consider the fact that guys get traded.”
“Exactly. So what does that tell you about Bailey and I?”
“Umm—” Ryan stammered.
“That I’m a fucking idiot. I’m over here thinking I’m gonna marry this girl one day and she’s just passing time, fucking the friend with benefits.” His eyes burned. “Sorry guys, I gotta go. I can’t do this. It’s not helping.” He pushed against Smitty to let him out.
“Gonz, come on,” Ryan pleaded.
Emotion clogged his throat. He pushed harder against Smitty’s side. “Move,” he growled. Finally, his friend slid off the bench and he could get out. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” he told them before he stormed away.
On autopilot, he walked back into the hotel and punched the elevator button for his floor. Once inside the room, he pulled his phone from his pocket and pulled up his message thread with Bailey.
GONZO
Are you willing to consider moving?
BAILEY
Can we talk about this when you get home?
GONZO
Answer the question.
BAILEY
We aren’t doing this over text.
GONZO
Guess that answers my question.
Three little dots appeared, then stopped. He waited. The dots appeared again, then stopped again with no message. It was almost like she was deleting what she’d typed. Then the dots stopped.
Fuck.
He chucked his phone on the bedside table. No reply. Looked like he had his answer.
Angry, he tore open the mini-bar fridge and pulled out the dozen mini-bottles of alcohol. If this night didn’t call for getting drunk, he didn’t know what did. He cracked the top of the vodka and downed it in one gulp. The liquid burned as it glided down his throat. He picked up the next clear bottle. Peppermint Schnapps? What the hell? Who drank that shit? He set the bottle down and picked up the remaining bottle with clear liquid. Vodka. Perfect. He downed that bottle. He eyed the cluster of bottles. Bourbon felt like the right next step.
The sound of his phone pinging with an incoming message woke him up sometime later. He opened his eyes. Jesus, why had he drank so much? Blurry eyed, he leaned over toward the nightstand. Was that the empty bottle of peppermint schnapps? Jesus. Fumbling, he grabbed his phone. The screen flashed with an unopened message from Bailey.
BAILEY
It doesn’t answer your question at all. It says this is too big a topic to discuss when you’re on the road. I lost myself with Brad. You helped me find me again. Now I just need to figure out what it means. And that takes time. Can you please respect that? We’ll talk when you get home. Good luck at your game tomorrow.
Well shit.
He tossed his phone on the nightstand. He didn’t have much choice but to give her time. But when her time was up, she better be ready to talk. Because he sure as hell would have something to say if she thought she was the only one who got a say in this relationship.