Chapter 21
Hodge
I’ve had Kemah every way I could get her.
Bent over the couch, over the table, in the shower.
I’ve even made her sit on my face a few more times, and every single time she’s soaked me.
Just like I wanted her to, but having her here and in my bed with me every night, that’s something else.
Having someone to come home to and be with, that’s something I never thought I’d want again, but I do. And I want it all with her.
I watch her across the room while we make plans for her dad. She talks with Kiki. She laughs and smiles, and that makes my fucking heart swell. She has so much to offer and doesn’t even see it.
“You listenin’?” I glance over at Locke and nod my head before grabbing my beer and bringing it to my lips. I take a long pull before looking back at Kemah and listening to the guys.
“So we lure him out. We make him believe we have a job offer for him this time,” my dad says. The guys agree, but it’s her I can’t pull my eyes away from. She holds my attention, and for some reason, I can’t stop it, nor do I want to.
“She ain’t goin’ anywhere, Hodge.” The guys laugh at Remy’s words as I turn back to the table and smirk.
“Fuck off,” I tell him.
“You really are into that girl, huh?” Locke adds. I nod my head, and they all smile before my dad clears his throat.
“We all know what Hodge sees in her; we all see it, but let’s get this shit figured out so she doesn’t have to deal with that bastard ever again.
” The guys grunt their agreement, and we continue our conversation until we have a solid plan.
When my dad dismisses everyone, I stay seated with my beer in hand.
“You okay with all this?”
“Yeah. It needs to be done,” I tell him.
“Not him I’m talkin’ about. It’s close to that time, Hodge. Are you sure you’re not just usin’ that girl to get past it all?” he asks. The thought of punching him hits hard, but I know better than to hit my dad and the president of this club, and I also get where he’s coming from.
“It’s not even about them, Dad. At first, maybe, but not anymore.”
“What changed?”
“My fuckin’ feelin’s.”
“What is it you’re feelin’?”
“I don’t know yet. I want her here, I want her to stay. I want her here when I get back from a run or just havin’ a shit night. I like her bein’ here.”
“Even for Christmas?”
“Even more for Christmas.” My dad reaches over and slaps a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it.
“I’m glad to hear that, Hodge. She seems like a good one.”
“I think so too. She makes me feel shit I haven’t felt in a long time,” I admit. He nods his head before grabbing his beer and bringing it to his lips. I grab the pack of cigarettes and shake one out, bringing it to my lips and lighting it when Kemah walks over and sits down.
“You good?” My dad asks her.
“Yeah. Shouldn’t I be?”
“Yeah, you should be. You have my son, this club. What more could you want?”
“You’re right. I’m sorry I didn’t see it before.”
“As long as you do, now that’s all that matters,” he tells her. She smiles and nods her head before he stands and leaves us alone.
“Two days.”
“What?” she asks.
“Two days, Kemah. We’re goin’ after your dad in two days,” I tell her. I watch her shift in her seat, and I know this all makes her uncomfortable, but it has to be done, and it’s going to be done by me.
“Are you sure you have to do this?”
“We’ve been over this.”
“I know! I know,” she says as I look up at her.
“It’s okay. To feel somethin’. Anything.”
“Is it weird I don’t know what to feel?”
“No. He hurt you. He gave you away,” I tell her.
“Doesn’t make me feel any differently. I mean, I feel like I should feel badly, but I don’t really.”
“He hurt you. There’s no reason for you to give a shit, Kemah.”
“He’s … he’s my dad.”
“No. He’s a piece of shit sperm donor. That’s it.
That’s all he’ll ever be. A dad doesn’t hurt you.
A dad doesn’t sell you out for money. He doesn’t turn his back on his child.
” Anger races through my veins just because she thinks she has to care about that bastard.
She doesn’t. And she’ll never have to worry about him again when this is over.
“And my mom?”
“What about the bitch?”
“She wasn’t as bad as him.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Kemah! She didn’t want you either!” I roar this time.
“Fuck you,” she seethes.
“No. You’re not walkin’ away!” I scream louder when she stands and tries to walk away from me. Just as quickly as she tries to leave, she stops. She turns to look at me, and that’s when I see the hurt in her eyes.
“You know who wants you, Kemah? You know who would never turn their back on you or fuck you over for money?” I ask as I stand up and walk closer to her.
I see the tears in her eyes, and I know she understands this.
“Me, darlin’. Me. I fuckin’ care about you.
I’m the one who won’t walk away from you.
I’m the one who won’t sell you out for fuckin’ money.
” Now the tears fall down her cheeks, and it breaks my heart.
“I …”
“Don’t need to say shit.”
“I just don’t know how I’m supposed to feel, and that bothers me. I’ve always felt something, Hodge, whether good or bad.”
“Then you don’t feel shit. You sit back and don’t think about it. Easier said than done, I know, but this is life, our life, Kemah.”
“And you’re sure you want me?” I step into her space, crowding her before lifting my hand to her face and cupping her cheek.
“If I weren’t sure, I wouldn’t be doin’ this for you, Kemah.
I want you. That’s why you’re here, that’s why I’m keepin’ you.
You need to understand that. I know this is all new to you, and I know that what they did to you about broke you, but you’re here now.
You’re here with me, with us,” I reassure her, motioning around the room.
Tears linger in her eyes as she slowly nods her head.
“Thank you, Hodge. Not just for this but for everything. Not many look past my weight and see the real me.”
“Oh, baby. I see you. I see all of you, and that’s why I want you.
You’re perfect, Kemah. You’re everything,” I tell her before leaning in and pressing my lips to hers.
I kiss her softly, gently, letting her know how I feel about her.
I kiss her until she’s nearly breathless and panting, and then I kiss her more.
“You’re making me crazy,” she whispers against my lips. I smirk and pull her closer.
“That’s the plan. I want you on my face again tonight.”
“You like that, don’t you?”
“Havin’ you on my face? You’re damn right I do. The fuckin’ taste of your pussy and your juices slidin’ down my throat? Fuck, Kemah.” She laughs, and it’s the best sound I’ve ever heard. I can’t help but smile at her and watch as she smiles back.
“This is nice. I’ve never had this,” she admits.
“Had what?”
“Someone who actually talks to me and listens to me. Someone who will joke around and have a good time. My life wasn’t like this. I never had this,” she tells me.
“Well, you have it now. And I’m glad I could give it to you. Get used to it, darlin’. This is how it’s gonna be from now on. I just want to get this shit taken care of and for us to move on.”
“Is it that easy? To move on?” I shrug.
“It is for me. This is all I know how to be. I can’t change who I am.”
“I don’t want you to change, Hodge. You’ve given me so much just by being you.”
“And you’ve given me just as much, Kemah. There were days I thought I couldn’t go on or didn’t want to go on, and then you showed up. I don’t think you understand just how much that means to me.”
“Then I guess that’s it, huh?”
“What’s that?”
“We’re stuck with each other,” she laughs lightly. I pull her closer, wrapping my arms around her and holding her tightly.
“Yeah, baby. Looks like we are.”