Chapter 15
(Nobody supposed to be Here/Deborah Cox)
“But I turned around and you’re standing here. How did you get here? Nobody supposed to be here. I tried that love thang for the last time”
The end of the year was two weeks away and I was wrapping my children’s Christmas gifts.
I really hadn’t bought much because their daddy had bought them everything they wanted.
I had been in my own apartment for two months and just wanted to make it seem like home when my kids came to visit.
They still technically lived with Jahrein, but I saw them damn near every day.
I wouldn’t leave the house until they were asleep.
I wanted to keep them alone, but I didn’t want him to know where I lived.
He made it clear that the kids couldn’t go home with me overnight, unless I told him where I stayed. I just wasn’t ready for that, yet.
I allowed Jahrein to have so much control over the kids’ situation, because he was actually doing me a favor.
He really thought that he was hurting me by keeping them, but it was the opposite.
I had the freedom to come and go as I pleased.
He could no longer question me although he often still tried.
All the additional time I spent away from my kids helped me with clearing my mind.
I think that for the first time I was really getting to know myself.
Hell, the more I thought the more I realized that I didn’t like too much peace and quiet.
I was immune to loud noise and rowdiness.
Being surrounded around busyness kept me enthralled, but now I often found myself watching the clock.
I can’t front; I was missing Jahrein and the kids like crazy, but I just couldn’t go back to him.
I didn’t like that we were the typical hood couple that stayed in the center of some shit.
I hated how everybody thought that it was cool how Jahrein fucked around and ran the streets.
He was a damn married man that should have been home with his wife and kids.
I hated being labeled as this pushover that put up with any and everything.
Personally, I knew that I wasn’t that person because that mold just did not fit me.
I wasn’t na?ve. Jahrein was just all I knew and it wasn’t as simple as just walking away with all the kids we had.
Starting over was very scary for me, but I was willing to live with it, if it meant that I could have some dignity.
But sometimes I found myself second guessing my decision to leave, especially when I saw how he was handling things.
Even though, I’d left Jahrein, he still placed money in our joint bank account, which I still had full access to.
When we were around each other he still gave me the same respect and treated me like his wife.
There weren’t any females in and out of the house that we once called ours.
Basically, it was as if we were still together but living separately.
My Benz had full coverage, so it was back in shape in no time.
His stupid ass ended up paying the deductible, anyway.
I was enjoying life. I hadn’t been kicking it with any of my girls lately, though.
I was trying to keep people out of my business.
I knew that if they knew who I was seeing it would get back to Jahrein.
I didn’t mean for things to go down like that, but that’s just how the chips fell. I figured that since I kept having these run-ins with him that maybe it was a sign.
I ran into Khalil in the previous month.
I was in the Galleria with Jahrein Junior.
I had just picked him up from his elementary school and had promised him a new toy for his good behavior.
I knew that the Disney store would have what he wanted, so that‘s where we were headed. I was having trouble keeping up with him in my black leather thigh high boots. Then the fact that my Seven jeans were extra tight didn’t help matters.
I knew that I was looking cute in my tight black sweater with my then jet black hair hanging down my back, but was wishing that I‘d dressed more comfortable.
“Boy, hold up.” I called out to him as I tried to strut in my four inch boots.
“Damn, mama!” I heard someone howl.
I looked to my right and saw Khalil. Although, he was in his thirties, he still looked good; life had been good to him. I couldn’t help but smile. He had just crossed my mind earlier that day.
“Hey, boy.” I spoke, checking him out. His braids had grown to the middle of his back. His edge up was fresh, and Armani unit was straight. The nigga was still that nigga.
“Hey, sexy. I see you got your little man with you.” he walked up to me and gestured towards Junior.
“Yeah.” I said as I ruffled his head. “We have to get him a toy for behaving in class.”
“Oh yeah? You was good, lil man?” Khalil asked Junior.
“Yeah.” Junior said as he crossed his arms across his chest. I knew that he wasn’t going to have a positive attitude towards Khalil. He was Jahrein’s child.
“So, what stores are y’all about to go to?”
“To the Disney store, by ourselves.” Jahrein Junior spoke up. His ass was being a little rude, but that wasn’t his fault. Jahrein had them programmed.
“Oh, okay.” Khalil nodded as he strolled along with us.
Once inside the Disney store lil’ Jahrein was focused on all those toys.
“So, Raven, what you been up to?” Khalil asked me as he followed us.
“Nothing much. I’m still in school and I’m trying to stay focused on that.”
“That’s good. So, I see that your wedding ring is on your right hand.” he observed.
“Yeah. Don’t act like you don’t know the deal.” I snapped.
“Why are you coming at me like that? I heard a few things in the streets, but you know how that is.”
“Um hmm.”
“No, real talk. So I guess you heard about his other seed, huh?”
“So you knew too?” I asked him.
“Shit, who didn’t? I’m surprised that Shell didn’t tell you. It was all over the hood.”
“Well, I don’t hang with Shell anymore.”
“Oh. Well, Tyra and Melissa had a fight over him in The Dead End. You know they’re cousins. They actually fucked each other up over him. They had a fight the day after the DNA results came back. Those stupid broads ended up getting locked up and everything.” he went on and on.
I just stood there feeling so damn stupid. I allowed Jahrein to keep me away from certain people therefore keeping me out of the loop. He had this separate life in the hood while my ass sat at home. Those chicks were fighting for a part of him, when he was supposed to belong solely to me.
“Mommy, I want this game.” Junior pointed.
“Okay is that all you want?”
“This and some ice cream.” he smiled, looking just like his daddy.
“Okay.” I laughed.
We went and stood in line to pay for his new game.
“I got it.” Khalil offered when it was our turn to check out. After paying for it, he handed the game to Junior, and he snatched it out of his hand.
“Jahrein, that was not nice. You don’t snatch anything from people. And this nice man just bought your game for you. What are you supposed to say?” I asked him sternly.
“Thank you.” Jahrein Junior answered, reluctantly. He was so stubborn.
“You welcome.” Khalil chuckled. “Be easy on him, Raven. I know how it is with little boys and their mamas.”
“Yeah, but he has to respect his elders no matter the situation.” I asserted.
“I feel you.” he replied as we headed out of the store.
Khalil and I talked as Junior ate his ice cream.
We exchanged numbers then went our separate ways.
I chilled with my kids for the rest of the day and called him once I made it home.
We talked for hours. The next day he came over on some dinner and a movie shit.
We ended up fucking on my couch. He was a nice size, but Jahrein was larger.
Still I enjoyed the sex with him. It wasn’t as passionate as the times with Jahrein, but I knew that chemistry like that came with time.
Khalil was so different from Jahrein. He didn’t question me every minute of the day or hound me.
He came over and put in his time, but didn’t make things too complicated for me.
He understood my and Jahrein’s arrangement which required me to spend plenty of time around him.
He just came and helped me relax after a long day.
Things between Khalil and I were changing rapidly. The other guys that I’d met before getting in touch with him had stopped calling. Every time someone did call me Khalil was over at my place. He was becoming a permanent fixture in my life.
He was always showering me with expensive gifts. He even offered to pay all the bills at my apartment. Of course, I refused. Still, he would leave over a thousand dollars on my coffee table every other time he came to visit.
He wanted us to go out on the town, but I was apprehensive.
I wasn’t ready for Jahrein to know about us.
He’d actually been easy to deal with. I think that was because he thought that we were on the verge of getting back together.
I felt that him finding out about me Khalil too soon could change things for the worse.
As I wrapped the last gift someone rang my door bell. I hopped up and went to answer the door. I saw through the peep hole that it was Khalil. I swung the door open.
“Hey baby!” I exclaimed.
With the hugest grin on his face he took me into his arms and lifted me off my feet. “What’s up sexy?” he asked as he put me down and closed the door.
“Just was here missing you.” I cooed.
“Oh well, show me.” he moved in for a kiss. His tongue tasted so sweet.
He grabbed himself a handful of ass as we made our way to my couch never breaking our connection. Slowly, he eased down and lowered his body. With ease he pulled my jeans down. He was now face to face with my kitty. Placing his finger between my slit, he toyed with my wetness.