Chapter 20 #2
“Okay, so why would you do something to me that would devastate you if the tables were turned?”
“I guess that I was being selfish, baby.”
“You were being selfish, huh?”
He nodded yes as he stared at the floor.
“So, when does it end? Is this something that I’ll have to deal with for the rest of my life, Jahrein?”
“No.”
“Do you want me to leave you?”
“No.” he snapped as he lifted his head and glared at me.
“So, why aren’t you doing everything within your power to keep me?”
“Baby, I’m trying. I’m done. You hear me? It’s a wrap. I aint playing around no more. You are my air. Raven, I can’t breathe when you’re not here.” he said as the tears slid down his face. I wiped them away.
I didn’t take those tears as a sign of weakness, but as a testimony that he felt for me deeply. “You know that it hurts to feel that you can’t be satisfied with just me.” I whispered.
“Baby, that’s not the case. Just think about it.
I can’t even lay next to you without being inside of you.
Every day you become more beautiful to me.
I love you so much that I just want to make a million babies with you.
I can’t even describe the feeling it gives me when I know that you’re carrying around a life that we created together.
Since the day you moved in with us I knew that you’d be my wife.
I told Jalero that after you’d been living with us for a week.
That’s when he started saying that you were his sister.
Remember that? After you gave me your virginity I told all my boys that I had the finest girl in the world, and I was the only nigga to ever touch you.
You was always my little star, and sometimes I feared that one day I wouldn’t be good enough for you.
So, I thought that if I kept you close no one could ever take you.
I would pay Shell and a few other people to tell me your every move.
I would pass by wherever you claimed to be as I spoke to you over the phone.
It drove me crazy if I didn’t know where you was.
A nigga was insecure. Niggas was always saying “Man, you got one bad ass broad and one day she gon leave your ass.” and I was always trying to make sure that you never had the opportunity to do that.
I sometimes cheated strictly out of fear.
You had a nigga way back in ‘98 and I was scared of the feelings you gave me. I knew that you had the power to hurt me like no other person, so I fucked around. I was like “Okay, if she do fuck over me, it won’t hurt as bad.” So, in a strange way I was trying to protect my heart.
But now I see that I didn’t have to do that.
I know that you love me and it’s not about any of that dumb shit.
You was mature enough to trust me with your heart but I couldn’t do the same.
But baby, I’m ready. I know better now.”
“I hear you, Jahrein. I hear everything that you’re saying.
I’m not ready to go anywhere, but I don’t ever want you to get too comfortable.
I love you with all my being, but I will not sacrifice my happiness.
So, don’t trip if your well ever runs dry.
If you want me to stay you have do what it takes to keep me. Plain and simple.”
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
“Girl, your ass need to get out more often. You are pale. Shit, you damn near yellow.” Michelle told me as we sat in Pappadeaux’s eating lunch.
“Raven, I told your ass that you’d have about six or seven kids before you’re twenty-one.” Joy teased.
“Fuck you.” I laughed enjoying our little outing. I hadn’t hung out with either chick in a while. I was chewing down on my shrimp and crawfish fondue. While I’m pregnant I don’t play when it comes to my food.
“Girl, you are so greedy.” Michelle continued to tease.
“Fuck the both of y’all. We’re hungry.” I giggled.
“We know.” they both said in unison.
I was there trying to be supportive for Michelle.
She and Lucky were having some major problems. Mainly, it was because of their finances.
She didn’t work, so he was the sole provider.
He had taken a couple of loses and was having trouble recovering.
Michelle complained that since the funds were slowing the abuse was increasing.
He even went so far as to ask her to help set some niggas up.
She refused and he whipped her ass. So, she was sitting in the dark ass restaurant with shades on her face.
A few cute guys walked past us to get to their table.
The tallest one winked at me. I blushed a little bit.
I was rocking my long brown and blonde streaked hair just like the late Aaliyah, so my bangs hung over one eye.
I always tried to look my best and it paid off.
It was good to know that I had options although I wasn’t going to utilize them.
“Aint shit changed with your grinning ass.” Michelle said.
“What?” I asked.
“You be just a skinning and grinning at these niggas.”
“Whatever.” I laughed as I rolled my eyes.
“Are you an undercover slut?” Joy asked in her prim and proper voice, fucking with me.
I was about to answer her when I became distracted. I blinked my eyes a few times hoping that they were deceiving me. No, it was him. Khalil had just walked in with one of his boys.
I guess Michelle must have picked up on the expression on my face. “What’s wrong?” she asked me as she turned around to find what I was looking at.
“Oh, shit. You don’t think that he’ll start some shit?” Joy asked me.
I took a deep breath. “I don’t know what he’ll do, but it’s cool. I got 911 on speed dial.”
“And that’s for real.” Michelle added.
That day just continued to get worse. The damn waitress sat those niggas in the booth right next to us. Khalil made sure to sit where he could face me. “What the fuck is really good.” I said to no one in particular. He was openly staring at me.
“You want to leave?” Joy asked me just above a whisper.
“No, it’s all good. We came here to have a good time.” I was still hungry as hell and was not about to starve my baby. Khalil was a nobody as far as I was concerned.
I rather be with you cause I love the way you scream my name.
And there‘s no other man that gives me what I want and makes me feel this way.
I rather be with you cause you work so hard to take care of me.
I rather be with you… my cell phone rang.
Beyonce was a clear indication that Jahrein on the line.
“Hello.” I answered.
“What you and the baby doing?” he asked me sounding upbeat.
“We’re at Pappadeaux’s eating some fondue.”
“Oh yeah? What time are you coming home?” he asked me.
“I don’t know, maybe in another hour or two.”
“Why so long?”
“Cause we just got the appetizer. The main course in still on the way.”
“Oh well, do y’all mind if I join y’all?”
I didn’t want him to come there and get into a confrontation with Khalil. “I don’t know, baby. By the time you get here we’ll probably be done.”
“Which Pappadeaux’s are you at?” he pried. It didn’t seem as though he was going to let this go.
“The one right off of 610.” I revealed.
“That’s what I thought. I just drove past there. Then I remembered that you was supposed to be having lunch there. What, I can’t have lunch with my wife and her friends?”
I gulped. “Sure you can, baby.”
“Okay, well I’ll be there in about two minutes. Order me some fried and stuffed shrimp if you can.”
“Okay.” I agreed right before I hung up the phone.
“Was that Jahrein?” Michelle asked me.
“Yeah.” I nodded as I wiped the sweat off my forehead.
“He’s coming here?” Joy asked.
I whispered. “Yeah. I didn’t want him to trip out so I didn’t tell him that Khalil was here. I didn’t think that he was passing by here. Knowing his ass he probably seen both of our cars here and assumed that we were here together.”
“Oh shit.” Joy sighed.
“Oh shit is right. Excuse me, ma’am.” I said to the waitress.
“Yes?” she smiled as she walked over.
“I have two requests. One is that we’d like to be moved to another table. And second I’d like to place an additional order.”
“Okay. Where would you guys prefer to sit?” she asked.
“On the opposite side of the restaurant.” Michelle spoke up.
“Okay, so you ladies can just follow me and don’t worry about your drinks and appetizers. I‘ll bring that over to you.”
We readily followed behind the young black girl. Khalil was clocking my every move. Once we were on the other side of the restaurant Khalil was no longer in view. I ordered Jahrein’s food after the waitress brought our things from the other table. I tipped her forty dollars for her troubles.
It wasn’t long before Jahrein was approaching our table. “Hey y’all. What’s up?” he spoke to everyone as he slid next to me in the booth. “Hey baby.” he told me as he kissed me on the lips.
“Hey Jahrein.” both Michelle and Joy spoke.
“You ordered my food, mama?” he asked me as he ran his hand across my belly.
“Yeah.” I smiled weakly.
“What’s wrong? Why you looking like that?” he asked me with a raised brow.
“What are you talking about?” I tried to laugh it off.
“Never mind.” he shook his head. “So, what have you ladies been up to?” he asked everyone. I saw how he was looking at Michelle’s face.
“Nothing much. Just chilling. How about you?” Michelle asked.
“Shit trying to get my mind right. You sure you‘re good?” he asked as he stared intently at Michelle.
She fidgeted around a little bit. “Yeah, I’m sure.”
“Don’t worry. We‘re helping her through her little situation. Oh, Jahrein do you know a dude named Jay Black?” Joy asked quickly changing the subject.
“Jay Black from South Acres?” Jahrein asked her.
“Yeah that’s him.”
“Yeah, I know that nigga.”
“Who is that?” I asked Jah.
“I don’t know how many times you’ve really just seen him but you know the nigga.”
“No I don’t.” I shook my head.
“Yes you do. Remember that day I fought Dough Boy?”
“The first or the second time?”
“The first.”
“Yeah.” I nodded.